Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Thursday, September 24, 2015

“Nothing!”

“What wrong, honey?”

(Sigh)… “Nothing!”

Hmmm. The silent treatment begins! You are aware she’s on the brink of an explosion, but still none the wiser about what really went wrong. Silence is often the woman’s loudest cry. Clue: You know she’s hurting when she begins ignoring you.

REL-WhatsWrongMaybe she thinks I can read her mind. Maybe she wants me to ask her again. Maybe nothing is wrong, but why is she shutting me out? Maybe she’s in a bad mood. Maybe she just need downtime, or sleep. Maybe she just needs a hug. Why can’t she just tell me what’s wrong? Why is she being so cryptic? What am I supposed to do?

Perhaps one of the reasons she can’t bring herself to tell you what’s wrong is that you’ve not been very receptive to hearing about the issues in your relationship. If that’s the case, you now know what you have to work on.

This is not necessarily just a “woman thing,” though it’s often stereotyped that way. Men do it too. Women are often hard to understand. Men, too. This is never a good way to handle conflict in an adult relationship. Women (and men) need to know that you have to spell it out.

“How can you not know what’s bugging me? You should know considering YOU did this to me.”

The truth is, nothing means something. This is often not about what you did wrong, but more about what you failed to do, or what you didn’t do at all. Some men flat don’t get the gist and just blindingly continue as if nothing is wrong. Big mistake. Others are fixers. They feel that the sooner the truth comes out the sooner you both can work out the issue.

“She doesn’t want to talk about it yet. If she betrays any hint of this, then proffer: “Maybe you don’t want to talk about it now. That’s OK. Why don’t you let me know when you’re ready to talk about it? I’m always here and I’ll be all ears.” You might want to hug her at this point too so your actions and words reek of sensitivity.” ~ Chelsia Toon

GuiltyPerhaps the best thing to do in this situation is approach her, touch her softly and tell her you care about her and you’re not going anywhere until you’re sure everything is okay.

“Okay, sweetie. I think something is bothering you. I trust you when you tell me there is nothing wrong and I know you wouldn’t lie to me, so I won’t ask again. (Keep your word and don’t ask again). Please know that I love you and you can talk to me about anything. I’m here to listen even if what you say is hard for me to hear. I promise. Let me know when you’re ready.”

Generally speaking, if it needs to be shared, trust that it will be in its own time and don’t rush her on it. Hopefully she will snap out of her funk. It’s important to be as sensitive, supportive and as helpful as possible so she doesn’t need to worry about anything else on top of her current concerns. Give her some space.

The #1 problem in most relationships is “undelivered communication.” We withhold something that needs to be said, or someone withholds from us, and we get upset. In a situation where there is something that needs to be said, we get stopped for some reason, and communication doesn’t happen. Withholding never works.

It’s the things you don’t say. You don’t say them because the last time you did, someone got really upset and you don’t want to go through that again, so you clam up. Then one day he doesn’t take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it’s not about the garbage… it’s about all the things you didn’t say. Not talking about what’s going on inside your head can be a relationship killer.

Communicate. Talk. Communicate in the most loving way you can. It’s from this place of taking responsibility that your communication with the other person will have real power. If you are angry, stop and “think” before you speak. You can’t un-ring a bell.

BONUS Article: Why Your Friend Says Nothing Is Wrong
Reboot Your Relationship With These 10 Ideas!
Before You Give Up…
Confrontation is Not a 4-Letter Word
Guys! Know When to Zip Your Lip!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Sunday, August 23, 2015

It’s Not WHAT You Say, But HOW You Say It!!!

Kathleen Thoren, Guest Author

Sound too Old School? Perhaps.

What has made this saying stick around for so long? Because its true and powerful!

REL-HowUsayITBut wait a minute! If what we say is true, why does it matter HOW it’s said? Truth is truth!

It’s human nature to go into defensive mode if one feels they are being attacked. No matter how true your words may be, when words feel like weapons, the other person will automatically be ready to fight or retreat.

Caution! HOW you say something can change its entire meaning. And when you are stressed, HOW you say something matters even more. At these times, turn yourself into an “Investigator” instead of a “Judge” by using the phrase “Isn’t That Interesting”. This changes your perspective and focus from judge of who is right and wrong to INVESTIGATOR of facts and feelings.

Investigators ask questions to broaden understanding, learn, clarify, and absorb another person’s point of view – without necessarily agreeing with it.

So, if we use excellent skills such as asking questions, listening, exploring possibilities and being open to change, then we’re communicating effectively, right?

Again, not so fast! Check out your non-verbal cues and vocal inflections. Is your body language and intonation congruent with your words?

