Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Are You Available for Intimacy?

Intimacy is waaaay more than making Love or having sex! And… in my opinion, more important than making Love or having sex.

REL-IntimacyWhy? Because shared intimacy is the glue that can keep you together even when times are rough and will lead to a much stronger and healthier relationship. These expressions of Love are the single most important acts that keeps couples connected.

Intimacy are expressions of Love and can be expressed in many ways; from opening the door for your partner, sharing your ice cream cone to flirting with a wink.

“Another important point is that if you know you can actually sleep together but not “sleep together,” and still wake up happy, you will have a better shot at your relationship not being based solely on sex – but friendship.” ~ James Michael Sama

“Don’t allow emotional disconnection to last any longer than necessary. When you lose touch with your partner, reestablish it as soon as possible. If you’re staying emotionally disconnected to punish her or him, confess this without delay, regardless of how uncomfortable that may be.” ~ Robert Augustus Masters, PhD

You cannot be emotionally available and experience true intimacy if you are not willing to feel and experience the vulnerability that it brings. Many people are afraid of what they will feel if they truly put themselves out there and feel genuine intimacy and end up being vulnerable. I can promise you this: If you want a more intense and satisfying sexual relationship, allow yourself to be vulnerable and focus more on intimacy for awhile, not sex.

By the way, withholding sex as a way of getting more intimacy – expressions of Love – is never going to work.

“Being an unwilling sexual partner with your spouse. ~ When sexual intimacy is continually withheld from a spouse it can cause serious damage to a marriage. Sexual intimacy is not only a release valve for the pressures of the world; it is the single most important act that keeps couples connected both physically and emotionally. Making this an active part of your marriage can increase the joy and fulfillment of your relationship. There are times when you need to be understanding and patient. Sexual intimacy should never be forced, but rather a tender sharing by husband and wife. Be faithful in making this a joyful part of your marriage.” ~ Gary and Joy Lundberg

IntimacyRecently, a friend sent me the following list of things that he and his partner are committed to doing:

1. Bring home one small, unexpected gift or present.
2. Share some form of physical intimacy.
3. Share an entire afternoon or evening together.
4. Share two insights you gained this week.
5. Write at least one little love note.
6. Mail something to your partner.
7. Plan something special for the upcoming weekend.

BONUS Article: 7 Ways To Enhance The Intimacy In Your Relationship
7 Ways You’re Being Unfaithful to Your Spouse and Don’t Even Know It
Making Love vs. Having Sex!
Intimacy Quiz
Intimacy… It Can Mean Many Things

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Sunday, October 19, 2014

Making Love vs. Having Sex!

Filed under: Making Love,Relationships,Sex — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , ,

Come on… Do I really have to explain this to you?

It’s simple. Slow and easy vs. wham, bam, thank you, mam! Intentional vs. fast and furious! Loving vs. loveless! Sweet, tender lovemaking vs. a quickie! Planing vs. spontaneity! Got the point?

sexual_intimacy2Pay attention guys! Making love is about pleasing your partner FIRST! Very WRONG: The act of having sex without even bothering to try to get the woman to orgasm. Usually lasts for about ten seconds. For some guys… less that that. 😉

Having sex, even great sex, is not necessarily making love. It should never be a rushed experience. Men often tend to forget about foreplay. Foreplay begins with taking out the garbage without being asked! Foreplay means you don’t want to rush sex, you want to take your time and enjoy every bit of it. When there is no foreplay there is (obviously?) no desire in wanting to please each other, and that is a major difference between having sex and making love. It’s difficult for women to have the big “O” without being able to first connect with the person through foreplay.

And all the women said, “Amen!”

To quote Rachel Astarte: “One of the most beautiful aspects of human nature is our versatility.” There are many ways to express the love you feel for each other. Conversation is one way. In my coaching practice, I talk to a lot of couples who haven’t spent 5 minutes talking about making love… what they like and what they don’t like. Bad first move. Read some good books about physical intimacy or take a class or get some coaching. You may learn something.

