Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Reboot Your Relationship With These 10 Ideas!

Okay! It’s time to get serious!

If your friends could watch the behind-the-scenes footage of your relationship, would they still think you are the perfect couple?

Perhaps it’s time to reboot your relationship; to bring some excitement back into it – remember how you both felt about each other when you were first together?

REL-Reboot2Often relationships tend toward a slow fade. By that I mean that the more and the longer you are together, one partner (sometimes both) begins to take the other for granted. What you take for granted… disappears. You have become a married single. You are still together and when you awake together in the morning, neither partner seems to really be emotionally there for the other. Your relationship is in a funk. That’s not quite what you signed up for. Right?

Here are a few thoughts to focus on that might help you both get back on track. I suggest that you print two copies of this article, both find a quiet spot, put some of your favorite music on in the background, and each read the article and then share some of what hit you between the eyes. Then make time to offer some new promises to do and be differently in your relationship.

1. Pay attention. Part of being together is remembering to be “aware” of your partner. You are in each others lives and you need to acknowledge that paying attention to your partner shouldn’t only happen when something has gone sideways. It’s time for you to really BE in your partner’s life. Notice things. Notice when a family member needs a word of praise instead of another problem to fix. Look for the good. Catch them doing something right and show your love and affection in words and deeds. Be inspired by the wonderful things you share. Enthusiasm for your relationship is contagious.

2. Demonstrate your sensitivity. Remember to keep special days and anniversaries in your family at the top your list. Send a special card to to surprise your partner – not an e-mail or text… U.S. Post Office delivered. Put a “Love” stamp on it. Listen attentively when your partner is speaking. No distractions… it’s your “partner” speaking. Be a sensitive and committed listener. Be sensitive to your partner’s needs – even if you don’t understand. Part of being sensitive is to allow your partner to fully express their feelings without judgement and sometimes without any response but a warm and tender hug.

3. Plan PlayDates. Take the lead and offer some ideas – even if you are always the one to do this. Once you’ve had a great time together, talk about doing this more often and let your partner know that next time is their time to shine. Having a social life together and taking care of yourself aren’t mutually exclusive. Activities together bring the best kind of balance to your crazy awesome life. PlayDates can breathe some energy into your relationship. Believe the magic you share. Have more fun. Fun is about spontaneity. Fun finds us when it wants to and our job is to be ready for it. The couples that play together, stay together.

“To be able to row with the flow, you must be fully present in the current moment. When you are replaying the past in your head or projecting a possible future in your mind, you cannot fully experience what’s going on right here and right now.” – Steven Lane Taylor

4. Be completely present. Leo Babauta once said, “If you are completely present, external forces are no longer a problem, because there is only you and that external force, in this moment, and not a million other things you need to worry about.” Social media and other digital distractions don’t interrupt us if we close them out and learn to pour ourselves completely into the present task of being present in our relationship. It becomes more a mode of being rather than a task on your to-do or someday list. Relationships should be worked on “all the time,” not only when they are broken and need to be fixed. The practice of noticing more is how we get more present and mindful.

5. Have meaningful conversations. Some of the couples I have coached have shared that they only seem to talk about things that need their attention. Your relationship demands your attention and the best way to give it is to converse. Actually speak to each other. A kiss or a hug from your partner when you come home can help change a bad day to something better. When your partner comes home, give him/her at least 30 minutes to adjust from the days work to being home. After that quick time lapse you might ask, “What’s the best thing that happened to you today?” You might be surprised at the answer, and at least you are talking. Have no withheld communication. Ask each other questions to learn more about each other. Question the answers. “Tell me something about you that I don’t know?” The only questions that really matter are the ones you ask each other. Stop talking about things that don’t matter. Express your hopes and dreams. Learn to talk about anything and everything – that is relevant to your relationship – all the time, in the most loving way possible. Talk. Listen. Talk. Listen.

6. Healthy is beautiful. Get your fitness buzz on together. Take a hike. Eat nutritious food. Work out, together. Live at full volume. Throw a party. Less sugar. More fruit. Less meat. More vegetables. Less soda. More water. Less driving. More walking. Less worry. More sleep. Less words. More action. Healthy is the new beauty. Be active. … And travel the “healthy is beautiful” road together.

