Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Ten Commitments of Networking

Filed under: Business Networking — Larry James @ 12:49 am
Tags: ,

To begin, let’s look at a carefully worded definition of business networking. . .

Networking is. . . using your creative talents to help others achieve their goals as you cultivate a network of people strategically positioned to support you in your goals. . . expecting nothing in return! – Larry James

So. . . what’s this about expecting nothing in return? Often we expect people who we help to help us. That would be nice. And it doesn’t always work that way. Some people are in better positions to help some than others. Just give. That’s the key! Just give. Willingly. It will come back to you. Help people and you get helped! Have no expectations about where your assistance should come from. Just give. And keep on giving. It will come. . . often when you least expect it and when you most need it.

Having a clear understanding of the definition of networking is a prerequisite for networking success. What you put out to the universe, always comes back to you! Disappointment may follow if you expect a return from the person to whom you have contributed.

Networking is about building supportive personal and business relationships; it’s consistently meeting new people and making new friends, sharing ideas and having lots of fun in the process!

Making a commitment is often most difficult when you are not sure of what you want to accomplish from your networking adventures. That is why the first commitment is so important.

10Cs Book CoverCommitment #1 – Blueprint Your Life! – No Purpose. No Goals. First, define your purpose. Know Purpose! Know Goals! Design your future by setting goals. Decide what you want.

Commitment #2 – Accept Responsibility! – Be accountable to yourself for the choices you make and for the consequences of your actions.

Commitment #3 – Be Coachable! – Listen for and be open to new ideas and suggestions others in your network of support may offer.

Commitment #4 – Show Up! – Be places that count. Make an encounter. Don’t expect a quick fix. Get involved in charitable and community projects, but choose wisely. Not all events will be valuable to you. Be seen. Attend business and professional meetings. Networking opportunities are everywhere! Begin local, then expand nationally.

Commitment #5 – Be Yourself! – Demonstrate your own authenticity. Be unto others as you would have them be unto you. Be real.

Commitment #6 – Pay attention! – Look for opportunity! Talk 20% of the time! Listen 80% of the time!

Commitment #7 – Contribute! – Be the solution! Networking is contribution; it’s helping others help themselves! Allow others to contribute to you!

Commitment #8 – Ask For What You Want! – Tell people what you need. They can’t read your mind.

Commitment #9 – Say “Thank You!” – Express appreciation. Acknowledge others for their contribution to you. Be creative with your gratitude!

Commitment #10 – Stay Connected! – Be in touch! Network on the phone, by e-mail and frequent notes. Never forget the people in your network of support and never let them forget you!

Now. . . get out there! How much networking you do is up to you. It’s a good idea to put some effort into expanding your collection of contacts all the time. Don’t wait until you need something. You must first give. The getting comes second!

Always remember the five most important words you can say while networking:

This is the magic question: How can I help YOU?

There are two types of people – those who come into a room and say, “Well, here I am,” and those who come in and say, “Ah, there you are!” – Frederick Collins

Note:  For more business networking articles, go to: http://www.TenCommitmentsofNetworking.com/articles.html.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This article is adapted from Larry’s book, “Ten Commitments of Networking: Creative Ways to Maximize Your Personal Connections!.” Author Larry James presents business networking seminars nationally. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Authors and Speakers BLOG” at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com

Advertisements

Friday, May 8, 2009

BLOG of the Day Award

Filed under: Business Networking,Relationships,Thought for Today! — Larry James @ 12:01 am

Blog of the Day Award for Friday, May 8, 2009 goes to Larry James’ CelebrateLove.com BLOG!

Blog Awards Winner

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Thought for Today!

Filed under: Business Networking,Thought for Today! — Larry James @ 1:52 am

“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know; the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.” – Dr. Albert Schweitzer

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Claim Your Independence and Find Freedom

Filed under: Business Networking,Thought for Today! — Larry James @ 12:53 am

Every Independence Day we celebrate our freedom as a nation. This year, SUCCESS Magazine encourages you to seek freedom in your own life. Here are five tips for living a life of celebrated independence:

1. Emotional Freedom. Face it: You need to unplug for the weekend. Set your auto-responder indicating you’re away and shun all handheld devices. If you can’t unplug entirely, silence alerts and ringers, or schedule a brief moment to check e-mail. Keep in mind, you can’t really “check out” if you’re still tied to the office.

