Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Monday, February 16, 2015

The Secret to Solving ALL Your Problems!

Filed under: Problems,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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I have experienced the pain of “not knowing!” Sometimes I think I must be the King of Anxiety! With anxiety, “self-doubt” surfaces. That’s when I am thankful for experience. My experience tells me that there is always something good in what I may perceive as bad. I am learning to not stay stuck in anxiety and self-doubt.

I have discovered that anxiety is my friend. It calls attention to the options I have open; to the new choices that are available to me.

SolveALLproblemsIf it weren’t for my commitment to always be the best I can be, I would sometimes rather die than have a concern about, “Now that I have momentum, can I really pull this off? Can I reach this next plateau? Do I have what it takes? Can I keep pace with the changes that are occurring?” I often wonder what life will be like when I reach my new objectives. . .that is, if I reach my objectives.

I hear this little voice say, “You never stayed with anything this great before, what makes you think you can hang in there this time?”

That’s when, without hesitation, I say to that little voice – and I stress “little” voice – “What do you know? You’re so busy being little, that you never have time to think about anything but discouraging words! How could you ever believe that I could do it when you, my little and no longer significant voice, never believed in yourself enough to ever imagine that there ever could be anything like an opportunity called ‘achievement’!”

Then I get to choose all over again. I choose to achieve! I choose to do what I’ve never done before! I choose to be with the pain of changing! The rewards are worth it! I know that what you can be with in life, lets you be!

I am convinced that I am bigger than my biggest problem! I never disguise problems as opportunities! Problems are problems. I acknowledge them and move on with great vigor to meet the opportunity the problems present! I rise to the occasion! I choose to think only about becoming; about becoming the best I can be!

Albert“Why?” “I’ll tell you why!”

Because of my commitment, I am who I am today and I’m the only one who knows that today is much better than yesterday. Living right now, experiencing the moment, being in the present is what fires my soul! I’ve tasted success, albeit in small bites. You don’t have to have a big bite of something that good to know that you want more. Success is much more satisfying than failure! I will never, never quit. It’s a stand I would die for. I am who I am today because of yesterdays thoughts and actions and tomorrow I’ll be even better.

This kind of thinking inspires me! It gets my energy focused on my purpose again! It helps me feel younger, like a kid again. Kids have fun! I am having fun with life and life is having fun with me! I am being good to life and life is being good to me!

Now… “What was all this about the pain of ‘not knowing’?”

I am grateful for what I do know. I know that there is a truth that sets me free. I also know that truth never changes. It just is.

What’s the secret?

YOU are the voice! What you say goes. You are in charge here. Think and speak only of what you want. Your past is before you. It is created individually by you today. You alone have the choice to make it one you can live with!

If you think you have to have an answer to all of your problems, ask yourself, “What if this IS the answer?”

Truth is truth, no matter who believes it!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

How to Get Unstuck From Any Problem

There is a lesson in every problem. Problems are not to break us; they are there to make us strong. Look for them and learn from them.

A lot of us stay stuck in the problem and ask ourselves, “Why me?” Asking, “Why me?” is a waste of time! Get rid of the “why” question. It only makes you defend your position. Defending a position that got us in the problem in the first place doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.

GetUnStuckOur first knee-jerk reaction is usually to ask why. Don’t ask why, ask how. Asking how we can solve the problem works better. Immediately asking how has us begin to seek information that will assist us in solving the problem. Asking how creates forward motion. The why of something lives in the past. The how of something is now.

It is infinitely more wise to experience problems as those situations which lure you on to self-discovery than to be stopped by the unpleasantness of the circumstances and be shut down to the possibilities the problem presents. There are no accidents. Problems occur for a reason. It is sometimes difficult to find the good in what appears to be all bad. There are important lessons to be learned in every circumstance. Remember, problems by design are repetitive. They come back if you don’t learn from them and do something to prevent their reoccurrence.

