“In 2016 the number of states where same-sex marriages are legal will reach 32, plus the District of Columbia. The next year sexless marriages finally become illegal, making most married people lawbreakers!” ~ Bob Saget 😉
Come on. Where’s that sparkle you felt when you first came together? When you work together – I mean, “really” work together – those feelings can be resurrected. Do you sometimes wonder what happened to that randy, can’t-get-enough couple you used to be? You know, before the fatigue of everyday life set in and before the kids arrived. Back when you could have the week from hell and still strap on your dancing’ shoes and, after a great night out, have energy for sex. If you just sighed nostalgically, I get it.
If your partnership has been sexless for a while, the fire can be rekindled. It takes courage. It’s not easy, especially if the two of you really don’t talk about it anymore. Someone has to take the first step while they are still afraid. You have to be vulnerable and willing to be rejected. Sexual intimacy should be a big part of your marriage and your intimate conversations. It’s a time when you can let go and truly be “together,” sharing your love for one another.
If you’re interested in just getting back to some good ole fashion love making, these fifteen ideas will get you going in the right direction. Try adding one idea to your week for the next fifteen weeks! Share this article with your partner to get things started.
1. Become a couple with unwavering commitment to doing whatever it takes to make your overall relationship work. Remember, problems always show up in the bedroom. If you want great sex, never deny your partner the attention necessary to let them know they are loved, appreciated and respected. Relationships are something that must be worked on ALL THE TIME, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.
2. Have a passion for life’s sexual journey and for the processes required to go from boring to bliss in the bedroom. Be creative with your passion. Direct it toward your partner. Nurture it. Enjoy and revel in it.
3. Become dedicated to mutual pleasure for both you and your love partner. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you!
4. Learn to be intentionally spontaneous and open for the opportunity to make love when it presents itself; during a lunch break, in the back seat of your car or by arousing your partner from a deep sleep in the middle of the night.
5. Perfect the ability to communicate openly and honestly your most secret sexual desires and needs. Be responsible for your own sexual pleasure by asking for what you need or taking care of yourself.
6. Be willing to be a student of great sex; read about it, study it, practice it.
7. Be mature enough to exercise the discipline to stay in the moment when being sexually intimate. Never allow the cares of the day to distract you. Focus on giving pleasure to each other.
8. Be daring. . . experiment. Do things differently, try new positions, new places, love toys and more, in agreement with both partners, of course. Variety is the spice of a healthy sexual relationship. Be creative! To always make love the same old way is, in a word, BORING!!
9. Pay attention to personal hygiene. The first rule of making love is to present a body that is tastefully clean!
10. Cultivate the generosity to consider your love partner’s pleasure before your own, or the esprit de corps to decide whether you or your partner goes first or whether you reach orgasm together.
11. Have the keenness of mind to recognize the value of making love vs. only having sex. A “quickie” now and then is okay, however to only and always depend upon quickies for your sexual gratification is a form of “taking your partner for granted” and can only lead to resentment. Make time for the time that is needed to “make love.”
12. Synthesize the gusto to be energetic when making love and aware of the sensitivity it takes to passionately lay motionless together after engaging in sex. Enjoy foreplay, engagement and afterglow.
13. Be courageous enough to not always take yourselves so seriously; to laugh, to play and be playful and to experience whatever is sexually exciting and enjoyable.
14. Learn to negotiate win/win agreements and promises about how you will mutually care for your partner’s needs in the sexual arena.
15. Ask for the variety of pleasure you want and deserve. However, to force or coerce your partner to do something they do not want to do breeds discontent and is highly disrespectful. In this scenario, always take “No!” for the answer. Never be afraid to ask for what you want and always demonstrate the respect to honor your lover’s right to say no without consequence.
Practice including the keywords that are in bold in your sexual vocabulary with your partner and watch what happens!
Consider spending some time reading some of the following articles to help you get back on track!
BONUS Article: Are You Available for Intimacy?
Why Sex is Good for Your Health
Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”
It’s Time to Get Serious About Sex! ~ Video
Know What Turns You On
Copyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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