Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Resentment Destroys Relationships

Kevin Martineau, Guest Author

Everybody blows it. We all make mistakes. This means: “I’m not perfect. I don’t bat 1000. I don’t measure up to God’s standard. I don’t even measure up to my own standards. I disappoint myself a lot of the times.”

resentment-let-it-goSo because we’re all imperfect, we’re going to hurt other people and other people are going to hurt us in life: intentionally and unintentionally. What’s more important is this: What do we do with that hurt?

What we do with it is more important than the hurt. Are we going to allow it to make us better? Or are we going to allow it to make us bitter, resentful, and carry a grudge?

Now often, it’s not the big things in life that make us resentful. Those can obviously and they do but it’s also a lot of little things that just pile up. And a lot of little things can break the camel’s back. So we get irritated. And those irritations when we hold on to them turn into resentment.

2 Reasons to Not Get Resentful

1. When we get resentful, we stop thinking clearly.

Our logic goes out the door. Our logic gets distorted. Our perspective gets clouded. Our vision gets all mixed up and we don’t think rationally when our emotions are involved.

2. We start acting in self-defeating ways.

The most foolish things that have ever been done in history have been done in revenge or in retaliation or in resentment. The reality is that resentment doesn’t work! It never hurts the other person. It only hurts us. It’s like shooting ourself with a gun to hit them with the kick of the recoil. It doesn’t work!

The antidote to resentment is forgiveness.

Forgiveness builds relationships. Now let me explain what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not minimizing the hurt. It hurt. Forgiveness is not justifying it, saying it was no big deal. It was a big deal. Forgiveness is not saying it wasn’t wrong. It was wrong.

So what is forgiveness? and Why would anybody do that?

Torn piece of paper with the word "Forgive" in the woman's palms.Mostly for our own sake because we are living in misery the longer we hold it on. Some of us are still allowing people from our past to hurt us in the present. The reality is that they cannot hurt us anymore. The past is past. And every time we hold onto that grudge we are perpetuating our own pain. They can only hurt us if we refuse to let it go. When we hold onto our resentment we are only hurting ourself.

Forgiveness is the only way to get on with our life.

They don’t deserve it but did we deserve to be forgiven by God? No. But God did it anyway out of His grace and kindness. You see, resentment turns our heart into a desert and it dries us up emotionally to the point where we don’t have anything left to give to anybody else. We don’t have anything to give because we are so stuck in the past that we can’t get on with the future.

Everybody has had some relational disasters in life. Everybody. The question is: What are you going to do with them? Are you going to hold onto that resentment and allow it to destroy you and your relationships OR are you going to choose to forgive?

BONUS Article: Forgiveness… What’s it For?
Forgive and Forget??? You’re Kidding, Right?

KevinMartineauCopyright 2013 by Kevin Martineau. Kevin is the Pastor at Port Hardy Baptist Church on Northern Vancouver Island, British Columbia. HE is married to his best friend and has three beautiful daughters. Visit Kevin’s Website!

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

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