Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Want More Intimacy?

In a study of data led by researchers at Juan March Institute, Madrid, Spain and University of Washington, Seattle, in marriages where chores were divided based on traditional stereotypes – women did the housework and men handled care and lawn mowing, for example – couples had sex an average of 4.8 times a month. When both partners helped with everyday chores, the frequency dropped to 3.9 times per month.

REL-Intimacy4Researchers from the University of Washington in 2013 tell us: If husbands left the meals and toilet cleaning to their wives, they had sex nearly twice as much as husbands who performed these chores.

Other research has found that men who neglect to pitch in with dinner prep may create conflict in your marriage around the division of household labor. Men who shun cooking and cleaning can actually engender marital conflict which could also result in less sex.

Couples who feel they are sharing the duties of raising a family and managing a household are more likely to be happy in their relationship, and that leads to more affection.

Until you have the courage and the commitment to fully engage in your relationship, to be so intentional about it that it becomes the highest priority in your life, genuine intimacy cannot occur. Sexual intimacy of the highest order only occurs when the heat of passion melts the barriers around your hearts. With the freedom to pursue that special closeness only committed partners know, two hearts will meld together in a dance of Divine love.

Sex is fun… and pleasure is good for you!

Someone once said that women often fake orgasm because men fake foreplay! Couples who thrive in their experience of each other strive to seek the balance necessary for both to find mutual pleasure in their lovemaking. Both must take full responsibility for getting what they want and giving what their partner needs.

When was the last time you did something together for the first time?

BONUS Articles: For Men Only – More Housework… More Intimacy!
The Dirty Truth About Good Marriages
Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers
Hey, Guys and Gals… What About Housework? Are You Sharing?
It’s Never Too Late to Get Back on Track… S#XUALLY!
Why Sex is Good for Your Health

RedHotHeart2CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Wednesday, June 24, 2015

It’s Never Too Late to Get Back on Track… S#XUALLY!

Filed under: Intimacy,Sex — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , , ,

“In 2016 the number of states where same-sex marriages are legal will reach 32, plus the District of Columbia. The next year sexless marriages finally become illegal, making most married people lawbreakers!” ~ Bob Saget 😉

Come on. Where’s that sparkle you felt when you first came together? When you work together – I mean, “really” work together – those feelings can be resurrected. Do you sometimes wonder what happened to that randy, can’t-get-enough couple you used to be? You know, before the fatigue of everyday life set in and before the kids arrived. Back when you could have the week from hell and still strap on your dancing’ shoes and, after a great night out, have energy for sex. If you just sighed nostalgically, I get it.

RELBackonTrackIf your partnership has been sexless for a while, the fire can be rekindled. It takes courage. It’s not easy, especially if the two of you really don’t talk about it anymore. Someone has to take the first step while they are still afraid. You have to be vulnerable and willing to be rejected. Sexual intimacy should be a big part of your marriage and your intimate conversations. It’s a time when you can let go and truly be “together,” sharing your love for one another.

If you’re interested in just getting back to some good ole fashion love making, these fifteen ideas will get you going in the right direction. Try adding one idea to your week for the next fifteen weeks! Share this article with your partner to get things started.

1. Become a couple with unwavering commitment to doing whatever it takes to make your overall relationship work. Remember, problems always show up in the bedroom. If you want great sex, never deny your partner the attention necessary to let them know they are loved, appreciated and respected. Relationships are something that must be worked on ALL THE TIME, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.

2. Have a passion for life’s sexual journey and for the processes required to go from boring to bliss in the bedroom. Be creative with your passion. Direct it toward your partner. Nurture it. Enjoy and revel in it.

3. Become dedicated to mutual pleasure for both you and your love partner. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you!

4. Learn to be intentionally spontaneous and open for the opportunity to make love when it presents itself; during a lunch break, in the back seat of your car or by arousing your partner from a deep sleep in the middle of the night.

5. Perfect the ability to communicate openly and honestly your most secret sexual desires and needs. Be responsible for your own sexual pleasure by asking for what you need or taking care of yourself.

6. Be willing to be a student of great sex; read about it, study it, practice it.

7. Be mature enough to exercise the discipline to stay in the moment when being sexually intimate. Never allow the cares of the day to distract you. Focus on giving pleasure to each other.

