Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Saturday, August 16, 2014

10 Steps to Peace Within!

Aine Belton, Guest Author

1. Acceptance ~ Take a moment to accept yourself, life and others just as you/it/they are.”

With acceptance comes peace. What’s more, as you accept yourself as you are, you more easily let go of what you’re not. Same goes for others.

It’s what you resist that persists, and judgment only compounds anything it judges.

PeaceWithinAccept yourself for who and where you are right now. Accept all of you – the light and dark, strengths and weaknesses – and open to more of the beautiful loving nature of your true self.

Acceptance helps with letting go, puts you back in flow, makes you more open and free to be more of who you are, and brings positive transformation.

By acceptance I don’t mean turning a blind eye to, tolerating or putting up with something that feels inappropriate to you (see responsibility below for more on that). It can, however, be a great first step on any path of healing and change and the peace that comes through that.

2. Letting Go ~ Holding on to anything, be that a person, situation, an expectation of how things should be, the past, etc., can stand in the way of peace. Perhaps you fear letting go because of feared consequences around that, but what I suggest is:

In letting go you can only ever win; if something’s for your best it will come back, else something better will.”

Control, a lack of trust in yourself or faith in the unfoldment of life and events, may also hinder a natural letting go that can be part of any change in life – change that may be for your best whether you realize that at the time or not.

Things you can let go of for greater peace include negative beliefs and stories (about yourself, life or others), un-serving thoughts, feelings, attitudes, habits, behaviours, situations, grievances, and any painful pasts.

What can you let go of today for greater peace in your life? Perhaps it’s fear, guilt, anger, pain, shame, blame, judgment, etc. Letting go will create the space for a new birth in your life. One thing that helps with letting go is forgiveness, shared next.

3. Forgiveness ~ Forgiveness of self and others is like a mind-body-soul detox. It liberates you from toxic emotions and draining attachments. Forgiving yourself also helps resolve guilt, shame and feelings of undeserving that can otherwise block peace and happiness. Forgiveness returns you to love and truth, is an immensely powerful force for healing and transformation, and a beautiful gift to give yourself or another.

4. Suspend Judgment ~ Judgment will always stand in the way of peace. Judging others, or yourself, lowers your energy and separates you from love and joy. Having an opinion isn’t the same as being judgmental.

What you judge in another may be something you secretly judge in yourself that you have not yet owned and are projecting outwards, what you have yet forgiven in yourself or others, or of beliefs you hold – that you can change. Use judgment as a means to become more conscious of yourself and inner beliefs, stories, repressed aspects of self possibly, and hidden agendas.

The more you love and accept yourself, the less you will judge others or be affected by judgments of others and the more at peace you will be.

When you judge you project your shadows onto others, when you love you project your light.”

5. Trust ~ Trust is a great ally of peace, and a potent anti-dote to fear which so often stands in the way of peace.

Trust yourself and your power as a creator and that you have what it takes. Trust in a loving universe that is on your side. Trust the doors that are opening and the ones that are closing. Relinquish control and allow yourself to be carried along a river of trust and flow towards bright realities aligned to your highest purpose with grace and ease.

Trust that you are on a co-creative journey, that there is a bigger picture, and that there is love, help and guidance available to you in every moment. Trust that the universe wants you to have what you desire as much as you do. Trust that you are loved more than you know, more than you will ever know!

Life doesn’t have to be a struggle. You can have what you desire with belief, intention, positive expectation, knowing you deserve (which you always do) and a willingness to receive.

Trust brings a sense of peace, ease, faith and confidence, and lessens any desire to control or have things be a certain way. If there is an area of your life you are fearful or doubtful around, lean into trust, embrace it, and let it embrace and carry you.

You deserve the best, ever and always, whether you realise that or not. The universe wants the best for you in every moment. You are the only one who can stand in your way.

Have faith and hope in your heart. Hold bright visions of the future, make positive choices for yourself from that bright future, and commit to those through action.

