Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Never Quit When You Are Behind!

As some of you know I am known for dropping into an occasional fast food place to grab a bite and catch up on reading some of the mail and magazines that I never seem to have time to read in my office.

Recently I stopped into my favorite Burger King® (5355 North Northsight Blvd, in Scottsdale, AZ). There is this tall, good looking cashier who has waited on me many times before. Her name is Machelle. I often call her “Smiley.” She has a beautiful smile.

REL-NEVERquitThis time, she was standing on the customer side of the counter talking to an employee. I said, “Hi! I don’t usually see you on this side of the counter.” She smiled and I went on to gather napkins, pepper, etc., and went to a booth. When my order was called, I went to pick it up and she was still standing there.

I looked at her and said, “You are truly a beautiful woman. Have you ever thought about modeling?”

Her answer was supported by visible confidence as she said, “Yes! I’m going to do that!”

“Great! Do that!” I said as I turned to go back to my booth.

Here I go, thinking again; thinking about what just happened. She really was breath-taking, dressed in a white tank-top and blue jeans – tight blue jeans (Yes, I did notice that!) – that revealed the body of a genuinely beautiful woman. I thought I should go to her and say:

“I truly believe you have a great modeling career ahead of you. From my experience, many people who seek out new adventures, and when confronted by obstacles, often give up. They quit just before they were about to make it, beacuse their fear was bigger than the obstacles and they lost their way. Please don’t you ever do that. It is not okay to give up on your dream. Winners are not people who have never failed, they are people who never quit. Stay true to yourself,” but she left before I had a chance to stop thinking about it and just say it.

I thought: “Next time!” She will be behind the register waiting to take my order and I will tell her then. Or… I could give her a link to this article and let her discover how seeing her – not as a cashier – as a regular person inspired me to write about our encounter and in turn, inspire others to ‘never give up on their dream.’

Where there is will, there is a way. It is also smart to remember patience. Reaching our goals does not always go in a straight line. There are often many twists and turns to getting there. It is important to know that it doesn’t always turn out exactly the way we want it to.

I hate to say this for fear of being misunderstood, however it needs to be said. Another important step on the way to your dream is to give up your expectations. Focus instead on what you “need” – not what you expect – to get there and never waiver from that path. You will still have twists and turns and the path will lead you there when you never give up.

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. Expectations are predetermined resentments. When we don’t get what we expect, we often get disappointed which can lead to an upset: resentment, frustration, self-doubt, anger and in a few rare cases, a total shut down. Focusing on what you need will get you there, and with no expectations you are more open to your dream or something better than you dreamed of. There is no opportunity in unfulfilled expectations.

expectationsIt’s said that several people on “Dancing With the Stars” had dreams of being professional dancers and on their way to that, they discovered that their real talent was teaching others to dance or choreography.

“When your belief in the benefits of the goals you set is stronger than your fear and equal to your courage, you can have anything that you decide to have.” ~ Larry James

Important: Never limit your idea of what will be by what has been! Keep looking forward.

Many years ago, I was traveling back in North Carolina working with Don Hutson, W. Stephen Brown and other professional speakers and I set daily goals in the six weeks I was going to be in the Charlotte and Winston-Salem areas. If, by 5:00 p.m. – when most of the people I called on were ready for happy hour – if I hadn’t met my daily goal, I would keep finding someone else to call on until I did. There were many times when that “one more call” paid off big. I wouldn’t quit. Of the four other men I was working with, I was the top salesperson for the entire Winston-Salem event. Special recognition and a nice bonus were the rewards.

Networkers also sometimes have great expectations about building a network and reaping the reward of lots of business referrals, but those unfulfilled expectations get in their way. It is also smart to remember patience. The reward is no instant gratification wonder! It takes time and patience. Worth waiting for, I might add.

Learning along the way must be a high priority. Being willing to expand your knowledge about what you want the end result to be is a must. If you don’t have a clue about what the end result will look like, feel like, be like, how will you know when you get close to being there? Give up your expectations and be okay with what shows up.

Just don’t give up on your dream! AND… Never quit when you are behind!

Larry’s NOTE: I decided to give Machelle a link to this article. 😉

BONUS Articles: Expectancy vs. Expectations
No Purpose? No Goals!
If it Ain’t Broke… Fix it!
Networking How-to: Overcome Fear and Just Be Yourself
Networkers: Let’s be More Technical and Smart!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

So… What’s It Gonna Be?

“More of the same” is not an option for the New Year!

We are a few tick-tocks away from a brand new year. It’s time to take some time to think about if who you are is going to be any different this year. We all want things to be better. However, when we begin to think about the things we’d like to change about ourselves, we don’t want to go there. Some don’t have enough will power to point their thinking in that direction. “You did say ‘CHANGE,’ right?” How can things – or you – be different unless we make a few life-changing choices?

HappyNewYear1Please, no more resolutions! We must stop the resolution madness. Resolutions don’t work and they leave us feeling worse in the long run, so let’s just quit before we start, shall we? We all know the stats on keeping them. Going into making resolutions already knowing that we are statically not going to keep them is a bad first step in the wrong direction. Those stats are a bad friend.