In my view it is wrong if sexual desires are expressed as demands, followed by punishing rejection if the demands are not complied with. It’s okay to say, “No,” to something you do not want.

Making love is filled with emotions. It’s a act of expressing and showing the love you have for the person your sharing the experience with. It’s more of a deep connection, more tender and it involves the heart. Making love makes you want to please every part of your partner physically and emotionally. Making love is more meaningful and satisfying and there is more kissing and romantic touching. When couples have chemistry together… things can heat up quickly.

redhot

For more info, click the book cover!

It takes two to Tango, and so too does it take two to make love. Making love includes emotions, while sex is just the action. Anyone can have sex, but after a while… that may become more and more unromantic and even boring, especially if one partner is not getting what they want. We must all learn to transcend the self-interested desire for sexual satisfaction so that you and your partner’s goals are the mutual fulfillment of both’s wishes, expectations, needs, and the pleasure derived from sexual intimacy. Responding in kind to each loving touch, movement, word, kiss, sound, caress, look, etc., is what making love is all about. Express real care and concern for a partner’s happiness and well-being and you are on you way to making love.

I repeat, making love must be full of gentle caresses, tender kisses, terms of endearment, cuddles, loving looks and feelings of deep connectedness, leading up to, during and especially following close personal intimacy.

“Making Love without expecting anything in return by means of benevolence, kind words and deeds is what adds validity to sex and makes it more meaningful, which in turn adds to the longevity of your relationship, because sex alone is not adequate enough to sustain a good long-term relationship.” ~ Darryl Y. Barron

Having sex is more about pleasing yourself, however, there is nothing wrong with having sex or a quickie once in awhile as long as wonderful erotic excitement, intense pleasure and saturating satisfaction results and if both partner’s are in agreement.

Making love is fun and pleasure is good for you! It is only important if you both desire a deep emotional connection, affection and shared bond that can only develop between loving and caring partners.

BONUS Articles: Are You Making Love or Just Having Sex?
Reignite Your Interest in Making Love!
Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Friday, June 13, 2014

Reignite Your Interest in Making Love! (Not interested in enriching your sex life. DON’T READ THIS!)

Filed under: Making Love,Relationships,Sex — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , , ,

When was the last time you told your partner what you like when making love?

A recent survey by condom-maker Durex revealed that while 84 percent of couples admit their sex life would improve if they told their partner what they really wanted in bed, 14 percent of women never talk about it. How sad. If you’re like a lot of women, you’ve started to treat sex as though it’s optional. It’s not. In a lot of homes today, the sexual temperature feels more like the 50’s than the 70’s. Making love is another great way to Celebrate Love!

MakingLOVEMy friend, Claire Hatch, LICSW is a marriage counselor in Seattle. Here’s her advice: “A lot of guys tell me they are trying very hard to figure out how to please their wives, but the women just won’t talk. You might be a giver, who tends to everyone’s needs except your own. And sex feels like just one more way you take care of your husband.

So speak up a little. You know what you like. You know what your body needs. Maybe you think your husband isn’t interested in your needs. It’s possible. But maybe he just needs a little coaching.

I’m willing to bet you neglect your sensual needs outside the bedroom as well. That can put a damper on your desire. Ours is a very practical culture. We forget that care and feeding of our senses adds richness to our lives, whether it’s with food, wine, scents, massage, or the arts.”

It’s important to speak up! Whisper sexy words to your lover. When a move he makes, the way he kisses you, how fast or slow he’s going, makes you feel good, tell him. Whisper, “Moving like that drives me craaazzzy!” when his rhythm starts to send you over the edge, or “Your tongue rules!” when he reaches the right spot. If he’s thrusting too soft, don’t hesitate to throw out a “Harder! Harder!” Guide him with your words: “Your tongue feels great, ummm, good, right there!”

Put dinner on “hold.” Instead of coming home, fixing dinner and vegging out in front of the TV, relax together in bed. You may discover that you are both not as tired as you thought you were.

redhot

To order click the book cover!

sexyquoteSome evening after dinner, use your after-dinner coffee time or late-night glass of wine as a time to talk about that one thing your partner does that really turns you on when you make love. See where that can lead. Perhaps you can have each other for desert. Prolong your passion with conversation during your sexual encounters. Craft your relevant words to magnify the moment.

