Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Monday, September 28, 2015

Gals! How to Survive the Dating Daze!

How to negotiate the minefield of the dating game!

Tactic 1: Be fit for dating 
~ We all get knock-backs – where a man’s not interested or doesn’t call again after the first date or two. Women with what I call ‘dating fitness’ have optimism and confidence so that ‘knock-backs’ aren’t the end of the world. They know there’ll be other date-opportunities around the corner; that his lack of interest didn’t necessarily reflect personally on them; and that men prefer women who don’t make too many dating ‘trade-offs’ – like dumping friends as soon as he rings – just to get a date!

REL-DatingDazeTactic 2: Be fantastic at first impressions
 ~ I’d be rich if I had the proverbial pound for every woman who told me, “I missed a chance when this great-looking guy came into my office and I didn’t have the guts to even look at him!” By planning ahead with all my advice, you won’t miss opportunities as they arise and will still appear spontaneous! Once you’ve got a date lined up, just as footballers visualize scoring goals, start visualizing your impending date as being fantastic. Run it like a film through your head – the evening goes from strength to strength, affirming to yourself all your positive points, and being calm and confident because you’ve got yourself sorted early.

Tactic 3: Be confident – avoid the ‘I’m unworthy’ complex!
 ~ Confidence is critical to your dating success and men notice the dirty dozen signs of when a woman feels “unworthy.” The tell-tale signs of unworthiness include: when a woman gushes about her past successes and how many men are asking her out right now; when without prompting she claims she’s not looking for “anything special;” when she’s overly flirtatious with too much touching; and when she asks to be compared to his exes all too soon. Being confident is incredibly attractive and my advice is to at least appear confident – even if you’re nervous inside!

Tactic 4: Be sexy – not easy 
~ Hugh Grant once spoke for 99% of men when he said he missed the “chase” – implying that women just put it on a plate for him. This is the real world – not some phony ideal world where men are tender-hearted romantics who never judge a woman who sleeps with them soon. If only! When presented with the opportunity most men will have sex but won’t pursue a romance with what they see as an easy woman. Sounds harsh but deep down they feel she’s decreased her “social” value. However you can still have fun flirting until you decide when you’re ready to have sex – or not.

Tactic 5: Be busy – avoid the princess syndrome ~ 
Men want you to have a life – not hang by the phone – as it takes the pressure off them to “look after” you and be the center of your universe. Tactic five is about how “princesses” are high-maintenance. Most men do not want high-maintenance, they want an equal. Give up your “princess” ways and keep living life while you’re getting to know him.

Tactic 6: Be knowing – not a know-it-all ~ 
Men don’t want dumb blondes but at the same time find it hard to handle how aggressive some women have become in proving themselves through conversation. You can be assertive at work, you can be assertive with the salesman you’re buying your new car from or the estate agent trying to sell you a house. But with him – have fun! Talk to him like you don’t have anything to prove. Conversation when getting to know each other should be like a friendly game of tennis, not as though you’re smashing “aces” at him!

Free-Online-Funny-Quotes-1Tactic 7: Be able – to sort the princes from frogs ~ 
Listen to your common sense and intuition,e.g., if he never rings when he says he will, flirts with anything in a skirt, ignores you when with the boys – then he’s a frog! Too many women hope their “frogs” will morph into a prince. It doesn’t happen that way. Be clear on frog – behaviors to look out for so you don’t waste your precious time.

Tactic 8: Be mysterious – don’t give the game away ~ 
What’s sexier – a slow strip tease or flinging your clothes off? The former raises anticipation and heightens excitement. The same goes for letting a man get to know your personality and your life. You don’t always have to tell him where you’re going, who you’ve been speaking to, what you’re planning for a free night, or how long it takes to do your make-up, hair and shave your legs. Leave a bit of a mystery and he’ll keep coming back for more.

Tactic 9: Be a bit of a bitch – in the nicest possible way ~ Most women are just too nice. They feel they can’t have an opinion. Can’t say what they’d like to do on a date. Can’t stave off male pressure to have sex or even dump a guy when after two dates they know he’s not the one. Tactic 9 is about setting your boundaries early and expressing them, especially when he doesn’t seem to be getting the message!

Tactic 10: Be aware of dating blind spots ~
 There are loads of “blind spots” we need to watch out for, money being one of them. Don’t get flustered over who should pay. Just be straight about what you feel comfortable with. Or when he doesn’t ring after taking your number. Be aware of my “rule-of-three” – the critical hurdles of three dates, three weeks and three months. Learn how to cope with dates from hell (we’ve all had them!) and avoid the trap of stereotyping men. Essentially, keep your eyes open so you are as successful as possible in dating.

