Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Is it Time to Push the “Reset” Button?

If your relationship is not gaining ground… you could begin again (with the same partner)!

Be warned: Once a choice is made to end the relationship no amount of coaching, no communication techniques will make the relationship work unless – you and your partner make the decision that you want to have a relationship with your partner and decide how you want to make it work. If you can make that decision then you have taken the first brave step toward a new and exciting future together.

ReSetIn relationships, you get do-overs! In between there and back to normal, is forgiveness, and then it’s making new promises, designing new intentions and doing whatever it takes to make it work. That’s right, “whatever it takes!” Be determined to push through the rough times together.

We’ll call this do over, “pushing the reset button.” It’s beginning again with a serious intention to keep your commitments, no matter what. It’s a corrective phase that you move into only when you are both willing.

You should know this by now: “This is the only way it will work!” Do nothing… nothing changes!

You spoil everything when you promise to “change” then go back to doing the same old stuff that caused the problem in the first place. There was no change in behavior. Your actions spoke louder than your words. You can change your thinking, however, nothing significantly happens until you change your behavior.

When you are both in agreement and you hit reset, you start all over. You begin again! Forgive the things behind you and ‪press forward. There is no “forgive and forget!” You may remember, and when you do you must also remember that you have forgiven. Once forgiven, there is nothing else to go back to or to concern yourself about. You both promise not to allow those things to corrupt your relationship ever again.

‬It’s time to make new promises, keep them and never renege. Together you must focus on the future and let go of the past. It’s time to get to know each other. Allow your partner to get to know you, really know you. Remember, knowing another person is a complicated matter. The process of becoming genuinely intimate is both scary and challenging. It requires patience, letting go of the things you cannot change and celebrating your differences. It takes a commitment to adjust, alter and accommodate for one another. It means learning together, more about what it takes to genuinely Love someone and confidently know that they love you.

reset-300x293Would that make your day better?

“The only caveat is, the button isn’t magical. It’s not like waving a magic wand and your life changes in the blink of an eye. By pressing this button you agree to think and act differently, to have that picture of your ideal life in your mind’s eye, then start thinking and acting as if you are living that life right now. Put your hand on your heart and vow to do whatever it takes to change your life.” ~ Laurie Hayes

Resetting a relationship requires you to give it serious mental and creative energy in the slowing down and starting over. Now that you’ve read this article, you know one way or another that what you must do. If you are absolutely miserable, unfulfilled, and not being true to yourself, return from the dark side and step into the Light. A brighter future together is possible!

Now… have a intimate conversation with your partner about beginning again. If you took the first step, what would your relationships look like? If you need help, call the Coach!

BONUS Articles: 74 Ways to Push the Reset Button
Five Promises of Radical Commitment
Together… Until the Love Runs Out

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Wednesday, April 30, 2014

A Few Steps to Take Before You Complete a Relationship!

Effective communication is at the top of the list and is essential for a relationship to survive. Relationships are all about communicating your needs and understanding the needs and feelings of your partner.

Relationship expert Rachel DeAlto says, “If your sex life has gone from 60 to 0, it is a bad sign that your relationship is on the fritz. A little ebb and flow of desire is normal, but if one of you has lost the desire completely (without any underlying medical condition involved) it may be time to end it.”

CompleteRelationshipWith no sex going on, boredom sets in. Being together is uninspiring. If you can’t remember the last time you had sex, your relationship is most likely in trouble. There is no more “making love,” it’s only sex. You’re not really connecting anymore. A relationship without making love is no longer a healthy relationship.

One partner often with initiate fights over the most insignificant things. If the small things that never used to bother you are now more infuriating then usual, that too can be a red flag. Affection wanes. Complements cease. Trust slowly fades. You rarely hear, “I love you” anymore. There is no longer any text messages or sexting with thoughtful reminders of the love your partner has for you. One partner or both seems to lose interest in doing things together. After a disagreement, you no longer hear the words, “I’m sorry.” Red flag.

A war of words is a great way to vent and can actually be healthy. Why? Because it shows you both still care. However, when there is no resolution to issues that come up, it’s time to talk.

One partner may begin seeking more attention from the opposite sex. Warning… cheating can make your relationship worse than it already is. Reaching out to someone else is never the right answer.

For some, calling a relationship quits is like having to stop paying on a life insurance policy that has outlived its usefulness. We’ve put so much money in it, we are reluctant to give it up. And at the same time we know we must.