LoveHow to Communicate More Effectively

Ask Questions… with curiosity and calm VS with accusation and agitation

Listen… with eye contact and acknowledging “uh-huh’s” VS with a frown and suspicion

Explore New Ideas… with courage and openness VS with negativity and “sighs” of dismay

Offer Suggestions… with encouragement and hope VS emotionally aloof impatience

Share Your Feelings… with honesty and confidence VS with hostility or wishy-washiness.

Take responsibility for your feelings/reactions. You do not want to ignore your first reactive thoughts and feelings. Even though they may not be helpful for communication in the heat of the moment, they are very important to address later in a safe environment alone or with a trusted friend or mentor.

Give these tools a try and we believe they will improve your communication with those in your life and create a happier atmosphere for you and them.

BONUS Articles: Confrontation is Not a 4-Letter Word
Guys! Know When to Zip Your Lip!
You Cannot Not Talk…
Say Something…

KathleenThorenCopyright © 2015 by Kathleen Thoren. With an MA in Counseling, Kathleen Thoren has worked with clients individually and in groups through her private practice in Tempe, AZ. For 22 years as a relationship specialist, she helps people break free from what keeps them from experiencing happy, harmonious relationships and the life they want. Visit Kathleen’s Facebook page and Website.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Stop Talking About Your Relationship and Just Live It

Filed under: Arguments,Communication,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Scott Christian, Guest Author

It’s no secret that communication is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship. But there is such a thing as over communicating. Sometimes talking can become the root of the problem rather than the solution to it. When this happens, it’s important to be able to take a step back and recognize that words are no replacement for actions.

You can talk about how something needs to change until you’re blue in the face, but unless you actually implement the changes, nothing will ever get better.

Fight over TV remote

Fight over TV remote

This is a somewhat simplistic and low-stakes example, but it illustrates my point. When I was just out of college I had a (fairly horrible) roommate who would regularly call house meetings in order to talk about how the house was always a mess. She would get all revved up about implementing a cleaning schedule, but then never actually follow through with it herself.

But that didn’t stop her from constantly talking about how we all had a responsibility to pull our own weight. Obviously she was an annoying narcissist, but she does provide a good example of the type of person who doesn’t understand that talking is only the first part of the solution.

“Talk’s cheap! Show me!” ~ Larry James

When it comes to most arguments in a marriage or a relationship, they usually erupt from little more than differing points of view. One person sees something one way, the other sees it the opposite way, fighting ensues. And as I’ve written here before, it’s important in a fight to try to understand, not try to win.

But often, that understanding comes from listening to more than the actual words coming out of your partner’s mouth. It comes from “listening” to your entire life together, i.e. being observant and less self-absorbed. Talking has its place. But being other-centered and self-aware will always trump mere words.

Very often, the best couples I’ve known seem to intuit what the other is thinking before they actually say it out loud. Obviously this sort of unspoken connection takes time build, but the way to get there involves being present and engaged with your partner rather than merely asking them what they want. Which is what I mean by living your relationship rather than talking it.

You have to take in everything about them, their motivations, their fears, what makes them happy or bummed out. It requires you to get out of your own head, or as in the case of our generation, your phone, and actually absorb the life that’s happening around you. Talking will never be enough to fully connect with the person you’re married to. So stop all that talking and just live your lives together. You’ll be amazed by what you discover if you do.

ScottChristianCopyright © 2015 by Scott Christian. Scott is a culture and lifestyle writer whose work has appeared in Esquire, The Guardian, GQ, Mashable, and Glamour. Scott also writes for TheNest.com. He currently lives in New York.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Monday, July 6, 2015

Got Answers? We’ve Got Questions!

Filed under: Communication,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: ,

Have some intimate conversations about these questions with your partner. Be honest with one another. See what you can learn about each other and your relationship.

Are you “being” the right partner?

Do you rush your way through the daily relationship routine without thinking about what you say before you say it?

Is your relationship in breakdown?

Is your time with your partner a Horror Show?

Are you a monotonous bore?

REL-q&aDo you want to be happy in your relationship or right!?

Are you experiencing anger and frustration over something that should have been forgiven long ago?

Does you relationship seems like random nothingness?

Do you look at your iPOD play list for advice and solace?

Do you have a habit of retreating into the doldrums as an avoidance technique?

Are you thrilled by your own opinion, yet disagree or argue when your partner expresses their own?

Are you content to be warmed by the dying embers of your relationship rather than give up being right?

Are you drowning in disillusionment?

Who would you have to become to have your relationship be great?

Are you emotionally lost?

Do you babble to yourself about your relationship blunders, yet have little intention of changing your behavior?

Is neglect an unwelcome visitor to your relationship?

Does nothing ever come true on your relationship wish list?

Feeling completely empty; no emotions, no feelings, no energy?

