Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Never Quit When You Are Behind!

As some of you know I am known for dropping into an occasional fast food place to grab a bite and catch up on reading some of the mail and magazines that I never seem to have time to read in my office.

Recently I stopped into my favorite Burger King® (5355 North Northsight Blvd, in Scottsdale, AZ). There is this tall, good looking cashier who has waited on me many times before. Her name is Machelle. I often call her “Smiley.” She has a beautiful smile.

REL-NEVERquitThis time, she was standing on the customer side of the counter talking to an employee. I said, “Hi! I don’t usually see you on this side of the counter.” She smiled and I went on to gather napkins, pepper, etc., and went to a booth. When my order was called, I went to pick it up and she was still standing there.

I looked at her and said, “You are truly a beautiful woman. Have you ever thought about modeling?”

Her answer was supported by visible confidence as she said, “Yes! I’m going to do that!”

“Great! Do that!” I said as I turned to go back to my booth.

Here I go, thinking again; thinking about what just happened. She really was breath-taking, dressed in a white tank-top and blue jeans – tight blue jeans (Yes, I did notice that!) – that revealed the body of a genuinely beautiful woman. I thought I should go to her and say:

“I truly believe you have a great modeling career ahead of you. From my experience, many people who seek out new adventures, and when confronted by obstacles, often give up. They quit just before they were about to make it, beacuse their fear was bigger than the obstacles and they lost their way. Please don’t you ever do that. It is not okay to give up on your dream. Winners are not people who have never failed, they are people who never quit. Stay true to yourself,” but she left before I had a chance to stop thinking about it and just say it.

I thought: “Next time!” She will be behind the register waiting to take my order and I will tell her then. Or… I could give her a link to this article and let her discover how seeing her – not as a cashier – as a regular person inspired me to write about our encounter and in turn, inspire others to ‘never give up on their dream.’

Where there is will, there is a way. It is also smart to remember patience. Reaching our goals does not always go in a straight line. There are often many twists and turns to getting there. It is important to know that it doesn’t always turn out exactly the way we want it to.

I hate to say this for fear of being misunderstood, however it needs to be said. Another important step on the way to your dream is to give up your expectations. Focus instead on what you “need” – not what you expect – to get there and never waiver from that path. You will still have twists and turns and the path will lead you there when you never give up.

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. Expectations are predetermined resentments. When we don’t get what we expect, we often get disappointed which can lead to an upset: resentment, frustration, self-doubt, anger and in a few rare cases, a total shut down. Focusing on what you need will get you there, and with no expectations you are more open to your dream or something better than you dreamed of. There is no opportunity in unfulfilled expectations.

expectationsIt’s said that several people on “Dancing With the Stars” had dreams of being professional dancers and on their way to that, they discovered that their real talent was teaching others to dance or choreography.

“When your belief in the benefits of the goals you set is stronger than your fear and equal to your courage, you can have anything that you decide to have.” ~ Larry James

Important: Never limit your idea of what will be by what has been! Keep looking forward.

Many years ago, I was traveling back in North Carolina working with Don Hutson, W. Stephen Brown and other professional speakers and I set daily goals in the six weeks I was going to be in the Charlotte and Winston-Salem areas. If, by 5:00 p.m. – when most of the people I called on were ready for happy hour – if I hadn’t met my daily goal, I would keep finding someone else to call on until I did. There were many times when that “one more call” paid off big. I wouldn’t quit. Of the four other men I was working with, I was the top salesperson for the entire Winston-Salem event. Special recognition and a nice bonus were the rewards.

Networkers also sometimes have great expectations about building a network and reaping the reward of lots of business referrals, but those unfulfilled expectations get in their way. It is also smart to remember patience. The reward is no instant gratification wonder! It takes time and patience. Worth waiting for, I might add.

Learning along the way must be a high priority. Being willing to expand your knowledge about what you want the end result to be is a must. If you don’t have a clue about what the end result will look like, feel like, be like, how will you know when you get close to being there? Give up your expectations and be okay with what shows up.

Just don’t give up on your dream! AND… Never quit when you are behind!

Larry’s NOTE: I decided to give Machelle a link to this article. 😉

BONUS Articles: Expectancy vs. Expectations
No Purpose? No Goals!
If it Ain’t Broke… Fix it!
Networking How-to: Overcome Fear and Just Be Yourself
Networkers: Let’s be More Technical and Smart!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Friday, October 31, 2014

Don’t Try This at Home!