8. Be daring. . . experiment. Do things differently, try new positions, new places, love toys and more, in agreement with both partners, of course. Variety is the spice of a healthy sexual relationship. Be creative! To always make love the same old way is, in a word, BORING!!

9. Pay attention to personal hygiene. The first rule of making love is to present a body that is tastefully clean!

10. Cultivate the generosity to consider your love partner’s pleasure before your own, or the esprit de corps to decide whether you or your partner goes first or whether you reach orgasm together.

11. Have the keenness of mind to recognize the value of making love vs. only having sex. A “quickie” now and then is okay, however to only and always depend upon quickies for your sexual gratification is a form of “taking your partner for granted” and can only lead to resentment. Make time for the time that is needed to “make love.”

12. Synthesize the gusto to be energetic when making love and aware of the sensitivity it takes to passionately lay motionless together after engaging in sex. Enjoy foreplay, engagement and afterglow.

13. Be courageous enough to not always take yourselves so seriously; to laugh, to play and be playful and to experience whatever is sexually exciting and enjoyable.

14. Learn to negotiate win/win agreements and promises about how you will mutually care for your partner’s needs in the sexual arena.

15. Ask for the variety of pleasure you want and deserve. However, to force or coerce your partner to do something they do not want to do breeds discontent and is highly disrespectful. In this scenario, always take “No!” for the answer. Never be afraid to ask for what you want and always demonstrate the respect to honor your lover’s right to say no without consequence.

Practice including the keywords that are in bold in your sexual vocabulary with your partner and watch what happens!

Consider spending some time reading some of the following articles to help you get back on track!

BONUS Article: Are You Available for Intimacy?
Why Sex is Good for Your Health
Intimacy Quiz
Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”
It’s Time to Get Serious About Sex! ~ Video
Know What Turns You On

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Are You Available for Intimacy?

Intimacy is waaaay more than making Love or having sex! And… in my opinion, more important than making Love or having sex.

REL-IntimacyWhy? Because shared intimacy is the glue that can keep you together even when times are rough and will lead to a much stronger and healthier relationship. These expressions of Love are the single most important acts that keeps couples connected.

Intimacy are expressions of Love and can be expressed in many ways; from opening the door for your partner, sharing your ice cream cone to flirting with a wink.

“Another important point is that if you know you can actually sleep together but not “sleep together,” and still wake up happy, you will have a better shot at your relationship not being based solely on sex – but friendship.” ~ James Michael Sama

“Don’t allow emotional disconnection to last any longer than necessary. When you lose touch with your partner, reestablish it as soon as possible. If you’re staying emotionally disconnected to punish her or him, confess this without delay, regardless of how uncomfortable that may be.” ~ Robert Augustus Masters, PhD

You cannot be emotionally available and experience true intimacy if you are not willing to feel and experience the vulnerability that it brings. Many people are afraid of what they will feel if they truly put themselves out there and feel genuine intimacy and end up being vulnerable. I can promise you this: If you want a more intense and satisfying sexual relationship, allow yourself to be vulnerable and focus more on intimacy for awhile, not sex.

By the way, withholding sex as a way of getting more intimacy – expressions of Love – is never going to work.

“Being an unwilling sexual partner with your spouse. ~ When sexual intimacy is continually withheld from a spouse it can cause serious damage to a marriage. Sexual intimacy is not only a release valve for the pressures of the world; it is the single most important act that keeps couples connected both physically and emotionally. Making this an active part of your marriage can increase the joy and fulfillment of your relationship. There are times when you need to be understanding and patient. Sexual intimacy should never be forced, but rather a tender sharing by husband and wife. Be faithful in making this a joyful part of your marriage.” ~ Gary and Joy Lundberg

IntimacyRecently, a friend sent me the following list of things that he and his partner are committed to doing:

1. Bring home one small, unexpected gift or present.
2. Share some form of physical intimacy.
3. Share an entire afternoon or evening together.
4. Share two insights you gained this week.
5. Write at least one little love note.
6. Mail something to your partner.
7. Plan something special for the upcoming weekend.