6. Feel your Feelings ~ Harboring constricting emotions obviously blocks inner peace. You may need to get in touch with and release those feelings first. This may mean moving through repressed pain, hurt, rage, guilt, loss, etc. to the peace that awaits on the other side.

I’ve no doubt you’ve experienced that deep sense of calm that comes after a big emotional release. If you are trying to stuff emotions down, instead let them move through you, you won’t feel at peace. There are emotional release techniques of many different kinds are available these days – EFT, energy healing, the Release Technique and Sedona Method.

Simply feeling your feelings is a powerful way to release them!

Repressing emotions, trying to control them, being scared or judgmental of them, obviously disturbs peace. Honour your emotions and listen to what they are telling you about what’s going on inside. If they are negative or uncomfortable, what thoughts, beliefs or stories are they pointing to that may need changing or releasing?

Expressing your feelings rather than denying or repressing them brings healing and release. By this I don’t mean wallowing in them or giving them undue attention if they don’t serve you (i.e. nip that self-pity in the bud!), nor do I mean dumping them on another under the banner of being honest and authentic – take responsibility for your impact.

Benefits-of-MeditationAs part of releasing your feelings you may want to write them down, share them with a friend, or express them through creativity.

When it comes to emotions don’t skirt in the shallows; dive in deep, get wet, let their currents be fully felt.”

7. Meditate ~ Meditation has so many benefits, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically, as science is now proving. Meditation allows the conscious ‘monkey mind’ to still, brings calm and clearer perspectives and dissipates negative energy, allowing stress to wash away as you come to centre and connect to more of what’s real – more of the true nature of your being and the loving voice of your Higher Self – the spiritual being that you really are.

Meditating creates an opportunity to raise your consciousness, connect to your heart, honour the sacred (in you, and the Source of All, whatever name you hold for that), and for your energy to renew, recharge and to ‘plug-in’ to higher awareness and clearer more balanced and loving perspectives.

8. Take Responsibility ~ Responsibility brings freedom and empowerment, and with that comes peace. It shifts you out of victim mode, blame and resentment, for example, all of which block inner peace. The more you take responsibility for your life, the better able you feel to change it.

When you blame and complain you remain the same; responsibility brings freedom and change.”

You create or allow your experience at some level, whether you are aware of that and the roots and whys or not.

Become aware of the thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attitudes and choices that are creating your reality. Take responsibility for them and choose those that serve you. Shift the gears of your focus from fear and problems to solutions and desired outcomes, from blame to gain, wounded to winner, falling to soaring.

One of the swiftest ways to empower your life is to start realizing that you are its author and get writing a new script!”

9. Know You Are Loved ~ You are loved by people in your world, by your Higher Self How much do you let that love in? You are also loved totally and unconditionally by the Source of Creation, whatever name you hold for that. If you don’t walk a spiritual path, imagine there is a part of you that loves you totally and unconditionally, beyond reasons and seasons. This love is available to you in any moment and requires only your willingness to receive. There is nothing you need do to win this love, and nothing you can do to lose it. Open and allow this love in; the love that wants to be given in every moment. With that will come great peace.

Start by allowing in the possibility that you are loved totally and unconditionally right now, just as you are. You are loved more than you will ever know, in ways beyond that which you may be able to even currently comprehend.

Opening to the love that is always there for you helps you experience more of your true value, worth and inherent deserving, dissolves fear and heals pain of separation.

You are loved beyond reasons, you are loved beyond seasons, unconditionally, eternally, you are loved. “

10. Love, Love, Love! ~ Love yourself and others. There may be times this is easier than others – make it an overriding intention. On a path to love you may need to process what’s in the way of that love – pain, fear, sorrow, etc. Accept yourself wherever you’re at. Then affirm your willingness and permission to love yourself and others. There may be some people you choose to love from a distance, yet that love is still a valuable energy nonetheless.

The beauty with love is, whether near or far, you can love from wherever you are.”

Love lies at the heart of all that you seek, and separation from it at the root of your troubles and pain. Let love be a guiding light in your life that will steer your ship back to the shores of peace, happiness and joy. We all love to love and be loved. It doesn’t get better than that!

