Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Get Your “But” Out of the Way

Filed under: Criticism,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am
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The number one problem in relationships is communication! The most cruel part is undelivered communication. In other words, its the things that we don’t say that also makes a difference.

New Rule: Do not have any undelivered communication!

get-your-butHere is an important idea – one that may sound trivial – that you may not have considered. I wrote about this at length in my book, “How to Really Love the One You’re With.”

Do your best to avoid the word “but” when you feel the need to be critical of your partner. “But” is a transition word that signals, “Stop! Turn in another direction.”

beNICEMost partners won’t remember what you said before the “but” – only what you said after it.

Example: “I love you, but I wish you would remember to take out the garbage.” They don’t hear the “I love you” part.

Example: “Honey, the dinner was great, but you know I don’t like cream peas.” or “I love you, but I wish you would quit leaving beer cans all over the living room.” That’s sound a lot like nagging.

I saw a quote on Facebook recently that said, “Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every six months.” ūüėČ

Suggestion: Substitute a soft word like, “and.”

Example: “Your presentation to the group was terrific “and” next time you might think about adding ______.”

It takes a little practice and may sound a little strange the first several times you use “and” instead of “but,” AND (not but) it will make a difference. Just a thought.

loveoneanotherCLoveLOGOCopyright ¬© 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Simply the Best!

Filed under: Appreciation,Compliments,Criticism,Relationships — Larry James @ 12:01 am
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Compliments given with sincerity are a genuine gift of love. Offer them often. Be generous with praise for your partner. Catch them doing something right. Let them know you noticed. The road to prosperity in relationships is paved with a commitment to generosity toward your partner.

We feel closest to people who cause us to feel good about ourselves. There is absolutely no room for “constructive” criticism in a healthy love relationship. Constructive means to build up. The intent of criticism is to tear down. Those two words do not fit together at all.

Criticism by its very nature is only and always destructive, not constructive. Try constructive compliments instead; expressions of love straight from the heart. Those words will be music to your partner’s ears. Some might call it “ear candy!”

“When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart.” – Helen Rowland

Perhaps all of us would be better off if we would take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

People don’t change because they are criticized. They change when the relationship is nurtured with warmth and goodwill that inspires them to please their partner.

Appreciation is on the list of top ten needs for most people.

Read: “Relationship Slump Busters

Copyright ¬© 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Author and Speakers BLOG” at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com

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