Caution: Don’t fall in love with a broken heart. That would be someone who has just come out of a relationship and hasn’t yet had enough time to heal.
You knew that, right? When your heart has been broken, it takes time for it to heal. You do not want to carry that pain into another relationship until you don’t hurt anymore. Even then, it is important to take some time be see what being alone for awhile feels like. Do not rush. That would be another mistake.
Okay. So… it’s been enough time. He’s been gone long enough. You’re ready to begin dating. You just want to see what’s out there.
You finally exercised your forgiveness option – both for him and yourself; read relationship and personal growth books, hired a relationship coach; went to a seminar or two and spent lots of time alone, working on you. That’s a great start in the right direction. Not everyone you meet on your dating quest has been doing what you’ve been doing for the last year or so. You know. The stuff that lets you know you are ready for another relationship – or, at least, to see what’s available.
You will probably attend a few singles groups. That will help to be around people again. Maybe even sign up on a “We Help You Get a Hot Date” website. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it doesn’t.
Most single women who come to me for relationship coaching tell me that most of the men they meet just want to get in their pants. Get a clue, guys! They tell me that guys should grow up; that they are the one’s who need coaching about how to talk to and be with a woman. Know anybody like that? They also say that men seem to want to talk about their past relationship. Not good. There may come a time when that could be relevant but certainly not on the first date or two.
You may have to kiss a lot of frogs. You also need to know that there is no perfect man (or woman either, for that matter). No knight on a horse. No “the one.” And you would be wise to show up around people until love finds you. In my opinion, looking for love is like showing up at a single event with a sign on your forehead that reads, “I’m available.” BE love. Be the kind of person that you know someone would love. Celebrate Love wherever you go and with whomever you are with.
Here are a couple of ideas. You have a right to be picky. However, not too picky. You will meet a couple of jerks once in a while. Smile. Say, “No thank you” when he asks to see you again. You need to know the quality of a man’s character, personality type, is he married to his job, “is he married!”, does he have time for a little romance, etc. Make a list. You will probably be adding to it after the first date or three. Or you may even cross off a few things that you have discovered aren’t that important.
Not everyone you meet is really ready for a relationship, much less a “committed” relationship. Come across that way and you will probably scare away a few good ones as well as the bad ones. Many of the people you will meet – both men and women – still have broken hearts and they are still feeling the pain.
Never settle for the first guy that makes you feel good. When you haven’t had a warm tender hug in a long time, it can be very tempting. Take it slow. I can say don’t do this, but I know you will. You will have an occasion to play the “comparison” game; “He’s just like my ex!” Not a good game to be playing. You only want to look back to see how far you’ve come and the lessons you learned along the way. Don’t make the same mistakes. You know the ones. Take plenty of time to get to know each other. Have great conversations. Take your time. When you have a relevant question, ask it.
Above all… don’t fall in love with a broken heart. That would definitely throw your plan to be happy in a loving relationship totally out of balance and in a downward spiral. If I’m talking to you. I hope you can see that.
BONUS Articles: For Men Only – “How to Attract Women: Stop Making These 10 Body Language Blunders”
For Singles Only ~ Not to Worry… Love Will Find You!
More articles for Singles. Click here!
Copyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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