BONUS Article: Forgiveness… What’s it For?
An Affirmation for Letting Go
Faith and Trust… You Must Have Both!
Validate Your Partner’s Feelings

AineBelton

Copyright © 2014 – Aine Belton. Aine Belton is a visionary transformation expert, writer, speaker and facilitator in the spiritual fields. Having found love to be the most potent healer in her own life and that of others’ she launched the Global Love Project and its various initiatives as platforms and opportunities for opening to and celebrating humanitarian love. You can read a collection of Aine Belton’s articles at: www.globalloveproject.com/articles-by-aine-belton. The Global Love Project is a platform for honoring and celebrating humanitarian love, with numerous facets, initiatives, free resources, inspiration and events.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Thursday, July 31, 2014

Faith and Trust. . . You Must Have Both!

Filed under: Belief,Faith,Relationships,Trust — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” – The Bible

Dr. Ernest Holmes wrote: “Faith is a mental attitude which is so convinced of its own idea – which so completely accepts it that any contradiction is unthinkable and impossible.”

Faith&TrustHere is Ernest Holmes’ definition of faith in the glossary of the book, “The Science of Mind:” Faith is a mental attitude, so inwardly embodied that the mind can no longer deny it. Faith is complete when it is both a conscious and subjective acceptance. Faith may be consciously generated. In spiritual terminology, faith means a belief in the presence of an invisible principle and law [another word for God] which directly and specifically responds to us. “Thy faith has made thee whole.”

“Our mightiest ally (our indispensable ally) is belief in something we cannot see, hear, touch, taste, or feel. Resistance wants to rattle that faith. Resistance wants to destroy it.” ~ Steven Pressfield

“We trust people because they showed up when it wasn’t convenient, because they told the truth when it was easier to lie and because they kept a promise when they could have gotten away with breaking it.” ~ Seth Godin

faithOkay… thanks for reading this far. I say all that to say this: You must never stop working on building trust in your marriage and have faith that it will work long-term! Be clear about this: faith is trust! Trust continues to build over time and when both partners demonstrate to each other that true “Love” exists and is present in their relationship. Need I mention unconditional Love? Without doubt, the hardest thing to do, is to love unconditionally.

You “will” face challenges in your relationship! Faith and trust is the glue that keeps everything together. Faith must be based on trust, not signs and evidence. Trust is another way of cooperating with each other. Faith in each other requires trusting that people are inherently good. Never betray your partner’s trust! Never. Trust takes time to build and seconds to break. Faith in each other can help rebuild it.

“We all have moments when it seems like everything is going wrong. It’s unavoidable. Its that enormous leap between your lowest moments and the moments that you think will make you happy that faith is required. It’s precisely when things are at their worst that you need “faith” the most.” ~ James Altucher

Trust the creative power within you. Some people call it God. Trust yourself. Trust you partner. Work together. If you need help, ask for it.

How strong is your faith and trust in “your” relationship?

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Thursday, January 17, 2013

Always Tell the Truth

Filed under: Relationships,Trust — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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My mother used to say that if you always tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said.

truthcompassAlways telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship. Couples should talk with each other openly and honestly to learn more about each other to enhance the relationship, instead of concealing the true sides to cheat each other. When you let your partner know you won’t punish them for telling the truth they will be less likely to lie in the first place. How many times have you heard someone say, “I didn’t want to hurt hurt his/her feelings. A little ‘white lie’ is okay.” Never tell little “white lies” to avoid conflict. A “white lie” is still a lie!

Openness means being willing to communicate your deepest feelings. There can be no intimacy without conversation. The only way your love partner and you can truly communicate is to tell the truth. Truthful communication moves love partners and creates a condition of unity, love and satisfaction.

For intimacy to grow in a healthy love relationship there can be no withholding; feelings – both positive and negative – must be shared equally between love partners. The act of withholding the truth is always potentially a lie.

People often think that telling the truth means you have to tell the other person everything that you think. It’s easy to see how being truthful in this regard could be damaging to a relationship. When deciding for yourself whether to tell the truth, remember to ask if what you are about to say is really that important, and think about the way you express the truth. We can’t control how other’s react to what we say, but we can control the way we say it.