BONUS Article: 7 Ways To Enhance The Intimacy In Your Relationship
7 Ways You’re Being Unfaithful to Your Spouse and Don’t Even Know It
Making Love vs. Having Sex!
Intimacy Quiz
Intimacy… It Can Mean Many Things

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Friday, March 20, 2015

Why Sex is Good for Your Health

Filed under: InfoGraphic,Intimacy,Sex — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , , ,

SexIShealthySex is FUN and pleasure is good for you!

There are many health benefits from participating in this creative activity.

It’s important to have a passion for life’s sexual journey and for the processes required to go from boring to bliss in the bedroom. Be creative with your passion. Direct it toward your partner. Nurture it. Enjoy and revel in it.

Be courageous enough to not always take yourselves so seriously; to laugh, to play and be playful and to experience whatever is sexually exciting and enjoyable.

LoveNote… Passion is pure energy, aliveness, and like life itself, it starts off neutral; it is a given. We are the ones that give the energy of passion direction and meaning. The more we have succeeded in channeling passion into love, the more attractive we have become to each other, and the more attractive our relationship has become to both of us. ~ Henry James Borys

cintimacy468BONUS Articles: 15 Hot Ideas for Phenomenal Physical Intimacy!
Red Hot LoveNotes from Larry James
Making Love

InfoGraphic Copyright © 2015 – Helen O’Keeffe. Visit Helen’s Website at: http://www.evoke.ie/category/health/.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. Larry’s commentary is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Making Love vs. Having Sex!

Filed under: Making Love,Relationships,Sex — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , ,

Come on… Do I really have to explain this to you?

It’s simple. Slow and easy vs. wham, bam, thank you, mam! Intentional vs. fast and furious! Loving vs. loveless! Sweet, tender lovemaking vs. a quickie! Planing vs. spontaneity! Got the point?

sexual_intimacy2Pay attention guys! Making love is about pleasing your partner FIRST! Very WRONG: The act of having sex without even bothering to try to get the woman to orgasm. Usually lasts for about ten seconds. For some guys… less that that. 😉

Having sex, even great sex, is not necessarily making love. It should never be a rushed experience. Men often tend to forget about foreplay. Foreplay begins with taking out the garbage without being asked! Foreplay means you don’t want to rush sex, you want to take your time and enjoy every bit of it. When there is no foreplay there is (obviously?) no desire in wanting to please each other, and that is a major difference between having sex and making love. It’s difficult for women to have the big “O” without being able to first connect with the person through foreplay.

And all the women said, “Amen!”

To quote Rachel Astarte: “One of the most beautiful aspects of human nature is our versatility.” There are many ways to express the love you feel for each other. Conversation is one way. In my coaching practice, I talk to a lot of couples who haven’t spent 5 minutes talking about making love… what they like and what they don’t like. Bad first move. Read some good books about physical intimacy or take a class or get some coaching. You may learn something.

In my view it is wrong if sexual desires are expressed as demands, followed by punishing rejection if the demands are not complied with. It’s okay to say, “No,” to something you do not want.

Making love is filled with emotions. It’s a act of expressing and showing the love you have for the person your sharing the experience with. It’s more of a deep connection, more tender and it involves the heart. Making love makes you want to please every part of your partner physically and emotionally. Making love is more meaningful and satisfying and there is more kissing and romantic touching. When couples have chemistry together… things can heat up quickly.

redhot

For more info, click the book cover!

It takes two to Tango, and so too does it take two to make love. Making love includes emotions, while sex is just the action. Anyone can have sex, but after a while… that may become more and more unromantic and even boring, especially if one partner is not getting what they want. We must all learn to transcend the self-interested desire for sexual satisfaction so that you and your partner’s goals are the mutual fulfillment of both’s wishes, expectations, needs, and the pleasure derived from sexual intimacy. Responding in kind to each loving touch, movement, word, kiss, sound, caress, look, etc., is what making love is all about. Express real care and concern for a partner’s happiness and well-being and you are on you way to making love.

I repeat, making love must be full of gentle caresses, tender kisses, terms of endearment, cuddles, loving looks and feelings of deep connectedness, leading up to, during and especially following close personal intimacy.

