Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Unhappy in Marriage is Bad for Your Heart!

A new study suggests that an unhappy marriage could wreak havoc on your cardiovascular health.

Researchers examined five years of data from married men and women, ages 57 to 85. People with spouses who were negative or critical were more likely to have heart health issues – women suffered more than men – than those supportive partners. This effect worsened with age.

REL-UnhappyMarriageThey then compared heart health to how these adults said they felt about their marriages. Wives and husbands (who were not married to each other) answered questions about how close they felt to their spouses, how happy their marriages were, and how demanding and critical they felt their spouses were.

Theory: Relationship stress intensifies over time, and heart disease is harder to overcome in those who are older and more frail.

It’s one of the first to take a nationally-representative sample of adults and examine the impact of marriage quality on heart health over time.

This from a study of nearly 1,200 married American men and women by researchers at Michigan State University, East Lansing, published in Journal of Health and Social Behavior.

Being in an unhappy marriage can cause stress, which has a direct link with cardiovascular health. And those effects accumulate. “It’s not like you have contact with your spouse and the next day you have heart disease,” Hui Liu, a Michigan State University sociologist, said. “It really takes time. That may explain why it’s stronger for older people. Your body will remember the effect.”

Such marriages can also push you toward unhealthy and harmful habits, like drinking a lot or smoking.

But why is it that women were hurt even more by unhappiness in a marriage? Liu said it’s possible that women are more likely to internalize their feelings, feel depressed and be more sensitive than the men in their relationships. They also found that when women were sick with heart disease, it lowered the quality of a marriage, but not when men were sick. Liu said women are more likely to serve in a caregiver role for their sick husbands and be more sensitive to not exacerbating stress, but husbands may not be as sensitive about the relationship when their wives are sick.

While a lot of marriage counseling may focus on younger couples, the study authors emphasize that older couples would be wise to pay attention to the qualities of their marriages, too. Their hearts may very well depend upon doing so. “But these results show that marital quality is just as important at older ages, even when the couple has been married 40 or 50 years,” Liu said.

A happy marriage, of course, isn’t the only way to a healthy heart. Cardiovascular health begins with your diet. Start by cutting back on your salt-intake. Consuming too much can lead to high blood pressure, which is the leading cause of risk of death for women in the U.S. Most Americans should eat fewer than 2,300 milligrams of salt, which means almost all of us should cut back on sodium, according to the CDC.

You can also change your diet to include more heart-friendly foods like oatmeal, salmon, avocado, and berries. Beefing up your green veggie intake with more spinach and soy beans can help as well. And go ahead and indulge in a glass of wine every now and then. Research suggests the tannins in red wine might help reduce the risk of heart disease and moderate drinkers are less likely to suffer a heart attack.

Another key to a healthy heart is exercise. The American Heart Association recommends 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise five days per week. Alternatively, 25 minutes of high-intensity exercise three days per week, in addition to muscle strengthening exercises two days each week can also help to prevent heart disease. So get out there and swim, run, bike, jog, whatever it takes to get your heart healthy and pumping.

Copyright © 2015 – Hui Liu, a Michigan State University sociologist. You can contact her at: http://Sociology.MSU.edu/faculty/profile/liu-hui/.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Don’t Blink!

Life is short… don’t blink! Your life can change in an instant!

I would like to call attention to those people who – intentionally or not – flat out don’t pay close enough attention to their relationship. They let things slide past them as if their partner were not even in the room. Often a moment’s inattention can cause a lasting resentment from your partner. Guys… just remember, when you are ignoring her, you are teaching her to live without you.

REL-DontBLINK“We can choose to connect to those around us, or we can choose to close ourselves off. Some days we may not feel like reaching out to others, but on days when we can, you never know just what may come of it.” ~ Angie Aker

“It all started out perfectly. We were so in Love, but somewhere along the way the Love ran out!”

How sad to be together and know that some of the best days of your lives haven’t happened yet… and you are not paying attention to your relationship. Perhaps it’s time to stand up for something bigger than you both – your relationship – and make it a priority again. Talk. Communicate. When you have a problem, not communicating with your partner about it sends a message of its own. They get to make up what they think the non-spoken messages convey. So, how can couples divorce-proof their marriages? Sixty-five percent of experts agree the most effective way is by improving communication, followed by decreasing negativity/criticism.