NOliesThe energy required for the self-discipline of honesty is far less than the energy required for withholding. Your partner and you must be dedicated to the truth and live in the open, and through the exercise of your courage to live in the open, you become free from fear. Fear cannot exist whenever insight is valued above feeling frightened.

If you are dating, here is a situation that should always be answered with the truth: “When you aren’t ready to take the relationship to the “next level,” or “When you’ve realized you aren’t into your significant other anymore.” It’s better to be truthful than to prolong the agony. If the relationship is complete… finish it.

Notice that I did not say that the relationship is over. Relationships never end. You can be complete with a relationship but they never end. Death, divorce, or separation does not end a relationship, it only changes it. As long as you have memory, you will have relationships. Letting go and moving on is the difficult part.

“The truth is powerful because nobody expects it. In a world where most people have been duped, fooled, conned, scammed, spammed and screwed over too many times, if you can just be completely honest where most people would say nothing, communicate more than people think is needed, give more than people think is fair and care more than people think is expected, you will not be forgotten.” ~ From “HELLO, my name is BLOG!

When you are in a situation and your partner makes themselves vulnerable, and you know they are telling you something that is difficult to say, say “I appreciate your telling the truth, and I admire that about you.”

BONUS Article: 3 Things You Should Always Ask Yourself Before You Say Anything

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Thursday, May 10, 2012

Cyber Cheating = Emotional Infidelity!

Filed under: Cyber Cheating,Infidelity,Relationships,Trust — Larry James @ 8:00 am

Is cyber-cheating wrong?

In a word… YES!

“But,” you say, “it’s not cheating if there’s no touching.” So… tell your partner that and see what they say!

The Internet is the new frontier of infidelity, and apparently it’s a confusing place because men and women don’t agree on what constitutes cyber straying. The line between being a cheat and just being cheeky has been blurred by the release of a new book, which claims that emotional infidelity is just as destructive to a relationship as physical cheating.

In “Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship,” author M. Gary Neuman, delves into the destructive patterns of modern day relationships, and he rubbishes the perception that it’s okay to look, as long as you don’t touch.

emotional_infidelity

For info, click book cover!

And, according to relationship experts, the internet is a dangerous seductress. Social networking sites like Facebook, are the biggest culprits in instigating these “emotional affairs,” or “cyber cheating.” They allow you to contact old friends, lovers or people you’ve never even met before and the seemingly innocent exchange of personal details, messages, chat and photographs, can apparently be enough to spark an intimate relationship.

In a poll conducted by womansavers.com, over 63 per cent of women felt that online emotional affairs constituted infidelity and 70 per cent of them believe that emotional affairs could lead to physical affairs.

Particularly in these hard times, a lot of conflict can exist between a couple, regularly arguing about debt, bills, child-care, and other every-day conflicts. Whether a person has any inclination to cheat or not, carrying on a conflict-free conversation with someone with whom you have no ties can be far more attractive than conversing with someone that lives with you in the real world.

It might sound a bit harsh to describe a harmless chat with a member of the opposite sex (or the same sex, if that’s your bag) as cheating, but Neuman maintains that, “when you start to invest your emotional energy in opposite-sex friends – instead of focusing on your spouse – you are being unfaithful to your marriage”.

The internet allows you to live out your fantasies. You can do and say what you are afraid to do and say in real face-to-face encounters. Sending sexually suggestive photographs and engaging in sexually inappropriate conversations is cheating in my opinion. This sort of behavior can destroy your relationship. Cyber-cheating is a gateway drug. It can lead to other things. Deceptively going behind your partner’s back to send and receive sexually arousing photographs and taking part in sexually inappropriate conversations qualifies as cheating. Pathetically promiscuous actions online is wrong.

cheatingTo me, the best way to deal with suspicions of infidelity – online or off – is to talk with your partner about it. If you don’t have communication in your relationship – the ability to approach each other openly, honestly, and safely then talk about concerns and issues like these – then you probably don’t have much of a foundation for a “healthy” relationship to begin with. If your partner is cyber-cheating, there’s obviously a problem with the marriage or relationship. I suggest that you get help.