“Making Love without expecting anything in return by means of benevolence, kind words and deeds is what adds validity to sex and makes it more meaningful, which in turn adds to the longevity of your relationship, because sex alone is not adequate enough to sustain a good long-term relationship.” ~ Darryl Y. Barron

Having sex is more about pleasing yourself, however, there is nothing wrong with having sex or a quickie once in awhile as long as wonderful erotic excitement, intense pleasure and saturating satisfaction results and if both partner’s are in agreement.

Making love is fun and pleasure is good for you! It is only important if you both desire a deep emotional connection, affection and shared bond that can only develop between loving and caring partners.

BONUS Articles: Are You Making Love or Just Having Sex?
Reignite Your Interest in Making Love!
Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Monday, September 1, 2014

Intimacy Quiz

Filed under: Intimacy,Relationships,Sex — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , ,

Larry’s NOTE: Some couples find it difficult to talk about sex. Doin’ it one thing… talkin’ about is quite another. Communication in a truly intimate sense means that you are able to say how you feel and understand how the other person feels. People who communicate positively in an intimate relationship are also able to be both active and empathic in listening to their partner’s concerns. Besides, half the fun of sex is talking about it. Well, maybe not half. 😉

My suggestion is to print 2 copies of this quiz, then light some candles, have a glass of your favorite beverage, then each of you take the quiz. Once you know your score, you now have something to talk about. Go through each question and have an intimate, adult conversation about each of your answers. If you want the intimacy part of your relationship to be better you have to work on it… and part of working on it is having the courage to talk about. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you! Enjoy!

IntimacyQuizMany people don’t know their partners’ needs as well as they should simply because they haven’t talked about them in the right way. The best way to do this is to talk with your partner about what turns him or her on and learn more about their “inner world” and desires.

How well do you know your partner’s inner world? Take this quiz and find out. Then work together to build love maps of each other’s inner worlds so that you can create more sexy sizzle in your relationship!

1. I know what makes my partner relaxed and feel safe: ❏ Yes ❏ No

2. I know my partner’s favorite sexual position: ❏ Yes ❏ No

3. I know how to flirt with my partner to get them in the mood: ❏ Yes ❏ No

4. I know at least one of my partner’s wildest sexual fantasies: ❏ Yes ❏ No

5. I know what NOT to do during sex with my partner: ❏ Yes ❏ No

6. I can tell when I’m turning my partner on or not: ❏ Yes ❏ No

6. My partner likes it when I flirt with them even when we’re physically not together: ❏ Yes ❏ No

7. I know how often my partner likes to have sex: ❏ Yes ❏ No

9. I know how to get my partner to have an orgasm: ❏ Yes ❏ No

10. I know what my partner’s sexual insecurities are: ❏ Yes ❏ No

11. I can tell when my partner likes it harder, faster, longer, slower, etc.: ❏ Yes ❏ No

12. I know at least two secret places on my partner’s body that are most sensitive and make them orgasmic: ❏ Yes ❏ No

13. I know what my partner likes to hear me say during sex: ❏ Yes ❏ No

14. I can tell when my partner is or is not in the mood: ❏ Yes ❏ No

15. I know what I can wear to turn my partner on: ❏ Yes ❏ No

16. I know what kind of rituals my partner likes to do after sex: ❏ Yes ❏ No

Scoring Key: Compute the number of times you checked yes. If greater than 14, your sex life is in good shape. If it is 13 or less, your sex life could stand some improvement. For more information about how to improve your relationship and your sex life, check out the newly debuted GottSex Series at www.gottsex.com, launched by The Gottman Institute.

Copyright © 2014 by Dr. John M. Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman. Distributed under license by The Gottman Institute, Inc. Reprinted with permission by The Gottman Institute.Dr. John Gottman is a psychologist and one of the world’s leading researchers in the field of marriage and couples. His research has enabled him to predict, with over 90% accuracy, when observing a 5-minute conflict conversation, which couples will stay together and which will separate. Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman is cofounder and Clinical Director of the Gottman Institute and co-teaches the Institute’s Advanced Training Seminar in Couples Therapy and The Art and Science of Love Couples Weekend Workshop. For videos, products, workshops and therapy, visit http://www.gottman.com and also check out http://www.gottsex.com.

ljspacer

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Visit Larry James on LinkedIn

Friday, June 13, 2014

Reignite Your Interest in Making Love! (Not interested in enriching your sex life. DON’T READ THIS!)

