Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Friday, September 6, 2013

Who Do You Love the Most?

Filed under: Relationships,Self-Image,Taking Care of YOU! — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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“If you had a friend or love one who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend or in your life? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.” ~ Joshua Miller

loveyourselffirst“You can’t expect to draw people into your life who are kind, confident, and generous if you’re thinking and acting in cruel, weak, and selfish ways. You must be what it is that you’re seeking – that is, you need to put forth what you want to attract.” – Wayne Dyer

Never allow anything to have a higher priority than looking out for number one. You are all you have. Never allow anyone, not even your partner, to rob you of the single most important personal responsibility of your life. You must take care of you first. Taking care of you first is a lifelong project. It is a lifetime commitment. It must be your top priority, your most specific intention. Don’t take this one lightly.

“Do you love yourself as much as you would want to be loved? Think about this question for a while and be sincere with yourself. The moment you realize that you were looking for love in all the wrong places and the moment you realize that you weren’t even giving yourself the love you were expecting from others, that will be the moment your beliefs about love will change and that will be the moment your life will start to change. In time you will realize that the more love you have for yourself, the more love you will receive from those around you, and what can be more beautiful and fulfilling than living a life that is full of love?” ~ Dana Saviuc

Me first is not selfishness. It is not narcissism. Common sense says, “If I don’t take care of me, who will?” Me first is only what it says. It says, “I care enough about me to make sure that my needs get met and that I will always only depend on myself for myself.”

lovewagonYou must learn to love yourself first. You cannot deliver from an empty wagon. If you do not have love for yourself, how can you give the love that others in your life need?

How you THINK about yourself has everything to do with how you show up in life to others. Want your partner to love you more? Focus on loving yourself. Become more lovable. Demonstrate love. That opens up the possibility and gives them permission to be more like you want them to be.

“Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.” Byron Katie

When I say take care of yourself first, I am not talking about self-centeredness. Self-centeredness breeds indifference to others. The arrogance of only looking out for yourself will find you being passed over in the relationship department.

I am talking about making a contribution to yourself with the same fervor and generosity you would for your partner.

So… Who do you love the most? Your answer should always be, “Me, of course!”

BONUS Article: 5 Things You Can Do To Love Your Authentic Self More

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Thursday, August 1, 2013

3 Lies You’re Telling Yourself That Keep You Single

Filed under: For Singles Only,Relationships,Self-Image — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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Virginia Clark, Guest Author

Here’s how your negative internal monologue may be pushing love away from you.

ilie-to-yourselfI don’t want you to feel like a crazy person, but have you noticed how much you talk to yourself? Everyone does it, and you’re probably not an exception. Even now, while you read these words, your mind is chatting to you.

Indeed, our self-talk is active during every waking moment. Much of what we say to ourselves is made up of repetitive ideas that we’re not even aware we’re thinking. If the majority of these ideas are negative, our actual experience will in turn be tinged with negativity, giving us the very opposite of what we desire. After all, what we desire is love in a healthy relationship.

If we don’t get wise to the self-talk going on in the privacy of our minds, we’ll end up sabotaging our relationships, creating pain and misery for ourselves and for those around us. Often, we tell our friends and family one thing, but secretly think the opposite. For example, we may say that we’re happy being single, and excited about the search for a partner. In our minds, we’re terrified, scolding ourselves for not yet finding a good guy. In fact, there seems to be a “collective unconscious” of single women’s thoughts.

Speak-the-truthHere are the three lies I hear women telling themselves most often:

1. I will never find a man who’ll love me.
2. I’m not worthy of a great love.
3. I will die alone.

If these thoughts are all too familiar, you’re in need of some positivity. Luckily, there’s a remedy. We have to recognize that these beliefs are a product of our fear, and that they must be put to rest by acknowledging some truths.

VirginiaClarkBOOK

Click cover for info

Instead, tell yourself:

1. There is someone out there for everyone. I see proof of this as I look at the many different kinds of couples all around me. I choose to believe that if I exist, so does he. If I am longing to find my partner; he must be longing to find me right now as well.

2. No one is perfect. That includes myself and the man who’ll love me. There are many imperfect people in wonderful relationships, and I’m no different. I know I’m worthy of a great love because if I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t have this strong desire for one.

