Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Friday, October 2, 2015

Adrift Into the Scary Unknown

Today, I would like for you to read the following three quotes and spend some time thinking about the standard you have set for your life. Find a time to sit down, and be selfish for a moment every now and then. Often people fail to look at their lives and situations for the soul purpose of trying to find solutions for personal situations. It is important to confront situations head-on and figure out how to improve on them.

Are you on the right track? Where do you stand in the scary unknown?

REL-ScaryUnknown“It is the promise of Love that if we let ourselves go into the unknown, work on ourselves and become the Love we are seeking, that IT will FIND US. Yup, that’s right. But we have to go through the dark night of our fears, dive deep into our insecurities, feel the pain of them and then bring the Light of our awareness to them.” ~ Mastin Kipp, The Daily Love

“Too often people attempt to live cautiously, taking no chances, avoiding all risks… in the safety of established patterns of living. They don’t feel fulfilled… yet they’ve found a niche, a formula… not for success, but mainly to avoid failure. To me, this is the living death. I mean, when security becomes the main goal. We, as humans only grow by taking advantage of opportunities. Life is a risk and we absolutely must reach beyond the safety and familiarity of our previous patterns of behavior in order to find true happiness and fulfillment.” ~ Mack Newton

perfectENDING“By the time the fear subsides, it will be too late. By the time you’re not afraid of what you were planning to start/say/do, someone else will have already done it, it will already be said or it will be irrelevant. The reason you’re afraid is that there’s leverage here, something that might happen. Which is exactly the signal you’re looking for. So fear isn’t just something to deal with and get past. It may mean the moment is nigh – you need to take action now, because it signals that a window of opportunity has opened in front of you.” ~ Susan Biali, M.D.

Fear is the most powerful single factor that deprives you of being able to achieve your full potential. Do your best in everything right now! Don’t ever let your insecurities or past failures or what others might tell you keep you stuck! Focus on what you want and how you can achieve it. If the things you dream for don’t scare you, they probably aren’t big enough.

If you want to give yourself the best gift you could ever receive, believe in yourself. Believe in yourself and never let others try to tell you otherwise or bring you down. You have to be willing to see things you didn’t expect, and figure out what you can tolerate and what you cannot.

Accept that failure is possible and necessary. As Winston Churchill once said, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.

Know the consequences of staying where you are. Have faith in your choices. There is never a good reason to slow down. Keep moving forward. Seize the moment!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Monday, September 28, 2015

Gals! How to Survive the Dating Daze!

How to negotiate the minefield of the dating game!

Tactic 1: Be fit for dating 
~ We all get knock-backs – where a man’s not interested or doesn’t call again after the first date or two. Women with what I call ‘dating fitness’ have optimism and confidence so that ‘knock-backs’ aren’t the end of the world. They know there’ll be other date-opportunities around the corner; that his lack of interest didn’t necessarily reflect personally on them; and that men prefer women who don’t make too many dating ‘trade-offs’ – like dumping friends as soon as he rings – just to get a date!

REL-DatingDazeTactic 2: Be fantastic at first impressions
 ~ I’d be rich if I had the proverbial pound for every woman who told me, “I missed a chance when this great-looking guy came into my office and I didn’t have the guts to even look at him!” By planning ahead with all my advice, you won’t miss opportunities as they arise and will still appear spontaneous! Once you’ve got a date lined up, just as footballers visualize scoring goals, start visualizing your impending date as being fantastic. Run it like a film through your head – the evening goes from strength to strength, affirming to yourself all your positive points, and being calm and confident because you’ve got yourself sorted early.

Tactic 3: Be confident – avoid the ‘I’m unworthy’ complex!
 ~ Confidence is critical to your dating success and men notice the dirty dozen signs of when a woman feels “unworthy.” The tell-tale signs of unworthiness include: when a woman gushes about her past successes and how many men are asking her out right now; when without prompting she claims she’s not looking for “anything special;” when she’s overly flirtatious with too much touching; and when she asks to be compared to his exes all too soon. Being confident is incredibly attractive and my advice is to at least appear confident – even if you’re nervous inside!