I would rather talk about new goals in terms of promises. People generally tend to keep promises. A promise means to commit to something you will do in the future; or to commit to something that will happen in the future. Make promises you know you will keep.

If you mess up on this stage, you’re in a heap of trouble. Find a place where you can sit and reflect. Have a pen and paper available, or a tablet device if preferred. Focus on the number one promise you would like to make for the new year.

Only make first-class promises you know you will keep and narrow your list to 2 or 3 things you “feel” you MUST do. Be realistic and specific. It will help to see a list of items on paper to keep your motivation strong. So… write your promises down.

Don’t beat yourself up! Obsessing over an occasional slip-up won’t help you achieve your goal. Do the best you can each day, and take one day at a time.

It is so easy to justify breaking a promise when you are faced with the steps required to keep it (Read the BONUS Article listed below). Failing to keep your promises gives the appearance of being disorganized and irresponsible.

The more you honor your integrity, the more dignity you have. Your promises to yourself must be so important and easily kept that you’ll reach out and grab them every single day – because you want what you’ve promised yourself!

NewYearNewMeSome have said, “It’s not a broken promise if you never meant to keep it.” That’s why you have to go all in… put your heart into it. Give yourself the respect you deserve by making honest and authentic ones.

If parts of the plan aren’t working, then make alterations. It’s important to never underestimate what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it and when you keep your promises.

Instead of resolutions, let’s also focus on how we want next year to FEEL. You need to have a clear vision about what it will look, feel like, and be like, when you have made the change. Do you believe you can?

By whens are important too. By when = deadline. Don’t make excuses for yourself.

On keeping your word: Keeping your word keeps you energetically healthy and connected to those around us. This in turn makes life easier and more pleasurable.

“Our capacity for joy, creativity, self-love, psychological health, generosity, compassion – all depend on feeling comfortable and deeply connected within ourselves and having a sense of trust in ourselves.” ~ Bronwyn

Put Post-It® notes everywhere to keep your promises in mind daily! Put them on you mirror in the bathroom, of the fridge, on your car’s rear view mirror, in your briefcase, on your desk at work, put reminders of your promises everywhere you might see them. You don’t have to make it a list. I just wrote the word PROMISES or KEEP MY WORD on my Post-It® notes. I tacked a Put Post-It® note to my front door. About every 30 days, post a new Post-It® note in another color. Why? After a period of time you develop a scotoma – a blind spot in an otherwise normal visual field. You still see it but it’s like it’s not even there. Your mind ignores it.

“When you make a promise or commit to do something, keep in mind what you want to achieve. Your goal is what matters, not the promise that helps its completion. Why? Because if you think that the promise is super important and then you break it, you’ll be tempted to abandon the project out of discouragement. When you pay too much attention to promises and not enough to the goal, you’re like a guy that drives staring at the wheel instead of minding the road. Where do you think that ends?” ~ Gaël Blanchemain

newYearPay attention to self-sabotaging mind chatter, like: “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t think I can do this.” If you find negative thoughts creeping into your thoughts, don’t criticize yourself, just stay in control. Keeping your promises is not about willpower, it’s about the power of your intention. If you relapse, never view yourself as a failure. Rather, become gently curious about the triggers that led to the return of old habits that caused the relapse and continue to develop alternative coping mechanisms.

To be clear, it is much easier to fail to keep a promise you make to yourself because no one but you knows about it. This may help. Appoint an accountability partner. Whether it’s in the form of a professional, a family member, a friend, or some type of formal support group, consider enlisting someone’s help. This must be someone you are close to who will be your support system for the coming year; someone who will hold you accountable for the promises you make to yourself. This should be someone you trust and the only person you share your promises with. Doing this shows that you are not only serious about keeping your promise, but that you realize your own strengths and limitations.

New Year’s Day opens a clean slate, the old year is over, the new year is just beginning. When all is said and done, the New Year still remains a time of celebration. It is a time to reflect on our past, to forgive others and to make amends. It is a time to look forward to our futures and to cherish our families and friends. To everyone everywhere, Happy New Year! May your year be blessed with Peace and Love.

“Spend the next few days preparing for the year ahead: Forgive everyone, let go of everything, let God take charge.” ~ Marianne Williamson

BONUS Article: How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution ~ Pay particular attention to the seven stages of change!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

And You Thought That You Had it Bad…

I want you to know the wisdom of a 19 year old boy who survived Katrina. Do you remember the chaos in New Orleans? He and his family lost everything they owned in that storm.

words-of-wisdom2Bernell Taylor is his name. During his audition for American Idol, Ryan Seacrest asked him, “How do you come back from something like that?” he replied, “It happened. Ya just gotta live after that!”

Please go back and read Bernel Taylor’s response again… No. Forget it. Here it is again:

BernellTaylor

Bernell Taylor

“It happened. Ya just gotta live after that!”

What a terrific attitude!