3. This is my fear talking and it has nothing to do with my life or ability to love. I’m just being overly dramatic and scaring myself. No one knows the future or how their life will end. I refuse to hurt myself with these thoughts any longer. I choose to live in the present and enjoy my life.

clarkWe will always have negative self-talk; it’s a part of our makeup and it’s not going away. But we also have the ability to redirect our thoughts, to catch the negative ones that hold us back and to choose healthier ones that move us forward.

Copyright © 2013 – Virginia Clark. Virginia has coached hundreds of woman by helping them to uncover their blocks to love and marriage. She is the author of “It’s Never too Late to Marry.” With over 14 years of experience as a successful Certified Hypnotherapist, she is an expert on the power of the subconscious mind and it s ability to transform one s love life. You can find out more at www.ItsNeverTooLateToMarry.com

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

You Date Who You Are!

Filed under: Dating,For Singles Only,Relationships,Self-Image — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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Mastin Kipp, Guest Author

We date at the level of our self-esteem. Your relationship is a direct reflection of your own self-love and self-worth. A lot of TDL (TheDailyLove.com) Seekers have written in saying that they are in a relationship (dating, marriage, etc.) with someone who they really are into, but they are not getting their needs met. They keep asking me how they have to change to keep the relationship going.

beyourselfPause.

Let me be clear – the only way we should have to change is to be more authentically ourselves. This means compromise, of course, but this also means not abandoning ourselves to please another.

The common question seems to be: “How can I change myself so this will work?” and the response is “Don’t change yourself – BE YOURSELF!”

Many Seekers are terrified of being alone and of the unknown. And I understand, it can be hellishly uncomfortable in there. But if your needs aren’t being met in a relationship, it’s not the other persons fault. The responsibility is on you to communicate your needs and to choose someone who honors you, cherishes you and loves you.

If you don’t love, honor and cherish yourself, you will settle and your needs won’t get met.

To be a Seeker we must get comfortable with the unknown and with letting go of toxic relationships. We must step into the Faith that we can create the life we truly desire, not as we change to please others, but as we step more into our own authentic selves. This means communicating our needs, having higher standards around the people we are dating and stepping into our own self-love and self-care.

Of course in any relationship we have to compromise and find a middle ground. This is part of being in relationship. But this blog is aimed at the thousands of folks who have written in asking how they can change to please other people. Please yourself first and then you will attract someone who is pleased with you.

This means embracing the unknown and being okay with letting go of something or someone that isn’t meeting your needs.

Ask yourself this question: “If I REALLY loved myself, what would I do?”

dailylovemastin_picCopyright © 2013 – Mastin Kipp. Mastin Kipp is the founder of TheDailyLove.com – a website, daily e-mail and twitter account that serves soulful inspiration to a new generation. Started as a feed of quotes sent to Mastin’s friends, The Daily Love shot to fame after a tweet from Kim Kardashian. And a love monster was born. Hosting Mastin on her weekly show Super Soul Sunday, Oprah dubbed him an “up and coming thought leader of the next generation of spiritual thinkers.” Both an honor, and a mouthful. Mastin’s mission is to connect people back to what makes them happy. Happy people make better choices, and better choices make for a better planet.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Friday, November 4, 2011

Can You be Alone and Not be Lonely?

Filed under: Loneliness,Relationships,Self-Image — Larry James @ 9:00 am

The answer is YES although sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. It has been my experience that mostly people who are bored with who they are will say, “No.”

The_lonely_girl_by_I_am_the_Night_AngelLonely? You’re not alone. There is no shame in singlehood. Being lonely often feels like being abandoned, unloved and even rejected by the world at large. People are particularly prone to loneliness when they’re making transitions, e.g., from marriage, the death of a loved one or in a relationship to being single again.

There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely unless we allow ourselves to feel that way most of the time. Loneliness can be made more intense by what you tell yourself it means. It is a very real feeling. If we continue to always feel that way, then we need to work on being comfortable with being with the one we are with. . . ourselves!