2. Financial Freedom. True financial freedom only comes when you can live off the interest from your assets. Perhaps Independence Day is the perfect time to start thinking critically about how you’ll achieve this goal. Pressed for time? Seek out SUCCESS’ recommended CDs and DVDs to help you gain the knowledge you need to retire rich and live a life of affluence.

3. Freedom of Time. Nobody likes being a slave to the office, but few people do anything about it. Reassess your life goals and decide if it’s time to be your own boss, or professionally capitalize on something you have a personal passion for.

4. Freedom of Well-Being. Physical activity promotes psychological well-being, reduces stress and even reduces the risk of heart disease and stroke. The 4th of July is synonymous with outdoor activity so get outside and revel in the moment. Make the commitment to your health and go easy on the grilled hotdogs.

5. Freedom of Spirit. Life is complex, and all the quantitative lists in the world won’t make a difference if you’re not ready to make the commitment to yourself. Remember, the most important thing you can work on is yourself. When you take the time you need to enrich your own personal development, success will follow.

Copyright 2008 – Success Magazine. From Seeds of SUCCESS eZINE.

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Don’t Just Do Something. . .

Filed under: Business Networking,Guest Authors — Larry James @ 3:16 pm
Tags:

Don’t just do something, sit there!

Reading or merely looking out the window in contemplation could be the most important and productive activity you do today. Too often, people throw their time at tasks when they should be exerting more brain power.

The single best way to handle several different projects is to begin working on one thing at a time, until its completion, and then go on to the next project, and then the next, until you are finished.

Written by my friend, Jeff Davidson

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Thought for Today!

Filed under: Business Networking,Relationships — Larry James @ 3:30 am

“There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would otherwise never have occurred.” – Quote by Scottish mountaineer William Hutchinson Murray

Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Thought for Today!

Filed under: Business Networking,Thought for Today! — Larry James @ 2:05 pm

When you put energy into something to make it better, you receive energy from it. You don’t have to pour a lot of energy into being happy. You simply decide to be happy. Like everything, happiness is a “Choice.” It helps to think about happy things. You need to learn to be happy where you are, so you can be happy when you get to where you are going. – Larry James

From the article, “Networking: A Woman’s Contact Sport!

Copyright © 2008 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Networking: A Woman’s Contact Sport

Filed under: Business Networking,Relationships — Larry James @ 11:59 am

Making the right contacts in business is extremely important to your success.

The truth is, no one really has cornered the market on networking as a contact sport. Networking is too big a sport for anyone to ever get a corner on it. For those of you who are successful, however, it’s more than a favorite pastime. It’s a way of life.

Most successful business women that I know are active networkers. Women excel in networking. Ask me, I know. I know a professional networker when I see one. I have built my professional speaking and publishing career by networking.

Meeting people is a must. It’s not only “who you know,” it’s “who knows you.” Meeting the people who count has to be a top priority. Meeting the right people gets you noticed and gets you places. If you have a desire to work smart, networking is one way to effectively do that.

Successful women in networking are not shy. Nancy Siegel, owner of Nancy Siegel Insurance Agency, Inc., says, “Don’t be afraid to be the first one to speak to a stranger. Most people feel as uncomfortable as yourself and are usually glad to have someone to talk with after the ice is broken.”

It has been my experience that women seem to have a special knack for networking. Perhaps it is inbred in our culture. Women always seem to intuitively understand where to go or who to contact for just about anything they need or want to know. There are many men who are very successful at networking, however, when it comes to being creative with contact talents, women get “thumbs up” from me.

Let’s put networking in the right perspective. For the purpose of this discussion, let’s work with a definition of networking that has served me well.