“Losing weight doesn’t start with diet or exercise. It starts with believing that you deserve to be healthy.” ~ Dr. Phil McGraw

7. Upgrade your naughty. Be intimate often. When you were new lovers, you talked a lot and sex was easy. Introduce some new sexy to your intimacy. It will help you to never be bored in bed. Say (out loud) what you like and what you would rather not do. Flirt. Phone sex can be fun, too. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you. Open a dialogue about what really turns the both of you on but do not do it while you are in the middle of making Love. Talk. Listen, etc. Have morning sex. “That’ll get your day started!!” Light some candles. Get tangled up together. Take turns giving each other a warm luxurious massage. Silliness is a great way to be vulnerable with one another. That silliness communicates intimacy and closeness. Physical agility can be helpful too, but emotional flexibility will really improve your sex life. The longer you and your partner are together, the more you need options. Agree to have an occasional quickie every now and then.

“Upping the kink factor in your relationship can actually be a great way for those of us who are more vanilla to break out of shells and experiment with something new. It can also be a way of feeling closer to our partner.” ~ Author Unknown

calvin-hobbes-motivation8. Laff a lot. Wear your best smile. It looks good on you. Smiling communicates a feeling of well being and it is also contagious. Wearing a genuine smile will truly capture your partner’s attention. Express your sense of humor. Laugh together. One couple I coached told me that the make it a point to tell each other a joke everyday – her one day, him the next. When you laugh together, no matter what is going on, things just seem a little less troublesome. People who laugh a lot are much healthier than those who don’t. Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones, and strengthens the immune system. It elevates your mood. Laugh a lot, and when you’re older, all your wrinkles will be in the right places. 😉

9. Show off your best self. Be your best self. Be glamourous. Be kind. Be happy – it’s a choice, you know. Looking your best self means figuring out what’s attractive about you and and choosing to show that side to your partner and the world. When you look great, you feel great. Improve your posture. Stand erect. Don’t slouch. Wear clothes that fit. Take care of your skin. No matter what you’re wearing, if your skin looks dull and dry you won’t be showing the world your best self. Be aware of how you are being.

10. Be good at being different. Different is good so don’t try so hard to fit in. Forge your own path. If you follow the crowd, you disappear in it. Go for goose bumps. Trying something new and exciting on a regular basis goes a long way in breaking the monotony and turning the heat back up in your relationship. Explore your differences and search for more things that you and your partner have in common. Common ground can be found in music, sports or a passion for what is new and trendy or very traditional. Often you need to meet in the middle. Do something with your partner that you would rather not do. For example, if he likes to go fishing and you don’t, make a deal with him. You will go fishing with him and next time he will do something that you like to do and he doesn’t. The point is being together… together.

Just going through the motions on autopilot quickly zaps the energy and joy out of relationships. Follow these rebooting ideas and they will take your relationship from Ho-Hum To Woo-HOO!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Monday, December 27, 2010

So. . . What’s on Your Plate for Next Year?

Filed under: Relationship Goals,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Since no one can guarantee that any of us will be here by the end of next year, why not create a “short-term” bucket list?

tickingThat’s right! A one-year bucket list. Just 12 goals; one for each month. So. . . what if you only had 1 year to accomplish 12 reachable goals that would forward the action of your relationship? Think you could do it? I know you can. Make each goal something you really want to do. Begin little and once you have accomplished smaller goals you can set your sight on larger ones.

I’m not talking about resolutions. It seems that resolutions are made to be broken. I’m not talking about a wish list. I’m talking about 12 short-term goals that you can take a stand for. Once you commitment them to paper, you keep your word by doing them. You only have to focus like a laser-light on one month at a time and you have a full month to accomplish each goal.

You may want to ask a close friend to help you stay on target. It’s even better if you and a friend can commit to each making a list. You don’t have to share your lists. Just let them know that it’s okay for them to ask about your monthly progress.

What are you hankering for your relationship next year? Think! Break some new ground. Gaze into the future. Use your brain power to imagine. You deserve the best. What would this next year look like? Name it and claim it! Begin your list today!

First of all, you have to have a good reason to accomplish each goal. Clarify! Know the purpose behind the promise you make to yourself to do it.

“Once you clarify your purpose for doing something, the way to do it becomes clear.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

steering-by-starlightDescriptive words will help you clarify your purpose. Martha Beck, author of “Steering by Starlight: Find Your Right Life, No Matter What!,” says, “Use adjectives to define your objectives. Words like, relaxed, joyful, secure, loved, rejuventated, emotionally energized, focused, delighted, healthly, fit, and replentished will help you translate holistic, right brain sensations into specific, left brain words. Focus on anything that can be described with your adjectives.”

size14+cartoonFor example, you may want to lose weight. Forget diets. Just eat less. I know. It’s not quite that simple and if you eat less, that’s a good start. Can you promise yourself to lose one pound per month? That’s 12 pounds for the year. Ask yourself, “Is this possible?” Of course it is. Beck adds, “If your goal is to lose 12 pounds – a noun-verb goal – and your adjectives are strong, confident and healthy, you might realize that your actual goal is to get fit.” Add “Join a weight loss center” to your list.