Approaching full-blown relationship burnout?

Do you spend half your day trying to turn the other half around?

Do you resist the adjustments needed to change attitudes and thoughts about your relationship? Do you get lost in those thoughts?

Is your relationship stuck on replaying the same old stuff?

Is it disturbing to ponder such inquiries?

It is not necessary to love everything about yourself to like who you are!

Perhaps your quest for a better relationship with yourself and your partner should involve some serious soul-searching. A little introspect into what is going on within you; what you are thinking about your partner; what you are feeling, etc. This never hurt anyone. Maybe it’s time to push the relationship reset button.

Take time for reflection. Make it a time of promise for a new and better vision for the relationship you are in. The future holds great things for you and your partner. Be excited to see the change come. Celebrate it!

Time is creeping up on you. Every minute that passes by is never going to be there again. Every minute is a missed opportunity to work on your relationship and to make a new promise to never waste another minute.

No matter what your current conundrum is, you can begin again. Start from scratch. Forgive what needs to be forgiven and move forward.

Squealing your tires doesn’t get you there any faster. In other words, change that lasts, takes time. Slow down but get started now!

Make some notes in your journal.

Have some intimate conversations about these questions with your partner. Be honest with one another. See what you can learn about each other and your relationship.

BONUS Articles: For Your Eyes Only

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Reboot Your Relationship With These 10 Ideas!

Okay! It’s time to get serious!

If your friends could watch the behind-the-scenes footage of your relationship, would they still think you are the perfect couple?

Perhaps it’s time to reboot your relationship; to bring some excitement back into it – remember how you both felt about each other when you were first together?

REL-Reboot2Often relationships tend toward a slow fade. By that I mean that the more and the longer you are together, one partner (sometimes both) begins to take the other for granted. What you take for granted… disappears. You have become a married single. You are still together and when you awake together in the morning, neither partner seems to really be emotionally there for the other. Your relationship is in a funk. That’s not quite what you signed up for. Right?

Here are a few thoughts to focus on that might help you both get back on track. I suggest that you print two copies of this article, both find a quiet spot, put some of your favorite music on in the background, and each read the article and then share some of what hit you between the eyes. Then make time to offer some new promises to do and be differently in your relationship.

1. Pay attention. Part of being together is remembering to be “aware” of your partner. You are in each others lives and you need to acknowledge that paying attention to your partner shouldn’t only happen when something has gone sideways. It’s time for you to really BE in your partner’s life. Notice things. Notice when a family member needs a word of praise instead of another problem to fix. Look for the good. Catch them doing something right and show your love and affection in words and deeds. Be inspired by the wonderful things you share. Enthusiasm for your relationship is contagious.

2. Demonstrate your sensitivity. Remember to keep special days and anniversaries in your family at the top your list. Send a special card to to surprise your partner – not an e-mail or text… U.S. Post Office delivered. Put a “Love” stamp on it. Listen attentively when your partner is speaking. No distractions… it’s your “partner” speaking. Be a sensitive and committed listener. Be sensitive to your partner’s needs – even if you don’t understand. Part of being sensitive is to allow your partner to fully express their feelings without judgement and sometimes without any response but a warm and tender hug.

3. Plan PlayDates. Take the lead and offer some ideas – even if you are always the one to do this. Once you’ve had a great time together, talk about doing this more often and let your partner know that next time is their time to shine. Having a social life together and taking care of yourself aren’t mutually exclusive. Activities together bring the best kind of balance to your crazy awesome life. PlayDates can breathe some energy into your relationship. Believe the magic you share. Have more fun. Fun is about spontaneity. Fun finds us when it wants to and our job is to be ready for it. The couples that play together, stay together.

“To be able to row with the flow, you must be fully present in the current moment. When you are replaying the past in your head or projecting a possible future in your mind, you cannot fully experience what’s going on right here and right now.” – Steven Lane Taylor

4. Be completely present. Leo Babauta once said, “If you are completely present, external forces are no longer a problem, because there is only you and that external force, in this moment, and not a million other things you need to worry about.” Social media and other digital distractions don’t interrupt us if we close them out and learn to pour ourselves completely into the present task of being present in our relationship. It becomes more a mode of being rather than a task on your to-do or someday list. Relationships should be worked on “all the time,” not only when they are broken and need to be fixed. The practice of noticing more is how we get more present and mindful.