My wife divorced me! ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

We just had to file bankruptcy! ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

I got fired today! ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

My girlfriend dumped me! ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

Did you see the numbers today! I lost my butt in the stock market! ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

___________________! (fill in the blank!) ~ “Ya just gotta live after that!”

writeyournextchapterI know. It never feels like it’s going to be easy. You know that, don’t you? You’d be right! But at least Bernell’s wisdom gives you hope. It may even cause you to think less of what happened and more about who you are becoming. A brief glimpse into the future… thinking about what might be instead of what has been. HOPE! Does that make better sense to you?

“Ya just gotta live after that!”

You may even discover that there really could be something “after that!”

What’s your banana? What is your “after that?” What is that one thing that you hold on to – that if you could have the courage to let go – would ignite a new spark in you! You finally got it. The fire grows stronger and suddenly “You’ve got the burn!”

When you read that last paragraph, didn’t you feel a little tingle that made you think of what might be? You got to be sick and tired of being sick and tired and you really don’t want to feel that way anymore.

Okay! So stop reading, turn your computer off and begin again. Begin first to count your blessings. You may get more benefit if you would get a note pad and begin to make a “GET ME OUT OF THIS HOLE!!!” bucket list. Come up with a few things that you can do that invites you to look past what got you here, and that will support you in what you’re gonna be up to.

You’re welcome to comment, especially if you’ve never before posted a comment. Tell us 3 benefits that may (or may not) have come from reading and/or being inspired by the article, “And You Thought That You Had it Bad…;” benefits that will assist you in moving on and getting on fire about life again. Very soon you will catch yourself saying, “Watch my SMOKE!!”

American_IdolThat’s all folks! Get busy!

By the way, Bernel Taylor’s audition made me and Mariah Carey cry. Keith Urban was freaking out over Bernell Taylor. It was incredible! One of the best I’ve seen. He sang, “I’m Here,” a song from “The Color Purple” at the Baton Rouge American Idol auditions week (1/25/13). Watch the Burnell Taylor “I’m Here” Video; the video that inspired this article.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Can You Re-L8?

Filed under: Commitment,Goals — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Courage. It takes courage!

To have a healthy love relationship you must take a leap of faith. The faith is in the leap; the leap into the unknown. Being in a relationship means taking a risk – a leap of faith.

In that moment you decide. With all the love you possess as your support, you make the decision for change in the presence of fear. You must erase the fearfulness of uncertainty. In doing so, fear goes away. Gradually sometimes – and it may not feel like it – but with time it will fade.

Some couples prefer to test the waters, building their relationship gradually through incremental steps of commitment. That works too, however, the miracle of the romantic adventure lies in living life in the leap! Not knowing. And. . . being commited to open communication and compromise. This will help you take the plunge with confidence.

Relationships never travel in a straight line. Every relationhship has it’s ups and downs. The goal is not to be rattled by them. Stay on track. Stick together. Do something everyday to let your partner know that you love them. Always look forward.

The only reason you should ever look back is to see how far you’ve come and to learn from the experience.

When all the ingredients of a healthy relationship are in place you will surely be impelled to take that leap of faith together, embrace your differences, and work together to make it a glorious union. The goal is to build momentum toward a secure, cohesive bond that is built on the foundation of trust and love. Faith in your ability to build a healthy, long-lasting relationship is a prerequisite to actually achieving this goal. Great relationships do not lose value – they become richer the longer they last. Work to go the distance.

Be each other’s best friend. Lot of kisses and snuggling help. Exhibit loyalty, respect and kindness to one another. Place a high value on your commitment. Never waver from your commitment. When you begin your relationship with a clear destination in mind, you are much more likely to reach your final goal of lasting love.

Two hearts – committed to be true to the other – will carry one another safely to the other side.

CLoveLOGO

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Correct Carrot

Filed under: Goals,Relationship Goals,Relationships — Larry James @ 8:00 am
Tags: ,

relationshipgoalsWhat is your relationship carrot (or goal)?

What dangles in front of you that keeps you moving forward? What is important to you? To your partner?

If you have no good reasons for being together, then the relationship will not work. Spend some time together talking about what is important to both of you.

Set some mutual relationship goals. Commit these ideas to paper. Undefined goals are unreachable. Goals allow you to control the direction of change in your relationship.

To follow a relationship path without knowing where it leads is a mistake.

smileyheart

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Saturday, August 22, 2009

Push the Envelope

Develop a mutual incentive that will assist you in motivating each other to be the best you can be. Be inventive in providing the kind of reward that can be your inspiration to continue the process. Never stop. NEVER!

Have the incentive be bigger than you can imagine and something you can both be excited about, something that will call forth the extra effort required to get you both back in the groove.

How about a romantic getaway in the mountains for a long weekend? Use your imagination.

Mutual agreement is important. Mutually agree that you will do something exciting together when you can both agree that your new relationship has reached a higher plateau.

It is important to understand that a marriage partnership is never 50/50. Relationships seldom feel easy, however, a relationship is less of a struggle when two people agree to do whatever it takes to make it work.

Whatever it takes doesn’t mean “giving it your best shot and if it doesn’t work, you move on.” It means doing whatever it takes.

Try 100/100. That works much better.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Author and Speakers BLOG” at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com

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