BONUS Articles: 4 Online Dating Safety Tips For Women
You Date Who You Are!
Is He the One? 6 Questions to Ask Yourself
14 Signs He’s Into You!
10 Reasons People Are Afraid of Online Dating
The 3 BIGGEST Mistakes Newly Singles Make

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

4 Online Dating Safety Tips For Women

Filed under: Dating,For Women Only,Guest Authors,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , ,

Staff of BestFreeDatingSites.net, Guest Author

If you’re a woman who has decided to try out the internet in the hopes of finding a potential match, it can provide you a great platform for doing so. Unfortunately though, there are some dangers that come along with using this method of dating. With the anonymity allowed by the internet, you never know if that cute investment banker with the golden retriever you’ve been chatting up is really who he says he is… or if he’s actually unemployed, living in his mother’s basement, watching The Silence of the Lambs, and taking extensive notes.

WomenDatingTipsTo maintain the highest level of emotional and physical safety, be sure to check out the following tips on how to make online dating a safe and successful experience:

Tip #1: Keep personal info to yourself. This may sound like an obvious one, but it’s so important that it’s number one on the list and it shouldn’t be forgotten! When creating your username, profile, as well as through communications with online guys, never give out anything that could identify you from the next person. This includes your home address, where you work, phone number, personal email, last name and financial info. Not until you feel 100% certain that your online friend is trustworthy should you disclose these items.

Tip #2: Take it slow. You might think you’re really “clicking” with a guy over a few e-mails and you’re probably anxious to meet him right away…but your safest bet is to not rush into a meeting. Use the tools provided to you by your online dating service to communicate until you get to know him better. Most cyber dating relationships will develop over the internet for an average of about three weeks before an in-person meeting takes place. Use this time-frame as an example but if you feel that you need longer to get to know him, by all means take your time.

Tip #3: Plan a safe first date. When you get to a point where you feel comfortable communicating online with your match, you’re probably ready to meet the guy face-to-face. The first date can be a very thrilling experience, but it important that you not sacrifice your safety for fun. Follow these steps and you’ll greatly decrease the risk of finding yourself in a dangerous situation:

• Choose a crowded, public place, to meet. Never rely on your date for transportation—always meet them.

• Let a friend or family member know where you are going and the name of the guy taking you out. Be sure to keep your cell phone handy and call this friend or family member after the date to let them know you are safe.

• Consider going on a double date with another couple you know. Not only will you feel safer, but this also minimizes some of the nerves or awkwardness that comes along with a first date.

• Think about going “Dutch” and paying your own way—some men get the idea that you owe them something when they take care of your tab.

• Remain aware of your surroundings and hold on to your belongings—especially your drink. To be in complete control, forgo the alcohol for the first few meetings.

Tip #4: Watch for red flags. If at any point during your interaction with an online match you feel that something isn’t right, it is best to listen to your gut. Keep an eye out for inconsistencies in his stories or behavior that could be warning signs of a scammer, cheater or a sexual predator. If someone is making you uncomfortable online or out on a date, end things immediately and get to a safe place. Safety is your number one priority and anyone dating you should respect and understand your precautions.

BONUS Article: 25 Words or Less: Connecting With Personal Ads

Copyright © 2013 – BestFreeDatingSites.net

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

5 Reasons Why Women Should Complain Less!

Filed under: For Women Only,Guest Authors — Larry James @ 8:00 am
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Lennie Ross, Guest Author

Bitch, bitch, bitch. How often do you hear your girlfriends complaining about their lives? Face it, ladies. We like to complain. In fact, we speak in complaints. It is how we communicate. While it may work just fine when we’re around other women, it does not work with men. If you want to form a closer bond with the man in your life, you need to dial down the complaints, and learn to speak in a language he understands.

Here are just a few pointers on how to communicate more effectively with your significant other:

1. MEN HATE COMPLAINTS: The words “why” and “you” in any combination will set your man on the defensive. Eliminate phrases such as “Why won’t you…”, “Why can’t you…”, and “Why don’t you…” from your dialogue. Men are competitive creatures, and when challenged they will often fight. You can still win your point, by using a different strategy. Turn complaints into compliments, by phrasing your complaints as compliments, by saying “I love it when you….” or “I really appreciate it when you…”. You get more bees with honey.