It’s sometimes difficult to know when a relationship is over, however often the answer is right in front of us. People change. Often people are brought together to teach each other lessons and when the lessons are learned, they move on. I know. That is hard to accept. It does happen.

The one way to be sure that the relationship is over is when one partner “refuses” to work on the relationship. You become completely indifferent to your partner. It takes two people, working together to make a relationship work. One cannot do the work of two. You know when something is over because every part of your being says it is. Trust your instinct. It rarely steers you wrong.

What to do? Are you living in denial that things will return to the way they used to be? It is never wise to turn a blind eye to the warning signs! Could you both give it another try or agree to a trial separation? Could you both agree to go to counseling together? If you can both agree to counseling, go into the sessions with a wide open mind. Read: “And if All Else Fails?” (see link below).

Insist on a “we need to talk” moment. Find a quiet spot where you can talk about how you are feeling about the relationship. If one partner doesn’t want to talk, ask them to just listen. A lack of communication is a red flag.

If there is a slightest bit of interest from both partners, you can, if you both want to – rekindle the flame and begin again. Most couples seldom can do this on their own. Hire a relationship coach. Take your time. Ease back into the relationship. To do this you must both be willing to set aside your differences and start doing the things that brought you together in the first place. It’s never easy, however, I’ve coached couples where one has cheated on the other, reached some new decisions and got back together. Forgiveness played a huge roll in that happening. The ultimate betrayal of cheating is one of the most difficult to move past… and it can be done if “both” partners are willing to do what is necessary to make it happen.

Often a trial separation will give you time to sort out what you really need to do. However, there must be agreements. One such agreement must be to agree to not see other people during the separation. The time you each spend alone should be a time to either make some new promises to be together or to leave the relationship.

If he or she will not agree to coaching, it may be wise to choose to go yourself. Coaches can offer tips about how to handle what you are going through. If therapy is out of the question, when you finally get the courage to say, “It’s over,” be honest, and be kind. Break ups do not have to be over with both of you hating each other. You once loved each other. Be different. Remain calm. Do your best to understand the hurt and anger you both may feel. Reassure your partner that he or she is someone with whom you have shared a great adventure, however now it is time to move on. Decide for yourself that you will do everything you can to have the “completion” of your relationship be amicable. That too, is not easy, however it will be a statement of who you are as a person.

Notice that I did not say that a break up will END the relationship. A relationship can be over and complete, however, death, divorce or separation will not “end” a relationship. It only changes it.

Unless there is physical or emotional abuse in your relationship, rarely will a relationship coach advise you to leave the relationship. It’s never their choice… only yours.

It may be time to stop investing your time and energy into a relationship that’s not working. If all else fails, your best bet is to admit your relationship is over and begin again to focus on taking care of you.

BONUS Article: And if All Else Fails?
Relationships NEVER End!
The Three Biggest Mistakes Newly Singles Make

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Advice to Men After a Divorce Following 16 Years of Marriage (Women Should Read this too!)

Gerald Rogers, Guest Author

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had.

Beach-Cuddling1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and un-judging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

startingOver14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

MEN – THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

Larry’s NOTE: Loreena Hackett brought this article to my attention on her Facebook page. Thanks, Loreena!

Copyright © 2014 – Gerald Rogers.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Perhaps it’s Time to “Sitr Tihngs uP!”

If your relationship is kinda lying dormant… mix it up a little. Begin to do things differently. Don’t get bogged down with the same old boring routine.

“Sitr Tihngs uP!”

I kid you not, when you mix things up in a relationship, all kinds of fun stuff can begin to happen. Breaking things up a bit triggers something in your brain that adds back in that sense of newness and excitement you might be missing from the early days of your relationship. If your relationship is stagnant, stirring things up will add spice to a boring relationship. This is the big secret to spice up a boring relationship.

BEtogetherThere are all kinds of diversions that continually draw your attention elsewhere… children, a miserable job, the car needs new tires, etc. Everyday annoyances that build up over months, years, or even decades. We fret about the past and we worry about the future. We strain toward tomorrow and we struggle against yesterday.

Fuhgeddaboudit! Change your mind. Everyone has the unique ability to do that. Cut out all the crap that you know is a distraction. Focus your thoughts more on your partner and your relationship.