Tactic 4: Be sexy – not easy 
~ Hugh Grant once spoke for 99% of men when he said he missed the “chase” – implying that women just put it on a plate for him. This is the real world – not some phony ideal world where men are tender-hearted romantics who never judge a woman who sleeps with them soon. If only! When presented with the opportunity most men will have sex but won’t pursue a romance with what they see as an easy woman. Sounds harsh but deep down they feel she’s decreased her “social” value. However you can still have fun flirting until you decide when you’re ready to have sex – or not.

Tactic 5: Be busy – avoid the princess syndrome ~ 
Men want you to have a life – not hang by the phone – as it takes the pressure off them to “look after” you and be the center of your universe. Tactic five is about how “princesses” are high-maintenance. Most men do not want high-maintenance, they want an equal. Give up your “princess” ways and keep living life while you’re getting to know him.

Tactic 6: Be knowing – not a know-it-all ~ 
Men don’t want dumb blondes but at the same time find it hard to handle how aggressive some women have become in proving themselves through conversation. You can be assertive at work, you can be assertive with the salesman you’re buying your new car from or the estate agent trying to sell you a house. But with him – have fun! Talk to him like you don’t have anything to prove. Conversation when getting to know each other should be like a friendly game of tennis, not as though you’re smashing “aces” at him!

Free-Online-Funny-Quotes-1Tactic 7: Be able – to sort the princes from frogs ~ 
Listen to your common sense and intuition,e.g., if he never rings when he says he will, flirts with anything in a skirt, ignores you when with the boys – then he’s a frog! Too many women hope their “frogs” will morph into a prince. It doesn’t happen that way. Be clear on frog – behaviors to look out for so you don’t waste your precious time.

Tactic 8: Be mysterious – don’t give the game away ~ 
What’s sexier – a slow strip tease or flinging your clothes off? The former raises anticipation and heightens excitement. The same goes for letting a man get to know your personality and your life. You don’t always have to tell him where you’re going, who you’ve been speaking to, what you’re planning for a free night, or how long it takes to do your make-up, hair and shave your legs. Leave a bit of a mystery and he’ll keep coming back for more.

Tactic 9: Be a bit of a bitch – in the nicest possible way ~ Most women are just too nice. They feel they can’t have an opinion. Can’t say what they’d like to do on a date. Can’t stave off male pressure to have sex or even dump a guy when after two dates they know he’s not the one. Tactic 9 is about setting your boundaries early and expressing them, especially when he doesn’t seem to be getting the message!

Tactic 10: Be aware of dating blind spots ~
 There are loads of “blind spots” we need to watch out for, money being one of them. Don’t get flustered over who should pay. Just be straight about what you feel comfortable with. Or when he doesn’t ring after taking your number. Be aware of my “rule-of-three” – the critical hurdles of three dates, three weeks and three months. Learn how to cope with dates from hell (we’ve all had them!) and avoid the trap of stereotyping men. Essentially, keep your eyes open so you are as successful as possible in dating.

BONUS Articles: 4 Online Dating Safety Tips For Women
You Date Who You Are!
Is He the One? 6 Questions to Ask Yourself
14 Signs He’s Into You!
10 Reasons People Are Afraid of Online Dating
The 3 BIGGEST Mistakes Newly Singles Make

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Thursday, September 24, 2015

“Nothing!”

“What wrong, honey?”

(Sigh)… “Nothing!”

Hmmm. The silent treatment begins! You are aware she’s on the brink of an explosion, but still none the wiser about what really went wrong. Silence is often the woman’s loudest cry. Clue: You know she’s hurting when she begins ignoring you.