If you haven’t taken the time to read a good non-fiction book for a long time, your adjective might be to be better “educated” about __(fill in the blank)__! A relationship book might be a good idea. 😉 Next, head for the book store.

“The man (or woman) who does not read good books has no advantage over the man (or woman) who can’t read them.” ~ Mark Twain

If your adjective is to be relaxed, put “get a massage” on your list. If it’s to be “creative,” sign up for a class that will encourage you to step out of your “limited thinking” box to do something you haven’t done before. If it’s to be more “loving” to your partner, put “schedule a week-end get-away” on your list.

Design a blueprint for each month for a full year. Tweet it now and then. You may change your mind. Are there any old habits you are clinging to that zap your energy and keep you from working on your most passionate desires? Be flexible. Re-evaluate. If something else becomes more of a priority, either change your list or add it to a month where you have already achieved your goal.

“When you fail to hit the target. . . it is never the target’s fault!” ~ Larry Winget

What can you learn from what you did get done? What new strengths and skills did you learn? Working together on mutually beneficial relationship goals can help you fit the pieces of the relationship puzzle together in a healthy way.

When the year has ended and you have attained every monthly goal. . . go celebrate!

Scrape all your excuses and get started. Next. . . say, “Farewell to CAN’T!” Now, get moving! Full speed ahead!

BONUS Article:Relationship Bucket List

If you insist on making New Year’s Resolutions, you must read: “10 Ways To Make New Years Resolutions Stick” by Larry Winget

heartpuzzle

Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Relationship Bucket List

Filed under: Relationship Goals,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

A “relationship bucket list” requires that you focus on your relationship; that you come up with a list of things that you would like to do together. Everyone’s list is different and unique.

bucketlistUnlike the movie, “The Bucket List,” staring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman you will not be making the list because you (or your relationship) is about the kick the bucket. In the movie, two terminally ill cancer patients, they take back control of their lives by creating a list of things they wish to accomplish before they pass. Among their last aspirations are laughing until you cry, visiting Stonehenge, and kissing the most beautiful girl in the World.

Using your creativity to put together a bucket list shows you and your partner that priorities are important to you. Your list is not a “kick-the-bucket list!” Writing a joint bucket list will help you feel more connected to your partner. You will feel the anticipation and excitement build as you build your bucket list together. Get out of your comfort zone. Push your thinking to the limits but place no limitations on your list.

Don’t just put whatever you both want on your list; put it in your life! Be your partner’s support system. Encouragement helps.

“Having a partner to do the bucket list with you is an absolutely amazing way to strengthen a bond, forging what could be a life long friendship. Not only will you share the experience of persevering and meeting your goals, but you’ll gain some great memories in the process. The number one most important thing about having an accomplice join you on your bucket list adventures is that you’ll have something to look forward to together. The reason why having a mutual bucket list, aside from your own personal bucket list is important is quite fundamental. When you share a mutual goal, your daily conversations will be geared toward the future goal, and toward the current steps necessary to accomplish this goal.” ~ Alex Shalman

Jot down all the activities you would like to do with your partner, whether they are immediately possible or not. Items on your list can be adventurous, weird, funny, sexual, emotional, physical, normal, not so normal, something new, or just about anything. Remember that you’re a team. . . you do this together. The bigger things on your bucket list, such as a trip to Italy, purchasing a Rolls Royce, or gambling at Monte Carlo, Monaco, give you a goal to work toward. Start a special savings account for the big things on your list.

You will most likely be surprised at some of the things your partner may suggest. Building the list together will open the door for some great discussion about your relationship and the things you both might like to do together.