5. Have meaningful conversations. Some of the couples I have coached have shared that they only seem to talk about things that need their attention. Your relationship demands your attention and the best way to give it is to converse. Actually speak to each other. A kiss or a hug from your partner when you come home can help change a bad day to something better. When your partner comes home, give him/her at least 30 minutes to adjust from the days work to being home. After that quick time lapse you might ask, “What’s the best thing that happened to you today?” You might be surprised at the answer, and at least you are talking. Have no withheld communication. Ask each other questions to learn more about each other. Question the answers. “Tell me something about you that I don’t know?” The only questions that really matter are the ones you ask each other. Stop talking about things that don’t matter. Express your hopes and dreams. Learn to talk about anything and everything – that is relevant to your relationship – all the time, in the most loving way possible. Talk. Listen. Talk. Listen.

6. Healthy is beautiful. Get your fitness buzz on together. Take a hike. Eat nutritious food. Work out, together. Live at full volume. Throw a party. Less sugar. More fruit. Less meat. More vegetables. Less soda. More water. Less driving. More walking. Less worry. More sleep. Less words. More action. Healthy is the new beauty. Be active. … And travel the “healthy is beautiful” road together.

“Losing weight doesn’t start with diet or exercise. It starts with believing that you deserve to be healthy.” ~ Dr. Phil McGraw

7. Upgrade your naughty. Be intimate often. When you were new lovers, you talked a lot and sex was easy. Introduce some new sexy to your intimacy. It will help you to never be bored in bed. Say (out loud) what you like and what you would rather not do. Flirt. Phone sex can be fun, too. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you. Open a dialogue about what really turns the both of you on but do not do it while you are in the middle of making Love. Talk. Listen, etc. Have morning sex. “That’ll get your day started!!” Light some candles. Get tangled up together. Take turns giving each other a warm luxurious massage. Silliness is a great way to be vulnerable with one another. That silliness communicates intimacy and closeness. Physical agility can be helpful too, but emotional flexibility will really improve your sex life. The longer you and your partner are together, the more you need options. Agree to have an occasional quickie every now and then.

“Upping the kink factor in your relationship can actually be a great way for those of us who are more vanilla to break out of shells and experiment with something new. It can also be a way of feeling closer to our partner.” ~ Author Unknown

calvin-hobbes-motivation8. Laff a lot. Wear your best smile. It looks good on you. Smiling communicates a feeling of well being and it is also contagious. Wearing a genuine smile will truly capture your partner’s attention. Express your sense of humor. Laugh together. One couple I coached told me that the make it a point to tell each other a joke everyday – her one day, him the next. When you laugh together, no matter what is going on, things just seem a little less troublesome. People who laugh a lot are much healthier than those who don’t. Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones, and strengthens the immune system. It elevates your mood. Laugh a lot, and when you’re older, all your wrinkles will be in the right places. 😉

9. Show off your best self. Be your best self. Be glamourous. Be kind. Be happy – it’s a choice, you know. Looking your best self means figuring out what’s attractive about you and and choosing to show that side to your partner and the world. When you look great, you feel great. Improve your posture. Stand erect. Don’t slouch. Wear clothes that fit. Take care of your skin. No matter what you’re wearing, if your skin looks dull and dry you won’t be showing the world your best self. Be aware of how you are being.

10. Be good at being different. Different is good so don’t try so hard to fit in. Forge your own path. If you follow the crowd, you disappear in it. Go for goose bumps. Trying something new and exciting on a regular basis goes a long way in breaking the monotony and turning the heat back up in your relationship. Explore your differences and search for more things that you and your partner have in common. Common ground can be found in music, sports or a passion for what is new and trendy or very traditional. Often you need to meet in the middle. Do something with your partner that you would rather not do. For example, if he likes to go fishing and you don’t, make a deal with him. You will go fishing with him and next time he will do something that you like to do and he doesn’t. The point is being together… together.

Just going through the motions on autopilot quickly zaps the energy and joy out of relationships. Follow these rebooting ideas and they will take your relationship from Ho-Hum To Woo-HOO!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Thursday, March 12, 2015

“Don’t Change! I Love You Just the Way You Are!”

Is this something you may have heard before? Hmmm. I doubt it.

DontChangeOh, but if we could all say this and that it were the truth.

I guessing that for some of you, if you ever heard that statement, it might bring up all the things that you secretly know about yourself that could (and probably should) be changed – and if they were, would better contribute to a more healthy and happy relationship.

Others might begin to think about all the things that they think their partner thinks about them. We all have stuff that should be changed.

No one is perfect. We all have things about ourselves and things that annoy us about our partner that we wish they would change. It may not make much sense, but sometimes, annoyances come in the smallest packages.

