Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

You Are Far More Powerful Than the Jerks in Your Life!

Filed under: Choice,Guest Authors,Toxic Friends — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , ,

Mastin Kipp, Guest Author

Not too long ago, I got an e-mail from someone talking about a toxic relationship they were in. She was asking me what I would do if I were in the same situation.

And then… she said this about her partner: “He is making me so negative.”

ToxicNow, if you’ve been reading “The Daily Love” for any amount of time – tell me what about this statement is keeping this woman trapped.

Is it him? Is it the circumstance? Is he REALLY making her so negative?

The answer is NO. The only person keeping her down is herself. No one can make her feel ANYTHING without her consent.

So we did some e-mail work and within three e-mail we got her to see that she was the one keeping herself stuck in this negative relationship. We outsource the blame to others many times because we are afraid of change and because it’s SO much easier to blame someone else than to take responsibility for the circumstance and then risk facing the unknown.

But being able to face the unknown is what The Uni-verse is calling you to do on a soul level. Love is what you were born to have, but you will never have it if you don’t love yourself enough to take responsibility for the circumstances in your life and understand that you are continuing to choose your way into them. Even if you are in a situation that was totally outside of your control at first, your choice to stay in that circumstance, in that mindset and in that pattern is up to you.

The choice to change is yours in every moment.

Many times, we are so busy blaming other people that we don’t see that we hold ourselves hostage within this blame. We have been given the incredible power of choice: to choose our life and to co-create it with the Loving Uni-verse that has our back. We have forgotten in those dark moments that everything happens FOR us instead of TO us. We have forgotten that the only things holding us back in life are not our circumstances, but our beliefs about our circumstances. And when we change our beliefs and take constant and persistent action toward them – we change our lives for GOOD!

If you are stuck in blaming other people, make a list of all the things you blame them for. Then turn it around and see that it is you who is keeping yourself hostage with this blame. The idea is not to blame yourself now – no, no, no! The idea is to take your power back by taking responsibility for the circumstance and then asking what you actually want. From there, you can create a new belief system and pattern of action that brings about what you really want.

So, how can you take your power back today? Who have you been blaming and when would NOW be a good time to change?

dailylovemastin_picCopyright © 2013 – Mastin Kipp. Mastin Kipp is the founder of TheDailyLove.com – a website, daily e-mail and twitter account that serves soulful inspiration to a new generation. Started as a feed of quotes sent to Mastin’s friends, The Daily Love shot to fame after a tweet from Kim Kardashian. And a love monster was born. Hosting Mastin on her weekly show Super Soul Sunday, Oprah dubbed him an “up and coming thought leader of the next generation of spiritual thinkers.” Both an honor, and a mouthful. Mastin’s mission is to connect people back to what makes them happy. Happy people make better choices, and better choices make for a better planet.

ljspacer

CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Advertisements

Sunday, March 13, 2011

De-Clutter Your Life! – Let Go of Toxic Friends!

Filed under: Relationships,Toxic Friends — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Do you really know who your friends are?

If you are stuck. . . and your life doesn’t seem to be moving forward, perhaps it’s time to cut loose those friends who stiffle your personal performance and limit your accessibility to a happy and healthy future! Get unstuck! It’s time to let go of these so called “frenemies!” They are NOT your friends!

Whoa! Was that fear that raised its ugly head? Read that first paragraph again!

Are you fearful of change, especially when it comes to letting go of friends who complicate your life? Many times it’s our so-called friends that distract us from the things we know we must do to move forward. The continued chaos we find ourselves in can disappear when we do a clean sweep – a spring cleaning.

SusanBarashOut with these old friends (you know who they are) – and in with the fresh, fantastic, unencumbered life you’ve always wanted. Friends come in all flavors. Some friends weigh on your heart. Others tend to make you wrong. Some constantly criticize. Others want to continue to sow their wild oats and seek to influence you to do things that you would normally not do. Some are heartless controllers and emotional manipulators. Others use you. Some just piss you off most of the time and are more like enemies. These friends You Should AVOID! These people are not your real friends. You can and should live your life without them.

Enough already with the friends who do not enhance your life. Stand tall. Be brave. It’s time to make your mental load lighter.

Reinvention works! Take a few moments and begin to design a new and exciting future with “new” friends who will support and inspire you in what you are up to in life.

Start by making a list of your five closest friends. List as many things that each of them have done that have significantly helped to improved your life. Next make a list of all of the things that have caused you heartache and stress. Which list outweighs the other? Next. . . purge! Begin to silently send them to the dump!

Believe me, there is value in silently saying goodbye. I said, “silently” for a reason. Never should you tell someone that they are no longer going to be in your life. You “mentally” say goodbye and begin to distance yourself from the ones that you know you should and in time you will wean yourself from their distructive influence. Phase them out gently.

There may be sadness coupled with relief once the decision is made. Making the decision is the hardest part. If it was someone you liked but you knew they were on the dump list, take a little time to mourn over your loss. It will only hurt for a little while. Contentment and a refreshing recommitment to your own well-being follow.

Think about what to say beforehand in case you are cornered and your friend asks why you’re never around anymore. Be honest when you mention the reasons behind your actions. No need to be blunt, but make sure your message is clearly understood. Remember, they have feelings too, so try to let them down lightly. Take them off your social media contacts. No phone calls or e-mail. Keep this gentle release private. No need to share this with other friends.

You must decide to focus on taking care of you. You also must be sure that you are better off discovering that old friends who are clingy and keep hanging on, dragging you down with them, are bad news.

The final step is to begin to search out some new friends. Smile! Talk to people that you have never really talked to before and you may be pleasantly surprised. You may find comfort and some new friends in groups of people. Never act too eager to be friends too quickly. Be yourself and stay casual. Take it slow. Friendships develop over time. They need careful choices and tender loving care. There is “fun” in the hunt for supportive friendships. Make sure your new friends are truly in your corner. Friends are important and valuable commodities in our lives.

Although it takes time to make new friends, sometimes it’s better to shed your toxic friends – and for awhile – be without close friends so you can spend that time to lift yourself up and prepare yourself for the exciting life you have ahead. If you need help, it’s okay to ask for it!

BONUS Articles:How Do You Work on You?
Snap Out of It!
Not Worth Keeping in Touch: Of “Frenemies” and Toxic “Friendships”

toxic-friend-heart

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Author and Speakers BLOG” at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: