Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Friday, July 10, 2015

Hope is Not a Strategy

Filed under: Relationship Detox,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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It annoys me to hear someone say, “I sure hope it works out,” or “I’ll give it my best shot,” especially if you are talking about a relationship. Stepping into marriage hoping everything works out is a colossal first step in the wrong direction.

REL-HopeHope is not a strategy! However, hope is a critical part of “achieving a strategy” when based on what is possible. Hope is the belief that something is possible and probable, and the recognition that the degree of each is not necessarily equal. And it’s where you start.

Hope is something we all should have, but remember, hope alone will not bring change. Change is not a destination, just as hope is not a strategy. Hope is a motivation and a key to relationship success when it is accompanied by will-power and careful planning. Hope is a good thing. Embrace it, but never use it as a strategy.

“Whether you are a leading your own life, or leading others, you must have faith, or intuition, or the ability to tap into that which does not yet exist. Intuition and faith provide the vision that guides us into the unknown, and the ambiguous, with courage.” ~ Carol Bysiek

Personal growth in your relationship does not come without a proper plan. Growth comes with a strategy. However, hope is not a good strategy. Hope is critical to a strategy. Inspirational partners understand one thing: that without hope there is no strategy. Doing everything possible to make – whatever you’re working on – work is what’s important. That’s a strategy. It’s called working together. It also means doing unto your partner as we would have them do unto us – to coin a phrase. 😉

Purge your brain of all the angry, negative, cynical, defeatist crap and learn some new things to do to make your relationship be great. Do something new. Be extraordinary at it. Demonstrate Love to your partner… don’t just say it. Anything is better than the same old rut and getting the same old responses. Is there enough energy left in the relationship to give you the fuel you need to recommit to working on a workable strategy? Couples who are good communicators stay with one issue at a time and talk about what they need from each other in the present.

When you are totally committed to making your relationship work, know that relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed. Most issues can be fixed with a bit of effort from both partners.

If you find your relationship to be a bit bumpy, it’s time to pause, reflect and begin again. Prioritize your relationship goals. Healthy couples are able to work well together in good and bad times and support one another through it all. Relationships must have trust, respect, loyalty, honesty, good communications, and commitment. Start there.

Try to imagine your life without your partner. What would you regret more: leaving them or staying with them? If you don’t like that idea, you have some work to do.

What is your relationship strategy? Are you hoping it all works out? If so, are you ready to get to work on some new strategies?

BONUS Article: Detoxify Your Relationships

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Monday, March 16, 2015

Detoxify Your Relationships

Many years ago I went on a special cleansing diet for about 6 days so I could become more sensitized to all aspects of my life. For awhile, I had do give up some of the things that were causing me to feel sluggish, etc. The hardest part was identifying and then breaking free of the belief systems and social programming that I had absorbed over my lifetime in order to reveal my true authentic self. I was overeating and my junk food consumption was at an all time high. It was time to detox my body!

The first 4 days were the hardest. I had headaches from withdrawal from caffeine. However after the 6th day and beyond, I began to make better choices because I felt terrific. I gave up those things that I recognized that were hurting my body, mind and spirit.

RELdetoxBefore you try to detoxify your relationships, be sure to take a good look at yourself. Typically, once you detoxify your relationship with yourself, you will be able to evaluate your other relationships with ease.

Every relationship goes through ups and downs, however, if your partner is always putting you down, criticizing and making fun of you in front of your friends, perhaps a relationship detox is in order or the extreme… a fresh start!

Re-examine your relationship! Dump any destructive drama that’s going on in your life. Do you fight, make up, then fight again? Do you feel “not listened to?” You think those kind of people are your friends, but most don’t actually exude any qualities of a true friendship. If you feel stuck, worn down and unsupported or you wonder why your best friend isn’t the person you can count on when you need support, you may be in a toxic relationship.

You deserve someone who will demonstrate their love for you; someone who is honest and trustworthy.

Here are the seven secrets Dr. Brenda Wade, Psychologist and author, has taught to thousands of people. Use them to start ridding yourself of old, toxic habits and begin to replace them with new, healthy patterns.

7 Secrets to Detoxify Your Relationships

1. Respect ~ This is where we begin and end in any healthy relationship. The 7 Secrets actually spell out the word “respect.” This is one of the most important tools I teach. I’m giving it to you here because along with Dr. Oz, I am committed to your health and well-being, and relationships are a cornerstone of both.

2. Extend ~ Become a better person by upgrading your listening and expressing skills. It’s never too late to learn how to make your relationships better.

3. Solid ~ Step on solid ground by remembering the good times you’ve shared and the special qualities you both have. Focus on the solid foundation you’ve built. What we focus on expands and becomes stronger.

4. Peace ~ This means letting go and forgiving. Once you’ve communicated and solved an issue, bury it and don’t dig it up again.

5. Expect ~ Use the power of expectation to set clear positive goals in your relationship and expect to reach them. Practice seeing your goal already completed with your inner eye. This exercise pulls you forward toward the goal.

6. Communicate ~ There are three parts to healthy, non-toxic communication. Express feelings as opposed to blaming. Use, “I feel” instead of “You never” or “It’s your fault.” Make a request. Ask for what you would like or need without guilt tripping or manipulating. Listen deeply.

7. Tops ~ Top it off by showing extra acts of acceptance, kindness and loving support.

There is no easy way to detox our relationships. Because it isn’t a matter of neutralizing a toxic person, but disengaging from a toxic bond. Letting go might be another word for it. If you really want to stop them from upsetting you, you need to take charge. Sometimes you know a relationship or friendship isn’t working, but you’ve invested so much time and effort you just keep it going. If the relationship is depleting to you, it might be wise to create boundaries to maintain your sense of self-worth or begin to distance yourself from the one who is.

You have choices and you get to decide what is and what isn’t acceptable treatment from the people in your life. If it’s not okay, do something about it. Don’t wait for them to change first. That isn’t likely to happen.

BONUS Articles: Relationship Detox
Detox Your Relationships

Larry’s NOTE: The 7 Secrets to Detoxify Your Relationships (above) is copyrighted by Dr. Brenda Wade!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

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