2. MEN HAVE SHORT ATTENTION SPANS: Give him the CliffsNotes version of your story and get your point across quickly—before he tunes out. If he needs more details, he will ask for them. If you drone on about things, he will not recall every point and you may get angry later when you realize he wasn’t listening. Eliminate that possibility by being succinct in the first place. And, remember, men like to fix things. If you present him with a problem, he will want to solve it so he doesn’t have to keep hearing about it. If you don’t want his help, then don’t complain about it in the first part.

3. MEN HAVE AN INTERNAL SCOREBOARD: Men are competitive creatures. They are hardwired with an internal scoreboard that records wins and losses—nothing else matters. That is why he needs challenges in sports and business. He needs to win. If you criticize your man, when you indicate that he has disappointed you, it is an automatic loss on his scoreboard. Men don’t like to feel defeated, so set him up to win and reward his for his efforts.

BlowMe4. MEN FEEL EMOTIONALLY DISADVANTAGED: Men tend to operate off the logical side of the brain and research suggests emotions are overwhelming for them. When faced with an emotionally charged woman a man will frequently respond with anger. Men are attracted to women who exercise emotional self-control, because it supports their own personal need to feel in control.

5. MEN DISLIKE ANGRY WOMEN: There is nothing more unattractive to a man than an angry woman with a sharp tongue. An irritated tone or harsh criticism will shut down communication. The majority of men react more to tone than words. Make a conscious effort to reclaim that sweet, soft feminine voice you were born with. Talk slower and softer and he will react more favorably. Rather than criticize and attack, positively impact your relationship with your dulcet speech. Do not underestimate the power of sultry, flirtatious suggestions. You will train him to respond eagerly to your voice.

If you truly are committed to developing a better relationship, find ways to incorporate these suggestions. You will experience female empowerment without having to be assertive like a male, and you’ll notice a positive shift in your relationship.

LennieRossCopyright © 2011 – Lennie Ross. Lennie Ross is the author of the chick lit novel Blow Me and writes a blog on sex, dating, and disappointment in the City of Angels. Blow Me is the story of three single women all hovering precariously close to forty, and stuck in a lifestyle that they have long outgrown and is LA’s answer to Sex and the City. It is available on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, and Google Books. Visit Lennie’s website: http://www.lennieross.com and Blog.

CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Saturday, March 5, 2011

Some Women Can’t Commit

Filed under: Commitment,For Women Only,Guest Authors — Larry James @ 7:00 am
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Bob Bryce, Guest Author

It’s a fact of life for the modern woman, committing to someone is far more difficult than it used to be. Commitment means compromise.

Women complain that there are no eligible men anymore and that they have trouble finding anyone who matches up to their most basic requirements. It’s not very often that you would hear a man saying that there aren’t enough eligible women out there. They could say women are too picky though. Men used to be perceived as being afraid of commitment, now it’s some women.

prettygirlThere are lots of eligible men out there. Young, unmarried, good looking, single, with good careers, lifestyles, fit and healthy and looking for a serious relationship. In fact many men are monogamists!

The fact is, there are many talented men out there ready to commit, but they are really struggling to find partners. Its important to note that there is no great difference in the number of single, available men and women and so there’s isn’t an imbalance.

There’s been social change as important roles have opened up for women in the workplace. Salaries for women have increased in many sectors and financial liberation has allowed women to purchase their own apartments and cars and live a whole self-sufficient lifestyle. Women are able to conceive later and they have a sexual liberty similar to what men have always had.

Marriage has become a subject that is no longer quite as important as it once was. The average of age for marriage among western woman has now increased from the early twenties to the early thirties. Women instead have replaced early marriage with career and self -fulfillrelationship boundaries, life experiencesment. Women don’t want to jeopardize this success and comfort.

commitment1It is clear that relationships boundaries have changed. Many women will not compromise their jobs for the sake of a relationship. With career comes financial independence and like it or not, many women struggle to understand that men were brought up to feel like the dominant breadwinner. However, as many women excel in their given careers, so the man has to come to terms with the fact that he may not be the primary breadwinner any more. Indeed he may even stay at home and look after the children.

Women’s lives have become more complicated and more dynamic than they once were. Men are slow to react and understand this change. As women evolve their own independence during their twenties, they become more sophisticated consumers. Far more so than some men. This in turn means that they know what they are looking for when looking for a man. The sophisticated new woman will often see any committed relationship as perhaps having to give something up. Women say that they are seeking a man who will compliment their lives and add to their life experiences.