Relationships can be awesome. For them to be awesome… they take work. They take paying close attention to them, nurturing them and expressing lots of love in many different ways. Here are a few things that you may need to work on.

Never say hurtful things to your partner. Telling your partner that you really didn’t mean what you said is a lie. You meant it when you said it. Don’t let too much time go by before you say, “Im sorry. I was wrong to say that,” and move on.

DontTryThisDon’t ignore your partner. Giving your partner the cold shoulder because you are angry only drives a wedge between the two of you. Communicate. Pay attention to your partner.

Never offer advice unless it is asked for. Offer a listening ear instead. Your ears will never get you in trouble. Don’t talk. Be a good listener.

Don’t be a cheater. Usually cheater cheat because they are not getting what they need from the relationship they are in. Learn to ask for what you need from the relationship.

Stop being judgmental. Allow your partner to be who they really are. If you are constantly judging your partner for what they do or say, it might be good to reflect that upon yourself.

Don’t be a complainer. Begin by focusing on the positive things that show up around you.

Don’t hold back what you are feeling. And don’t fake your feelings. Saving up does’t work. When you bottle up emotions, it is going to end up in a huge fight.

Don’t be apathetic. Avoid audioapathy. That is a word I coined to identify someone who is apathetic to listening to their partner.

Don’t say you will do something but never do it. You are only as good as your word.

Give up being jealous! Being jealous is a cry for more love, but is a dysfunctional and dangerous way to ask for it.

Stop trying to change your partner. Instead, focus on changing yourself to be someone who accepts your partner for who they are. Always encourage growth and change. The art of caring for another is rooted in love and respect.

Stop trying to be someone you aren’t. Admit your weaknesses. You re not a superhero. Talk about them. Ask for assistances.

Don’t neglect their own self-awareness. Always take care of you!

Stop being suspicious of your partner. Trust is paramount. It is the foundation of a healthy relationship. If you don’t trust your partner to be faithful, honest, caring or anything else, then you’re not in a good relationship. AND you are the only one who change how they feel. They don’t let fear overpower your love and trust.

Get rid of your expectations. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. When you don’t get what you expect, you get disappointed. When you get disappointed, sometimes you get angry, frustrated, resentful, etc. Focus on what you NEED from your relationship and don’t settle for anything less.

Don’t keep secrets from each other. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Remember, omissions are lies. Be open and honest in your relationship. Being honest is the only way to be at peace with yourself and others.

Don’t focus on the past. Let it go. Be present in the present. Always remember… forgiveness works.

Don’t focus on your partner’s flaws. Maintain sincere love in your heart for them. The more you see the good in them, the more good you will uncover in yourself.

Don’t be mad because the sharing of the chores are not equal. Work together to find a mutually beneficial solution. Guys: Nowhere does it say that the woman does all the housework. Just because your father sat on his ass and expected dinner to be on the table at a certain time, doesn’t mean you get to be like your father! Household chores must be shared.

Don’t snap at your partner. If you are angry or upset, say so – in the most loving way you can. Bickering happens. Ask for a time-out. Then come back and explain what your were angry about.

Never look at past relationships as failures. There are no failed relationships. There are only lessons to be learned. Only look back to see how far you’ve come and what you have learned from the lessons that were presented to you at that time.

Stop taking your relationship for granted. Make time for those you care about. Two people can wake up next to each other, yet it like they are miles apart. What you take for granted… disappears.

BONUS Article: 25 Things People in Healthy Relationships Don’t Do

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Friday, August 8, 2014

Expectancy vs. Expectations

Recently I heard the someone say, “Everyone is doing the best they can,” and it caused me to stop and think about what that means.

Sometimes we tend to view other people with a critical eye and say they should or shouldn’t do this or that. However, if we remember that they are doing the best they can, then there is seldom any room in our mind for criticism. Instead of criticism we can offer acceptance and understanding, (and forgiveness, if necessary) and we can replace expectations with expectancy. We all need to completely eliminate the words, “should,” “ought,” and “must,” from our vocabulary.

ExpectancyHaving an expectancy of the best for everyone is quite different from having expectations of them. Usually, our expectations are that others conform to our ideas, but the more we expect someone else to conform, the more they may seem not to.