Many people go into denial when a problem occurs. They think that if they pretend it isn’t there, it will go away. Do problems go away? No! Problems only go away when you invent solutions and then take specific actions intended to move you through the problem.

Four Steps to Getting Unstuck From Problems

Step one ~ Acknowledge you have a problem

Step two ~ Ask yourself, “What am I committed to that has this be a problem?” If you determine that there is a commitment that the problem is getting in the way of, you know you have a problem.

Step three ~ Study your options. Look at all of the possibilities. Consider many solutions not just one. Do this quickly.

Step four ~ Do something that is consistent with your commitment. Focus on the solution.

One of the smartest things you can do when a problem occurs is to first acknowledge that it happened. Say to yourself, “I have a problem. The problem is. . .” and state the problem. Sounds so simple, yet many of us refuse to acknowledge our problems and in doing so, we subconsciously hold onto the problem.

Next, examine what you are committed to that has it be a problem. This is the second step. This step is the test to determine if it really is a problem. If there is no commitment, there is no problem.

Step number three is to study your options. Look at all of the possibilities. Don’t just look for an answer; look for many answers. Pick one that will work.

Finally, the fourth and most important step is to do something that is consistent with your commitment.

“We need to get over the questions that focus on the past and on the pain – ‘Why did this happen to me?’ – and ask instead the question which opens doors to the future: ‘Now that this has happened, what shall I do about it?'” ~ Rabbi Harold Kushner

In other words, focus on a solution right now. Not later, when you feel like it. By then the problem will dominate your thinking and you will never feel like facing it. Not later, after you have told everyone in the world about your problem, but right now. Your partner or friends would probably have a different feeling about you if you would wait and tell them about this wonderful problem you had and then tell them how you handled it! The mind that has the ability to notice problems and to look at what your commitments are also has the ability to create a solution to your problems. Joyce Hifler said, “Thrashing around in your mind does about as much good as trying to empty an ocean with a paper cup. Quiet your mind and solutions will come.”

stressOVER2Let’s say that you have a flat tire on the way to an important meeting. Most of us would call a flat tire a problem. Kick the tire if it will make you feel better, and immediately acknowledge that you have a problem. What is your commitment that has a flat tire be a problem? It could be that you are committed to keeping your word about being on time. Or it could be that you are committed to not getting your hands dirty. Regardless of the commitment, the quicker you begin to work on a solution, the better off you will be. Study your options. Get on your cellular phone or walk to a pay phone and call to let your appointment know you will be running a little late. Reschedule if you must, but get started on fixing the problem. Next, get the tire fixed. Call AAA. Whatever. Don’t anguish over it, do something about it.

Doing something brings possibility to the situation. You can’t expect the situation to present the possibility, although the situation can, with a high degree of reliability, point in the direction of the solution. And you have to look for it. You create your own possibilities. You alone are responsible.

Refuse to allow the problem to affect you for very long. It won’t when you know the secret of how to get unstuck. Don’t get mad; be glad you have an opportunity to demonstrate who you are. Anger stops you in your tracks. Anger is natural when challenges come. Staying angry about a problem is not good for your mental health. Someone once said, “Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.”

You can’t think straight when you are angry. Allow a cooling off period before you delve into solving the problem. The Bible says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” When you lose your temper, you lose the ability to think sensibly and to make balanced decisions. Give up being angry. Being angry is a choice. Who you are, is someone that is bigger than the problem.

Learning to get unstuck from your problems with this four-step method could be one of the most important lessons you could learn from reading this blog. Use this method and it will help bring you peace of mind. Now that you have discovered a way to give yourself more time to focus on the things you want, doesn’t it make sense to implement the idea immediately? If you want to shorten your “bounce-back” time, do it now.

The fundamental design of a bright future must be to focus each day on the study of things what will shorten your “bounce-back” time. Let’s define “bounce-back” time as the amount of time it takes you to recover from a problem. Recovery is a process.