Filed under: Making Love,Relationships,Sex — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , , ,

When was the last time you told your partner what you like when making love?

A recent survey by condom-maker Durex revealed that while 84 percent of couples admit their sex life would improve if they told their partner what they really wanted in bed, 14 percent of women never talk about it. How sad. If you’re like a lot of women, you’ve started to treat sex as though it’s optional. It’s not. In a lot of homes today, the sexual temperature feels more like the 50’s than the 70’s. Making love is another great way to Celebrate Love!

MakingLOVEMy friend, Claire Hatch, LICSW is a marriage counselor in Seattle. Here’s her advice: “A lot of guys tell me they are trying very hard to figure out how to please their wives, but the women just won’t talk. You might be a giver, who tends to everyone’s needs except your own. And sex feels like just one more way you take care of your husband.

So speak up a little. You know what you like. You know what your body needs. Maybe you think your husband isn’t interested in your needs. It’s possible. But maybe he just needs a little coaching.

I’m willing to bet you neglect your sensual needs outside the bedroom as well. That can put a damper on your desire. Ours is a very practical culture. We forget that care and feeding of our senses adds richness to our lives, whether it’s with food, wine, scents, massage, or the arts.”

It’s important to speak up! Whisper sexy words to your lover. When a move he makes, the way he kisses you, how fast or slow he’s going, makes you feel good, tell him. Whisper, “Moving like that drives me craaazzzy!” when his rhythm starts to send you over the edge, or “Your tongue rules!” when he reaches the right spot. If he’s thrusting too soft, don’t hesitate to throw out a “Harder! Harder!” Guide him with your words: “Your tongue feels great, ummm, good, right there!”

Put dinner on “hold.” Instead of coming home, fixing dinner and vegging out in front of the TV, relax together in bed. You may discover that you are both not as tired as you thought you were.

redhot

To order click the book cover!

sexyquoteSome evening after dinner, use your after-dinner coffee time or late-night glass of wine as a time to talk about that one thing your partner does that really turns you on when you make love. See where that can lead. Perhaps you can have each other for desert. Prolong your passion with conversation during your sexual encounters. Craft your relevant words to magnify the moment.

Delight in verbal foreplay. Talk about what you are doing, how it feels, whether you like it and what you need. Remember to listen too. Make a joyful noise. Scream. Moan. Sounds create excitement. Grind. Fondle. Toss and turn. Nuzzle. Lick. Cuddle. Kiss and suck. Discuss your needs. If your partner is driving you wild, let your passion show – better yet, say so. Silent sex is an insult. Great sex is founded on good communication.

Perhaps it’s time to give your mojo a major upgrade. Mojo Upgrade is an interactive sex questionnaire for couples to help them discover the fantasies that they might both enjoy together. The questionnaire only takes about 10 minutes per partner. It’s free, so get your partner, and get started. It takes two. Click here to begin.

BONUS Articles: Could This Be Why Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex? Guys! This article is for you!
How to Know Your Partner’s “Hot Buttons!”
Have Sex… Whether You Want to or Not!
Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Have Sex… Whether You Want to or Not!

Filed under: Making Love,Sex — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Kristy Sinsara, Guest Author

Everyone has great sex in the beginning, gay or straight but then life happens. And those sexy fun nights where you throw the mattress down in front of the fireplace and drink wine and watch your favorite movies and have wild, awesome, fun, amazing sex that you think would put porn stars to shame turns into reality and life and kids and demands and work and family and stress and “when could you possibly find the time” and besides “it’s the last thing on your mind.”

SexIsFunThe rule: do it anyway… even when you don’t feel like it. If you notice your sex life is starting to fall apart, put it on the schedule and make it happen!

First of all, there’s nothing quite as unfair as demanding your spouse be “monogamous” with you and expect them to only have sex with you but then you refuse to ever give it up, put out, say “yes.” I’m always amazed by these women that refuse to sleep with their husbands but then act completely victimized when their husbands cheat on them. Your husband was the victim first with your demands of monogamy and then refusal to be his partner in that area in life.

But life happens in all relationships. It’s not so fun and sexy being physically intimate with someone that just disappointed the shit out of you… but you have to work it out and make it happen! Tina and I went from having incredible sex to a definite lull in this department where it was as sporadic as “only on vacation”… and then we talked about why we stopped… and started scheduling it. Scheduling leads to wanting it more, which naturally leads to just getting back in the groove of doing it more consistently.