REL-WhatsWrongMaybe she thinks I can read her mind. Maybe she wants me to ask her again. Maybe nothing is wrong, but why is she shutting me out? Maybe she’s in a bad mood. Maybe she just need downtime, or sleep. Maybe she just needs a hug. Why can’t she just tell me what’s wrong? Why is she being so cryptic? What am I supposed to do?

Perhaps one of the reasons she can’t bring herself to tell you what’s wrong is that you’ve not been very receptive to hearing about the issues in your relationship. If that’s the case, you now know what you have to work on.

This is not necessarily just a “woman thing,” though it’s often stereotyped that way. Men do it too. Women are often hard to understand. Men, too. This is never a good way to handle conflict in an adult relationship. Women (and men) need to know that you have to spell it out.

“How can you not know what’s bugging me? You should know considering YOU did this to me.”

The truth is, nothing means something. This is often not about what you did wrong, but more about what you failed to do, or what you didn’t do at all. Some men flat don’t get the gist and just blindingly continue as if nothing is wrong. Big mistake. Others are fixers. They feel that the sooner the truth comes out the sooner you both can work out the issue.

“She doesn’t want to talk about it yet. If she betrays any hint of this, then proffer: “Maybe you don’t want to talk about it now. That’s OK. Why don’t you let me know when you’re ready to talk about it? I’m always here and I’ll be all ears.” You might want to hug her at this point too so your actions and words reek of sensitivity.” ~ Chelsia Toon

GuiltyPerhaps the best thing to do in this situation is approach her, touch her softly and tell her you care about her and you’re not going anywhere until you’re sure everything is okay.

“Okay, sweetie. I think something is bothering you. I trust you when you tell me there is nothing wrong and I know you wouldn’t lie to me, so I won’t ask again. (Keep your word and don’t ask again). Please know that I love you and you can talk to me about anything. I’m here to listen even if what you say is hard for me to hear. I promise. Let me know when you’re ready.”

Generally speaking, if it needs to be shared, trust that it will be in its own time and don’t rush her on it. Hopefully she will snap out of her funk. It’s important to be as sensitive, supportive and as helpful as possible so she doesn’t need to worry about anything else on top of her current concerns. Give her some space.

The #1 problem in most relationships is “undelivered communication.” We withhold something that needs to be said, or someone withholds from us, and we get upset. In a situation where there is something that needs to be said, we get stopped for some reason, and communication doesn’t happen. Withholding never works.

It’s the things you don’t say. You don’t say them because the last time you did, someone got really upset and you don’t want to go through that again, so you clam up. Then one day he doesn’t take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it’s not about the garbage… it’s about all the things you didn’t say. Not talking about what’s going on inside your head can be a relationship killer.

Communicate. Talk. Communicate in the most loving way you can. It’s from this place of taking responsibility that your communication with the other person will have real power. If you are angry, stop and “think” before you speak. You can’t un-ring a bell.

BONUS Article: Why Your Friend Says Nothing Is Wrong
Reboot Your Relationship With These 10 Ideas!
Before You Give Up…
Confrontation is Not a 4-Letter Word
Guys! Know When to Zip Your Lip!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Wednesday, September 16, 2015

30-Day Relationship Challenge

REL-30-Day

Spice up your relationship with this 30-day challenge. There are hundreds of ways to do this. It’s important to keep romance alive. The list below will get you started. Once you have finished this 30-day challenge, make one of your own and keep the romance going on and on, and on, and on. Never stop doing the things that brought you together in the first place.

30DayRelationshipChallenge

BONUS Articles: Make Everyday a FUNday!
“How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways…,”
Romantic Ideas to Make it Valentine’s Day All Year Long!
Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”

Copyright © 2015 – PopSugar.com – Visit their Website.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Saturday, September 12, 2015

Dating Tips for Seniors

Filed under: Dating,Relationships,Senior Dating — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , ,

The first rule: Be really sure you are really ready to date. If you’re not ready, you simply aren’t in a position to find a “healthy” relationship. To do so, you need to feel reasonably happy and confident of your worth. If you’re still angry or hurt from a past relationship, wait awhile. You need to feel and be positive, open and up for an adventure. If you’re having trouble getting to the right mental space, you might consider seeing a relationship coach.