You can never solve all of your problems at once. Resolve only the things that demand your immediate attention. Tackle them now. You must set priorities on finding solutions to problems. First things first.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Monday, April 15, 2013

“One of us is wrong…

and it’s not me.”

conflictSeth Godin, Guest Author

That’s the way every single conflict begins. Of course it does, because if it didn’t, it wouldn’t be a conflict, would it?

So, given that the other person is sure you’re wrong, what are you going to do about it? Pointing out that they’re wrong doesn’t help, because now you’ve said the second thing in a row that your partner/customer/prospect/adversary doesn’t believe is true.

The thing that’s worth addressing has nothing much to do with the matter at hand, and everything to do with building credibility, attention and respect. Only then do you have a chance to educate and eventually persuade.

seth-godinWe cure disagreements by building a bridge of mutual respect first, a bridge that permits education or dialogue or learning. When you burn that bridge, you’ve ensured nothing but conflict.

Copyright © 2013 – Seth Godin. Seth Godin has written fourteen books that have been translated into more than thirty languages. Every one has been a bestseller. He writes about the post-industrial revolution, the way ideas spread, marketing, quitting, leadership and most of all, changing everything. Visit Seth’s Blog.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Troubles?

Filed under: Problems,Resolving Conflict — Larry James @ 1:18 am

The energy we give to our troubles by dwelling on them, saps us of the energy we need to find solutions for them.

troubleThey seem to linger longer the more we pay attention to them. Troubles feed on the energy we give them. Troubles deny us the opportunity that lies just past them.

Never ask why troubles come. Be grateful there are solutions.

We need to redirect our energy to a solution. This deflates the ego of troubles. Focus on the promise of a better tomorrow by acknowledging our troubles, then immediately get busy working on the discovery of workable solutions.

If we are to choose to make things work, we need to listen for answers. We cannot do this when we are immersed in the turmoil of confusion. It takes much energy to remain confused.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Saturday, July 23, 2011

Got Upsets?

Filed under: Accountability,Problems,Resolving Conflict — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Upsets create the wisdom necessary to grow in spite of the situation.

Upsets stimulates courage to face what’s next.

It is one thing to know there is a problem and it is quite another to not do anything about it. You must first acknowledge that a problem exists before it can be fixed. Part of the healing is to acknowledge that there are indeed problems that you may be responsible for. Knowing that is not enough. DOING something different is.

problems2Relationship problems are shared problems. To manage the complexity of a stormy relationship you must accept responsibility for your share of the problem. When you can do that, the problem is half solved. Not only will this change you, it will change your relationship with your partner.

Ideally, having a partner who understands the concept of team and the responsibility that goes with it contributes greatly to creating a greater attitude of team, which sheds light on solutions instead of keeping the focus on the problem.

True love allows for disagreements. Problems are not there to break you. They help make you a better partner; they help you grow. Acknowledging when you are wrong is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength.

problemsWhat you think about and speak about, you bring about. Want more of the problem? Keep thinking about the upset instead of seeking mutually beneficial solutions to it and refuse to change “YOUR” behavior. Rather than looking outside for the source of your problems, look inside for the source of your solutions.

When you dwell on the problem, a solution to it will not appear to you. There is usually more than one solution to every problem. Problems do not go away by themselves. People solve problems.

Obviously if you have a partner who is willing to work with you to get your relationship back on track. . . that’s ideal. But what do you do when your partner doesn’t acknowledge that there is a problem?

You must decide to focus your attention on working on you; getting back in touch with who you are. With a major behavior and attitude adjustment, you will begin to feel better about yourself and stop blaming your partner for the problem.

Remember, changing how you feel about your relationship, begins with changing how you think!

To have a problem be an experience of value, you must be attentive to the lesson the upset presents and be courageous enough to do whatever is necessary to avoid a future setback for the same reason.

HeartHandsCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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