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And yes, we will literally say “this Friday is “date night”. No kids, we’re going to dinner, and then coming home and locking ourselves in our room all night. And that’s what we do… and you know what, we have NEVER been disappointed that we scheduled sex (LOL)… make it happen!

It also helps to be more open minded in this category. I don’t care who you are or to whom you are married, everyone wants a fun, crazy sex life. Be open about sex, talk about it. Have FUN! You shouldn’t always want to look each other in the eyes and whisper love poems… BOOOOORING!

Throw your spouse for a curve ball. Have the candles lit, wine poured, bath drawn, and get out the FUN! But remember, if you’re not having sex with your spouse, someone else will.

BONUS Articles: How to Know Your Partner’s “Hot Buttons!”
Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”
It’s Time to Get Serious About Sex! ~ Video

Copyright © 2014 – Kristy Sinsara. Kristy is an active Blogger on “Life is Beautiful.” Visit her blog at: http://www.kristysinsara.org/kristys-blogs-about-life.html. Read: “Top Ten Rules Every Marriage Should Live By… Gay Or Straight.”

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”

How long has it been since the two of you really spent some “quality” time together? Does your relationship need a little extra oomph? Whether you’ve been married or together for years, show your partner how much you appreciate them by planning some sexy surprises for a very special night together. I’m talking about a night with absolutely no distractions; no kids, no smart phones, iPads, texting, TV, etc. None! I’m talking a very special evening of Love and romance. The kind of time where you both really let your hair down and genuinely BE together; where you can cuddle, caress and celebrate your Love together in special ways.

Wonderama2Alone time with your partner can sometimes be challenging and hard to arrange because of long hours at work and kids. You have to plan time – or rather “make” time like this to get together. Don’t rush. Take your time planning. Why not make these precious hours you two share extra exciting? Plan a “Wonderama” where you will rediscover the wonder of each other. It’s time for a little hedonistic fun. The pursuit of pleasure is something that many couples let slide when they have been together for a long time.

“My job is to be helpful!” 😉 …To assist you with some ideas that will help you express the love that was strong in the beginning, is still there, and if you’re both on the same page… will manifest itself again in a very special way.

You have to work together to make something like this to work. Creating your “Wonderama” takes some preplanning and may stretch your creative abilities. It’s a romantic break from routine. Decorate a special place. Turn it into your own sensual play space or love nest. It could be a mattress in the living room floor (or move the coffee table off to the side so you have room to lay down layers of soft blankets) or the back yard (pull out your blow-up mattress and sleeping bags), the bedroom, (I prefer the bedroom, but that’s just me), or a hotel room for one night. You can’t get sexier than sharing strawberries (the chocolate-dipped ones – they’re an aphrodisiac) and champagne in bed. Make it up for you. Design the layout together. Forget your age. Never let age be your cage. Consider a blanket-fort with lots of soft pillows. That is childlike but fun. Focus on Love and romance.

Once you set a time and a date, tease your partner with little notes several days in advance that remind them of your special night together. Leave a single strawberry and a note that reads “See you tonight,” or a Post-It® note on the bathroom mirror. Send each other tantalizing text messages during the day of. Something simple and sexy will do. The anticipation will make an ordinary night much more alluring. Think seduction. Get a little edgier by having a blindfold and/or handcuffs which you may or may not use.

TwinMassageYou can do this by yourselves or hire some helpers to help you brainstorm some super romantic ideas. Remember that being romantic is all in the attitude that you bring to this special night. Pamper yourselves. Rent a Masseuse for the evening. Two works nice – one for each of you. Treat yourselves to a sensual twin massage. Before you begin, choose some soothing music to play in the background. The relaxing pressure of the massage helps put you back in touch with your bodies: the ultimate preparation for your late-night “Wonderama!” There’s nothing more romantic and relaxing than a massage. (Tip: My favorite… Coconut-passion-fruit massage oil).

Relax. One couple I know hired a harpist to play their favorite romantic music for a couple of hours in the room next to them while they played together. Surely by now you both have a favorite song or two. Play them and burn a CD with more of your favorite tunes. Dance a verrrry slow, sexy dance.

mood-foodsYou could hire a caterer to bring in snacks to nibble on when you get tired of nibbling on each other. 😉 Feed each other hazelnut truffles or cinnamon-flavored ganache. Chill your favorite beverages. Put a lot of thought into this creative endeavor. Cook up one special surprise for your partner. Write 4 or 5 romantic things to read to your partner when the time is right. Don’t hold back. Say what’s in your heart. A little mystery can go a long way. This will be a night to remember.

A “Wonderama” is a very special time to be together and the purpose is to create a cozy retreat chucked full of Love and romance. It will rekindle the romance that may be missing. The intent is to spice up your love life. Do plenty of touching and flirting. You may rediscover what it’s like to really be in Love and both agree to make it an annual (or quarterly) romantic adventure. Sprinkle some rose petals around the room or some of your most loved fresh flowers.

Temporarily dismiss the cares of the day, any relationship issues and anything else that could distract you from really being together. Share a warm shower with a loofah sponge. Good hygiene is paramount. Who cares if you can only fit one person in there? Or take a bubble bath together with lots of bubbles and subtle scents. Lavender oil has a fresh, sweet, floral, herbaceous aroma that is soothing and refreshing. This night should not be without it. Don’t forget the rubber ducky. Lather each other up with some vanilla bath gel and you won’t mind being in such close quarters. Towel each other off.

grapesLight some scented candles or incense. Time for lights out. I like the subtle aroma of beeswax candles which is totally natural and not overpowering like some scented candles. Be playful. Experiment with seductive touch. Bring toys. Use them. Feed each other grapes along with your special beverage. Shed your inhibitions. Let yourself go. Demonstrate genuine interest in each other. Blindfold your partner. Make sure they can’t peek! Then, feed them a piece of food and have them describe what kinds of flavours, textures and memories they are experiencing. Some good old-fashioned necking might be in order too. Be brave. Hold no Love back. Demonstrate your love. Let Love express itself in ways you have nearly forgotten. Dress (or undress) for the occasion.

WonderamaLie in each others arms. Kiss. Relax with one another. Share your best memories of when you first met. Do spoons. Have FUN together. “More grapes, please!” See if you can be present and go away with each other at the same time. Keep going. Tell each other something they don’t know about you. Hold each other. Whisper sweet somethings! Express your deepest feelings with words that you whisper aloud. Relax together… together. Really BE together. If your partner is willing (and ONLY if they are willing)… act out a fantasy (within healthy limits, of course). Let your guard down. If there’s something that your partner has been wanting to do, be willing to give it a try; you could surprise yourself and love it. Talking about intimacy can be physiologically arousing to both partners.

Say I love you now and then… out loud! Love should never be hushed or rushed. Kiss some more – a long lasting kiss this time. Have quiet, intimate conversation. Return to the beginning. Recreate the excitement of your first encounter. Talking about business and the kids are off limits. Sharing humor and laughing together will help you feel closer and wull remind you how much you care about your partner. Take a few photos to preserve the memories you are making. You are going to wonder why you didn’t come up with this idea yourself.

If you think your adventures between the sheets needs a wake-up call, creating a “Wonderama” should do the trick. It’s a passionate, intimate, emotional outlet and a way to become closer to your partner. By the way… you decide… sex doesn’t have to be the happy ending to this delicious night together. You want your partner to be focusing specifically on you and looking forward to your next rendezvous together. Don’t follow a script or try to guess how this might end up. Discard your expectations and just let whatever happens happen. Let Love lead the way. Enjoy each other like you did when you first met. It’s important to keep the intimate part of your relationship at the top of your romantic bucket list.

If the spirit (or whatever) moves you, you have my permission to go “all the way!” (wink, wink)

Time now to rest and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Now… wasn’t that fun?

Have breakfast in bed!

BONUS Articles: It’s Time to Get Serious About Sex! ~ Video
How a Trip to the Grocery Store Can Feed Your Sex Life – (Guys! Pay Attention!)
Know What Turns You On
Discover Your Partner’s Hot Buttons!
Touch for Two

commentCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Saturday, March 30, 2013

What Are You Teaching Your Children About Sex?

Filed under: Intimacy,Sex — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , ,

Someone is teaching your kids about sex, that someone should be you!