A good way to find a dating partner is to look for a friend with shared interests rather than just trying to find someone to date. Meeting people at book clubs, church groups, political events, singles events, go dancing, hobby gatherings and community classes can be a way to find potential dates with similar interests. Online dating can be helpful too, though only 6% of people ages 53 to 65 have used it compared with 10% of 18 to 24 year olds.

REL-SeniorDatingIf you play a recreational sport, there may be someone at the park who you might find interesting. Nothing is more romantic than a picnic in a beautiful spot. Check out a farmers market or flea market in your area. Think about your hobbies and what you like to do.

A first date can be nerve-wracking at any age, and especially for single seniors who are out of practice. Look up an old friend. Remember the guy you dated in college for two years and lost touch with? Do you still think about the beautiful girl your traveled around Europe with for a month? If you remember someone fondly from your past, it could be worth looking them up online. Be open to experiencing each date and each person for what they have to offer, no expectations.

Most important… Be safe. Meet in public. When you find someone you are interested in – or someone finds you — exercise caution. At least initially, talk on your smart phone instead of your home phone, which can be linked to your address. For a first date, meet in a safe, very public place – a coffee shop is ideal.

“One of the huge challenges of seniors wanting to date again is getting the support of family, especially their children. Even though you are ready to date again, you may find that your children aren’t as ready. Take the necessary steps to ensure that your kids are prepared for the next phase of your life. You could talk to them about their own fears or apprehensions about dating again and assure them that you are confident that this is the right time to open up and let another person in once again. You must include your children in your decision-making. Let them know that their opinion is highly important but that they should respect your final decision on the matter.” ~ Top10BestDatingSites Staff (http://www.top10bestdatingsites.com/senior/advice)

Until you know the person better and are confident he/she is who he/she claims to be, don’t let a date drive you anywhere or even walk you to your car if it’s a secluded place. Though most people are honest and well-meaning, you shouldn’t take any risks at all.

It probably goes without saying that by age 50+, you have had a few love relationships in your life. There’s no need to give a new love interest the play-by-play. In other words, don’t mention your ex. The same goes for dwelling on your kids. Your children are never ever as fascinating to other people as they are to you.

It is normal to wonder if dating has changed dramatically (by the way… it has!), or if you’ll remember how to date. Dating in your 20s was a whole lot easier and more fun. The most important factor is that you should set your own rules. Don’t worry about how others date, but focus on what you feel comfortable with. If your rule has always been that you don’t kiss on the first date, then don’t worry about whether it’s “old school.” Age should, at the very least, earn you the right to set some comfortable boundaries.

What about senior intimacy (code words for senior sex)? The rule is that you make the rules that best suit you. Again, I stress, be safe. Things are quite different now with the worry of sexually-transmitted diseases. However, remember age is not a preventative for sexually-transmitted diseases and you are never too old for safe sex.

Okay! Time to get your “brave” up and get to it! No more long nights of couch sitting to binge watch movies or shows. Never let age be your cage!

BONUS Article: 10 Eye Opening Statistics About Older Dating That You’ll Find Fascinating
25 Words or Less: Connecting With Personal Ads
The Truth About Relationship Expectations

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Too Miserable to Stay – Too Frightened to Leave?

Annie Kaszina, Guest Author

Camilla said: “I’m frightened to tell him it’s over because…”

Is that something you’ve ever said? Have you ever settled for doing nothing for fear of making the situation worse? If you want to break free from the paralysis of a bad relationship, so you can begin to trust yourself, and value your life, I invite you to check out my brand new 4 week Quick Start Help, Healing, and Happiness program.

