Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

The Absolute Best Way to Recharge Your Relationship

There’s nothing that recharges a relationship like “getting away.” Putting the pause button on life for a day, a weekend or a week, is vital to remembering why you got together in the first place.

People make all kinds of excuses as to why that can’t “get away.” First and foremost is, “I can’t take time off of work.” Our culture values work productivity over family and relationships. We view relaxation and leisure as lazy. The consequence is stress, burnout, and neglect of our most important relationships.

REL-GettingAwayOften the chronic complaint in couples counseling is that one partner feels the other puts work first. Only at the point where damage has been done to the relationship, does that partner make changes. Suddenly they find a way to finish their day earlier, or “unplug” when home.

Other excuses are lack of money, time, and childcare. Bob and I take a hard line here since we see the result of relationships being neglected: There are no valid excuses for not “getting away.” It doesn’t mean you have to leave town for a week or break the bank. More about that later.

Here’s why “getting away” is so important to your relationship. It:

1. Breaks the routine and let’s you slow down. Our lives tend to become like “Groundhog’s Day.” We focus more on doing than being. Unconsciously, we take our relationships for granted and the result may insidiously be “relational drift.”

2. Makes it easier to unplug and focus. We’ve become so plugged into our computers and cell phones that we don’t often unplug. This has led to less focus on deeper communication and connection with our partners.

3. Increases joy together. Getting away revitalizes our relationships. We remember what it is like to be free, to let down and let go of responsibilities for a short time; to play, to laugh, have fun together.

4. Creates positive memories that will last much longer than the time away. Just the memories and looking at pictures of fun times together can transport us back to that feeling. In this way, times away last much longer than they actually are and give us pleasure after they are over.

5. Provides privacy that you rarely get at home. When our children are in the home, we don’t have much privacy. Being away gives you space to walk around naked, and feel unrestrained.

6. Allows you to relax and have better sex. Sex at home when kids are around is not ideal. When they are little we are exhausted, and when they are not around there is always something that needs to get done. It’s easy to neglect sex. Getting away means you can’t do any cleaning up or home projects. It is forced relaxation. Sex is always best when we are relaxed. And sex in a new place is more exciting!

BONUS Article: It’s Never Too Late to Get Back on Track… S#XUALLY!
Make Everyday a FUNday!

Copyright © 2015 by Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD. Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, is a licensed counselor and co-founder of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center. Together with her husband, Bob, they encourage couples to consciously co-create their relationships in order to achieve a deeper, more intimate connection. You can visit Relationships Work online at: http://www.RelationshipsWork.com. Follow them on Facebook.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Sunday, January 11, 2015

Make Everyday a FUNday!

Are you just going through the routines of marriage without really enjoying the journey? It’s time to sample the flavor of FUN! You lose your sparkle when you don’t allow yourself to have fun. Do something ridiculously fun – look, if you’re not happy today, the fastest way to cure that is to just go have fun. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t make excuses. When was the last time you kicked back and had an awesome time? Most couples know their marriages are happier when they make time to have fun. It’s time to put more fun in your marriage or relationship.

Virtually every couple wants to keep their romance alive and fresh with fun things to do with one another. However, as life gets busy, fun seems to be one of the first thing to disappear. Never stop doing the things that brought you together in the first place!

FUNdaysNo matter how hard you work, or how much stress you have on your plate, make sure to do something fun every day. Make time for fun. Fun brings on happiness.

Everyone I know is busy, but we should make sure our schedule never gets so crowded that we cannot enjoy time with the love of our life. Many couples plan their fun for the weekends. That’s great. As a couple how do you avoid the struggles of the daily grind? Quick answer: Be passionate about having FUN! Whatever activity you choose, keep in mind that the main objective is to have fun.

Ruts are normal. Nearly all couples face them at one time or another, explains Alisa Bowman, author of Project: Happily Ever After. Most of us don’t evaluate or even notice when our other relationships – friendships, siblings, parents – get into ruts, but we constantly evaluate the health of our romantic relationships. “It’s important to notice a rut, because it’s often the first symptom that you are growing apart,” Bowman says. “But ruts are not terminal, and they can actually be quickly overcome.” Kiss hello before doing anything else when you get home. Kiss good-bye when you leave. Stay out of a rut by having more fun!

Be an everyday FUN activist! Laugh together. Lighten up. Tease each other. It will give the relationship you have with yourself and your partner a big boost.