Sex is no longer discussed only behind closed doors and in privacy. Television, movies and talk shows have brought the discussion out in the open. In this sexually charged culture, parents can help abuse-proof their kids by teaching them what it means to be sexually responsible. It’s always best if you be the teacher rather than the Internet or their pals at school.

SexEdA good question you may want to ask yourself is: “Where do I want my child getting their information about sex from?” If they’re not getting it from you, you really have no idea what sexual values are being formed in your child’s mind.

You would be wise to clarify your own values about sex first. Be aware that your modeling of sexual values is the first point of reference your child will have, and that out of this modeling, the rest of the formation of your child’s own values will begin taking form.

“Before you even begin thinking about talking to your kids about sex, get really clear on what your own attitudes are and perspectives, and that could mean asking yourself, ‘what is the ideal circumstance under which I want my child to have their first sexual experience?'” says Laura Berman, assistant clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology and psychiatry at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine and author of Talking to Your Kids about Sex: Turning “The Talk” Into a Conversation for Life. Ultimately, parents “want their child to have loving, intimate sex that’s satisfying.” Once you and your partner reach an understanding of the optimal context for your child, those values frame your conversations, she explains. “You can’t just shoot from the hip.”

Children get mixed messages via television, the Internet and their friends at school. This has traditionally come in the form of different standards and expectations offered to our sons and daughters. It also comes in the form of a “do as I say, not as I do” mentality. Teach your child about the possible emotional, physical, and psychological effects of sexual interaction.

This topic is not about “the birds and the bees,” it’s about sex! What’s wrong with this “birds and bees” picture? Everything. “We’re left with a centuries-old legacy that has made sex taboo,” says Deborah Roffman, teen sexuality expert and author of Talk To Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids’ “Go-To” Person About Sex. “However, kids who grow up in families where sexuality is openly discussed are not just healthier and happier, but they also postpone participation in a range of risky behaviors including sexual activity,” Roffman says. “Talking with your kids is protective… a buffer against what goes on around them.”

LauraBerman

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The most common, and most damaging, misconception about teaching kids about sex is the idea of “The Talk.” Waiting for your child to be “ready” is most likely never going to work. Make things easier by making use of resources. Sometimes offering your child a book on the topic and inviting discussion may cause less resistance than a head-on discussion with your child.

Another lesson is to be sure that they know the distinction between having sex and making love. They are not the same. Having sex is something that doesn’t often involve real feelings or even a committed relationship, e.g., one night stands – it’s only the pleasure of the act; a means to an end to help satisfy a sexual urge. Just having sex usually means that all inhibitions go out the window and you put your own desires first. This seems to be the one that gets most teens in trouble.

“When two people who are in love with each other, and who share that emotional bond with one another, they care very much about making their partner feel cherished and taken care of. When someone who is in love makes love to their partner, they take care of all their needs, not just sexually. They will take time by doing foreplay and making their lover feel loved. They are attentive to their partners every needs and desires. They get more joy out of satisfying them then they do themselves. Often times, they do not always need to be satisfied while making love. Making love between two people who are in love is often slow and intimate.” ~ Dawn Fuller

Married couples can choose to make love or have sex just for the fun of it. Making love is fun and pleasure is good for you! Having sex can be unromantic and quick, however, making love is all about understanding – understanding your own needs and those of your partner.

Children who report having good conversations with their parents about sex are more likely to delay sexual activity, have fewer partners, and use condoms and other contraceptives when they do have sex. Sexuality includes a wide range of topics including male and female bodies and how they work, human development, reproduction, types of relationships, what makes a relationship healthy or unhealthy, sexual behavior, and how to prevent pregnancy and STDs.

I’m certain that providing good sex education for your children is a challenging assignment, one that will take much time, energy, and vigilance on your part. Watch for those golden, teachable moments. When is the best time to talk about sex to your children? Anytime, and especially when they begin to ask about it. It’s important to remember that you probably aren’t telling them anything that they haven’t already heard from their friends. Now they get your version.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes; kids will forgive mistakes. Just be faithful in teaching your children about sex, and especially in teaching the sacred value of sex and the need for respect and dignity toward all sexual issues. Later on, if not now, your children will love you for your efforts.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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