Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Pick Up Your Socks!!!

Filed under: Chores,Housework,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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Nag! Nag! Nag! “Pick up your socks and put them in the hamper or at least tuck them inside your shoes!!” Blah! Blah! Blah!

Responsibility… a skill you can teach… children! That’s when this kind of teaching should have started. It’s amazing to me the number women who complain that they constantly have to pick up after their husband. Messiness, of course, is a classic source of friction for many couples. Did indulgent mothers create this behavior? Most women tell me, “It’s much easier just to do it myself.”

PickUpYourSocksSome men – not all of them – have no idea how the laundry gets done. God knows, you can’t beat them into submission. Next time, ask him to fold the clothes, so he realizes that these things don’t just happen. Women shouldn’t have to explain that his socks need to be in the hamper in order for them to get to the washer and dryer so that they would get clean and he could wear them again.

Trying to get your husband (or boyfriend) to pick up his socks (or anything else) by nagging and complaining repels him and creates resentment toward you. Some say, “Just ask him nicely.” But, c’mon, you know you’ve tried it and it didn’t work.

Guys: This is a very bad habit! It’s bad enough that she has to deal with the the “missing sock fairy;” those socks that seem to disappear into another dimension. There are some things that women should simply not try to get men to do – pick up their socks.

“When you’re married to the President of the United States, you don’t worry too much about him leaving his wet towels on the floor. But in Dallas, things are different. Memo to the ex-president, turmoil in East Timor is no longer an excuse not to pick up your socks.” ~ Laura Bush, Former First Lady

I was quoted in Cosmopolitan Magazine several years ago as saying, “Foreplay begins with putting the toilet seat down without being asked!” It seems that household issues are nearly always at the top of the list of concerns.

slobWhere is it written that the women should always do the housework? Nowhere, that’s where!

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes, taking out the trash, running the vacuum sweeper or putting his dirty socks in the hamper! Women notice dust and fingerprints. Men notice crabgrass and yellow spots on the lawn. It’s just one of those weird genetic differences between the sexes. Dudes are so typical, right?

“A woman’s resentment comes not simply from picking up socks or making coffee but from the feeling that the man is not pulling his weight, generally, in the domestic department.” ~ Jan Etherington

Some tips from How To Clean Stuff.net: You may have to threaten. “If you can’t help out around here, I’m going to take the TV remote control away! We both know you’ll never stand up to turn the channel!” Or… If the dishes are piled up and he’s giving you the “Babe, do you wanna?” look, you sigh and say, “I just hope I’ll have the energy to rock your world after I wash all of these dishes.” He’ll offer to rinse.

Gals: When he does things around the house, like pick up his socks, show him that you appreciate it!! Show your gratitude for the little things he does. Who doesn’t love compliments?

Guys: Relationships are a lot easier when your partner is happy. So… pick up your damn socks!!

BONUS Articles: 13 Ways to Get Dad to Help Out More Around the House
Hey, Guys and Gals… What About Housework? Are You Sharing
For Men Only – More Housework… More Intimacy!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Thursday, April 11, 2013

13 Ways to Get Dad to Help Out More Around the House

Filed under: Chores,Guest Authors,Housework — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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Maria Wells, Guest Author

So, Dad hasn’t been picking up on the subtle hints you’ve been dropping. You are at the peak of frustration and almost ready to explode because of his lack of consideration for household chores. Before you get too frazzled, take a minute to remember that no two people communicate in the exact same ways. Inspiring your partner to take a more active interest in the household may require you to take a different approach.

dad1. Remind Him That Kids Should Learn from Both Parents – When you have children, they pick up on the behaviors of each adult role model in the house. If Dad doesn’t do chores but mom is constantly cleaning, this teaches them that this is the way things should be. They will mimic the behavior they would rather follow, which will almost certainly include taking the lazy route. Point this out to Dad the next time he says he’s “too busy” to help out when really all he’s doing is watching a bit of TV. If he wants to raise well-balanced kids who know how to do a little hard work, he’d better get off his tushie and pitch in from time to time.

2. Have a Heart-to-Heart Chat – These are difficult to have at times, and they can seem intimidating to the party being confronted, so tread lightly when taking this approach. Don’t make it seem like it’s the end of the world, or that everything is his fault. In fact, don’t place blame anywhere. Instead, simply talk in soothing tones about how much you’d appreciate it if he’d do some housework each week as well.

3. Let Him Know That It’s His House Too – If you want to take a more aggressive approach, remind him it’s his house too and if he were living on his own, he’d have to take care of these things. Encouraging him to take ownership and responsibility for his fair share may be enough to shake him up a bit.

