Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Friday, October 2, 2015

Adrift Into the Scary Unknown

Today, I would like for you to read the following three quotes and spend some time thinking about the standard you have set for your life. Find a time to sit down, and be selfish for a moment every now and then. Often people fail to look at their lives and situations for the soul purpose of trying to find solutions for personal situations. It is important to confront situations head-on and figure out how to improve on them.

Are you on the right track? Where do you stand in the scary unknown?

REL-ScaryUnknown“It is the promise of Love that if we let ourselves go into the unknown, work on ourselves and become the Love we are seeking, that IT will FIND US. Yup, that’s right. But we have to go through the dark night of our fears, dive deep into our insecurities, feel the pain of them and then bring the Light of our awareness to them.” ~ Mastin Kipp, The Daily Love

“Too often people attempt to live cautiously, taking no chances, avoiding all risks… in the safety of established patterns of living. They don’t feel fulfilled… yet they’ve found a niche, a formula… not for success, but mainly to avoid failure. To me, this is the living death. I mean, when security becomes the main goal. We, as humans only grow by taking advantage of opportunities. Life is a risk and we absolutely must reach beyond the safety and familiarity of our previous patterns of behavior in order to find true happiness and fulfillment.” ~ Mack Newton

perfectENDING“By the time the fear subsides, it will be too late. By the time you’re not afraid of what you were planning to start/say/do, someone else will have already done it, it will already be said or it will be irrelevant. The reason you’re afraid is that there’s leverage here, something that might happen. Which is exactly the signal you’re looking for. So fear isn’t just something to deal with and get past. It may mean the moment is nigh – you need to take action now, because it signals that a window of opportunity has opened in front of you.” ~ Susan Biali, M.D.

Fear is the most powerful single factor that deprives you of being able to achieve your full potential. Do your best in everything right now! Don’t ever let your insecurities or past failures or what others might tell you keep you stuck! Focus on what you want and how you can achieve it. If the things you dream for don’t scare you, they probably aren’t big enough.

If you want to give yourself the best gift you could ever receive, believe in yourself. Believe in yourself and never let others try to tell you otherwise or bring you down. You have to be willing to see things you didn’t expect, and figure out what you can tolerate and what you cannot.

Accept that failure is possible and necessary. As Winston Churchill once said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.

Know the consequences of staying where you are. Have faith in your choices. There is never a good reason to slow down. Keep moving forward. Seize the moment!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Downhill Is Hard, Too!

Larry’s Note: The following article is an excerpt from my book, “How to Really Love the One You’re With.”

The Smith Street Society Jazz Band, the band of a musician friend (Bruce McNichols) from New York, is often asked to march in parades. After marching with the wind and the rain in their hair, in the snow and in the heat of summer, he and the band were weary of parades. The last parade they marched in was uphill most of the way. They were exhausted.

The band was called and once again asked to participate. When my friend complained about the parade route being mostly up hill the last time, the caller quickly added, “Don’t worry. This time most of the parade is downhill!”

BruceMcNichols

Bruce McNichols (1939 – 2012)

My friend said, “What? Are you crazy? Downhill is hard, too! As a matter of fact it’s worse!”

Brilliant insight!

We want our relationships to run smoothly. We want things to level off. Forget the ups and downs. Give us somewhere in the middle. The least effort we have to expend, the better. Someday we won’t have all of these problems and things will be easy. Give me a break! With this kind of attitude people will soon be saying, “Ha! Ha! You lose!”

His response made me think.

Climbing the mountain of life is difficult. The mountain of life has no top. Life is a continuous climb. There is no life of ease, no easy love relationship. You never get there. Sound hopeless? It is far from hopeless.

“You never get there” only means there is always something more to reach for, something past the looming precipice that you cannot yet see. Relationships must be consistently worked on and you must not quit climbing. This perilous quest is never easy and it is always worthy of your best efforts.

At first it may seem that quitting is the answer. If you have ever tried quitting, you may have discovered that it is more difficult to go back down the mountain than to continue the climb for several reasons. First of all, going back down takes you back to where you were before you began. There’s not much challenge in that.

The more steps you take in the right direction, the smarter you become about staying on the right path, the more skilled you become in developing strategies for the climb and the more you begin to enjoy the challenge of the adventure. As you continue to climb, so does your self-confidence. When you retreat, you lose ground; you have to start all over.

On your way up the mountain, you have already moved past some of life’s most troublesome obstacles, so keep your eye on the target. Keep moving up. Unless you want to experience the same obstacles again in reverse order, keep climbing.

I suppose the question is: “Since you have a choice, which would you prefer: to return to where you started before you began the climb or to keep climbing with the one you love? When you run into an obstacle and when love is still present, should you quit or keep working on the relationship?”

Downhill is hard, too! The rewards of a continued climb far surpass the steps you may be tempted to take in the wrong direction.

“But the climb is too hard! I’m not sure how long I can continue.”

It will be difficult if you continue and perhaps more difficult if you stop. You experience one set of circumstances when you move ahead and another set of circumstances when you quit. There is often pain in either choice. The choice that brings you the most pleasure may not always be the best choice. You must weigh the benefits of your choices. That is the way love relationships work. Love takes work. It takes lots and lots of work.

DownhillIsHard2If you think that “someday” you will conquer the mountain; someday you will live “happily ever after,” you are in for a big surprise. Someday is now! “Happily ever after” is the same as tomorrow – it never comes. This is it! Live happiness now.

That certainly does not mean you should give up. The climb is never easy. It takes consistent effort; a concept of team. Climbing as a team is a better idea. Working together is a must. There are no shortcuts to the top of a mountain that has no top.