REL-ABUSECamilla was frightened to tell her abusive partner it was over because…

What do you think are the most common reasons women give for their relationship paralysis?

In no particular order, here they are:

• “I’m terrified of what he’ll say to me.”
• “I’m worried he’ll have a good relationship with someone else and what will that say about me?”
• “I can’t manage without him.”
• “Nobody else will ever want me.”
• “I still love him.”
• “It’s probably all my fault.”

Let’s take look at each of those reasons.

“I’m terrified of what he’ll say to me”. How does that one work? Are you saying that if you stay he’s going to:

a) speak nicely to you?

b) make you happy?

How happy are you now, when you’re too miserable to stay, but too frightened to leave?

How much longer can you afford to be as unhappy as you are?

What is it doing to your physical, mental and emotional health? Not to mention your quality of life?

“I’m worried he’ll have a good relationship with someone else?” Really?!! You’ve savoured the many delights of being in a relationship with him, so you know how good he is at good relationships. (NOT!? Besides, whose life are we talking about here, anyway? Whose quality of life is at stake here? His? Or yours??

The sooner you stop focusing on his life, and start focusing on your own, the sooner your life will start to improve.

“I can’t manage without him.” Are you sure about that? If you feel so unhappy with him around that you are barely coping, is it really true that you will manage even worse without him?

That’s not what other women report. What I hear from the women I work is this: once they leave they start to feel much, much happier. They realize what a drain their abusive partner was on their lives.

Besides, can you really know what your future will hold?

Let me give you a hint: you know what your past held, and you know what your present holds. In fact, you know exactly what Life holds for you while your abusive partner is on the scene .

But how can you possibly know what your life will be like with him out of it?

Since most of the pain in your life relates to him, logic is telling you that he and the pain go hand in hand. (Isn’t it nice for him, that he goes hand in hand with something? I’m guessing he hasn’t gone hand in hand with you, for a while.) If it’s true that he and your pain go hand in hand, when you lose one, you lose both.

“Nobody else will ever want me.” Now, how can you possibly say that?

All you know for a fact is that he doesn’t want you.

Sorry to be so blunt, but he certainly doesn’t want you enough to care about your happiness. Which means that he really doesn’t want you in any healthy way.

“I still love him.” You may love the dream, and you may love Mr Nice Guy who made a guest appearance, in a cameo role, at the start of your relationship. But I’ve yet to hear from a single woman who says: “I love him for the jerk he is. I love him for the way he constantly tramples on my feelings, rejects me, leaves me feeling worthless, and fills me with dread about what the future holds.”

If you truly loved the guy that he truly is, then you would love him just the way he is.

You don’t.

That’s understandable.

You love him the way you want him to be – and he has no intention of being.

You’re clinging to that dream the way a shipwrecked sailor clings to a piece of driftwood.

But you don’t have to be bobbing up and down, in splendid isolation, at the mercy of the sea.

You can let go of that piece of wood, and swim into shore. Trust me, it’s much closer than you think – and you don’t have to do it alone. I’ve done it, and I can help you do it.

“It’s probably all my fault.” Isn’t it great that you’ve spent all this time with someone who makes all the rules? He decides he is without fault, and then he casts the first stone, and the next, and the next.

He keeps throwing stones, and telling you it’s all your fault.

You wouldn’t buy it if a 5 year old came and told you, “It’s all Johnny’s fault that I’ve spent the day throwing stones at him”.

So why are you prepared to buy it from a partner?

We both know you’ve been trained to accept blame, but you don’t have to go on doing that.

Do you want to know how to let go of the blame, shame, fear, and rejection?

Do you want to know how to deal with negative thoughts as they come up, and tap into feeling happy, safe, and good enough?

Do you want to know how to shake off paralysis, feel happy and create a life to love? Check out my Quick Start Help, Healing, and Happiness program.