4. Only Clean Up Your Own Mess – Take a break from cleaning the entire house all the time. Instead, only clean up the messes you create. If he cooks dinner, then put your dish in the dishwasher and leave the rest for him to handle. Make sure that you explain to him what you’re doing and why you feel pressed to take such measures so that your behavior is making a point, not being passive aggressive.

5. Go On Strike – To take it one step further and really emphasize your point, go on strike. If all of your pleas for help fall on deaf ears and don’t seem to make a difference, just don’t do any housework for a while. Let it be known that you’re on strike until an agreement is reached, then stick to your guns.

6. Adjust Your Expectations – You might need to bite the bullet and realize you’re aiming a little too high when it comes to the expectations you hold for Dad. You may have to compromise a bit, looking for a balance that both of you can live with to preserve peace in your home.

7. Praise Him When He Does Do Something – Everyone loves a compliment. When you do a task, you don’t necessarily expect praise, but it’s always flattering when it’s given. Making a point of letting your partner know that you do notice his efforts can inspire him to keep helping without being prodded.

8. Make a List and Assign Duties – Sit down and write out a list together. He may not realize just how many duties you’re handling around the house. Even the little things add up, so be sure they are on the list too. Once he realizes how much there is to do, he might be more willing to chip in. Divide the list into who will do what and be sure to stick to it. If you hold up your end without complaint, he should follow suit.

household-chores9. Allow Him to Parent His Way – Sometimes the issue is not the household chores, but more of the duties as a father. If you don’t think he’s playing with the kids enough or paying enough attention to your children, it may be because you’re overcrowding him and making him feel like he’s not as competent a parent. Let him do things his own way. Just because he’s parenting differently from you doesn’t mean that he’s doing it wrong; if he’s not actively harming his children and he’s taking an interest in their lives, it may be better to give him a bit of breathing room.

10. Remember That He’s Not a Mind Reader – Maybe you’ve been dropping hints for him to help out, but you’ve never tried to just come out and say it. Chances are, Dad has no idea what’s going on. He doesn’t see the hints that you think are so obvious. If you want something done, state it clearly and concisely. He will probably get the hint then.

11. Do Chores Together – Not many people actually enjoy doing housework, so make the tasks at hand a little more enjoyable by doing them together. Working as a couple or as a family, you can get a lot done in a short amount of time. Whether you’re all in one room completing different tasks or each have your own room to work on, doing it at the same time will feel less like a chore.

12. Simply Ask – Have you tried simply asking? Try this next time: “Honey, could you please do the dishes tonight? I have some other work I need to get done.” If you point out that you’re doing something too, it will be more difficult for him to say, “No.”

13. Incentives – If all else fails, give him an incentive. It can be as simple as cooking his favorite meal for dinner tomorrow, or as big as letting him choose the next vacation spot. Some people need an extra reason to get something done, and you may have to resort to an incentive-based plan to get the help you need.

BONUS Articles: The Dirty Truth About Good Marriages
Hey, Guys and Gals… What About Housework? Are You Sharing?
For Men Only – More Housework… More Intimacy!

Copyright © 2013 – Maria Wells, http://www.HouseKeeping.org/.

CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Dirty Truth About Good Marriages

Filed under: Chores,Housework,Relationships — Larry James @ 8:00 am

Romance and shared interests and dreams of a happy life together may have brought you together, but your ability to agree on who does the laundry that really keeps you well connected to each other. Chores are a often a major source of conflict in marriage. Some say it’s one of the top stressors. It’s time to clean things up!

Does that surprise you?

cookingtogetherWhen asked about what was important for a successful marriage, both men and women – I repeat… both “men and women” mentioned “sharing household chores” more often than children, adequate income, and shared interest, according to a study by the Pew Research Center. Conflict over domestic duties around the house in some studies is second only to conflict over money in a marriage.

A messy house stares you in the face every day. How does a disorderly house cause you to feel? It affects your mood, energy, and believe it or not – your sexual health? All houses naturally fall into a state of disarray over time. You simply cannot keep a house clean and orderly every moment of every day, especially if you have children or pets.

In my relationship seminars taking the garbage out, leaving the toilet seat up and rolling the toilet paper the wrong way (among other things) seem to almost always creep into the conversation. I’m finding that greater numbers of men are getting involved as parents — and wanting to. They are helping more with chores and child care. However research also shows that women are still doing most of the work, putting in most of the time. That’s not healthy for the relationship.

parents-cartoonI was quoted in Cosmopolitan Magazine several years ago as saying, “Foreplay begins with putting the toilet seat down without being asked!” It seems that household issues are nearly always at the top of the list of concerns.