If your love partner is not assisting the two of you in the climb, nothing you can do can change that. For them, changing is a personal decision. You cannot push a rope up the mountain. Keep climbing, alone if you must, but continue the climb. There is something new and exciting up there just for you, too! There are many important life and relationship lessons for you to discover on your quest for the summit.

Doesn’t it make sense to push forward and continue to experience new and exciting things rather than continue to wallow in the past and be disappointed again by the same old stuff?

Although fear and risk may appear as obstacles to overcome along the way, the end result is a benefit worthy of accomplishment. I’ve had it with the past! Except to learn from, the past is useless. The future is now!

Your love relationship is either in a state of continual becoming – a steady, yet rugged climb to the top of the mountain; at a checkpoint, resting – a place where you take a breather, a place where you self-inquire, and where you take stock of the relationship together to determine what needs to be done to continue the climb, or your relationship is in a state of giving up – a place where you start back down the mountain, a task that may be more difficult than the climb itself.

Plot your course. Study the mountain.

Develop a team strategy. Team can conquer the mountain. The goal is a healthy love relationship anchored in unconditional love. The interesting thing is, you find love along the way. It is not something you must wait for. Love is now. It is your choice.

When love partners make a mutual decision to do what some might call an impossible thing, the chances of doing it more than double. Your energy is focused. The risk of failing decreases when you find solutions, make decisions together and get into action, or to coin a phrase, “continue the climb.” All your energy is on the side of doing.

As you climb, occasionally find a ledge cozy enough for the two of you to rest, re-create and celebrate love. Take time to celebrate your successes. Then regroup and begin climbing again.

Relationships are simple. Not easy… simple. Remember the “Golden Rule!”

Uphill is hard.

Downhill is hard, too!

Larry’s Update: My dear friend, Bruce McNichols (1939 – 2012), died unexpectedly on February 16, 2012. We both served our great Nation together – he in the Army and me in the Navy on Adak Island, Alaska in 1957. Bruce McNichols: Banjo, Soprano Sax & Vocals, Band Leader, has performed in Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center, Newport Jazz Festival, Breda (Holland) Jazz Festival, major motion pictures (for Dino DiLaurentis and for MGM), the Woody Allen Jazz Band, and opened for Benny Goodman, Woody Herman, Peggy Lee, Al Hirt, Rodney Dangerfield and Cab Calloway, played sold-out concerts from El Paso to New York and on the Tonight Show with actor/singer/banjo player George Segal. RIP Bruce McNichols, you were among the best human beings on the planet and I was honored to have known you.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Live Boldly – Be Fearless

Filed under: Fear,Letting Go,Personal Growth — Larry James @ 7:00 am
Tags: , ,

Whether you believe it or not, you own this moment. Be in the present. Focus on now. Make the best of it. Living boldly helps prepare you for what’s next.

froggyRather than cautiously testing the water, be fearless and dive straight into life with freeing abandon. Think of the person you want to be and the relationship you want to be in – use your imagination – then make a commitment to live your best life now. Believe in yourself. Be your own spark. Lighten up. Design some new “happy” habits. Be fearless and promise yourself to break a bad habit. Keep your promise.

It takes no strength to let go… only courage. Repeat after me – out loud, “Fear begone!” Feel better now?

“To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.” ~ Taylor Swift

Spread some Love around. It’s the great miracle cure. Call someone you haven’t talk with for awhile and tell them you love them. Fall in Love with yourself – again. Why? Because you deserve it. Emerge from that fortress you’ve built around your heart. Let others in. Feeling down? Break the cycle. Exercise. Do something extraordinary for someone else. Put on a lively CD and create some new moves. Be spontaneous! Life rarely makes any more sense when things are done in order.

LiveBOLDLYSometimes success in life and in your relationships lies in bombing big-time first. We learn from our mistakes. They shape who you will become. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Don’t be afraid to make more. We often learn more from giant flops than big wins. Do it with sass. Study life and love to help you do life and love better. Start a journal to keep track of your progress.

“The FEAR of being nothing, achieving nothing and becoming nothing should be way bigger than the fear of making mistakes.” ~ Daniela Saviuc

These incremental changes you make along the way will increase your self-confidence and help you boldly go where you have not been before. Repeat after me – out loud, “Change is good!” Stop thinking so much and start really living. Breathe. Relax. Let go of any worry or stress about the future. It’s on its way but the future hasn’t happened yet. Accept no excuses from yourself.

After a misstep, reflect on it, then move forward faster and wiser. Never second guess who you are and never be afraid to make a big splash.

BONUS Articles: 6 Steps Towards Living a Life Free of Fear and Full of Hope
7 Reasons Why Not Making Mistakes Is The Biggest Mistake

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Friday, October 30, 2009

Rebuild Your Relationship With Yourself

Rebuilding your relationship with yourself is the first step in the right direction. You may have to take the first step while you are still afraid.

When your relationship with you sucks, you cannot be the kind of person your partner needs you to be. Work on you first. The relationship is a close second. Two broken people cannot fix each other. If you want to fix your relationship, start by fixing yourself.

Only you can do the work that you know must be done. I stress “know” because everyone knows himself or herself better than anyone does.

If you truly want out of a relationship slump, you must begin to be honest with what needs to be fixed within you.

Never blame others for how you feel. How you choose to feel is only and always a personal choice!

Learning to love yourself teaches you to love others. Learn to love you. Only then can you offer the kind of love your partner needs. Only then.

heart3Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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