BONUS Article: Hit the Road, Jack…
Understanding Verbal Abuse
Top 10 Signs of an Abusive Man

Larry’s NOTE: Emotional abuse is never your fault and is always unacceptable. Neither is physical abuse. There are no good reasons, or excuses that can ever justify it! Never!

Copyright © 2015 – Annie Kaszina. Annie Kaszina is the founder of “Recover From Emotional Abuse” and an international speaker, author, and relationship expert who helps women live fully, love safely, and laugh wholeheartedly. Annie has helped many hundreds of women walk away from domestic violence, and rebuild their self-worth, their happiness, and their faith in their ability to love wisely and well, next time round. You can find more great articles from Annie on her BLOG. Check out Annie’s Website.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Friday, September 4, 2015

Go Forth and Be Happy!

Filed under: Happiness,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , , , ,

As a man part of what I am about is doing things (being the cause) that cause other people to accept the effect – that is to be happy; to smile in acknowledgement and then go about doing the same for someone else. It’s another way to pay it forward.

Emoticon being happyI love to surprise someone I know with something that they least expect – like cutting out a story about them from the paper, writing a letter (with a stamp), saying, “It’s always great to see good friends in the news!” and sending it to them. Or to send flowers for no particular reason other than that I care.

12009814_10207700300565997_1199080402780933001_nAlways remember… happiness is a choice! Happiness is defined by you! Yes, I know. Sometimes people say hurtful things intentionally, that’s when you can take a stand for happiness in spite of what may have been said. You get to choose. Often my first reaction is to temporarily slip away from remembering that I have a choice about how I feel. That’s usually when I bounce back quickly and put on a happy face. It’s not always easy, but it is always a better option. So, I say to you when someone tries to rain on your parade… choose to be happy. It may not come easy and you can do it. Your experiences of being happy improve over time. Hang around happy people. Don’t hang around unhappy people. You can’t make them happy… so stop trying. Make happiness a habit.

“Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

You can pursue happiness. You can do this by thwarting negative emotions such as pessimism, resentment, and anger. And you can foster positive emotions, such as empathy, serenity, and especially gratitude. Once you’ve decided to be happier, you can choose strategies for achieving happiness. Psychologists who study happiness tend to agree. Being happy often means feeling contented, feeling joyful, and having the sense that your life is meaningful.

Holding a grudge and nursing grievances can affect physical as well as mental health, according to a rapidly growing body of research. It’s time we all need to pay attention to our mind manners. Forgiveness is the key. Be good to yourself and to others.

GoForthSMILEIn his book, Five Steps to Forgiveness, clinical psychologist Everett Worthington Jr. offers a 5-step process he calls REACH. First, recall the hurt. Then empathize and try to understand the act from the perpetrator’s point of view. Be altruistic by recalling a time in your life when you were forgiven. Commit to putting your forgiveness into words. You can do this either in a letter to the person you’re forgiving or in your journal. Finally, try to hold on to the forgiveness. Don’t dwell on your anger, hurt, and desire for vengeance.

Jot down on paper some of your happiest memories. Remember the situations that lifted your mood. Share them with friends. Speak happiness to others. Celebrate happiness. Listen to upbeat songs. Make a “Happiness Playlist.” Jamming out can help reduce stress – which leads to greater happiness in general.

Right now… pause and… If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! Now then, doesn’t that feel good?

BONUS Articles: Who Holds the Key to Your Happiness?
Happiness is Your Own Fault!
Happy Couples Accentuate the Positive

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Monday, August 31, 2015

How to Deal With a Depressed Spouse

Filed under: Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Jay Bear, MD, Psychiatrist, Guest Author

Help your spouse get a proper diagnosis and treatment. The illness might prevent a depressed person from recognizing that he/she needs help, so express concern and suggest that you tackle the problem together.

REL-DepressedPartnerStay on the same team. Actively work to help your spouse get better… take daily walks, provide rides to doctor’s appointments, make sure the spouse takes his/her medication.