You shouldn’t have to do it alone! One cannot do the work that is required of two. Together you are a team and you must work together if your relationship will survive. It’s important to stay connected. That takes some effort on both sides. Everyone’s adventure together is different. Love is what love is! To everyone it expresses itself differently, and it shouldn’t be a struggle.

How does your relationship feel? Feeling new and alive comes from the inside. It’s time to get back to the life you once loved. If the relationship you are in doesn’t feel like there is a lot of love showing up, it’s time to begin demonstrating a higher commitment to finding that love again. It is difficult to feel good about yourself, when you know you are letting your love partner down by not giving yourself your full attention. You take care of you – your partner does the same. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to pay attention to the overall relationship unless you both know how to focus attention on yourselves first. Two broken people can’t fix each other.

“Why isn’t Love enough? Why isn’t romantic love, followed by commitment or marital vows, able to keep us connected for a lifetime? The answer is “falling in love” or “being in love,” though a powerful emotion, is passive. Our culture naively teaches us to believe the feelings of love will never change. We don’t learn how to actively nurture and grow the emotion of love over our lifetimes.” ~ Bob Hollander, JD, LCSW-C and Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD

doNOTblinkRe-examine your relationship! Dump any destructive drama that’s going on in your life. Do you fight, make up, then fight again? Do you feel “not listened to?” You think those kind of people are your friends, but most don’t actually exude any qualities of a true friendship. If you feel stuck, worn down and unsupported or you wonder why your best friend isn’t the person you can count on when you need support, you may be in a toxic relationship.

Begin today to look into the future. Imagine – together – how your relationship can be if you recommit your love for one another and then “do” whatever must be done to have it be the way you imagined it. Love is much more than a basic human need. Power your passion with love. It’s time to reimagine your relationship! Imagination is a powerful thing, only if you use it.

Relationships can be awesome. For them to be awesome… they take work. They take paying close attention to them, nurturing them and expressing lots of love in many different ways.

Rediscover your passion for each other – you do remember the passion that once stirred your soul when you first met? When you fall in love with someone, the infatuation you both experience is exhilarating. You are elated. Everything is just dandy. You are doing the happy dance! You both are sure this will all help hold the relationship together. Power your passion with love. It begins with getting back to being friends again. As best you can, put your differences aside temporarily and do the things that friends do. Do romantic things for each other. This will energize your relationship. Get back to the Love!

NOTE: Some of the articles listed below may help get you started!

BONUS Article: Pay Attention to… Each Other!
Reboot Your Relationship With These 10 Ideas!
Love Yourself FIRST!
Friends and Lovers
Stay With It!
Top Ten Ways to Give Love
When You Stop Paying Attention to Your Marriage…
Everyday You Get to Start Over…
Let Love Change the Course of Your Life
“I Love You” – A to Z!
Got Answers? We’ve Got Questions!
Don’t Let Fear Shut You Down… Use it to Wake You Up!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Thursday, March 13, 2014

Advice to Men After a Divorce Following 16 Years of Marriage (Women Should Read this too!)

Gerald Rogers, Guest Author

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had.

Beach-Cuddling1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and un-judging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

startingOver14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

MEN – THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

Larry’s NOTE: Loreena Hackett brought this article to my attention on her Facebook page. Thanks, Loreena!

Copyright © 2014 – Gerald Rogers.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Life Goes By in the Blink of an Eye!

Filed under: Personal Growth,Taking Care of YOU! — Larry James @ 7:30 am

Enjoy the blink together.

Never miss an opportunity to express your love for your partner – in words and in deeds. Hugs are fun too. Say, “I Love you!” out loud at least once a day! Call them… right now to say, “I love you!”

BlinkOfAnEyeLife moves quickly. Things change rapidly.

Never hold on to being right. A closer look can tell you why. Let go.

Forgive often. “The act of forgiveness takes place in our own mind. It really has nothing to do with the other person!” ~ Louise Hay

Say, “I’m sorry” with sincerity and only if you mean it.

The grudge you hold today may be a regret tomorrow!

Worry less.

Breathe. Deeply. Learn to still the motion of your mind. Meditate.