Children can change the equation because however successful and confident the modern woman is, her biological clock is ticking. Its important to stress that some women are now happy admitting they they don’t want children or don’t want to marry. But for those seeking children in their thirties, they have more options than merely seeking a stable semi-permanent relationship. The man’s role isn’t quite as important as it was as they can be replaced by a test tube.

A man used to call all the shots, now he must listen carefully so its not he who ends up being left on the shelf. It may not be that women can’t commit, it may simply be that they don’t have to anymore. This is evolution and we’ll all get used to it. Relationships between a man and a woman are still incredibly important and there’s still nothing like a great relationship but it no longer is the only way you can have a happy life.

BobBryce

Copyright © 2011 – Bob Bryce. Reprinted with permission. Bob Bryce is an internet marketer specializing in dating and matchmaking. Visit his Website: www.LoveProspector.com.

Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Sunday, August 29, 2010

Don’t Cheat! Have an Affair With Your Wife/Husband!

Filed under: For Men Only,For Women Only,Guest Authors,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Barbara J. PetersBarbara J. Peters, Guest Author

Go ahead, have an affair. No, really.

Infidelity is one of the more difficult problems facing married couples today. In my practice I see many couples trying to work through the hurt and pain of being the victim of a deceitful relationship. In one such counseling session I suddenly thought “why not have an affair with each other.”

Men and women cheat for different reasons, but if they can find what they need from each other no one has to be hurt. Think about what things you could do to bring the excitement, spontaneity, sexual desire and feeling of being loved into your marriage with a twist: that of an affair with your spouse. It might take some creativity but the results could prove very rewarding.

Studies have shown nearly half of all marriages end in divorce; it’s no wonder so many people are opting to stay single these days. The truth is that there is no one reason why married people have affairs, but rather a whole constellation of factors paving the road to infidelity. But, with the right tools and attitudes, marriages can endure the test of time, flourish and even exceed expectations.

Many problems within a marriage focus on communication or the lack of it, but often one of the most difficult obstacles for couples to overcome is infidelity. At a recent counseling session, I was working with a couple trying to deal with the husband’s infidelity. Suddenly I asked the wife, “Why don’t you have an affair with your husband?” The look of surprise on both faces matched my own.

roseflirtMost of us expect monogamy to be a normal part of marriage or any committed relationship. The reality is monogamy is not the norm. Why not play the part of a mistress to add new dimensions to your marriage? It just might stave off wanderings, by you or your partner.

While many may feel self-conscious or even a little foolish while role-playing a part, once into it, magic will happen. Suppressed feelings or emotions can explode and ignite fireworks long forgotten. Need a primer to get started? Here’s a road map to help you reap the pleasures of having an affair with your husband and some useful tips about becoming the “other woman” in your marriage.

Excitement

Acting on the sly always brings an adrenaline rush, even with your husband. Create lost excitement in your marriage with secret lovemaking in new places, away from home. Never discuss your clandestine rendezvous; after all, you are meeting a secret lover and don’t want your husband to know! Send provocative text messages at the most unpredictable times.

Leave love notes in his car, on his mirror, in the refrigerator – all unlikely places to look for love. The anticipation of your tantalizing rendezvous will excite your man more than you will ever know. Tease him about what you will be wearing, or won’t be. Anticipation thrills men and is much like foreplay for women. Men are intrigued by the devilish mind games and images created by you.

Falling in Love

Those first few days of falling in love always remind us happy memories we want to experience over and over again. Recreate the past when you waited with excitement for his call or to take his arm. Gaze at him with loving eyes, touch him lightly and tell him how wonderful, smart and adorable he is. Laugh at his jokes and tell him how you love his sense of humor. Explore something new about your partner, as there is always something to discover.

Sex

flirtlegundertableThis pleasurable act often becomes boring and ritualistic with a spouse, but with a new partner often brings new awakenings. Most men try affairs because they want sexual conquest – you can be that conquest. Play a role opposite what he thinks you are. Try a washable tattoo in a sexy place, become a blond bombshell or surprise your husband with a peek at your passionate side by hiring a boudoir photographer.

Fantasies are fun, but you must first find out what his fantasies are. That’s where sexy talk will ease your way. Flirt with your husband, especially in public. Touch and tease him under the table at a restaurant. Whisper in his ear that you are ready for the hottest night of your life.