Trust is the very foundation of a healthy love relationship. Consent and concealment are at the core of the issue of cyber-cheating; and at the core of matters of consent and concealment is a fundamental matter of trust. Couples need to spend more time “together.” If you devote what little free time you do have to cyber flirting, what’s left for your partner?

When it comes right down to it – anything that you do online that you would not want your partner to find out is wrong. Call it whatever you want… it’s wrong! The bottom line, if you are flirting with someone online behind your partner’s back, you are being deceptive. If you are honest about your online hanky-panky, and your partner is uncomfortable, insecure or outright hurt by it, maybe you should stop. Although it may seem harmless, flirting via e-mail and online messaging can be very destructive to a relationship. It can be considered a betrayal. The very fact that a partner feels the need to have regular contact with someone else in an enticing manner is totally inappropriate.

The defining question is this: Would you want your partner to know?

BONUS Article: Emotional Infidelity: Top 10 Signs of Cyber Cheating
Emotional Infidelity: Signs You Have Crossed the Line

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Truth Telling In Relationships

Filed under: Communication,Trust — Larry James @ 7:00 am
Tags:

Kat Knecht, Guest Author

Speaking what is true for us in our relationships takes courage and takes practice. To do this we must have clarity about who we really are, what is important to us and why. In order to have the full experience of higher consciousness in your relationships you need to be able to speak your truth to the people you interact with, especially those on the romantic front. The next natural step in this process is to learn how to communicate your truth to other people in a way they can hear.

The most important element I have found in my work as a relationship coach and in my marriage is in order to have my truth heard I first need to OWN IT myself. Too often I have found we speak something important to us from a place of fear or judgment. It is not only our words that others hear when we speak. It is our true feelings that are transmitted. This is why there is so much miscommunication and upset in relationships!

In order to avoid the miscommunication when speaking your truth, you first you need to own your feelings and thoughts and then speak silently or out loud from that place. Don’t huff and don’t stuff. When we feel uncomfortable, afraid, nervous, angry or flustered, we can have a habit of either blurting something out or stuffing it and then blurting out later about something else unrelated. This causes confusion and mistrust to grow.

When we take ownership of our truth and are willing to be vulnerable a whole new world opens up in our relationships. After you have ownership of your feelings it is helpful to speak using phrases that relay this to your loved one. I have found that having effective words and phrases in our hip pocket can be all we need to get the ball rolling so that the next words that come out of our mouths are THE truth.

A couple of phrases I teach to my clients are phrases such as “ I have noticed” or I am noticing” the words that follow these phrases need to be your vulnerable truth and kept to your own experience. Be careful not to wander over into speaking about anyone else.

Does this result in you getting what you want every time? Not if you are attached to a particular outcome. That is one of the rewarding and frustrating elements in any relationship. It is not just about you! It is about what is between the two of you.

You will find that sometimes speaking your truth with ownership will result in the relationship experience you want, other times the other person is just not capable or willing to stretch to meet you.

The good news is, either way YOU will know that you are being true to yourself, speaking your truth in a way that can be heard and nothing feels better than that!

KatKnecht

Copyright © 2011 – Kat Knecht is a professional love, dating and relationship coach. She has helped hundreds of women create fulfilling romantic relationships and lives. To learn more visit her Website.

CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
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Sunday, April 10, 2011

The BIG “Oops!”

Filed under: "I'm sorry!",Resolving Conflict,Trust — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Saying, “My bad!” or “I’m sorry” over and over again when you make a big “Oops!” is kinda like the story of the little boy who cried, “Wolf.” After a while your partner will get the idea that change is not in the picture.

my-badWhen you make a misstep. . . acknowledge it and promise not to do it again. . . and KEEP YOUR WORD! “I was wrong and I am sorry,” works once or possibly twice. Those seven words will help make your perceptions clearer, your judgments sounder, your relationship and your life work better and you will be closer to your heart’s desire; a healthy love relationship and marriage.

oopsSaying “I’m sorry” over and over for the same mistake doesn’t work! Not making the same mistake again does. It demonstrates your sincerity and respect for your partner and makes a significant contribution to your relationship.

Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?

Get a grip! Stop saying, “I’m sorry” and do it right the next time.

You can’t take back words in anger, and you can only say I’m sorry a couple of times for the same thing. Then, those words aren’t even a Band-Aid; the apology just plain doesn’t work.” When you are upset or angry because of a “oops,” allow a cooling off period.

Toothpaste once squeezed, cannot be put back into the tube. Feathers scattered in the wind cannot be collected. You cannot un-ring a bell. Hurtful words once spoken, cannot be taken back.

sorryBy the way, saying “I’m sorry” is okay as long as the behavior stops. Again, too many “I’m sorrys” is like crying, “Wolf!”

Speak unto others as you would have them speak unto you. Think twice before you say something that may hurt someone else!

Make an effort to make sure the last words to your partner each morning and each night are loving, positive and encouraging.

Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. There can be no trust without conversation; no genuine intimacy without trust.

One of the secrets to having healthy love relationships is to never be afraid to openly and honestly discuss whatever is relevant to the success of the relationship. Making mistakes is part of having a relationship. Those kind of issues are not to break us, but to make us stronger as a team.

Sometimes saying you are sorry doesn’t always mean you did anything wrong. When your lover is experiencing difficulties, “I’m sorry” can be an expression of understanding; it demonstrates an attitude of caring and empathy.

Disagreements will occur. When they do, bounce back quickly. If an “I’m sorry” is appropriate, muster the courage and say it. Don’t waste time wallowing in the stuff of the quarrel.

Someone has to be first to break the silence. Let it be you.

CLoveLOGO

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Friday, October 2, 2009

LoveNote. . .

Filed under: Fear,LoveNote,Relationships,Respect,Trust — Larry James @ 10:00 am
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In healthy love relationships we neither lead nor follow. We walk hand in hand, side by side.

When it is appropriate, we can, without fear, let go for a while, always being nearby to love, to share and to support. Love is no tug-of-war.

We trust and respect our love partner giving them the freedom to be who they are, always with our love and best wishes.

Below is a “LoveCloud!”LoveCloud2

lovenotes

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Saturday, September 12, 2009

LoveNote. . .

Filed under: LoveNote,Relationships,Spirituality,Trust — Larry James @ 11:00 am
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LoveNote. . . Trust brings lovers together. Consider it a Divine joining; the inevitable interweaving that occurs when two people love unconditionally and become as one.

A feeling of deep inner security comes from the trust that is present with unconditional love; a love that never needs to be negotiated.

heartimage

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
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Saturday, April 5, 2008

Trust Yourself

LoveNote. . . Being able to share yourself in an atmosphere of safety and trust is the key to overcoming the fear that inhibits love. ~ Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D.

LoveNote. . . To love yourself as you are, you must let go of, disengage from, all thoughts and feelings about how you really should be. ~ Paul Williams

We must learn to trust ourselves enough to be the person who can accomplish what we want in a healthy love relationship. Then, and only then, can we be free to do the things necessary for our reality to become what we desire it to be.

Trusting yourself is an essential part of contribution in a healthy love relationship. For your relationship to mature, you must trust yourself enough to share yourself fully with the one you love. Trust is what makes sharing yourself with another possible.

REL-TrustYourselfTrust stands behind a guarantee that the giver will never lose, only gain. To hold sacrifice higher than giving is to scoff at the very idea of trust.

Trusting yourself breeds courage. Self-disclosure demands some risk of getting hurt. Your demonstration of courage, that is. . . revealing your true self to your love partner, in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance, can open up new conversations that will support further disclosure in the most sensitive areas of your relationship, perhaps in the areas that count the most.