Where is it written that the women should always do the housework? Nowhere, that’s where!

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes, taking out the trash or running the vacuum sweeper! Women notice dust and fingerprints. Men notice crabgrass and yellow spots on the lawn. It’s just one of those weird genetic differences between the sexes.

“Women, don’t ask your spouse for help around the house. Asking for help gives the impression that the household chores are only your job and responsibility. Instead, ask your spouse to do his/her share. Chores around the house should be shared responsibilities.” ~ Sheri & Bob Stritof

In today’s world it’s common for both parents to work full-time and for children to be involved in lots of extracurricular activities. Since we’re all so busy, it’s important to divide the necessary chores where everyone in the family can pitch in and help.

Working together – sharing the burden – makes for a much better relationship. Men, if you truly desire to make their wives happy pitch in. Laying on the couch with a beer while she cooks dinner doesn’t work! To me, it’s a matter of mutual respect. Compromise. Cuss and discuss but you’ll be on the right track if you divide household chores in a way that has both partners feeling that no one is doing more or less than the other. Strive for a result that becomes a mutually satisfying priority.

BONUS Articles: For Men Only – More Housework… More Intimacy!
Hey, Guys and Gals… What About Housework? Are You Sharing?

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Hey, Guys and Gals. . . What About Housework? Are You Sharing?

Filed under: Chores,Housework,Relationships — Larry James @ 9:00 am

It’s time to end the chore wars! One of the most common complaints about marriage, from both stay-at-home and working moms, is that their husbands are AWOL on household chores. Most guys just don’t notice the mess. He is naturally oblivious to those dust-bunnies on the floor. Men seem to be allergic to household chores. Doing chores is a dull, repetitive experience for most people and they must be done.

Sharing household chores now ranks third on the list of elements tied to successful marriages – ahead of income, common interests and shared religious beliefs, according to a recent study by the Pew Research Center. Only faithfulness and sexual satisfaction ranked higher. Yet many couples still struggle to reach an equitable division of chores.

cleaningtoiletVery few men are raised to be fully responsible for housework, and many men consciously or unconsciously look on housework as “women’s work”. While that is not true, most men will take on a few additional chores around the house if respectfully requested and not second-guessed or criticized for what they do.

You might be shocked to learn that your husband was never taught “how” to do laundry or clean the toilet. I wasn’t. So. . .

Guys! This one is for you. Nowhere is it written that your sweetheart should be responsible for all the housework.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes, taking out the trash or running the vacuum sweeper! Women notice dust and fingerprints. Men notice crabgrass and yellow spots. It’s just one of those weird genetic differences between the sexes.

Men, you’re not going to like this, but, if you want your wife’s respect you’re going to have to do more housework! If you are NOT doing some of the household chores, you should be. Your wife has to come first. Be respectful. Pay attention. Notice what needs to be done. Listen for clues. Pitch in. . . without being asked. Your wife will respect you for it. DON’T say, “What can I do to help you with the housework?” That assumes to her that you think that housework is HER job. It isn’t. It “must” be a shared responsibility.

A recent survey revealed 15 per cent of women get turned on watching their partner doing housework. Experts think women view men who help around the house as more committed to their relationship, which leads to a more relaxed and adventurous time between the sheets.

The result of an investigation in Australia shows that men will be more healthy if they can spend their spare time on doing housework. A number of studies have shown “that women have more sex with men who do more work around the house than with those who don’t do their share,” as reported in this article on CBSNews.com.

Mintel, a global supplier of consumer, product and media intelligence did a survey that says that 55 percent of men who do household cleaning say cleaning the house give them a sense of accomplishment.

Give her a massage. Tell her how much you appreciate what she does, give her a hug and surprise her by telling her that you will wash and dry the dishes for the next two weeks. Or choose something that you know will show her you care.

MenClean“As a husband you need to understand that your wife has a life other than you. She has her Parents, friends and colleagues who too are part of her life. She also may have some hobbies or passions she is involved in. Don’t expect her undivided attention. Don’t stop her if he wants to go out and hang out with her friends sometimes or engage in a hobby or want to spend some time with her parents.” ~ Anamika S

In other words, she needs some “free” time the same as you do. Think about it!

Gals! This one is for you.

