Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Don’t Blink!

Life is short… don’t blink! Your life can change in an instant!

I would like to call attention to those people who – intentionally or not – flat out don’t pay close enough attention to their relationship. They let things slide past them as if their partner were not even in the room. Often a moment’s inattention can cause a lasting resentment from your partner. Guys… just remember, when you are ignoring her, you are teaching her to live without you.

REL-DontBLINK“We can choose to connect to those around us, or we can choose to close ourselves off. Some days we may not feel like reaching out to others, but on days when we can, you never know just what may come of it.” ~ Angie Aker

“It all started out perfectly. We were so in Love, but somewhere along the way the Love ran out!”

How sad to be together and know that some of the best days of your lives haven’t happened yet… and you are not paying attention to your relationship. Perhaps it’s time to stand up for something bigger than you both – your relationship – and make it a priority again. Talk. Communicate. When you have a problem, not communicating with your partner about it sends a message of its own. They get to make up what they think the non-spoken messages convey. So, how can couples divorce-proof their marriages? Sixty-five percent of experts agree the most effective way is by improving communication, followed by decreasing negativity/criticism.

You shouldn’t have to do it alone! One cannot do the work that is required of two. Together you are a team and you must work together if your relationship will survive. It’s important to stay connected. That takes some effort on both sides. Everyone’s adventure together is different. Love is what love is! To everyone it expresses itself differently, and it shouldn’t be a struggle.

How does your relationship feel? Feeling new and alive comes from the inside. It’s time to get back to the life you once loved. If the relationship you are in doesn’t feel like there is a lot of love showing up, it’s time to begin demonstrating a higher commitment to finding that love again. It is difficult to feel good about yourself, when you know you are letting your love partner down by not giving yourself your full attention. You take care of you – your partner does the same. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to pay attention to the overall relationship unless you both know how to focus attention on yourselves first. Two broken people can’t fix each other.

“Why isn’t Love enough? Why isn’t romantic love, followed by commitment or marital vows, able to keep us connected for a lifetime? The answer is “falling in love” or “being in love,” though a powerful emotion, is passive. Our culture naively teaches us to believe the feelings of love will never change. We don’t learn how to actively nurture and grow the emotion of love over our lifetimes.” ~ Bob Hollander, JD, LCSW-C and Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD

doNOTblinkRe-examine your relationship! Dump any destructive drama that’s going on in your life. Do you fight, make up, then fight again? Do you feel “not listened to?” You think those kind of people are your friends, but most don’t actually exude any qualities of a true friendship. If you feel stuck, worn down and unsupported or you wonder why your best friend isn’t the person you can count on when you need support, you may be in a toxic relationship.

Begin today to look into the future. Imagine – together – how your relationship can be if you recommit your love for one another and then “do” whatever must be done to have it be the way you imagined it. Love is much more than a basic human need. Power your passion with love. It’s time to reimagine your relationship! Imagination is a powerful thing, only if you use it.

Relationships can be awesome. For them to be awesome… they take work. They take paying close attention to them, nurturing them and expressing lots of love in many different ways.

Rediscover your passion for each other – you do remember the passion that once stirred your soul when you first met? When you fall in love with someone, the infatuation you both experience is exhilarating. You are elated. Everything is just dandy. You are doing the happy dance! You both are sure this will all help hold the relationship together. Power your passion with love. It begins with getting back to being friends again. As best you can, put your differences aside temporarily and do the things that friends do. Do romantic things for each other. This will energize your relationship. Get back to the Love!

NOTE: Some of the articles listed below may help get you started!

BONUS Article: Pay Attention to… Each Other!
Reboot Your Relationship With These 10 Ideas!
Love Yourself FIRST!
Friends and Lovers
Stay With It!
Top Ten Ways to Give Love
When You Stop Paying Attention to Your Marriage…
Everyday You Get to Start Over…
Let Love Change the Course of Your Life
“I Love You” – A to Z!
Got Answers? We’ve Got Questions!
Don’t Let Fear Shut You Down… Use it to Wake You Up!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Sunday, November 16, 2014

Me Time vs. We Time

Filed under: Putting Yourself FIRST!,Relationships — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , ,

“Craving alone time in a relationship is totally normal.” ~ David Wygant

I can attest that from my point of view, this is correct. The more positive the image that you have of yourself will keep you from being afraid of spending time being alone.

In a recent article, University of Michigan psychology professor Dr. Terri Orbuch explains how having “me time” can help strengthen the “we time” in a relationship. According to her study, which has followed more than 370 couples for over 25 years, 11.5% of partners cite lack of privacy, or “me time,” as causing unhappiness.

PuttingYOUfirstOrbuch believes that time alone is critical to successful relationships. This time allows a person to pursue activities that they enjoy without worrying about their partner’s reaction. It is also essential for people to have time to think through issues, process emotions, and just relax without being obligated to someone else.

Learning a new hobby or honing a special skill can be empowering and build self-esteem. These new skills can be brought into the relationship and shared, which will strengthen and broaden the relationship. Orbuch cautions that alone time should not be used as an escape from your relationship, but rather a way to expand interests. She also stresses that alone time should be enjoyed. If you are spending an afternoon at the beach with a good book feeling guilty about the dishes in the sink and the dinner you didn’t make, it kind of kills the mood.

Also, it is essential that you be honest with your partner. Let him or her know where you went and what you did. Being independent does not mean you have to be deceptive. Having a little time to yourself can make you more available to your partner in the short run and diversify and deepen your relationship in the long run.

As a relationship coach, my experience has been that we need both we time and me time. The opportunity for men and women to recharge their batteries, hang out with their friends and just have time to be themselves – is critical. It’s important to to occasionally seek a break from your partner. You do this by making yourself a high priority.

Remember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: human beings must meet their basic needs before they can move on to higher-level goals. Studies suggest that not taking care of ourselves is unhealthy for those who depend upon us. Taking care of yourself will make you a better parent and partner. You’ll be more fun to be around and more responsive to your family when you take care of yourself.

“Try to find at least half an hour to an hour every day for you. It doesn’t have to be all at once. And before you decide what you’re going to do with the time you’re building into your schedule, promise yourself that you won’t waste it.” ~ Gina Shaw

If a half an hour seems like too much, begin with 5 to 10 minutes. Notice the difference it makes. Work at increasing the time you spend with yourself.

In a world that is so frenetic and fast-paced, we all need an occasional breather – it’s called alone time or “me time.” It’s not easy given the stresses of our daily lives, but if you seek a better relationship with your partner, perhaps it’s time to give yourself a break. Not doing so hinders your chances of self-realization and fulfillment. I believe it is your responsibility or duty to do so. Be someone that makes you happy and schedules happy things for you to do. It is so important to take care of your own health and peace of mind first. If you won’t… who will?

It’s time to put yourself on your priority list!

“Finding as little as 15-30 minutes a day of uninterrupted, relaxing “me” time is challenging at best. But we all instinctively know that when we take time for ourselves to pursue our passions, do the things that we enjoy, relax or even do nothing at all, we end up happier, healthier and feeling better. “Me” time allows us to de-stress, unwind and rejuvenate. Taking time for yourself allows you to renew, heal, and create reserves of energy and peace.” ~ Ellen G. Goldman

Larry’s NOTE: The references to the Dr. Orbuch study were originally published by GoodTherapy.org.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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