Trust yourself unconditionally. To the degree that your trust is conditional, you will have unrealistic expectations. That is not trusting yourself. You will find yourself getting in the way of what you say you want. Trust yourself. Stay out of your own way. And trust a higher power, with no strings attached. Trust God and do something!

trust_yourselfLearning to trust yourself is to accept yourself for who you are. Trusting yourself enough to withhold nothing, to be totally open with your lover is emotionally enriching. Not everyone, however, is ready for the kind of openness trust creates. Trust works best when it is mutually enjoyed.

To your love partner, not withholding could be perceived as “moving too fast.” This could mean the beginning of the end. People are different. Situations are never the same. Trust yourself to say what needs to be said, when it needs to be said. Slow down a bit. Test the water and remember not to use testing the water as a cop out. Live life full out. Life is too short to withhold yourself from those that you care about.

In spite of all your efforts to ease into not withholding, some people will pull away. When you feel this happening, take time to have a conversation about it. Let people know what’s on your mind. More than likely, they have similar feelings, yet are afraid to confront them. So, they distance themselves from you, which, in effect, constructs a barrier only love and loving conversation can break through.

When you have tried loving conversation and your love partner is still affected by your openness, you have a choice to make. If you allow being with your love partner to inhibit you in being who you are, it may be time to reach some new agreements or choose someone new to be with. It may be necessary to move on to what’s next.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2008 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I Was Wrong and I Am Sorry

Filed under: "I'm sorry!",Trust — Larry James @ 6:18 pm

As a professional relationship coach, over the years I have listened as partners pour out their hearts to me, justifying their position to the detriment of the relationship.

ibrokeitThere are as many relationship issues as there are people, however if I were going to make a list of the most frequent issues I would say that money, in-laws, sex, control issues, unfulfilled expectations and a lack of effective communication top the list.

It is one thing to know there is a problem and it is quite another to not do anything about it. You must first acknowledge that a problem exists before it can be fixed. Part of the healing is to acknowledge that there are indeed problems that you may be responsible for. Knowing that is not enough. DOING something different is!

Relationship derailment is a troubling phenomenon. However, it’s time for the death of finger pointing. Blame in a love relationship doesn’t work!

There is a payoff for everything you do. The payoff for pointing a finger at your partner and blaming him or her for your relationship condition is: you don’t have to take responsibility for your share of the problem.

Although blaming has no redeeming value, if you must place blame, you would be wise to accept responsibility and know that the blame goes to the person looking back at you in the mirror.

“Sorry seems to be the hardest word” – Elton John

IWasWrongRelationship problems are shared problems. To manage the complexity of a stormy relationship you must accept responsibility for your share of the problem. When you can do that, the problem is half solved. Not only will this change you, it will change your relationship with your partner.

It is time to STOP blaming someone else for the misery you are creating for yourself. It’s time to forgive yourself and your partner so the hurt will heal. The hurts won’t heal until you allow yourself to forgive.

Perhaps your relationship deserves a powerful new focus. The responsibility of both partners is to acknowledge that there is a problem, talk about it in the most loving way you can and reach a conclusion with a workable solution that will benefit both of you.

Ideally, having a partner who understands the concept of team and the responsibility that goes with it contributes greatly to creating a greater attitude of team, which sheds light on solutions instead of keeping the focus on the problem.

True love allows for disagreements. Problems are not there to break you. They help make you a better partner; they help you grow. Acknowledging when you are wrong is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength.

If your relationship is off track, the cost of complacency is obviously substantial. Waiting for your partner to “come around,” may prove futile. Go first. You must take the first step while you are still afraid. Doing so helps to inoculate your relationship against a relapse.

Your relationship priorities are clear now, right? Go first. Say it.

“I was wrong and I am sorry.”

It probably doesn’t need to be said, however I will say it anyway. Saying “I’m sorry” over and over for the same mistake doesn’t work! Not making the same mistake again does. It demonstrates your sincerity and respect for your partner and makes a significant contribution to your relationship.

Do what’s right!

Those seven words will help make your perceptions clearer, your judgments sounder, your relationship and your life work better and you will be closer to your heart’s desire; a healthy love relationship and marriage.

Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?

Copyright © 2007 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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