If there is someone special in your life… appreciate every moment you are together. Live in the present. Pay attention.

In life, it’s not knowing what you want, it’s about what you can cross off your list that you don’t want!

Be happy. “Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.” ― Walt Whitman

Accept compliments graciously. Be respectful of yourself and others. Dream BIG!

Distance yourself from those who drag you down and watch your life spiral upward. Avoid and discard drama. Trust your own judgement.

Find at least one thing each day that you can be grateful for.

Only look back to see how far you’ve come and to evaluate your own personal growth.

Stay in touch with family and friends.

Love yourself!

Reach out eagerly and without hesitation for newer and richer experiences. Always look forward with great anticipation to what’s next.

Never allow a few bad memories to slow your progress or keep you from having a good life now. Enjoy life – with or without someone else.

Always remember: What you see in others always exists in you. Be cautious of who you let in your life. Believe in karma. “Life is an echo. What you send out comes back.” ~ Zig Ziglar

Breathe. Know that this moment is the only moment you have for sure!

What would you do differently today if you knew you would not be here tomorrow?

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Friday, October 4, 2013

Focus!

Cheryl Ries, Guest Author

focusIf you haven’t felt joy, contentment, the presence of beauty or peacefulness in the world – perhaps you’re looking for those things in the wrong way!

All of your happiness, contentment and perspective comes from within. When you maintain a calm demeanor, a peaceful spirit and your soul is at rest, all of those things are evident to you because they are within you. The world might, and often times make it seem impossible to be at peace or to feel contentment, but your choice to feel that way and to remain calm no matter is in your control.

You’re only helplessly adrift in this world if that is how you choose to see things. You are able to shift internally to make even the biggest rogue swells and the roughest waters seem less so. You are truly the captain, sailing your vessel, guiding your course and responding as you go.

The moment you stop viewing life that way is the moment you will start to feel you are merely able to react. That is a lie you have told yourself which really only causes you to feel fearful, taking your peace and contentment.

When you center yourself first, believing you are in control of your emotions and your perceptions, then you can become proactive and less reactive. You will see more of the beauty around you while you are in the peaceful state of contentment and calm. Things may be going on – maddeningly so – all around you, but you don’t have to cede your emotions to taking that ride!

Life is short, why live it with an attitude of seeming helplessness and uncertainty? Live it knowing that no matter what happens, you can maneuver and alter as is best for you.

See first with eyes focused on your own contentment and the world won’t seem so out of focus.

cherylriesCopyright © 2013 – Cheryl Ries. Cheryl Ries is a friend who is in the process of writing her first book. This is a preview of things to come. She likes to take a bite out of life’s big juicy apple… and believes that richness is measured in friendships, family, love and what you give away. Visit Cheryl’s Facebook page.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Saturday, September 14, 2013

Take a One-Day Vacation!

What do you do when you’re stressed, swamped or seriously overwhelmed? How’s this for a terrific idea? Just be-gone! Take the plunge for just one day! Give yourself a break! Throw the suitcases in the car and head out! What can you do for just one day? Use your imagination! A one-day vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

onedayforMEFirst… if you are a digital addict, get unplugged. Get more bang for your time-off by totally unplugging from your e-mail, smart phone or anything that connects you to work. Take a media fast. Disconnect from your laptop and computer. This will help you disconnect from the stresses and demands from your daily life, allowing you to really relax. Your world will not collapse if you go missing for one day!

Regularly taking a long weekend is as beneficial as gearing up for a full week or two of vacation each year according to clinical psychologist Francine Lederer, Psy.D. She says, “What I’ve read – and seen from hundreds of patients – proves that people are actually able to relax more knowing they’ll only be gone one day.”

Start a Pintrest board of short day-trips you might like to take of nearby cities or attractions.

Don’t spend your one-day vacation in your backyard. This is a vacation. Not a day off. Vacate! Take a day-trip drive to a nearby town (lots of great day-trips in Arizona). Visit a Ghost Town. Sight-see, and clear your head. Stay in an inexpensive motel. This will make your day feel more like a vacation. Wake up early.