“We must know that loneliness does not arise out of isolation from others. It is when we are isolated from ourselves that loneliness makes its presence felt. It is the distracted and fragmentary life that we live that makes us feel lonely and prevents us from living in the present moment; because when we are feeling lonely, our mind is crowded with internal dialogues, memories of the past and apprehensions about the future.” ~ Nazia Mallick

So, how do you get out of this rut? Don’t sit around by yourself. Put yourself in new situations where you will meet people. The last thing you want to do is build a wall around yourself and become totally isolated from others. Explore new activities and hobbies, ride your bike, go to the park – lean against a tree and read a book, visit a museum, go to the theater (by yourself), meditate, hang around positive people, get some relationship coaching.

lonelyStart a journal. Not a diary, but a journal. Keep busy. Never wallow in self-pity or your loneliness. Learn to be happy with yourself and to enjoy solitary activities. When you love yourself it shows. People like to be around upbeat confident people. Don’t overwhelm others with your own problems. Look to the future. There is no future in the past! Stay away from bars. Don’t overindulge in alcohol and non-prescribed medication.

Do everything you can – even when you don’t feel like it – to get involved in anything where you will interact with other people. We’re talking “social” relationships. This is what I call beginning to build a bridge to the future. Look for activities that interest you, that involve groups of people, like sports, book clubs, church groups, political campaigns, concerts, art exhibitions, etc.

Second, (key point – pay attention) – avoid getting involved in another relationship. That is the biggest mistake that newly singles make. Resist the urge to follow friends advice who attempt to “fix you up” with their friends. That’s the wrong path to go down. No one is going to swoop in and rescue you. That alone is your choice to do the rescuing.

lonelymanVolunteer. Find someone who needs help: tutoring, babysitting, house painting, car washing, gardening, cleaning, etc. When you help others it help improve your attitude and more. You think you’re down and out? Volunteer to serve food at a homeless shelter.

“Silence can be an amazing thing. It teaches you how to truly listen. It teaches you to pay attention to what’s going on inside of you. Get in touch with yourself so that you can make conscious decisions rather than simply react to emotions. Appreciate the time you have to yourself.” ~ Denni Gill

On the other hand – having said, stay busy… you also need some alone time to re-evaluate what just happened and learn from “your” mistakes. While it’s true that loneliness is much more than an inconvenience, it can also be the best thing that every happens to you. It will get your attention and snap you back to reality. Being alone is an opportunity for reflection, self-discovery, and self-growth. It’s a time when you can learn to take care of your own emotional needs.

Work on you! Get to know you again. Take an inventory of your past relationship behavior. Don’t just concentrate on what you did wrong, also consider the things you did right. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and forgive your partner too. How can you love yourself, if you don’t spend some time alone to get to know you better?

“Don’t wait for your feelings to get you going – get going and good feelings will eventually catch up with you.” ~ Author Unknown

Want more love. Love yourself. Be more loveable. You have to give away what you wish to receive. You cannot deliver from an empty basket.

Use your alone time to enjoy yourself rather than just existing until you’re in your next relationship. There is a big difference between being lonely and being alone. My experience as relationship coach has taught me that when you can be alone and not feel lonely… that is usually when love will find you. So… there is hope!

BONUS Articles: Learning to Love the One You’re With!
New Beginnings! What to do, What to do?
How Do You Work On You?

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Who’s Holding Your Cork Under the Water?

Filed under: Letting Go,Relationships,Self-Image — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Who is holding you back from fully expressing who you are – or what is holding you back? If it’s a “What” that is holding you back, look in the mirror. It’s probably YOU!

Others only hold you back if you give them the silent permission they need to do so. It feels like they are holding your cork under the water. AND. . . it’s your choice to allow them to do so. You believe they can and therefore it is so. A belief is just a thought you keep thinking. It’s just a habit of thought.

corkWhen we push a cork down into water in a tumbler, the cork by itself rises and comes to the surface as soon as we release it. To keep it beneath the surface of water, there has to be a downward force by something or someone. Never allow anyone or anything to hold your cork under water. Allowing others to hold that kind of control over you keeps you in a very unhealthy state of mind.

The truth is, you are in charge! You are the master orchestrator of your own soap opera. You must make a new choice – a new decision – to create a new thought that takes thought beyond that which it has been before.