• Not putting the toilet seat down. (It’s purely a matter of respect).
• Rolling the toilet paper the wrong way. (Have two bathrooms? Problem solved!)
• Leaving clothing for your partner to pick up. (It’s also a matter of respect).
• Stopping smoking or not taking your smoke break anywhere but in the house.
• Invalidating your partner’s feelings. (“I hate my job!” ~ “You shouldn’t feel that way.”)
• When your partner speaks… you LISTEN!
• Not remembering to say, “I love you,” at least once each day!
• Being constantly late for everything.
• Raising your voice and holding on to being “Right!”
• Nagging. (Men AND woman are guilty of this one)
• Knowing you will be late, and not calling your partner to tell her/him!
• Not giving your partner a romantic HUG at least once a day.
• Not being man enough to stop and ask for directions!
• Saying you’re fine when you’re obviously not fine.
• Not thinking before you speak. Weight your words before you say them ~ especially if you are angry.
• Not giving your partner some space when they need it.
• Having unrealistic expectation about your relationship.
• Saying, “I’ll do it later,” which means one or two weeks from now.
• Shutting down and not talking when you are angry and when your partner asks, “What’s wrong?” you say, “Nothing!”
• Not saying, “I’m sorry,” when you know you are wrong or did something that disappoints your partner.
• Spending too much time on your computer and not enough time with your partner.
• Not doing your share of the household chores. (Guys: Women rarely argue with a man who is doing chores!) 😉
• Not taking your partner out to dinner and not leaving your cell phone at home.
• Listening with empathy when your partner has had a bad day. Just listening, not being a Mr. or Mrs. Fix-It!
• Talking down to your partner.
• Drinking directly out of the orange juice carton.
• Rejecting all your partner’s compliments. (When your partner compliments you, all you have to do is smile and say, “thank you.” That’s it.)

Hmmm. The above list are a few of the little things that often piss us off! Some might say some of them are not so little. 😉 They show up frequently in my coaching sessions. Most are petty issues. After a while your irritability level goes up and even minor mistakes are more than you can take. If you spend much time with anybody then you are bound to eventually be annoyed by the small things. Sometimes it’s important to consider the matter so trivial it isn’t worth the discord it causes. The trick is to look beyond those petty annoyances and see the real person that’s there – the person you say you love.

toilet-roll-2Take a deep breath, bite your tongue, and think logically before starting an argument about something. Begin by asking myself “Does it really matter?” or “Am I just overreacting?” Give others the benefit of the doubt as much as you can. Carefully choose the things you argue about. How you argue – especially how you end an argument – can determine the long-term success or failure of your relationship. Expressing your feelings is fine, but finesse is required. If something your partner does annoys you more that 2 or 3 times, it’s time to talk about it.

“You have to color outside of the lines once in a while if you want to make your life to be a masterpiece.” ~ Albert Einstein

In other words, there must be some changes you both can make to make your relationship a masterpiece. Working together. Setting aside your petty differences and focusing on doing whatever it takes to create the kind of relationship you both can be happy in; one that allows forgiveness and a commitment to make and keep some mutually beneficial new promises.

Promise each other that there will be no “undelivered communication!” Withholding important conversation from your partner nearly always proves to be the destructive force behind the, “My partner will not listen to me!” or “My partner will not talk to me” complaint.

Instead of complaining, deliver the communication – in a loving way – to your partner. The number one problem in relationships is undelivered communication. It’s the things we don’t communicate because the last time we did, it caused a confrontation, argument, anger, frustration and we want to avoid these feelings so we stuff them. The next thing you know is, your partner didn’t take out the garbage and you want a divorce and it’s not about the garbage. Your ability to communicate is important and helps with feeling more of a bond with your partner, but if nothing changes, you’ll be having the same conversations again in a week.

We must learn to distinguish between expectations and needs. Everyone has a need to be loved, to be understood, to be accepted and to be forgiven when necessary. For us to have expectations about how those needs get fulfilled can only cause disappointment.

It’s important to come up with a plan for what needs to change. If you stop there and do nothing else, you’ll still be doing better than the average yelling match. However, if you want to be sure that this becomes a habit, reward yourselves. Cuddling, watching a movie, or having good old-fashioned makeup sex are all positive ways to end an argument on a happy note. Remember to say, “I love you,” and give a long, heart-felt hug.

It’s the little things we do for each other that help the relationship grow!

If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can, regardless of whether their choices are our choices, our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in.

BONUS Articles: The Truth About Relationship Expectations
Relationship Rescue: How To Negotiate The ‘Small Stuff’

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Sunday, March 8, 2015

Before You Give Up…

A survey of counseling professionals from YourTango.com – one of the the digital leaders in love and relationships – offers compelling insights into why marriages fail.

Be4UgiveUP2The leading cause of divorce? Communication problems, followed by sexual infidelity and “not spending enough time together/not mutually prioritizing the marriage.”

When you have a problem, not communicating with your partner about it sends a message of its own. They get to make up what they think the non-spoken messages convey. Women are skilled in this activity. 😉

She might conclude that you do not love her as much as you used to. She might decide you just do not care anymore. HER lesson is to understand that when you do talk, it is time to honor YOUR feelings and just listen. On the other hand – what is she supposed to think? You won’t talk! You often totally close down at the most inopportune times, sometimes because you don’t know what to say or how to say it.