“We don’t quit playing because we grow older, we grow older because we quit playing.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

Life gets busy and it can be hard to find time together, much less finding time to try new things. If the romance has faded, add both mystery and surprise because they mimic the emotional state of a new romance. I repeat – Never stop doing the things that brought you together in the first place!

To be consistent in doing this, you must make a commitment to you – set a goal to do so. Write your commitment down and pin it somewhere that has you notice it everyday. This will add new dimension, excitement and texture to your relationship.

Be creative in doing this. I’m a big list person and I recommend that you begin making a list. Let your mind run wild. Not just things that might be fun as you navigate through your crazy daily routine but things that you take the time to plan. Create a big vision of fun things to do together. If you haven’t been planning a little fun during your regular “daze” this could be a challenge and take a high degree of intention.

It helps to prioritize your marriage. Plan a weekly date together where the focus is to have fun and enjoy each other’s company. When you first began dating, you likely had many opportunities to fully enjoy each other’s company. We suggest you recreate those possibilities no matter how long you have been together. It’s a fact that couples who anticipate and participate in “exciting” date nights showed a significantly greater increase in marital satisfaction.

Make sure some of your fun include some laughter. Gentle pranks are always fun, but don’t get carried away. Safe is better than sorry.

LoveYourKids2Place an unexpected phone call to your sweetheart just to say, “I love you,” or “I was just thinking about you.” Learn to say “I Love You” in different languages and say it when they least expect it. Those three words never get old.

Create a “Bucket List” of fun things to do! Brainstorm together. Try for 100 new ideas. Stretch yourself. Focus on fun. Make plans to do something so you can look forward to it. Anticipate. Children are basically happy when they are having fun and looking forward to more fun. Be a kid again.

“Couples who know how to play and have fun together develop a bonding that can carry them through the most difficult of times,” writes Dr. Steve Stephens in his book, ‘Blueprints for a Solid Marriage.’ “When people get older and when they’ve been married longer, they just become boring,” Stephens says. “It’s not that they mean to get boring, it’s just that they haven’t intentionally figured out what would be something fun to do.”

Do yourself a favor. If you have children, allow them to see the two of you having fun. Occasionally make them a part of your funday. Family activities can show children how the parents react with each other. By the way, it’s okay to plan for alone time fun with each other as long as you plan some family fun time too. Loan out the kids. When you and your spouse do want a night alone, you can turn to your friends for your babysitting needs. Then, when they want a night out, you can offer to do the same for them.

Never allow yourself get so caught up in what you do day to day that you forget to have a little fun each and every day. Remember: It takes two people – both totally committed to making the marriage great.

It takes work to reignite the passion in your relationship. So next time you plan a fun date night, think about the elements of newness, novelty and the element of surprise. It’s important to spend quality time with the people you love and cherish. Marriage is supposed to be fun! Allow your marriage to soar!

How do you keep the fun in your marriage or relationship?

By the way… it is also wise to devote a few moments each day to yourself.

Let the fun begin!

BONUS Articles: Fun Things to do as a Couple
Kidding Around With Romance
50 Creative, Cheap Ways to Have Fun
Great Date Ideas

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Sunday, December 14, 2014

The Best Gift for Your Holiday Honey

Holi-DateBob Hollander, JD, LCSW-C and Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, Guest Authors

Are you wondering, what is the best gift for your honey this holiday season?

Relationships and marriages become stressed around the holidays. Too much to do and not enough time. What tends to fall to the bottom of our lists is making time to connect with our partners.

It doesn’t have to be this way. With just a little thoughtfulness, your relationship can flourish during the holidays. Several years ago Bob and I wrote about what we call “Holi-Dates.”

Holi-Date – A short, sweet date with your partner in December designed to revitalize you, your mate and your connection.

We believe Holi-Dates are the best gift for your “holiday honey.” Finding pockets of time or longer to share with each other can reduce stress, deepen your feelings of connection and turn the to-do list into something fun.

Our “Holi-Date” video will explain further. We hope it inspires you to do more connecting with your honey this season!