Finally, remember how wonderfully blissful you felt when you were dating, courting and walking down the aisle on your wedding day. Remember that feeling of love and the intense desire to be with your husband forever. Get out your wedding pictures and experience those emotions all over again. You’ll be more ready for an affair with your husband (or wife).

Copyright © 2010 – Barbara J. Peters. Barbara J. Peters is a licensed professional counselor providing couples therapy in Cumming, Georgia. She is the author of “Gift of a Lifetime: Building a Marriage That Lasts.” Visit her website at www.BJPCounseling.com and www.TheGiftOfaLifetime.net.

Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Why Women Are Different From Men & Vice Versa!

Filed under: For Men Only,For Women Only,Relationships,Video — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Amanda Gore, Guest Author

Hmmm. Thought you might like a chance to laugh at ourselves! – Larry James

Copyright © 2010 – Amanda Gore. Visit Amanda’s Website at: http://www.AmandaGore.com/

Larry’s books: “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

LoveNote. . . (for women only)

Filed under: For Women Only,LoveNote,Relationships — Larry James @ 6:00 am
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Men tend to grow at their own speed. Unless your love partner is intentional about personal growth, anything you say to help may only cause him to feel that you think he is broken.

Right or wrong, men inherently believe they can handle their own stuff.

This may or may not be true, but being insistent about helping him grow can temporarily shut him out of your life.

Quit trying to fix him!

Be there for him when he is ready to be cared for, otherwise let him be and quietly attend to yourself.

luvUcandyhearts

Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Friday, February 26, 2010

You’ve Got Male! For Women Only!

Filed under: For Women Only,Relationships — Larry James @ 6:00 am
Tags: , , , , ,

In my coaching sessions with women, both married and single, I often hear them say, “I wish he would change, but know he isn’t going to. I guess I’ll just have to continue to pick up his socks and beg for the TV remote.”

You’ve got male!

Hope is the knowledge that change is possible, even when it seems hard to imagine or believe in a world that seems eager to knock you down with every chance. – Stephen McCarty

Men are different. They really are from Mars. Many woman would agree that most men – not all – are little boys in big bodies! They are often annoying, sometimes they are real jerks and then there are the men that really seem to get it. They understand that women want men who are respectful, loving and sensitive to their needs.

Men do some pretty stupid things at times. They tend to excel in this regard. It’s not that men are dumb or stupid, they just do a bunch of dumb things at times. Men are widely known for their straight talking and tell-it-like-it-is attitude. But sometimes, they say and do things that are really dumb. Things that more often than not, get them into trouble. Men need to stop doing dumb things and start doing smart things. Half of being smart is know what you’re dumb at. (See the list of smart things at the end of this article).

More often than not, it’s a matter of poor judgment. George Mobus says, “As for why smart people do dumb things: It should be clear that if intelligence and judgment are different cognitive processes, then it is entirely possible for people we judge to normally be very intelligent to do something we think is stupid from time to time.”

youvegotmaleThey seldom put the toilet seat down.
Some act like complete douche bags!
They have no or few relationship skills.
Some fail to discipline biological urges and cheat.
They use controlling and manipulative tactics to try to get what they want.
Some could care less about porcelain splash or the discomfort it causes women.
They flirt and check out other women when they should put all their attention on you.
They often try to be someone they are not.
They take their wedding ring off when out with the boys.
They rarely let go of the TV remote.
They think acting tough is appealing to women.
They talk about their ex and past relationships.
They lie about how much money they make.
They don’t think before they speak or shut down and refuse to talk.
They don’t know that “my bad” is not an acceptable response but “I’m sorry” is.
They pass gas, belch, etc., as if no one else was around (and some laugh about it and think it’s funny!).
They are emotionally unavailable.
When it comes to finances, they spend money they know they don’t have.
They talk about themselves all the time.
They wear cartoon underwear.
They pretend they don’t have any personal flaws.
They make promises they know they can’t keep.
They always have to be right or think they are.
They are insecure and don’t make eye contact during conversation.
They walk into the bathroom without knocking first.

I’ve pointed out some of the guys less-than-admirable traits to demonstrate that sometimes men are like that. But not all men. Women need to know this. If women keep attracting men that do stupid things, perhaps they need to look somewhere else and look at why they think they keeping attracting the same kind of men.

If your relationship is in trouble, it is very hard to love someone you don’t get along with, or like because of the dumb things they do.