Try this: Out with the old activities, and in with the new! Doing the same old thing forever and ever can negatively affect the romance and intimacy of your relationship. It is time to take action! You need new ideas to help you stir things up a bit.

There is a line in my Wedding ceremony that says, “Never stop doing the things that brought you together in the first place. Often when I am talking with a couple about planning their wedding ceremony, one or the other of them will say, “We need to do that!” It’s easy to slip into an attitude of taking your partner for granted. You know you love each other but fail to say it aloud as much as when you first met. That is a mistake.

BedroomMovesIf passion has subsided… maybe you need a change of scenery. Be determined to beat boredom. Get creative – together. Move the furniture around in the living room. Don’t neglect the master bedroom. Make it a romantic love nest. Remove the television. Use your master bedroom for sleeping and making love… not necessarily in that order.

Challenge your own status quo. Plan some special time to be together – just the two of you. Tease each other with text messages. Leave the children in the care of a responsible adult and go on a date. The kind of date you had when you were first together. It will give the two of you something to anticipate and work toward, together. Having a goal in your sights will help take the edge off what can often feel like monotony in everyday life.

If you are like most couples, you both work, you’re tired and when you get home you want to grab something cold to drink, turn the TV on and crash. Stirring things up triggers the brain to think new thoughts and feel new ways. That is always a winning combination. Pull yourself out of the rut you’re in. Your “tiredness” can turn to excitement and suddenly inspire you to stop being a couch potato and be adventurous.

Go to a park, sit under a tree, spread a blanket, and just talk to each other – not about the kids, not about work, just communicate with each other. BE in the present moment. Breathe! If your partner is the most special person in your life, say so. Words do have power and if said genuinely, they convey your intentions, emotions and feelings in a very special way. Remember sweet talk? Talk like a lover. Don’t hold back. Be a committed listener.

True partners share the good and the bad about their lives and their relationship. It’s really great to have a safe place like your relationship where you can discuss your innermost secrets and desires. Often couples who have been together for a long time forget that being together is not just about loving each other, it’s about expressing that love in a way that demonstrates the love and respect you feel for each other.

I don’t believe that you can ever be together too long to begin again. Someone has to take the first step. Fear of what your partner will say if all of a sudden you begin expressing your love in ways that hasn’t happened for a long time will keep you both stuck! It’s time to super-charge your relationship. If your relationship is in the “drift” mode and you have become distant, reconciliation can be a big step in the right direction. Make some new promises. Recommit to each other. Be together and start over.

There is a scripture in the Bible that reads, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24 ESV). Work together to inspire, challenge, and encourage each other to “Sitr Tihngs uP!”

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Single and Ready for Love… Caution!

Caution: Don’t fall in love with a broken heart. That would be someone who has just come out of a relationship and hasn’t yet had enough time to heal.

You knew that, right? When your heart has been broken, it takes time for it to heal. You do not want to carry that pain into another relationship until you don’t hurt anymore. Even then, it is important to take some time be see what being alone for awhile feels like. Do not rush. That would be another mistake.

firstdateOkay. So… it’s been enough time. He’s been gone long enough. You’re ready to begin dating. You just want to see what’s out there.

You finally exercised your forgiveness option – both for him and yourself; read relationship and personal growth books, hired a relationship coach; went to a seminar or two and spent lots of time alone, working on you. That’s a great start in the right direction. Not everyone you meet on your dating quest has been doing what you’ve been doing for the last year or so. You know. The stuff that lets you know you are ready for another relationship – or, at least, to see what’s available.

You will probably attend a few singles groups. That will help to be around people again. Maybe even sign up on a “We Help You Get a Hot Date” website. Sometimes that works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

Most single women who come to me for relationship coaching tell me that most of the men they meet just want to get in their pants. Get a clue, guys! They tell me that guys should grow up; that they are the one’s who need coaching about how to talk to and be with a woman. Know anybody like that? They also say that men seem to want to talk about their past relationship. Not good. There may come a time when that could be relevant but certainly not on the first date or two.

You may have to kiss a lot of frogs. You also need to know that there is no perfect man (or woman either, for that matter). No knight on a horse. No “the one.” And you would be wise to show up around people until love finds you. In my opinion, looking for love is like showing up at a single event with a sign on your forehead that reads, “I’m available.” BE love. Be the kind of person that you know someone would love. Celebrate Love wherever you go and with whomever you are with.