Networking is. . . using your creative talents to help others achieve their goals as you cultivate a network of people strategically positioned to support you in your goals. . . expecting nothing in return! – Larry James

Now, lets take a moment to think about that. Is that a belief system you could buy into? Read it again.

It is estimated that 65 – 75% of those people who are actively engaged in networking are women. People who network keep score by how many business leads they give others, not by how many leads they receive.

Kathy Holt, owner of Forget-Me-Not Gift Baskets, Inc., says, “If you really network right, with a commitment to only helping others, you will get back twice as much and make lifetime friendships.” She should know. Kathy experienced a 38.6% increase in business in five months after she joined The Tulsa Business Connection, a group I founded in 1985. She also recommends joining and getting involved with the Chamber of Commerce.

You won’t find people who take the easy way out actively participating in networking groups. Experienced networkers can spot someone who is only in it for themselves a mile away. People who want something for nothing do not succeed at networking. They fade in and drop out.

We erroneously call these people losers. They are not losers, they have yet to understand that to be successful you must first have integrity and second, commitment. They seldom stay with a project until its completion. Therefore they don’t do well when networking because networking demands both integrity and commitment. People who know the truth behind my definition of networking know that when you help others get what they want, you ultimately get what you want.

High achievers consistently are looking for a way to better themselves and to assist others in the process. They know that by participating in someone else’s success, they become more successful. You can’t be afraid of hard work and effectively network.

Networking works. And you must consistently work it. Rose Mary Winget, former sales manager at McCaw Communications once told me, “Don’t say you don’t have time. You don’t have time not to network.” Her entire sales staff is actively involved in networking groups. She also hired me to present my networking seminar, Networking: Making the Right Connections, to her group.

Rose Mary’s experience has taught her that networking gets quicker results than prospecting. When you prospect, you are looking for potential customers and clients. When you network, you capitalize on the alliances you have developed with others in your network; they do your prospecting for you.

It makes sense. You can multiply your own personal effectiveness by the number of people you know, who believe in you, like you, trust you and are committed to refer business leads to you. Isn’t it a better use of your time to develop close personal and business relationships with people who are on your side and will help you succeed?

Many salespeople never get down to business. Their only interest is “busy-ness.” I don’t know about you, but busy-ness has never made me any money. To be successful, you must do what counts. Focus on what matters. Networking is building supportive personal and busines relationships; it’s meeting new people and making new friends; it’s helping others help themselves.

Marilyn Minter, a former Tulsa real estate agent started her own networking group, “Tulsans Networking Tulsa” (TNT) in March, 1991. Marilyn says, “Networking has given me the opportunity to make contact with literally hundreds of people. I never would have met those people without networking. The heart of my real estate business came from the personal referrals acquired while networking.” Her advice to women who are considering networking, “Get started. Be patient. Believe in yourself and never quit.”

Within the concept of networking is a blueprint for change. With change comes new ways of thinking. If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always gotten.

There is only one way to keep your career growing. YOU must keep growing. Ask the women who network about the personal growth they have experienced. Ask them about how much better they feel about themselves now that they are doing more of what the pros do.

In meetings that are specifically designated for networking, each person is asked to give their “30 Second Connection” as a way of introducing themselves and their business to the group. After her first networking meeting, Vicky Olsen, who was visiting the group to fill the banker slot, confided in me that standing up to give her “30 second connection” to the group was very scary and she wasn’t sure she would return.

I asked her what her goals were for her advancement at the bank. She told me. I then explained that if she ever expected to achieve her goals, one of the most important elements of her success would be networking. To overcome her fear, I suggested that she take the Dale Carnegie Course. She did and later became one of their top “graduate assistants.”

I also told her that as far as presenting her “30 second connection” was concerned, if she followed the guidelines, she couldn’t get it wrong because no one in the audience knew what she was going to say anyway. I also suggested that she take an active part in the leadership of the group.

Less than a year later, she was the Treasurer of the group and served two one-year terms. Each week she stood unafraid to give the Treasurer’s report. And now the good news: Vicky was promoted to Vice President of the bank.

