Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Sunday, June 1, 2014

You Cannot Not Talk…

Communicating with your partner is an absolute necessity for the success of the relationship!

Not communicating with your relationship partner – or not allowing them access to your thoughts and feelings – can exact a heavy price. A communications gap doesn’t only undermine the potential of the relationship; it can, and usually will eventually destroy the relationship.

TalkFace2FaceThe sound of silence in a relationship is deafening. The silent treatment sends many messages – “I’m not interested,” “I have nothing of value to say,” “Whenever I say something you argue with me,” “I give up… what’s the use?” “We used to talk everyday. Now I feel like we don’t even know each other any more,” and more. When it gets to that point, there is a serious issue brewing. Time to sit down – face-to-face – and work it out OR get help!

What stops you from communicating is not making a decision to do so. “Take all the time you need to decide, but the ice cream is melting!”

When your partner decides to communicate with you, he/she does so to fulfill a need.

Everyone manages emotion, communication and conflict from habit – patterns and styles developed early in life. In this context the past greatly affects your present relationship. To have a happy and successful relationship, you need to take control of how you interact with your partner.

It is my opinion that some of the greatest needs of human beings – after physical survival – is to be understood, affirmed, validated, forgiven and appreciated. The best way to get your needs met is to communicate those needs.

Never assume that your partner knows how you feel. People tend to rely heavily on assumptions to communicate. The problem with that is that you can’t be sure if someone’s assumptions are the same as yours, unless you communicate. Your partner cannot read your mind. Hints don’t work.

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

TalkYour methods of communication are more important than the messages themselves. Your tone of voice is also often more important than what you say.

Then, there’s “listening!”

BONUS Articles: Say Something…
“I’m Fine!” and she stomped away…
Weigh Your Words

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Friday, May 21, 2010

Talk the Talk. . .

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 8:00 am
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talkingInstead of speaking only of what has been. . . revise your way of speaking about what you want and need in your relationship today. Pour all of your energy into speaking only good words about your relationship.

So many times I hear partners speaking to their friends in a negative way about their partner. It you cannot say something good about them; it is better to say nothing at all. If you speak or think only of the problem, hopelessness and despair, you will get more of that.

failureWeigh your words. 500 of the most commonly used English words have 13,000 meanings. Choose your words carefully. They become your reality. Wherever your attention is centered, your thoughts will focus, and since action follows thought, the things you keep looking at and speaking about are going to determine what you will experience. Your relationship lives on the tip of your tongue.

Never intentionally say things to your partner that you know will trigger past bad experiences or be hurtful. To do so is antagonistic and just plain stupid. In this scenario, remember, a closed mouth gathers no foot.

Make an effort everyday to tell your partner how much you appreciate them. Talk tenderly. Use terms of endearment, like “Honey,” “Sweetie,” “Baby,” etc. Say “thank you.” On the way to the office? Say “Goodbye, sweetheart” instead of just “Goodbye.” Whisper sweet nothings! Act loving toward each other daily and you will feel more loving toward your partner.

pillowtalkA little “pillow-talk” never hurt anyone! 😉 It might just add a little spice to your relationship.

I hate the term “Fake it till you make it,” however it’s true that when you begin to visibly act more enthusiastic about your relationship, the enthusiasm is contagious. Talking the talk is one thing. Speak only good of your partner to yourself, to your partner and to others. Only good. Walking the walk should also be a high priority.

Nurture your partner with words of love, understanding, acceptance and forgiveness.

Nurture: To nourish, educate, grow or develop; cultivate.

You are as alive as you can communicate!

Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

LoveNote. . .

Filed under: LoveNote,Relationships — Larry James @ 6:00 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Working together in a love relationship to get your individual needs met and the mutual needs of the relationship and not have expectations about how those needs get met will always generate new things to talk about.

Having expectations about how your needs get met is not only unrealistic it is an unhealthy attitude.

For example, if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn’t show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed. A better way might be to have your need for being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you.

Being okay with how they love you creates a sense of adventure; it creates new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience together. Often challenges show up.

However, when two people really love each other and are committed to work together, challenges like these create the kind of conversations that empower both love partners to continue to self-inquire. They then choose to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together, to be challenged by this new way of being and know that everything is going to be okay.

Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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