Some of our past favorite Holi-Dates:

• Day trip to NYC – the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall, skating at Rockefeller Center and FAO Schwartz toy store
• Ice skating and hot chocolate
• Symphony of Lights in Columbia
• The Chanukah House in Baltimore
• Hampden’s Miracle on 34th Street and cherry pie at Café Hon
• Barnes & Nobles – gift buying, and dessert and coffee at Starbucks
• Watching old Christmas movies at home

BONUS Articles: Rx for the Holiday Blues!
A Gift of the Heart
This Man Is Dating Someone Although He’s Married. Sounds Disgusting, AND I’m On His Side.
10 Ideas for a Date Night In
Date Night – No Less Than Once Each Week – No Excuses!

Copyright © 2014 by Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD. Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, is a licensed counselor and co-founder of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center. Together with her husband, Bob, they encourage couples to consciously co-create their relationships in order to achieve a deeper, more intimate connection. You can visit Relationships Work online at: http://www.RelationshipsWork.com. Follow them on Facebook.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Sunday, May 4, 2014

10 Ideas for a Date Night In

Filed under: Date Night,Relationships — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Right Honda, Guest Author

Take these fun routes to a little romance. While many people enjoy going on a date to the theater or to a restaurant, this isn’t always possible. Remember, however, that just as much fun and romance can be found at home. Here are 10 ideas for a date night in with your significant other.

Date-Night-INMassages ~ Switch on some calming music and give each other massages, creating an at-home spa.

Look through photo albums ~ Pull out those dusty photo albums and scrapbooks and flip through them, unearthing old memories that you both can either laugh or cry over.

Ice cream sundaes ~ Ice cream is one of the tastiest things in the world. Add some toppings such as chocolate syrup, sprinkles and whip cream, and enjoy together.

Movies ~ Rent every episode of your favorite television show and watch them all. Or, you could have a mini film festival and watch some romantic movies that you both love.

Poetry ~ Have a poetry reading where you each take turns reading poems or lines from your favorite books or authors. You both may discover something new about each other.

Card games ~ Blackjack, and other two-player games, are great for a couple to play. You could make some fun cocktails to sip on as you are playing. Use small change to place bets, or bet on personal favors.

Puzzles ~ Putting together a puzzle is a quiet way to spend time working on a project. Doing it with a loved one makes it even more fun because you can work with each other to find pieces.

CookingDateCook a special meal ~ Cook a mouthwatering meal together and feast on it while listening to music that means something to you as a couple. From steak to veggies, there are a slew of great options. Don’t forget the dessert, with a cherry on top. (Larry’s NOTE: Read this one again. It says, “Cook a mouthwatering meal together.” Together being the key word!) 😉

Make music ~ If you play an instrument or sing, perform a musical number for each other. Or you could do a duet: Guitar and vocals, vocals and piano, violin and saxophone, etc. If you can dance, put on a show for your partner.

Tell stories ~ Everyone has a ton of crazy or weird stories to tell, and telling them to each other can be a fun way to pass the time. Try to top each others’ stories. This is a great way to get to know secrets — or just tidbits — from your partner’s past.

While the glamor of a night on the town is appealing, staying home can be even more fun if you set it up correctly, as if your time together really matters. From a special meal to movies, spending time with your significant other is great, any way you choose to do it. Uncork a bottle of wine, put on your most attractive outfit, and have fun together.

BONUS Articles: Date Night – No Less Than Once Each Week – No Excuses!
Kidding Around With Romance
Need a Distraction From the Day-to-day?
Romance in a Jar…

righthondaCopyright © 2014 – Right Honda. This article is presented by Right Honda, Scottsdale, Arizona.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Thursday, January 16, 2014

This Man Is Dating Someone Although He’s Married. Sounds Disgusting, AND I’m On His Side.

Filed under: Date Night,Dating,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , ,

Jarrid Wilson, Guest Author

“I have a confession to make. I’m dating someone even though I’m married.

She’s an incredible girl. She’s beautiful, smart, cunning, strong, and has an immensely strong faith in God. I love to take her out to dinner, movies, local shows, and always tell her how beautiful she is. I can’t remember the last time I was mad at her for longer than five minutes, and her smile always seems to brighten up my day no matter the circumstances.

Married&DatingSometimes she will visit me at work unannounced, make me an incredible lunch, or even surprise me with something she personally baked. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be dating someone even though I am married. I encourage you to try it and see what it can do for your life.

Oh! Did I mention the woman I am dating is my wife? What did you expect?

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Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean your dating life should end.