Delight in verbal foreplay. Talk about what you are doing, how it feels, whether you like it and what you need. Remember to listen too. Make a joyful noise. Scream. Moan. Sounds create excitement. Grind. Fondle. Toss and turn. Nuzzle. Lick. Cuddle. Kiss and suck. Discuss your needs. If your partner is driving you wild, let your passion show – better yet, say so. Silent sex is an insult. Great sex is founded on good communication.

Perhaps it’s time to give your mojo a major upgrade. Mojo Upgrade is an interactive sex questionnaire for couples to help them discover the fantasies that they might both enjoy together. The questionnaire only takes about 10 minutes per partner. It’s free, so get your partner, and get started. It takes two. Click here to begin.

BONUS Articles: Could This Be Why Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex? Guys! This article is for you!
How to Know Your Partner’s “Hot Buttons!”
Have Sex… Whether You Want to or Not!
Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Have Sex… Whether You Want to or Not!

Filed under: Making Love,Sex — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Kristy Sinsara, Guest Author

Everyone has great sex in the beginning, gay or straight but then life happens. And those sexy fun nights where you throw the mattress down in front of the fireplace and drink wine and watch your favorite movies and have wild, awesome, fun, amazing sex that you think would put porn stars to shame turns into reality and life and kids and demands and work and family and stress and “when could you possibly find the time” and besides “it’s the last thing on your mind.”

SexIsFunThe rule: do it anyway… even when you don’t feel like it. If you notice your sex life is starting to fall apart, put it on the schedule and make it happen!

First of all, there’s nothing quite as unfair as demanding your spouse be “monogamous” with you and expect them to only have sex with you but then you refuse to ever give it up, put out, say “yes.” I’m always amazed by these women that refuse to sleep with their husbands but then act completely victimized when their husbands cheat on them. Your husband was the victim first with your demands of monogamy and then refusal to be his partner in that area in life.

But life happens in all relationships. It’s not so fun and sexy being physically intimate with someone that just disappointed the shit out of you… but you have to work it out and make it happen! Tina and I went from having incredible sex to a definite lull in this department where it was as sporadic as “only on vacation”… and then we talked about why we stopped… and started scheduling it. Scheduling leads to wanting it more, which naturally leads to just getting back in the groove of doing it more consistently.

redhot

To order click the book cover!

And yes, we will literally say “this Friday is “date night”. No kids, we’re going to dinner, and then coming home and locking ourselves in our room all night. And that’s what we do… and you know what, we have NEVER been disappointed that we scheduled sex (LOL)… make it happen!

It also helps to be more open minded in this category. I don’t care who you are or to whom you are married, everyone wants a fun, crazy sex life. Be open about sex, talk about it. Have FUN! You shouldn’t always want to look each other in the eyes and whisper love poems… BOOOOORING!

Throw your spouse for a curve ball. Have the candles lit, wine poured, bath drawn, and get out the FUN! But remember, if you’re not having sex with your spouse, someone else will.

BONUS Articles: How to Know Your Partner’s “Hot Buttons!”
Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”
It’s Time to Get Serious About Sex! ~ Video

Copyright © 2014 – Kristy Sinsara. Kristy is an active Blogger on “Life is Beautiful.” Visit her blog at: http://www.kristysinsara.org/kristys-blogs-about-life.html. Read: “Top Ten Rules Every Marriage Should Live By… Gay Or Straight.”

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

How to Know Your Partner’s “Hot Buttons!”

Filed under: Communication,Making Love,Sex — Larry James @ 7:00 am

CAUTION: You are about to enter the “Bedroom Zone!” 😉

Couples often end up bemused and confused by a marriage that’s dimmed in sexual intensity or frequency. Perhaps it’s time for a frank, mature, and open discussion about sex and sexual issues.