Here are a couple of ideas. You have a right to be picky. However, not too picky. You will meet a couple of jerks once in a while. Smile. Say, “No thank you” when he asks to see you again. You need to know the quality of a man’s character, personality type, is he married to his job, “is he married!”, does he have time for a little romance, etc. Make a list. You will probably be adding to it after the first date or three. Or you may even cross off a few things that you have discovered aren’t that important.

slowdownNot everyone you meet is really ready for a relationship, much less a “committed” relationship. Come across that way and you will probably scare away a few good ones as well as the bad ones. Many of the people you will meet – both men and women – still have broken hearts and they are still feeling the pain.

Never settle for the first guy that makes you feel good. When you haven’t had a warm tender hug in a long time, it can be very tempting. Take it slow. I can say don’t do this, but I know you will. You will have an occasion to play the “comparison” game; “He’s just like my ex!” Not a good game to be playing. You only want to look back to see how far you’ve come and the lessons you learned along the way. Don’t make the same mistakes. You know the ones. Take plenty of time to get to know each other. Have great conversations. Take your time. When you have a relevant question, ask it.

Above all… don’t fall in love with a broken heart. That would definitely throw your plan to be happy in a loving relationship totally out of balance and in a downward spiral. If I’m talking to you. I hope you can see that.

BONUS Articles: For Men Only – “How to Attract Women: Stop Making These 10 Body Language Blunders
For Singles Only ~ Not to Worry… Love Will Find You!
More articles for Singles. Click here!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

And You Thought That You Had it Bad…

I want you to know the wisdom of a 19 year old boy who survived Katrina. Do you remember the chaos in New Orleans? He and his family lost everything they owned in that storm.

words-of-wisdom2Bernell Taylor is his name. During his audition for American Idol, Ryan Seacrest asked him, “How do you come back from something like that?” he replied, “It happened. Ya just gotta live after that!”

Please go back and read Bernel Taylor’s response again… No. Forget it. Here it is again:

BernellTaylor

Bernell Taylor

“It happened. Ya just gotta live after that!”

What a terrific attitude!

My wife divorced me! ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

We just had to file bankruptcy! ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

I got fired today! ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

My girlfriend dumped me! ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

Did you see the numbers today! I lost my butt in the stock market! ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

___________________! (fill in the blank!) ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

writeyournextchapterI know. It never feels like it’s going to be easy. You know that, don’t you? You’d be right! But at least Bernell’s wisdom gives you hope. It may even cause you to think less of what happened and more about who you are becoming. A brief glimpse into the future… thinking about what might be instead of what has been. HOPE! Does that make better sense to you?

“Ya just gotta live after that!”

You may even discover that there really could be something “after that!”

What’s your banana? What is your “after that?” What is that one thing that you hold on to – that if you could have the courage to let go – would ignite a new spark in you! You finally got it. The fire grows stronger and suddenly “You’ve got the burn!”

When you read that last paragraph, didn’t you feel a little tingle that made you think of what might be? You got to be sick and tired of being sick and tired and you really don’t want to feel that way anymore.

Okay! So stop reading, turn your computer off and begin again. Begin first to count your blessings. You may get more benefit if you would get a note pad and begin to make a “GET ME OUT OF THIS HOLE!!!” bucket list. Come up with a few things that you can do that invites you to look past what got you here, and that will support you in what you’re gonna be up to.

You’re welcome to comment, especially if you’ve never before posted a comment. Tell us 3 benefits that may (or may not) have come from reading and/or being inspired by the article, “And You Thought That You Had it Bad…;” benefits that will assist you in moving on and getting on fire about life again. Very soon you will catch yourself saying, “Watch my SMOKE!!”

American_IdolThat’s all folks! Get busy!

By the way, Bernel Taylor’s audition made me and Mariah Carey cry. Keith Urban was freaking out over Bernell Taylor. It was incredible! One of the best I’ve seen. He sang, “I’m Here,” a song from “The Color Purple” at the Baton Rouge American Idol auditions week (1/25/13). Watch the Burnell Taylor “I’m Here” Video; the video that inspired this article.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Saturday, January 5, 2013

Need a Fresh Start?