I need to continue to date my wife even after I marry her. Pursuing my wife shouldn’t stop just because we both said, “I do.” Way too many times do I see relationships stop growing because people stop taking the initiative to pursue one another.

Dating is a time where you get to learn about someone in a special and unique way. Why would you want that to ever stop? It shouldn’t. Those butterflies you got on the first date shouldn’t stop just because the years have passed. Wake up each day and pursue your spouse as if you are still on your first few dates. You will see a drastic change for the better in your relationship.

When it comes to any relationship, communication and the action of constant pursuit is key. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to pursue them whole-heartedly.

I encourage you to date your spouse, pursue them whole-heartedly, and understand that dating shouldn’t end just because you said, “I do.”

Copyright © 2014 – Jarrid Wilson. Jarrid Wilson is a husband, pastor and author whose motivation is to help others find their identity in Christ. Jarrid is currently studying biblical studies and theology through Liberty University, and he plans to continue his education by obtaining a Master of Divinity. Visit Jarrid’s Website!

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Sunday, April 8, 2012

Date Night – No Less Than Once Each Week – No Excuses!

Filed under: Date Night,Dating,Romance — Larry James @ 8:00 am

Is there anything greater than date night with someone you love? Date night is such an exciting event and something to truly look forward to. Renew your taste for adventure! When jobs, kids, activities, housework and all the pressures of life compete for time and energy, when do couples actually have time to date each other? The ones who really love each other know that they must “make” time for date nights. Never be too busy to date each other.

Never put your partner at the end of your “to do” list. They belong at the top.

theChildrenThe most important part of date night is the time to relax and reconnect – to take a “time out” for yourself and your relationship. Put all the stuff of the relationship aside for that night. Try really hard not to talk about the kids, work, etc., just you as a couple. This is in bad form on date night.

Marital bliss is not something that just magically happens after you say, “I do.” It’s a relationship where both parties need to communicate about what’s going on in your life. There is a line in my “romantic” wedding ceremony that says, “Never stop doing the things that brought you together in the first place.”

Perhaps it would be wise for you both to work on a list of things you like to do with each other or things you haven’t yet done with each other. Next, take turns planning at least one date night each week. If you have children, never use them as an excuse not to be together. Hire a sitter or make a deal with a close friend to take turns watching each others children on your date nights. Have a trusted friend watch them at their house and enjoy a night in your own home without the kids.

Kimberly Linton says: “My view is that date night can have tremendous health benefits we all can agree on:”

• Improves a healthy sex life
• Reduces stress – reduced blood pressure
• People live longer in good satisfying relationships
• Improves mood and decreases depression
• Keeps couples feeling young and vibrant

Date nights can vary from dinner, movies, hiking, long walks, free concerts in the park, or just laying in our hammock. It’s so exciting planning and getting ready for the date and knowing it’s really all about making each other feel good. It’s great to have something to look forward to do together.

feet-in-tub-mdThe options for a date night are endless. Here are a few Hot Date Night ideas:

Don’t go to a kid-friendly restaurant is the first rule of date night.

Although drive-in movies are pretty much disappearing. . . if you have one near you, perhaps a drive-in make-out session might be in order.

Your ROI (return on investment) in your relationship will manifest itself in ways you cannot imagine when you make a promise to your partner to create a once-a-week, “date night!” AND, keep your word. Let nothing prevent your weekly get together.

Be romantic. Cuddle. Flirt. Express your love aloud. Once in awhile pretend it’s your very first date. Rent a “romantic” movie and snuggle while you watch it together. Spending time together strengthens your bond. Building a successful relationship is a never ending process. Date night will relight the fire and keep it burning red hot. What is important is that you actually “plan” ahead to have a weekly date night. No excuses.

“Boredom is a leading of cause of divorce. Regular date nights keep the boredom at bay and are the antidote to the mind-numbing fatigue that comes with everyday life. They keep the flame of attraction burning bright and give you a toehold out of the delivery-pizza-and-Netflix rut that too many couples slip into.” ~ Shela Camenisch Dean

If you don’t plan date nights, you’re making a BIG mistake. Your relationship is a thing that must be nourished. Take the one you love away for a few hours and really listen to each other. It’s really okay to hold hands and make gaga eyes at each other all night long. The measure of a successful date is usually the good-night kiss.

BONUS Articles: 100 Great Date-Night Ideas
50 Great Date Night Ideas
100+ Great Date Night Ideas

datenightCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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