Not all men are slackers. Don’t nag. The more you nag, the less he will do. Men need to feel like they are in control. Don’t insist that a task be done on your schedule. This may sound counter intuitive, but it works.

Make a list. I know. You’re thinking, “I shouldn’t have to do that!” You’re right, and what if it works?

Make a request. Make a clear, specific request about exactly what you want or need.

• “Honey, if you will help me by vacuuming the living room I’ll have time to fix that favorite casserole your mother used to make.”
• “Honey, it would mean a lot to me if you would clean up the dishes on the nights I cook. Would you be willing to take that on?”
• “Will you be able to trim the hedges before our party next week?”
• “Hon, it’s been a couple weeks since you said would clean the gutters, if you are too busy, I’ll call the gutter service. Would you like me to do that?”

Most men truly desire to make their wives happy. By requesting in a loving respectful way, it is likely that your husband will happily comply.

Let him “overhear” you boasting about something he did around the house and how happy that made you to one of our girlfriends. In other words, boost his ego. 😉

coupleFocus on finding chores he enjoys. And. . . remember to say, “Thank you.”

Ask your guy to do “man chores.” These include things that are dangerous – climbing a ladder to clean out the gutters – require tools – pruning the bushes with a chain saw – or have obvious results – putting up shelves.

If a man thinks that you believe he cannot do something, he will go out of his way to prove you wrong. It’s a guy thing. They don’t like to feel that anyone sees their weaknesses. Tease them in a “fun” way, and make it a challenge between you.

You might think it is impossible to get your husband to pitch in around the house, but there are some steps you can try to save your sanity, your health, and perhaps even your marriage. Don’t ask your spouse for help around the house. Asking for help gives the impression that the household chores are only your job and responsibility. Instead, ask your spouse to do his share.

And finally: When a couple can divide chores in a way that both spouses feel satisfied with the outcome, they are showing mutual respect for one another.

BONUS Articles: Husbands and Housework: Getting Him to Help
How to Train a Man to do Housework
How to Divide the Household Chores

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Thursday, July 8, 2010

For Men Only – More Housework. . . More Intimacy!

Filed under: Chores,For Men Only,Housework,Intimacy — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Feeling frisky. . . but no action! Okay, guys. . . pay attention!

coupleinbedConstance Gager, Ph.D., in a study of 6,877 married couples says, “For both husbands and wives, doing more work around the house increases the likelihood of having more intimacy together.

Possible reason: Spouses who divide the housework have more time and energy for sex. . . and working hard may signal a commitment to the home and marriage.

What to do: Share household work as well as other tasks in a way that satisfies both partners.”

poofLarry’s Note: Guys. . . it’s time to get serious about sharing the housework. Nowhere is it written that housework should be only and always a woman’s job. (And the women all say, “Amen!”). Being hedonistic in the boudoir keeps love alive! Foreplay begins with taking out the garbage without being asked!

Someone once said that women often fake orgasm because men fake foreplay! Couples who thrive in their experience of each other strive to seek the balance necessary for both to find mutual pleasure in their lovemaking. Both take full responsibility for getting what they want and giving what their partner needs.

washingdishes2A woman needs to feel loved to make love. Women need emotional support to be able to offer sexual release for a man. A man needs to make love to feel loved. Men need sexual release to be able to offer emotional support to women. Sexual communication is not only about expressing yourself. It is also about being received; being understood. Somewhere in between, there is balance.

Negotiate. Offer to meet the other half way to get your needs and the needs of the relationship met. Learn to respect and honor the differences. Vive la différence?

loveheartonfireUntil you have the courage and the commitment to fully engage in your relationship, to be so intentional about it that it becomes the highest priority in your life, genuine intimacy cannot occur. Sexual intimacy of the highest order only occurs when the heat of passion melts the barriers around your hearts. With the freedom to pursue that special closeness only committed partners know, two hearts will meld together in a dance of Divine love.

The passion of your relationship and your commitment to it will express itself in all other areas of your life, with family, friends and business associates. It spills over into everything you do. Every joy shared brings more love and loving. The enthusiasm you have for loving one another shines for the whole world to see.

The love, irrepressible desire and passion you share have their way of expressing generously back into the relationship and to all those around you. Happiness is catching.

Partners who are committed to spreading the joy of a healthy relationship will be more intentionally inclined and confidently dedicated to continue to work together. An additional reward is experiencing the erotic pleasures that become available in the sanctuary of the boudoir.

Note: Constance Gager is Assistant Professor, Family and Child Studies at Monteclair State University in Montclair, New Jersey.

Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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