Maybe you are afraid you might appear weak, or she might lose respect for you, and on and on. Maybe it is because every time you do allow yourself to become vulnerable enough to talk, she butts in with HER feelings!

The typical woman has a need to verbalize, communicate, declare, express, vent, chatter, discuss, dialogue and debate the problem; she needs to continue to talk about it until she is finished talking about it. To her, this means she cares. It is the way SHE solves problems. YOUR lesson is to know that this is the way she is.

Some couples give up too easily! He doesn’t take out the garbage and she want’s a divorce and it’s not about the garbage! Undelivered communication is a relationship killer. Being emotionally honest and having intimate conversations can cause you to feel vulnerable.

When two people really love each other, they openly and honestly communicate. They talk about what matters. No withholds. They have learned to talk about anything, and everything… all the time, and I must add… that is relevant to their relationship.

If the relationship you are in doesn’t feel like there is a lot of love showing up, it’s time to begin demonstrating a higher commitment to finding that love again.

For those who might give in and let go of a potentially great marriage, think about what breaking up means. Take your time. Think some more. What were you feeling when your partner proposed? What were you thinking? What happened that even has you “thinking” about leaving? Think about that. What “REALLY” happened. Be honest. Let go and allow yourself to inspect what happened. You are not allowed to blame your partner. Forgive. Forgive YOU first, then whoever else needs forgiveness. Have a candid conversation with your partner about what you are “feeling” and what’s next.

It’s more fun to stay together and to make up than to deal with the stress that often happens when you are alone and lonely.

Don’t get me wrong. Not every relationship issue is solvable for the benefit of both. And there is always a time to let go and move on. Only you can decide.

So… before you give up, communicate! It’s time to wake up… NOW… not break up! Don’t let your relationship fizzle. Have a candid talk with yourself first, then a candid conversation together. (A calm, loving, low decibel conversation, works best!).

So, how can couples divorce-proof their marriages? Sixty-five percent of experts agree the most effective way is by improving communication, followed by decreasing negativity/criticism. Only about four percent cited more or better sex.

Final Thought: If you need help, ask for it!

BONUS Article: For Men Only – Have No Undelivered Communication!
Together… Until the Love Runs Out
Halfway to Each Other…

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Together… Until the Love Runs Out

Just Married… “It all started out perfectly. We were so in Love, but somewhere along the way the Love ran out!”

When you fall in love with someone, the infatuation you both experience is exhilarating. You are elated. Everything is just dandy. You are doing the happy dance! You both are sure this will all help hold the relationship together.

Life is good. AND then…

TillLoveRunsOutWhat you take for granted… disappears! You stop dating. Bad mistake. Those sexy lover’s talks turn into lover’s quarrels, then arguments or disagreements become more prevalent. Children are born (Hmmm, didn’t expect so many changes) – more responsibility. Effective communication is on a downward spiral. Differences in their personalities and opinions begin to surface. Resentments begin to build. There’s not much sexual intimacy anymore, if any. The relationship feels empty. You move progressively farther apart. You both begin to lose interest and then someone says the “D” word!

“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest, never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.” – Ann Landers

He leaves his dirty underwear on the floor for her to pick up. She nags him to help her with the housework and he says, “Ill get to it later,” and never does. She begins to shut down. He knows she’s angry but when he asks her, “What’s the matter?” she gives him the silent treatment or walks away. Communication is by far the single biggest aspect that holds lovers together or tears them apart.

First of all, the Love doesn’t run out. It’s still there. We simply allow the fire for each other to go out. You must consistently fan the flames with Love and attention. Probably not on purpose, but when you stop working on the relationship and begin to take each other for granted, what would you expect? It takes work – the kind of work you do together – to keep the fire burning. It takes a lot of energy and commitment. Never lose sight of why you married your partner in the first place. Successful relationships do not work on autopilot.

Why do couples drift apart? Couples drift apart when they do not take time to talk and listen to each other. Ask him or her and the answer you usually get is that they’ve just drifted apart. It’s time to get rid of the drift word. Never allow yourselves to drift apart.

Holding on to what doesn’t work and being too darn stubborn to try to make it better serves no one and makes no sense. A stubborn person always thinks they are RIGHT. They are often into being right so deep that there seems to be no way out and sometimes that drift happens so slowly that they just don’t notice until it’s too late.

“Oh, no! I didn’t see that coming!” A comment like this usually comes from someone who was being complacent and was taking their partner for granted.