“The only thing that ever consoles man for the stupid things he does is the praise he always gives himself for doing them.” – Oscar Wilde

The stupid things that men do have negatively impacted both their current and past relationships. Without being mindful of the end result, their foolish decisions have only contributed to their own unhappiness, misfortune and broken relationships. Men who do stupid things should be given the “Blue Ribbon for Stupidity” award.

Question: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
Answer: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

He leaves his socks around, he gets so into his football game that he can’t hear you calling. He works past 6 p.m. and has a habit of eating too much, which is not necessarily healthy. He snores. He won’t do dishes. He is often critical of your cooking. It doesn’t help to complain about it all, and does he listen? Nope.

But wait! Flash back and remind yourself:

He is a hard worker and provides for his family.
He is complimentary when you’ve prepared a great meal.
He picks up the table after supper and takes care of the dishes.
He occupies your 3-year-old so you can take a breather.
He tells you “I’ll cook tonight” and then orders pizza when we’ve had a tough week.
He makes a pretty delicious chai latte in the evenings.

A widow recently made a comment that shifted my perception, she said, “I would love to see his dirty socks lying around everywhere because that would mean he is here”.

So yes, when the annoying aspects arise, embrace them, for they are as much a reminder that he is there with you as the enjoyable aspects he offers, which reminds you that he is there for you.

Life with a spouse or partner is never always bliss – but it’s better than being on a ship and facing stormy weathers alone.

There are some things that guys do that they often do not admit to. Guys do them to impress women or maybe it is just because they love them.

Watch “chick” flicks!
They dance with you, even when he claims to not be a good dancer.
They groom themselves – especially if it’s important for them to “look good!”
Some men cry.
They stick up for you.
Some men remember important dates, like when you met, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
They occasionally serve you breakfast in bed.
They have “headaches” to avoid having sex.
They pour you a warm bath and offer a foot rub.
Some men actually listen.
Some read women’s magazines and relationship books.
They preen.
They know how to make you smile when you are feeling down.
They drink girly drinks.
Some get creative and plan an original night out.
They are loyal to brand names.
They send “romantic” greeting cards or flowers to say, “I’m sorry!”
They embrace their feminine side.
Some men do housework to free up more time to spend together.
They notice other good-looking guys.
They leave love notes and stash them away where their sweetheart will be sure to find them, whether in the car, under her pillow or in a travel bag.
They tell you not to cook tonight because they have a surprise – then bring home take-out from a favorite restaurant.
smartenupSome guys pee sitting down to avoid porcelain splash thus causing you not to be PEE-ved at them.

When you are angry is a good time to take a time-out to carefully choose your words, then come back later and say, “When you do (fill in the blank), I feel (fill in the blank).” This manner of speaking cushions the conversation, making it easier for your partner to listen and has what you say be not about what they did or are doing, but how you are feeling because of it.

TIP for women: Rather than nag or complain about the things your man does that annoy you. . . catch him doing something right. Nagging usually doesn’t work. Men (and women too) need recognition and appreciation for what they do that pleases you.

When you become angry about the stupid things he does it is a good time to take a time-out to carefully choose your words, then come back later and say, “When you do (fill in the blank), I feel (fill in the blank).” That manner of speaking cushions the conversation, making it easier for your partner to listen and has what you say be not about what they did or are doing, but how you are feeling about it.

If your partner’s stupid things get to the point where they become a big problem that is always showing up, perhaps you should consider a relationship coach to help YOU better cope with the situation.

NOTE to the guys: It’s the little things that often mean the most. Treat her with respect. Smarten up! 😉

sandinhandheart

Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Sunday, July 5, 2009

Thought for Today!

LoveNote. . . For Women Only – Be patient with your love partner when it comes to listening. Help him learn to listen by saying things worth listening to. In time he will learn how to share how he feels, openly and in a way that allows him to be vulnerable without fear. When this happens, initiate conversation that shows your appreciation of his new way of being. Patience and understanding are necessary. – Larry James

Your comments are always welcome!

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
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Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

For Women Only

Filed under: For Women Only,Relationships — Larry James @ 12:18 am

When you feel your love partner lagging behind in the relationship, it is often difficult to back away from what seems to be a responsibility to assist him.

Smothering your lover with attempts to help can give the appearance that you think he is unable to make his own responsible choices.

No one can change anything without the freedom to do so. Smothering feels like ‘no freedom’ to a man. Your energy will soon be depleted if your love partner has little desire to change. Nurture him with your love and support.

Be there when he needs someone to listen.

Only offer help when it is requested.

Copyright © 2008 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Author Larry James presents seminars nationally for singles and couples. Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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