It takes courage to network; do put yourself “out there;” to consistently move toward something better; to become the someone you look up to. The more you network, the more courage you receive. Be courageous and you will discover more courage!

Unless you are committed to doing more than you’ve done before, you will feel some discomfort when becoming involved in networking. This is natural. You will be in the presence of doers. You, who are not doing, may be confronted by this. Thus, you may feel uncomfortable.

People who do more get results! They are actively engaged in activities that feed their enthusiasm for their calling. For them, backward in not an option. They are on “fast forward.” They get things done. They make every minute count when they are networking. They are aware of the “net” result. They know that what you put out to the universe, always comes back to you. They are dedicated to doing good for others.

How many successful people do you know? Network to get to know more. The energy they dedicate to helping others is infectious. Listen to their success stories. Listen for the opportunity that a fresh perspective presents. For me, it’s a lesson in inspiration; inspiring me to be the best I can be.

For a horse, one inch farther often wins the race. In networking, you never know when the next contact you make may be the one inch that puts you in the winner’s circle.

I met Gregory J.P. Godek — America’s Romance Coach — while networking. Greg is the best-selling author of “1001 Ways to Be Romantic.” We sat at the same lunch table at a National Speakers Association meeing many years ago. He referred me to his book distributor. Five days later, I had a three year contract for them to distribute my relationship books to all the major book stores. This was a big break for me. We have since become great friends. He mentions my work in the relationship area in his books; I mention his work for the “romantically impaired” in my books.

Networkers play too! When they play, they have fun. They know that the time they devote to social and recreational activities with family and friends pays off with a sense of having recharged their batteries. After 11 years of networking, Nancy Siegel advises: “Know when to stop and recharge. Learn how to say “no” to please yourself instead of “yes” to please others. when you network, network! Whey you play, play!”

Remember too, the energy level of successful people operates above average because they love who they are and what they do.

Above average people network for above average results. They know a good thing when they see one. They stick with it. They are the above average women who have discovered a wonderful contact sport called “networking” and are still making new and exciting personal and business contacts after “all these years.”

Note:  For more business networking articles, go to: http://www.TenCommitmentsofNetworking.com/articles.html.

Copyright © 2007 – Larry James. This article is adapted from Larry’s book, “Ten Commitments of Networking: Creative Ways to Maximize Your Personal Connections!.” Author Larry James presents business networking seminars nationally. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com

NOTE: All articles listed in this BLOG are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

The Keys to Self-Acceptance

Filed under: Business Networking,Personal Growth — Larry James @ 1:17 am
Tags:

Note: It seems that lately many of my relationship coaching sessions have been about low self-esteem and low self-acceptance. My friend, Brian Tracy, has written a terrific article and I wanted to share it with you. Pass it along to your friends – Larry James

=====================================

Brian Tracy writes. . .

Psychologists today generally agree that your level of self-esteem, or how much you like yourself and consider yourself to be a valuable and worthwhile person, lies at the core of your personality. Your level of self-esteem determines:

Your level of energy and the quality of your personality, how much you like other people and, in turn, how much they like you your willingness to try new things and to venture boldly where perhaps you have never gone before, the quality of your relationships with others-your family, your friends and your coworkers and how successful you are in your business, especially if you are in sales.

But before you begin enjoying the wonderful effects of high self-esteem in your life, you have to learn to accept yourself unconditionally. And even before you achieve self-acceptance, there are other steps you have to take.

Self-acceptance begins in infancy, with the influence of your parents and siblings and other important people. As a child, you have an overwhelming need for love and approval and acceptance from the important people in your life. A developing child requires this emotional support the way roses need rain. Healthy personality growth is absolutely dependent upon it. A person grows up straight and strong and happy to the degree to which he receives an abundance of nurturing in his formative years, prior to the age of five.

Someone once said that everything we do in life is either to get love or to compensate for the lack of love. Almost all of our problems, as both children and adults, can be traced back to “love withheld.” There is nothing more destructive to the evolving and emerging personality than being unloved or unaccepted for any reason by someone whom we consider important.