How does this happen? What makes people run away instead of holding on to each other, letting go of what doesn’t work and renewing their intention to allow the relationship to heal when tough times happen?

A twice-married woman summarized her attitude toward drifting in the following manner: “I think drifting describes so many people in this world, especially with so much external pressure and stimulation hitting us constantly. We deal with it all by not dealing with it at all. It certainly expresses what I do about so much that is difficult to face in my life.”

It’s time to reconnect! Here are only a few of the changes you should consider working on:

• focus on communicating better and more often
• become better listeners
• avoid blaming
• begin dating again – Make one night each week a date-night
• take responsibility for your actions and feelings
• spend more time together as a couple – Discover new activities you can enjoy together
• be more affectionate and considerate
• surprise each other with special things, not just on special days
• become partners in parenting
• respect each other’s differences
• find moments to connect with your partner many times every day
• support each other in extended family conflicts
• invent new ways to nurture your relationship
• journal your feelings in a private journal
• remember to say, “I love you” (out loud) to your partner at least once every day (more often is best!)
• place a priority on spending quality time together
• be proactive by creating a plan together
• overlook those small negative habits your partner has that get under your skin – Focus on what you Love about them
• seek professional coaching

Now begins the restoration of your marriage and the path to reconnection! Prevent yourselves from drifting apart by making your marriage a top priority. Growing together as a couple is an essential component in any happy marriage. Are you willing to change?

“We can do no great things; only small things with great love.” ~ Mother Teresa

BONUS Articles: 12 Real Reasons Why Couples Drift Apart Over Time
“How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways…,”
Back to the Future
Reasons Why
The Do’s and Don’ts – When Your Partner Becomes Distant

broken-heartCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Visit Larry’s Relationship Pin Board on Pintrest @ http://www.pinterest.com/larryjames2012/relationships-blog/

Friday, October 31, 2014

Don’t Try This at Home!

Relationships can be awesome. For them to be awesome… they take work. They take paying close attention to them, nurturing them and expressing lots of love in many different ways. Here are a few things that you may need to work on.

Never say hurtful things to your partner. Telling your partner that you really didn’t mean what you said is a lie. You meant it when you said it. Don’t let too much time go by before you say, “Im sorry. I was wrong to say that,” and move on.

DontTryThisDon’t ignore your partner. Giving your partner the cold shoulder because you are angry only drives a wedge between the two of you. Communicate. Pay attention to your partner.

Never offer advice unless it is asked for. Offer a listening ear instead. Your ears will never get you in trouble. Don’t talk. Be a good listener.

Don’t be a cheater. Usually cheater cheat because they are not getting what they need from the relationship they are in. Learn to ask for what you need from the relationship.

Stop being judgmental. Allow your partner to be who they really are. If you are constantly judging your partner for what they do or say, it might be good to reflect that upon yourself.

Don’t be a complainer. Begin by focusing on the positive things that show up around you.

Don’t hold back what you are feeling. And don’t fake your feelings. Saving up does’t work. When you bottle up emotions, it is going to end up in a huge fight.

Don’t be apathetic. Avoid audioapathy. That is a word I coined to identify someone who is apathetic to listening to their partner.

Don’t say you will do something but never do it. You are only as good as your word.

Give up being jealous! Being jealous is a cry for more love, but is a dysfunctional and dangerous way to ask for it.

Stop trying to change your partner. Instead, focus on changing yourself to be someone who accepts your partner for who they are. Always encourage growth and change. The art of caring for another is rooted in love and respect.

Stop trying to be someone you aren’t. Admit your weaknesses. You re not a superhero. Talk about them. Ask for assistances.

Don’t neglect their own self-awareness. Always take care of you!

Stop being suspicious of your partner. Trust is paramount. It is the foundation of a healthy relationship. If you don’t trust your partner to be faithful, honest, caring or anything else, then you’re not in a good relationship. AND you are the only one who change how they feel. They don’t let fear overpower your love and trust.

Get rid of your expectations. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. When you don’t get what you expect, you get disappointed. When you get disappointed, sometimes you get angry, frustrated, resentful, etc. Focus on what you NEED from your relationship and don’t settle for anything less.

Don’t keep secrets from each other. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Remember, omissions are lies. Be open and honest in your relationship. Being honest is the only way to be at peace with yourself and others.

Don’t focus on the past. Let it go. Be present in the present. Always remember… forgiveness works.

Don’t focus on your partner’s flaws. Maintain sincere love in your heart for them. The more you see the good in them, the more good you will uncover in yourself.

Don’t be mad because the sharing of the chores are not equal. Work together to find a mutually beneficial solution. Guys: Nowhere does it say that the woman does all the housework. Just because your father sat on his ass and expected dinner to be on the table at a certain time, doesn’t mean you get to be like your father! Household chores must be shared.