Expectancy is simply the state of thinking that something pleasant will happen. Expectation sets standards for what, when, or how it should happen. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. When our expectations aren’t met, the result is disappointment and disillusionment. While people with expectations are often disappointed, people who live with expectancy are often surprised with joy and live happier lives.

Surrounding other people at all times with a loving expectancy of good is an effective way to encourage them to be the best they can be. Expectancy attracts, and expectation limits. Expectancy demonstrates a source of gentle optimism. Expectations are more controlling.

The idea behind expectations says that we do not know the future or outcome and are trying to control behavior to get the required result. Expectancy allows us to be hopeful and open to whatever comes our way. Instead of living a life of expectation, we would all do better living a life of expectancy.

“Expectancy is a type of subtle power, the type that attracts what you desire. Expectation, on the other hand, is a make-it-happen- at-all-cost type of power, which is a form of force. Expectancy, like power, is inclusive, whereas expectation is limited to only one outcome.” ~ David Barnes

If we find it difficult to refrain from making a criticism, we need to remember that each of us is doing the best we can, at the level where we are in consciousness.

Let us be a beacon of light to others, lovingly releasing each person to his or her own pathway of growth, allowing them to be who they are. We need to carry our light for them to see – but to let them carry their light too.

BONUS Articles: Well… What Did You Expect?
Unfulfilled Expectations

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Saturday, December 7, 2013

Who Do You Love?

Filed under: Expectations,Relationships,Self-Love — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , ,

We get pretty much what we expect to get in our relationship. What we expect to get is what we focus on. If it turns out good, we should not be disappointed. If it turns out bad, we should not be disappointed. We got what we expected. What else did we expect to get?

iheartMEPerhaps we should learn to be in a relationship with no expectations. In a spirit of unity, only and always work together, all the time, to create the best relationship we can. All the time. With intention. In a spirit of unity. All the time.

If we could do that, maybe we wouldn’t have to be concerned about expectations when they surface; we would know things were always going to be as good as the people working on them. Perhaps that is why it is important to have a great relationship with ourselves.

When we can do a great relationship with ourselves, we can do a great relationship with our partner. We’re so busy waiting for someone to love us that we’ve forgotten about the one person we need to love first – ourselves.

Sometimes when we find someone special we begin to focus all our energy on them. What about you?

“Knowing how to love yourself is extremely important. Self love is at the very core of wellbeing, joy, self-empowerment, and your ability to create and enjoy the kind of life you want. You cannot enjoy happiness if you are not at peace with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have.” ~ WellBeingAlignment.com

There seems to be a lack of understanding about self-love. This isn’t surprising when you consider that the current definition of self-love on Dictionary.com is: conceit, vanity, and narcissism. What a shame.

Do you have unconditional love and respect for yourself? Are you treating yourself like a best friend? Loving ourselves is an inside job. Embrace yourself. Give yourself an occasional hug. Keep in mind that loving yourself isn’t selfish. The more loving you are to yourself, the more love you’ll be able to send out to the other people in your life – your family, your friends, and the people you love.

“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi

When we reach that place, we can have a great relationship with someone else because we already know how to be in a great relationship… with ourselves! When you get right down to it, love’s not a feeling, it’s a decision. So make a choice right now to love yourself and to work on loving yourself more fully day after day.

We have to accept the good and the bad about yourself, the mistakes and the triumphs. We have to actually look at ourselves in the mirror and really see who we are.

Forgive yourself of all of the thoughts, feelings, etc., you have that may keep you at a safe distance from loving you! Spread your arms out wide and tilt your head to the sky. You’ve chosen a higher path for yourself, and now you get to watch the clouds part and feel the sun shine on your face. There’s no better time than right now – yep, right this very minute! – to get started on some serious self-love. Go ahead… Shout it out: “I love me!!”

BONUS Article: 10 Really Easy Ways You Can Love Yourself More Today!
How to Actually Start Loving Yourself, Part One
5 Things “Loving Yourself” Actually Means

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Well. . . What Did You Expect?

Filed under: Expectations — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: ,

We get pretty much what we expect to get in our relationship. What we expect to get is what we focus on. If it turns out good, we should not be disappointed. If it turns out bad, we should not be disappointed. We got what we expected. What else did we expect to get?

expectationsPerhaps we should learn to be in a relationship with no expectations. In a spirit of unity, only and always work together, all the time, to create the best relationship we can. All the time. With intention. In a spirit of unity. All the time.