Don’t get bogged down by resentment. Dealing with a partner’s depression can result in angry feelings, especially if you are often making excuses for your spouse’s social absences, your sex life suffers or household responsibilities shift.

Be receptive. Encourage the spouse to talk about his feelings, and don’t pass judgment.

Be patient. Doctors often can help depressed people feel and function better, but it may take some time.

Understand that depression usually is an episodic illness. Depressed people experience bad and good periods.

Helpful for spouses of depressed people… Get emotional support from a friend or therapist, and attend couple’s therapy when your spouse is feeling better.

BONUS Article: 8 Tips for Dealing with a Depressed Spouse
How to Survive Your Spouse’s Depression
10 Ways to Help Yourself When Your Partner Is Depressed

Copyright © 2015 by Jay Bear. Jay Bear, MD, psychiatrist and director of ambulatory services, department of psychiatry, Brigham and Women’s Hospital, Boston. Reported at LiveScience.com.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s Relationship Pintrest Page at: http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Never Quit When You Are Behind!

As some of you know I am known for dropping into an occasional fast food place to grab a bite and catch up on reading some of the mail and magazines that I never seem to have time to read in my office.

Recently I stopped into my favorite Burger King® (5355 North Northsight Blvd, in Scottsdale, AZ). There is this tall, good looking cashier who has waited on me many times before. Her name is Machelle. I often call her “Smiley.” She has a beautiful smile.

REL-NEVERquitThis time, she was standing on the customer side of the counter talking to an employee. I said, “Hi! I don’t usually see you on this side of the counter.” She smiled and I went on to gather napkins, pepper, etc., and went to a booth. When my order was called, I went to pick it up and she was still standing there.

I looked at her and said, “You are truly a beautiful woman. Have you ever thought about modeling?”

Her answer was supported by visible confidence as she said, “Yes! I’m going to do that!”

“Great! Do that!” I said as I turned to go back to my booth.

Here I go, thinking again; thinking about what just happened. She really was breath-taking, dressed in a white tank-top and blue jeans – tight blue jeans (Yes, I did notice that!) – that revealed the body of a genuinely beautiful woman. I thought I should go to her and say:

“I truly believe you have a great modeling career ahead of you. From my experience, many people who seek out new adventures, and when confronted by obstacles, often give up. They quit just before they were about to make it, beacuse their fear was bigger than the obstacles and they lost their way. Please don’t you ever do that. It is not okay to give up on your dream. Winners are not people who have never failed, they are people who never quit. Stay true to yourself,” but she left before I had a chance to stop thinking about it and just say it.

I thought: “Next time!” She will be behind the register waiting to take my order and I will tell her then. Or… I could give her a link to this article and let her discover how seeing her – not as a cashier – as a regular person inspired me to write about our encounter and in turn, inspire others to ‘never give up on their dream.’

Where there is will, there is a way. It is also smart to remember patience. Reaching our goals does not always go in a straight line. There are often many twists and turns to getting there. It is important to know that it doesn’t always turn out exactly the way we want it to.

I hate to say this for fear of being misunderstood, however it needs to be said. Another important step on the way to your dream is to give up your expectations. Focus instead on what you “need” – not what you expect – to get there and never waiver from that path. You will still have twists and turns and the path will lead you there when you never give up.

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. Expectations are predetermined resentments. When we don’t get what we expect, we often get disappointed which can lead to an upset: resentment, frustration, self-doubt, anger and in a few rare cases, a total shut down. Focusing on what you need will get you there, and with no expectations you are more open to your dream or something better than you dreamed of. There is no opportunity in unfulfilled expectations.

expectationsIt’s said that several people on “Dancing With the Stars” had dreams of being professional dancers and on their way to that, they discovered that their real talent was teaching others to dance or choreography.

“When your belief in the benefits of the goals you set is stronger than your fear and equal to your courage, you can have anything that you decide to have.” ~ Larry James

Important: Never limit your idea of what will be by what has been! Keep looking forward.