CoupleSex is an important aspect of every marriage. Having sex is a lot easier than talking about it. Most everyone will agree about that, however in order to for you to share what turns you on with your partner, you MUST communicate your likes and dislikes in a playful and healthy way. Someone has to break the ice.

Sometimes a shared sense of nostalgia for what the two of you used to do can be enough to lead you down the path of talking about sex openly, says Kimberly A. Sharky, a certified sex therapist in Chicago. You could say, “Remember when we used to spend hours just kissing? I miss that.” Or, “I loved when you used to just grab me from behind; it made me feel so wanted” or, “Honey, I think this would really turn me on” Or, “How does this feel to you?” Muster up the courage to go first! You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

It’s not easy and it will make a huge difference in the quality of intimacy you have with your partner. It’s usually hard to bring up intimate subjects with those you care about. The key is to know that talking about sex is okay and really shouldn’t be considered a source of embarrassment or discomfort. Talking about it when you are making love is not the best time. You must start slow. It’s important for your partner to know that you’re pleased with your shared intimacy and because you are you want to make it even better by sharing.

RomanticCoupleObviously there’s a lot to talk about, but if possible start the discussion at a time when you are both feeling close. If you want to discuss some unresolved aspect of your sexual relationship or a disappointment or frustration, during sex is not a good time for the discussion. Bedtime is not a good time either. Find a time when you’re feeling happy, loose and confident. Think twice before you decide to hold back your sexual frustrations from your partner. Bottling up emotions around sex leads to severe depression, anxiety and often infidelity. Notice the small things that often leads to intimacy.

For example, you may want to begin by commenting on a sexy or romantic card that your partner sent. Tell your partner how it causes you to feel when held a little longer in a warm embrace or how it relaxes you when he takes the time to give your body a massage for no reason other than he wants to please. In other words, start slow and test the water – work up to what you want to say. This is a time for great respect. Talking down to your partner can quickly dampen the mood and end the conversation.

“If you can, try to express your desires as a positive turn-on rather than a negative turn-off. Instead of telling him, “You don’t know anything about foreplay or how to please a woman,” tell him that you had a sexy dream about him last night — trust me, he’ll want to know more — and then describe the foreplay you’d like as though it was something he was doing in your dream. ~ Ian Kerner, Sex Therapist

couple-in-bedIf your bedroom antics are stalled at the pass. . . be brave – start talking. It may save your relationship. Be open about what turns you on and off. Be clear about what you want. Never settle for “ho hum” sex. Have your time together be a “do more of this” conversation punctuated with a lot of words like, “I love it when you do… and I’d like us to also do…”

Another way to begin the conversation is to agree to write notes to each other what you’re feeling or what you’d like to try, rather than talking about it. Although remember this, eventually you need to discuss what you have each written.

Avoid placing blame and attacking. There is a fine line between criticizing your partner and asking them to stop when something they are doing doesn’t feel good or is something you would rather not do. If you are flat not in the mood, offer an intimacy “rain-check” so your partner will know it’s not them that is being personally rejected.

Never, I repeat, NEVER criticize your partner’s attempts at making love if you feel they are “not doing it right,” especially while making love.

redhot

To order click the book cover!

Do your best to drop your expectations about how your partner is in bed. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. When we don’t get what we expect, we get disappointed, frustrated, angry and sometimes worse. Instead focus and talk about what you want. Marriage without sex is a lonely feeling and can tear a couple apart.

Talking about your sex life isn’t something you check off a list once in your relationship – it must be an ongoing discussion. Think of it as a conversation that it is really about how to be supportive of each other and the relationship. Share your feelings honestly. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and authentic and in the end that kind of honest communication will result in greater support, understanding and connection with your partner.

Talk about sex. . . and listen carefully to your partner’s wants and desires. Perhaps it is what you need to keep the fire of love burning.

By the way, using “not tonight, I have a headache” is no longer a good excuse. Doctors agree that “bedroom bliss” – the very act itself – can often rid you of the headache you claim you have. It is good exercise and a great stress reliever.

May all your ups and downs be beneath the sheets! 😉 Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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