Take a train ride. Visit a Day Spa. Go camping. Rent a bicycle and take your own tour around town. Explore. Take photos. Take time and space to decompress, rest, and revitalize your over-stimulated self. Just “goof off.” Treat yourself well during the day (how about a banana split?). Do whatever YOU want to do. Make it something that excites your heart and senses; something that liberates you from your daily routine. Be yourself. Enjoy things at your own pace.

Feed your soul. Meditate. It will drag you away from any troubles or struggles you may be experiencing. Do karaoke somewhere where no one knows you. Sing your heart out. Enjoy some gourmet popcorn or – better yet – a Godiva truffle. No guilt allowed.

Bring back a piece of memorabilia, put it on your desk to remind you that every so often you need to take some time out just for yourself… by yourself.

If you really don’t have the money or resources to take a vacation of any type, it’s important for you to do something that relieves stress regularly. Everyone deserves a one-day get-away. This is ideal for people who don’t have the time or budget to leave town for a week or two.

BONUS Article: Give Yourself a One-Day Vacation (a different point of view)

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Friday, September 6, 2013

Who Do You Love the Most?

Filed under: Relationships,Self-Image,Taking Care of YOU! — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: ,

“If you had a friend or love one who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend or in your life? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.” ~ Joshua Miller

loveyourselffirst“You can’t expect to draw people into your life who are kind, confident, and generous if you’re thinking and acting in cruel, weak, and selfish ways. You must be what it is that you’re seeking – that is, you need to put forth what you want to attract.” – Wayne Dyer

Never allow anything to have a higher priority than looking out for number one. You are all you have. Never allow anyone, not even your partner, to rob you of the single most important personal responsibility of your life. You must take care of you first. Taking care of you first is a lifelong project. It is a lifetime commitment. It must be your top priority, your most specific intention. Don’t take this one lightly.

“Do you love yourself as much as you would want to be loved? Think about this question for a while and be sincere with yourself. The moment you realize that you were looking for love in all the wrong places and the moment you realize that you weren’t even giving yourself the love you were expecting from others, that will be the moment your beliefs about love will change and that will be the moment your life will start to change. In time you will realize that the more love you have for yourself, the more love you will receive from those around you, and what can be more beautiful and fulfilling than living a life that is full of love?” ~ Dana Saviuc

Me first is not selfishness. It is not narcissism. Common sense says, “If I don’t take care of me, who will?” Me first is only what it says. It says, “I care enough about me to make sure that my needs get met and that I will always only depend on myself for myself.”

lovewagonYou must learn to love yourself first. You cannot deliver from an empty wagon. If you do not have love for yourself, how can you give the love that others in your life need?

How you THINK about yourself has everything to do with how you show up in life to others. Want your partner to love you more? Focus on loving yourself. Become more lovable. Demonstrate love. That opens up the possibility and gives them permission to be more like you want them to be.

“Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.” Byron Katie

When I say take care of yourself first, I am not talking about self-centeredness. Self-centeredness breeds indifference to others. The arrogance of only looking out for yourself will find you being passed over in the relationship department.

I am talking about making a contribution to yourself with the same fervor and generosity you would for your partner.

So… Who do you love the most? Your answer should always be, “Me, of course!”

BONUS Article: 5 Things You Can Do To Love Your Authentic Self More

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Friday, July 12, 2013

Are You Taking Care of YOU?

You are #1!

Don’t feel that way? Perhaps you should take better care of you.

frazzledYou can begin by saying “no” to anything that is not important to you. You don’t have to give any excuses or defend yourself. Friends may expect you to give an excuse, but you don’t have to do it. Make your own choices. Assert your right to say, “No, and thanks for asking.”

We often get so wrapped up in our everyday life that we forget that if we don’t take care of ourselves, who is going to do that?

Things are piling up. You just don’t have enough time to do the things that must be done. Relax. It’s okay to ask for and accept help. It is easy to overlook what is probably the most important step that can ease the stress of a stressful life and that is: taking better care of you. Never neglect yourself. Take a nap in the middle of the day. Read a “good” self-help book.

You must accept that you can’t do or be it all. Everything is not always up to you. Eat your veggies. Get enough rest. Exercise.

You also must learn to do what makes you feel energized and happy. What makes you smile? Seek more of that.