Many years ago, I was traveling back in North Carolina working with Don Hutson, W. Stephen Brown and other professional speakers and I set daily goals in the six weeks I was going to be in the Charlotte and Winston-Salem areas. If, by 5:00 p.m. – when most of the people I called on were ready for happy hour – if I hadn’t met my daily goal, I would keep finding someone else to call on until I did. There were many times when that “one more call” paid off big. I wouldn’t quit. Of the four other men I was working with, I was the top salesperson for the entire Winston-Salem event. Special recognition and a nice bonus were the rewards.

Networkers also sometimes have great expectations about building a network and reaping the reward of lots of business referrals, but those unfulfilled expectations get in their way. It is also smart to remember patience. The reward is no instant gratification wonder! It takes time and patience. Worth waiting for, I might add.

Learning along the way must be a high priority. Being willing to expand your knowledge about what you want the end result to be is a must. If you don’t have a clue about what the end result will look like, feel like, be like, how will you know when you get close to being there? Give up your expectations and be okay with what shows up.

Just don’t give up on your dream! AND… Never quit when you are behind!

Larry’s NOTE: I decided to give Machelle a link to this article. 😉

BONUS Articles: Expectancy vs. Expectations
No Purpose? No Goals!
If it Ain’t Broke… Fix it!
Networking How-to: Overcome Fear and Just Be Yourself
Networkers: Let’s be More Technical and Smart!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Sunday, August 23, 2015

It’s Not WHAT You Say, But HOW You Say It!!!

Kathleen Thoren, Guest Author

Sound too Old School? Perhaps.

What has made this saying stick around for so long? Because its true and powerful!

REL-HowUsayITBut wait a minute! If what we say is true, why does it matter HOW it’s said? Truth is truth!

It’s human nature to go into defensive mode if one feels they are being attacked. No matter how true your words may be, when words feel like weapons, the other person will automatically be ready to fight or retreat.

Caution! HOW you say something can change its entire meaning. And when you are stressed, HOW you say something matters even more. At these times, turn yourself into an “Investigator” instead of a “Judge” by using the phrase “Isn’t That Interesting”. This changes your perspective and focus from judge of who is right and wrong to INVESTIGATOR of facts and feelings.

Investigators ask questions to broaden understanding, learn, clarify, and absorb another person’s point of view – without necessarily agreeing with it.

So, if we use excellent skills such as asking questions, listening, exploring possibilities and being open to change, then we’re communicating effectively, right?

Again, not so fast! Check out your non-verbal cues and vocal inflections. Is your body language and intonation congruent with your words?

LoveHow to Communicate More Effectively

Ask Questions… with curiosity and calm VS with accusation and agitation

Listen… with eye contact and acknowledging “uh-huh’s” VS with a frown and suspicion

Explore New Ideas… with courage and openness VS with negativity and “sighs” of dismay

Offer Suggestions… with encouragement and hope VS emotionally aloof impatience

Share Your Feelings… with honesty and confidence VS with hostility or wishy-washiness.

Take responsibility for your feelings/reactions. You do not want to ignore your first reactive thoughts and feelings. Even though they may not be helpful for communication in the heat of the moment, they are very important to address later in a safe environment alone or with a trusted friend or mentor.

Give these tools a try and we believe they will improve your communication with those in your life and create a happier atmosphere for you and them.

BONUS Articles: Confrontation is Not a 4-Letter Word
Guys! Know When to Zip Your Lip!
You Cannot Not Talk…
Say Something…

KathleenThorenCopyright © 2015 by Kathleen Thoren. With an MA in Counseling, Kathleen Thoren has worked with clients individually and in groups through her private practice in Tempe, AZ. For 22 years as a relationship specialist, she helps people break free from what keeps them from experiencing happy, harmonious relationships and the life they want. Visit Kathleen’s Facebook page and Website.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s Relationship Pintrest Page at: http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

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