“Make the best of where you are and do your best to line up your Energy from where you are, because any bit of struggle or any bit of regret only holds your cork under the water and doesn’t allow you to connect with the Energy that would allow anything to improve.” ~ Abraham

It’s time to let go of what you think is holding you back from doing and being the best you can be. It’s time to let your cork float!

BONUS Article: De-Clutter Your Life! – Let Go of Toxic Friends!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

When You Look Into the Mirror. . . Who Do You See?

Filed under: Health & Wellness,Personal Growth,Self-Image — Larry James @ 7:00 am

When you look into the mirror. . .

self-imageDo you see someone who has wasted their life away? Do you see a person that is filled with hope or do you see a person that needs hope? What is your relationship like with yourself? Do you know who you are? How would you describe what you see when you look into the mirror? Who do you think you are? Do you like what you see? Can you look into the mirror and honestly say to yourself. . . “I love me!”?

Do you see insecurity or confidence? Do you first see the flaws or low self-esteem rather than what you like about yourself? How would you describe what you see when you look into the mirror? What is your relationship like with yourself? Do you see the person you always wanted to be?

Do you see someone who may be run down, tried, a failure, no good, not good enough, ugly, too tall, too short, too heavy, to thin, not enough intelligence, not enough success, not enough energy, or not enough happiness.

Nothing trumps honesty and authenticity! These questions need be explored. The truth of where you are on your path of evolution and growth will stare right back at you. The answers to these questions can reveal to you the areas in your life that need healing.

You don’t have to be “hot” or “attractive” to be a beautiful person. Outside the limiting story you tell yourself when you look into a mirror is an unspeakable degree of freedom – a freedom to be yourself – no longer pretending to be someone, someone else thinks you should be. That’s hard work!

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Is the person you see in the mirror a distorted image of what you think about yourself?

I remember – at a particularly low point in my life – looking into a full-length mirror after exiting from the shower and just looking at myself. Then I surprised me by saying aloud, “Who the hell do you think you are?” “Who am I, really?” Then I cried.

That moment was a breakthrough for me. It was an “ah-ha” moment. When I began to look at the reasons why the tears came, I realized that up until then, I had been fooling myself. I was not who I pretended to be. I wasn’t even the person I wanted to be. I began a serious exploration of my self-image and began to make some major behavioral changes.

“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time. What we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.” ~ Sydney J. Harris

whoareyouI worked on changing my thinking. Your physical body is truly a reflection of the thoughts you think. A thought doesn’t have any power in itself. Only you have the capability to remove or attach beliefs to any thought you think. Your beliefs. . . your faith in the thoughts make them powerful – and thoughts become the things.

I had what I call a lot of “negative self-talk.” I learned that what you think about and what you speak about is what you bring about. My life was a perfect design of what I had been thinking. I began to change that.

pushyourself

You may have to give yourself a little push toward a higher view of yourself.

I challenge you to do the same. Take a good look at yourself. Stare into your own eyes for a while. Discard any thoughts of who you think you are and slowly begin to discover the real you. What is it that you really like about yourself? Make a list of at least 10 things – no matter how insignificant you think they are – post the list on the mirror you look at in the morning and review the list everyday. That’s what I did.

Start with #1 at the top of your list and look yourself in the eyes and repeat what you have written that you like about yourself. Say it out loud. The next day do the same thing with #2. When you get to the end, begin again. From time-to-time you may want to expand your list. That is the exciting part of this process, because the better you begin to feel about yourself, the more you discover what you like about yourself.

“You have to learn to see the big picture. Get on track with the BIG picture and get ready for the ride of a lifetime! The image you hold of yourself otherwise known as your self-image is the view you hold in your head about who you are. As hard as you work to do and be more you will not and cannot ever outperform it. Your self-image is the limiting factor in your success.” ~ Matthew Britt

nathanielBrandenYou deserve to be and feel happy. That starts with loving the one you see in the mirror.

BONUS Article: You Will Never Outperform Your Own Self Image

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Authors & Speakers” BLOG at: http://authorsandspeakersnetwork.wordpress.com/

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