As adults, we always strive to achieve what we felt we were deprived of in childhood. If you grew up feeling, for any reason, that you were not totally accepted by your parents, you will be internally motivated throughout your life to compensate for that lack of acceptance by seeking it in your relationships with other people. To the growing child, perception is reality; reality is not what the parents feel toward the child, but what the child feels that the parents feel. The child’s evolving personality is shaped largely by his perception of how he is seen and thought about by his parents, not by the actual fact of the matter. If your parents were unable to express a high degree of unconditional acceptance to you, you can grow up feeling unacceptable-even inferior and inadequate.

It’s quite common for a youngster to grow up in a household where he or she feels a lack of acceptance by one or both parents, especially the father. When the young person becomes an adult, the psychological phenomenon of “transference” takes place. The individual goes into the workplace and transfers the need for acceptance from the parents to the boss. The boss then becomes the focal point of the individual’s thoughts and feelings. What the boss says, how the boss looks, his comments and everything that he does that implies a feeling or an opinion about the individual is recorded and either raises or lowers the individual¹s level of self-acceptance.

Your own level of self-acceptance is determined largely by how well you feel you are accepted by the important people in your life. Just as the Law of Correspondence says that your outer life tends to be a reflection of your inner life, your attitude toward yourself is determined largely by the attitudes that you think other people have toward you. When you believe that other people think highly of you, your level of self-acceptance and self-esteem goes straight up. However, if you believe, rightly or wrongly, that other people think poorly of you, your level of self-acceptance will plummet.

The best way to begin building a healthy personality involves understanding yourself and your motivation. Toward this end, I’d like to introduce what is called the “Johari window” and explain its effect on your personality.

The Johari window provides a view into your psyche. According to this theory, your personality can be divided into four quadrants, like a square divided into four smaller squares.

The first part of this window is the box in the upper left-hand corner. It represents the part of your personality that both you and others can see. This is the open part of your personality. The lower left-hand box of this window into your psyche represents the part of your personality that you can see but that others cannot see. It is a part of your inner life.

The upper right-hand box of this window represents the parts of your personality that others can see but of which you are unaware. You have somehow blocked these parts from your consciousness.

Finally, the lower right-hand box represents that part of your personality that is hidden from both you and other people. It’s the deeper, subconscious part of your personality that represents urges, instincts, fears, doubts and emotions that are stored away below a conscious level, but that can exert an inordinate impact on the way you behave, often causing you to feel and react in certain ways that sometimes even you don’t understand.

One of your goals is to develop a fully rounded personality, to become a fully functioning human being with a sense of inner peace and outer happiness.

A measure of your maturity is often manifested in the way you treat different people. When you are at your very best and your self-esteem is at its highest, you’ll find that you are genuinely positive and friendly toward everyone, from the taxi driver to the corporation president. When your personality is completely together, you treat everyone with equal respect.

The way to move toward a higher level of personality integration and, therefore, a higher level of peace and personal effectiveness, is to expand the area of your personality that is clear to both you and others. And you do this through the simple exercise of self-disclosure. For you to truly understand yourself, or to stop being troubled by things that may have happened in your past, you must be able to disclose yourself to at least one person. You have to be able to get those things off your chest. You must rid yourself of those thoughts and feelings by revealing them to someone who won¹t make you feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened.

The second part of personality development follows from self-disclosure, and it’s called self-awareness. Only when you can disclose what you¹re truly thinking and feeling to someone else can you become aware of those thoughts and emotions If the other person simply listens to you without commenting or criticizing, you have the opportunity to become more aware of the person you are and why you do the things you do. You begin to develop perspective, or what the Buddhists call “detachment.” You can stand back from yourself and your past and look at it honestly. You can “disidentify” from the intense emotions involved and view what has happened to you with greater calmness and clarity.

Now we come to the good part. After you’ve gone through self-disclosure to self-awareness, you arrive at self-acceptance. You accept yourself for the person you are, with good points and bad points, with strengths and weaknesses, and with the normal frailties of a human being. When you develop the ability to stand back and look at yourself honestly, and to candidly admit to others that you may not be perfect but you’re all you’ve got, you start to enjoy a heightened sense of self-acceptance.