If we could do that, maybe we wouldn’t have to be concerned about expectations when they surface; we would know things were always going to be as good as the people working on them. Perhaps that is why it is important to have a great relationship with ourselves. When we can do a great relationship with ourselves, we can do a great relationship with two people.

When we reach that place, we can have a great relationship with someone else because we already know how to be in a great relationship. . . with ourselves!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

Filed under: Expectations,Guest Authors,Happiness,Personal Growth — Larry James @ 7:00 am
Tags: ,

Dana Saviuc, Guest Author

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

Let-Go1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” – Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” – Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind.” – Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

campbell9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.

10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.

“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

attachExpect14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them.

They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

danaCopyright © 2012 – Dana Saviuc. When nobody’s watching, I pretend I’m a moon sprite; transcendent, effervescent, ever curious. Yet my birth certificate says I’m a human born in Romania. Oh well. I’m an enthusiastic student of the arts, economics, psychology and spirituality – and I take great pleasure in shining light on life’s hidden truths, the paradoxes that both stare us in the face and hide from us in unison, as they silently shape our every waking moment. Visit Dana’s Blog and her Facebook page.

CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Working Together Helps Get Your Own Needs Met

Filed under: Expectations,Personal Growth — Larry James @ 7:00 am

workingtogetherWorking together in a love relationship to get your individual needs met and the mutual needs of the relationship and not have expectations about how those needs get met will always generate new things to talk about. Having expectations about how your needs get met is not only unrealistic it is an unhealthy attitude.

For example, if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn’t show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed.

A better way might be to have your need for being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you. Being okay with how they love you creates a sense of adventure; it creates new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience together. Often challenges show up.

However, when two people really love each other and are committed to work together, challenges like these create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to self-inquire. They then choose to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together, to be challenged by this new way of being and know that everything is going to be okay.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Monday, September 1, 2008

Expectations. . .

Filed under: Expectations,Relationships,Unfulfilled Expectations — Larry James @ 6:01 pm

We get pretty much what we expect to get in our relationship. What we expect to get is what we focus on. If it turns out good, we should not be disappointed. If it turns out bad, we should not be disappointed. We got what we expected. What else did we expect to get?

“Blaming others for the pain we feel each time someone fails to live up to our expectations is no different than burning our tongue on coffee that’s too hot to swallow, and then calling our cup an idiot!” ~ Guy Finley

Perhaps we should learn to be in a relationship with no expectations. In a spirit of unity, only and always work together, all the time, to create the best relationship we can. All the time. With intention. In a spirit of unity. All the time.

If we could do that, maybe we wouldn’t have to be concerned about expectations when they surface; we would know things were always going to be as good as the people working on them. Perhaps that is why it is important to have a great relationship with ourselves. When we can do a great relationship with ourselves, we can do a great relationship with two people.

When we reach that place, we can have a great relationship with someone else because we already know how to be in a great relationship. . . with ourselves!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2008 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Friday, November 26, 2004

Unfulfilled Expectations

Filed under: Expectations,Unfulfilled Expectations — Larry James @ 1:13 am

We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or disappointed. . . or both. Most people call this situation a problem; a problem we create by our expectations.

Try this: “no expectations, fewer disappointments.” It’s that simple. Not easy. Simple.

No expectations equal unconditional love. We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and when they don’t show up, we either chose to have conversations about them or not. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable, we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. However, always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the direction of failure.

“Okay,” you say, “that’s nice, but everyone has expectations!” Perhaps.

Today’s lesson to learn is this: Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. Think about it. Your most recent issue with your partner relates in some way to an expectation that you had that didn’t get fulfilled. Right?

“Blaming others for the pain we feel each time someone fails to live up to our expectations is no different than burning our tongue on coffee that’s too hot to swallow, and then calling our cup an idiot!” ~ Guy Finley

Instead of being consistently confused by what you “expect” from your partner (and seldom get), focus and communicate your “needs.” Most people do not do this. First, “you” must be clear about what you need from the relationship. Second, let your partner in on your little secret.

If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can, regardless of whether their choices are our choices, our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in.

In my experience as a relationship coach, I would rate “unfulfilled expectations” as number 2 in a list of relationship problems.

What are your comments on this?

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2007 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Author and Speakers BLOG” at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com

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