Here are a few ideas to get the juices flowing:

• Go skinny dipping
• Watch the sunrise or sunset in your favorite part of the world
• Take dance lessons
• Go deep sea fishing
• Take cooking lessons together
• Go scubba diving in Bora Bora
• Volunteer to teach a class at a Community College
• Go on an African safari
• Have a summer fling (with your partner, of course)
• Charter a yacht for 2 weeks in the Carribbean
• Sing a duet at a karaoke bar – Have someone video it
• Begin keeping a journal
heartfuse• Book an airline to somewhere special and join the Mile-high club 😉
• Stay overnight at a castle in France
• Renew your Wedding Vows in a Hot Air Balloon
• Do something that you both have been afraid to do
• Have photos taken at Stonehenge
• Call or tell someone everyday that you love them
• Take a special tip to where there is snow and build a snowman
• Run with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain
• Make a phone call to someone you haven’t talked with for years
• Meet a famous celebrity. . . someone you both would like to meet
• Take belly dancing lessons
• Write your memoir
• Write a letter to each of your children telling them what you want them to know about your life and the lessons you’ve learned
• Pay to take a spin around the track at the Indy 500
• Call in “well.” Take the day off for no reason and be spontaneous
• Go to your favorite mall and randomly give out $100 worth of $1 bills
• Learn how to play the piano
bucketlist1• Go white water rafting
• Visit all 50 of the United States
• Plan a voodoo pilgrimage in New Orleans or Haiti
• Eat a food that you have been afraid to try
• Spend all day in the library reading
• French kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower
• Visit Las Vegas and pays some big bucks to see a special show
• Travel to the far north and see the aurora borealis
• Take an overnight train ride
• Hike the rain forest (with a guide, of course)
• Take a 2 week cruise
• Pay off all your debts – Cut up all your credit cards
• Take a foreign language – Russian, Mandarin, Arabic, Spanish
• Go rafting in the Grand Canyon
• Go to a political rally for a party other than your own
• Swim with Dolphins (not the Miami Dolphins)
• Visit Time Square on New Years Eve
• Have a picnic under a tree and watch the squirrels
• Read the Bible (the entire Bible)
• Agree to share with the housework
• Take a ride in a helicopter over the Grand Canyon
• Visit a farm and milk a cow
• Attend the Super Bowl, the World Series or the Kentucky Derby
• Make a list of 52 books you want to read and begin to read one book per week

“In my whole life, I have known no wise people (over a broad subject matter area) who didn’t read all the time — none, zero.” – Charlie Munger, Investment Manager and Philanthropist (Net worth: $1.7 billion USD)

• Visit a comedy club
• Get oiled up and give each othe a massage
• Mend a burnt bridge
• Join a health club and actually go there at least once a week
• Dine out at a restaurant you can’t afford
• Attend a weekend retreat together with a relationship expert

Don’t stop making your list. Cross things off as you accomplish them together, and always be adding something new. It’s exciting to have something to look forward to. Having a bucket list ensures your relationship will not “kick the bucket.” Agree to review your bucket list at least once each week.

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” ~ Zig Ziglar

heartsballoonsAs you cross things off your list, you can look back and say “I lived life, I did things I wanted to do with my partner, we accomplished something together, we enjoyed the ride!”

A relationionship “bucket list” will definitely improve your marriage! Why? It helps you stay focused on each other. Communication will improve and more. What is on your relationship bucket list?

Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Correct Carrot

Filed under: Goals,Relationship Goals,Relationships — Larry James @ 8:00 am
Tags: ,

relationshipgoalsWhat is your relationship carrot (or goal)?

What dangles in front of you that keeps you moving forward? What is important to you? To your partner?

If you have no good reasons for being together, then the relationship will not work. Spend some time together talking about what is important to both of you.

Set some mutual relationship goals. Commit these ideas to paper. Undefined goals are unreachable. Goals allow you to control the direction of change in your relationship.

To follow a relationship path without knowing where it leads is a mistake.

smileyheart

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Saturday, August 22, 2009

Push the Envelope

Develop a mutual incentive that will assist you in motivating each other to be the best you can be. Be inventive in providing the kind of reward that can be your inspiration to continue the process. Never stop. NEVER!

Have the incentive be bigger than you can imagine and something you can both be excited about, something that will call forth the extra effort required to get you both back in the groove.

How about a romantic getaway in the mountains for a long weekend? Use your imagination.

Mutual agreement is important. Mutually agree that you will do something exciting together when you can both agree that your new relationship has reached a higher plateau.

It is important to understand that a marriage partnership is never 50/50. Relationships seldom feel easy, however, a relationship is less of a struggle when two people agree to do whatever it takes to make it work.

Whatever it takes doesn’t mean “giving it your best shot and if it doesn’t work, you move on.” It means doing whatever it takes.

Try 100/100. That works much better.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Author and Speakers BLOG” at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com

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