“Mindfulness develops attention, concentration and the ability to simply be present with little or no future orientation, past orientation or goal orientation – choosing to be a human being rather than a human doing.” ~ Ian Gawler, Paul Bedson

We can all come up with excuses about why we are too busy to take care of ourselves. It’s time to rethink the reasons, not the excuses. Excuses let you off the hook. Often it seems like there is not enough time to meet all of life’s demands. Sometimes there may be an occasional moment when there is a legitimate reason, but your job – if you decide to accept it – is to stop coming up with excuses and stop looking for reasons not to take care of you and to turn that all around so that you can begin paying attention to “your” needs. This might seem easier said than done, but if you stay on the path you are on… well… let’s not go there!

Here are a few ideas that will help you break loose:

• Get enough sleep. Sleep has a big impact on mood disorders. Depression can set in. Not good.
• Take a long nature walk by yourself. Stop under a tree and just watch the squirrels. Hug a tree (when no one is looking).
• Lethargy be gone. Get moving. Being a couch potato and watching endless TV shows is not good for you. Just 30 minutes of exercise most days of the week can make a significant difference. Choose more active activities.
• Give up your toxic friends. You know, the ones that suck the life out of you. Make a choice to limit your exposure to people like that.
Woman getting a back massage in front of the white background• Make some new friends and stay connected with them. Join a health club or book club; something that will keep your interest. Intentionally go out of your way to meet new people.
• Go shopping for some new perfume.
• Eat right, choose fruit, a variety of veggies and whole-grain snacks whenever possible.
• Take a hot bath or shower. Focus of the feeling of the water on your body. Shake the tension loose.
• Meditate. Turn off your brain for 30 minutes. Can’t do 30 minutes? Do 15 minutes. Meditation helps you to quiet your mind and to separate you from your thoughts. Be aware of your breathing. Stop, breathe in for a count or 8, breathe out for a count of 8. Try it 8 times. You will feel a restoration of calm.
• Visit a landmark or memorial in your city and take notes. Discover more information about it by doing a Google search later.
• Educate yourself on something you would like to know more about. Look up a word in the dictionary that you’ve heard used but do not know the meaning.
• Everyday focus some time on laughter. Watch a funny video or TV show. Have lunch with a friend who will agree to a “laughing lunch;” one where you each bring 5 of the funniest jokes you can find and take turns making each other laugh. You could to this at a private picnic if you are afraid of looking silly to the lunch crowd. 😉
• Get a 2-hour massage or spa treatment. Yes, 2 hours! Massage can help you sleep better, increase your immunity, decrease pain, anxiety, PMS and depression. Plus, it causes you to feel real good.
• Attend a spiritual service.

“You can think of spirituality as connecting to whatever you consider meaningful and holy. You can find it in God, in yourself, in other people, in nature, art or kindness. Whatever you focus on, spirituality offers many possible benefits, including better mood, less anxiety and depression-and even fewer aches and illnesses.” ~ Jeff Levin, PhD, adjunct professor of psychiatry & behavioral sciences at Duke University Medical Center and author of “God, Faith, and Health: Exploring the Spirituality-Healing Connection

eatingchocolate• Give up your lack of self care excuses. Make a “I’m taking care of me” daily list and keep to it.
• Eat some chocolate! 😉

This from my friend, Connie Kadansky, Sales Call Reluctance Coach: Take yourself on a “date” – just you – and do something that you have always wanted to do; hike a particular trail, go to a museum, simply go to the library for an hour, go eat food that you have never eaten before, go to a movie by yourself and eat all the popcorn you can eat, go to Costco and buy a dozen socks and a case of water then donate them to a homeless shelter. Have fun!

Choose one of more of the ideas above to focus on each day or make some up of your own. Create a sense of urgency to begin today! Making the decision to really take care of you is the hardest part. Once you’ve made the decision… the rest will fall into place. A daily self-nurturing item is simple in nature, and consists of creating a habit of devoting time daily to this important activity. It’s powerful and uplifting. Live your life well. When you feel good about the things that you are making happen in your life, you will feel motivated and full of energy.

And guess what? Everything around you – including your relationships – will appear to get better. The secret is, it’s always and only you that is changing. AND that affects everyone around you. Are you up for that?

BONUS Articles: 55 Gentle Ways to Take Care of Yourself When You’re Busy Busy Busy

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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