Filed under: Relationships,Starting Over — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Here are several options:

1. A fresh start with the one you are with… That’s the one you see in the mirror each morning!
2. A fresh start with your current partner.
3. A fresh start by being alone.
4. A fresh start with someone new.

freshstartIn todays world most people think that if there are problems in your relationship, just get a divorce and start over. The problem with that is you go into the new relationship with lots of baggage and usually pick up where you left off with someone new. Not a great strategy.

May I suggest that if you are leaning in that direction, you begin with #1 above? All relationships at some time or another are rocky. We all hit bumps in the road that distract us from moving forward. Believe me, it is NOT easier to start over with someone else. I tried that. It doesn’t work… unless…

LoveYourselfIt is always best to initiate a fresh start with you. You must first work on you. The problem could lie there. You must begin to get totally honest with yourself. You begin holding yourself accountable for who you are in the matter; how YOU feel about the way things are. Then. . . if you decide (and only when you decide) to do something different, you promise yourself (and keep your promise) that you will do everything within your power to be happy instead of right! In other words, discontinue justifying what doesn’t work and begin to do something different. Trust me. Having a great relationship with someone else ALWAYS begins with the relationship you have with yourself.

“Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish. If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself – if you are not capable of taking care of yourself, of nourishing yourself, of protecting yourself – it is very difficult to take care of another person. In the Buddhist teaching, it’s clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people. Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist monk, author and peace activist

Your second option is fresh start with your current partner. You don’t need training wheels for this one. You’ve already fallen in love once and have already done some of the hard work necessary to make a relationship work. If you love each other, don’t stop. Make sure your partner is as committed to the relationship as you are. For there to be a fresh start it cannot be one-sided. One cannot do the work of two. Two broken people can’t fix each other. Look at the chemistry you already have with each other. When your relationship is in chaos it’s easy to see that something is awry.

BONUS Articles: How Do You Work On You?

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
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Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Looking Back. . .

Filed under: Change,Letting Go,Relationships,Starting Over — Larry James @ 7:00 am

When you get to a certain age, you become aware of all the mistakes you have made and of all the things you could have had – but don’t – and what you could have done differently in your life and in your relationships.

past-present-futureIt’s normal to look back on occasion but not healthy to stay stuck in the past. Focusing on regrets doesn’t help. As a matter of fact, it can stymie your future personal growth and keep you from the things you can experience right now. Mistakes will be forgiven, but only if there is a desire to change. The inability to let go of regrets, the guilt, shame, and pain that may have dominated the past is not emotionally healthy, and does not contribute anything positive to the present.

People who live in the past generally are afraid to compete in the present. They live in the past because that’s where their thoughts are. There is no future in the past.

“I’ve never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don’t understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.” ~ Sophia Loren

I am not suggesting that you forget the past. That is not possible. We must acknowledge the past because it has played an important role in shaping who we have become today. Savor the sweet memories you have and push the “fast forward” button to what’s next!

Some will disagree, however I believe that losers LIVE in the past. They live in fear of what is next. Their attitude about the future is dim. While nostalgia is one thing, it still prevents us from living fully in the present moment. Dwelling on the past is a total waste of time. You have an everyday choice to change your attitude about it. People live trying to rectify themselves from mistakes or decisions they have made in the past. You cannot change the past, so a better option is to the live to make your future better than the past. You will never move forward if you are continually driving in reverse.

lifegoesonI know. It’s cliché, but today really is the first day of the rest of your life.

What will you do differently today? Tomorrow?

The only reasons you should look back is to see how far you’ve come and to learn from the experience! Use this learning experience only to better yourself in the future.

“Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear.” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My own personal conclusion is this: Live in the present. Make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering. It is good to embrace the past, but not live by it. Look to the future with anticipation. Focus on having FUN in your life. Life is not a rehearsal. This is it! Decide to live life differently than you have been living it. Different is a good thing.

Forgive past hurts. If you are harboring resentment towards another human being because of past hurts, choose to forgive and move on. If you are alone, be happy that you are with someone you love! 😉 If you are in a relationship, make some new promises to yourself (and your partner); promises that will forward the action you need to take to make life and your relationship better. Tomorrow is going to happen whether you worry about it or not so stop worrying. Love more. Do something to enhance your own spirituality.

“The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post.” ~ L. Thomas Holdcroft

As long as you are breathing. . . you can start all over again! – (from the CD, “Hello Tomorrow” by Dave Koz)

BONUS Articles: Forgiveness… What’s it For?
Forgiveness
Me Change? Yuk!!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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