Don’t snap at your partner. If you are angry or upset, say so – in the most loving way you can. Bickering happens. Ask for a time-out. Then come back and explain what your were angry about.

Never look at past relationships as failures. There are no failed relationships. There are only lessons to be learned. Only look back to see how far you’ve come and what you have learned from the lessons that were presented to you at that time.

Stop taking your relationship for granted. Make time for those you care about. Two people can wake up next to each other, yet it like they are miles apart. What you take for granted… disappears.

BONUS Article: 25 Things People in Healthy Relationships Don’t Do

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Friday, October 3, 2014

Confrontation is Not a 4-Letter Word

Filed under: Communication,Confrontation,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: ,

For a healthy relationship to survive, confrontation is often necessary. However, it is one of those words that seem to evoke negative emotions and responses.

Many couples do their best to avoid any confrontation. What you don’t say if often the very thing that can drive a wedge between couples that can be difficult to move past. We often perceive confrontation as conflict. It is not. Conflict and confrontation are not really synonyms, but we do behave and speak as if they are. Some people will tolerate almost anything, personally or professionally, to avoid the interpersonal discomfort and the conflict too often associated with confrontation.

ConfrontationUndelivered communication is often meant to avoid confrontation, which, I might add, is unavoidable. As difficult as it may be, not communicating about something that annoys you will invariably show its ugly head again until you muster up the courage to openly and honestly express – in the most loving way you can – how you truly feel.

“There may be no single thing more important in our efforts to achieve meaningful work and fulfilling relationships than to learn and practice the art of communication. Confrontations are communication events that enable us to learn what else is needed to have a desired result happen and for us to use our breakdowns as as a natural part of the organizational learning process.” ~ Max DePree

Confrontation is one of those scary words most of us like to avoid. In order to handle confrontation successfully we must be able to bring ourselves into the conversation as honestly as possible. When issues arise in relationships, it’s important to be upfront and open about your part in any conflict as well as your true feelings about it. Never jump to conclusions. Instead of assuming something and allowing resentment to build, when you discover something that upsets you, go straight to the source and ask for clarification.

But first… Take a look at what you are committed to that has the issue be a problem. The purpose of confrontation or feedback must always be restorative, not punitive. To lash out in anger never works. Confrontation becomes the opportunity to gently admonish, support, and encourage your partner toward actions that will restore the relationship. Confrontation doesn’t work by texting or e-mail. Find a time to sit down privately with your partner and talk with them face-to-face about your concerns.

“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.” ~ Spencer Johnson

It may be that you are committed to having an open and honest relationship and you’ve discovered that your partner is doing something you don’t approve of and has been hiding it from you. This involves how you both feel about trust in the relationship. In this case, confrontation cannot be denied or avoided. It’s time to negotiate a recommitment. If your partner acknowledges that their behavior was a breach of integrity and that they should have told you, you can accept their apology and move forward to negotiate a recommitment. It order to do this, confrontation is inevitable. That is, confrontation without aggression or anger.

“The words we choose to begin our conversation with the recipient of feedback set the tone for the remainder of the interaction. Since we are approaching another in an attitude of love, to teach, support and promote communication, then we choose wisely when our words demonstrate our awareness of the individual’s accomplishments and/or understanding of his or her situation.” ~ Julie McDonald

That is why I say you must look at what you are committed to that has the issue be a problem before you initiate confrontation. Speaking honestly to your partner about behaviors that may be hurting the relationship is your obligation as an equal partner. Partners are not always willing to hear, let alone work on the issues you have presented. I repeat… you must choose your words wisely. Know what you are going to say in advance. Be honest and straightforward. There’s no need to drag up previous incidents; they are not relevant here. Focus on precisely what has happened that has you upset and explain your reasoning. When it comes to relationships, the stakes are simply too high to use confrontation without caution. Think before you speak. Pray for wisdom. Then speak using the most loving words you can.

One way might be to say, “When you do __(fill in the blank)__, I feel __(express how it causes you to feel)__.” Don’t sugar coat it. Be honest about how you feel. Saying it this way, focuses not so much on how what they have done, but how it causes you to feel. It can help defuse the issue and calls more attention to your feelings. Most partners are more receptive to listening to the fact that they have cause you to feel a certain way and may be more willing to make a new commitment to change their behavior.

Remember, making an issue out of every little thing will only create unnecessary tension in the relationship. All relationships are bound to experience conflict from time to time. Pick your battles. It is often more important to allow the minor events to slide. Save your energy for real problems. However, if something annoys you more than 3 or 4 times, my own personal rule is to not withhold any communication about it.

BONUS Articles: Weigh Your Words
For Men Only – Have No Undelivered Communication!
Communicating is Not Optional

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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