One of the keys to happiness is to “live in truth” with yourself and others. And one of the ways to live in truth is to stop trying to be perfect and to see yourself honestly, as you really are. Attempts to achieve needless perfectionism, and an intense, often unconscious desire to impress people with how good you are, are real time wasters and energy killers.

There is a joke that cuts to the heart of this issue: “When you are in your 20s, you are very concerned about what people think about you. When you are in your 30s, you don’t really care that much about what people think about you. And when you get into your 40s, you discover the real truth: Nobody was even thinking about you at all.” A valuable exercise for developing higher levels of self-acceptance involves doing an inventory of yourself. In doing this inventory, your job is to accentuate the positive and minimize the negative. The real difference between optimistic people and pessimistic people is that optimists are always looking for the good in every situation, the opportunity in every problem, while pessimists are always looking for the down side and the problem in every opportunity. When you honestly analyze yourself during this inventory, you will be amazed at how extraordinary you really are and how incredible your potential is for accomplishing the things that you really desire.

Begin your inventory by recalling your accomplishments. Think about all the things that you have achieved over the course of your lifetime. Make a list of them. Think of the subjects you passed and the grades you received. Think of the awards and prizes you won. Think of the people you have helped and the kind things that you have done for others. Think of the adversities that you have triumphed over. Think of the goals that you have set and achieved. Look at the material parts of your life; think about all the things that you have managed to acquire as the result of hard work and disciplined effort.

Now, to increase your level of self-acceptance, think of your unique talents and abilities. Think of your core skills, the things that you do exceptionally well that account for your success in your profession and in your personal life right now. Think of the results that you have achieved by applying yourself to the challenges of your world. Think of your earning ability and your ability to accomplish your goals. Think of your ability to make a contribution to your company and to your family and to the world around you. Think about all the things that you have to offer to your world.

Finally, to boost your level of self-acceptance, think about your future possibilities and the fact that your potential is virtually unlimited. You can do what you want to do and go where you want to go. You can be the person you want to be. You can set large and small goals and make plans and move step-by-step, progressively toward their realization. There are no obstacles to what you can accomplish except the obstacles that you create in your mind.

Here’s an important fact to keep in mind when it comes to self-acceptance. What we work for more than anything else is respect. The British author E. M. Forster once explained, “I write to earn the respect of those I respect.” Almost everything that we do, or refrain from doing, is somehow associated with gaining, or at least not losing, the respect of the people whom we respect the most. And only when we feel that we are respected by those we respect do we accept and like ourselves to a great degree.

One way to raise your level of self-acceptance, then, is to pick a role model, someone you admire and look up to and want to be like, and then pattern your life and your work after that person’s. Many businesspeople have become top executives by selecting a role model who had already reached the top and then patterning their lives along the same lines. Everything you do that you feel is consistent with what someone you admire would do increases your level of self-acceptance.

A second way to assure a higher level of self-acceptance is to develop good work habits and to work efficiently and effectively toward the accomplishment of high-value results. The most respected people in any organization are those who can get the job done. Your level of self-efficacy, in other words, your belief in your ability to do what is expected of you, has an incredible effect on how much you accept yourself as a good and valuable person.

A third way to increase your level of self-acceptance is to be very aware of your image and the way you appear to people. If you want to be respected and admired by others, you need to act like a person who is worthy of respect. And remember, everything counts. Everything you do or don’t do can either contribute to or take away from your image and the impression you are making on others. When you know that you look absolutely excellent on the outside, your level of self-acceptance shoots up.

A fourth way to raise your level of self-acceptance is to take complete responsibility for the various parts of your life. Refuse to make excuses or to blame other people. Never complain; never explain. Volunteer for assignments and responsibilities, and then carry them out without comment.

The key to achieving a feeling of mental well-being is having a sense of control, a sense of self-determination and internal mastery. This sense of self-control is tied directly to your willingness and ability to accept full responsibility for every part of your life. When you criticize others, or you make excuses for things that you did not do well or complete on time, you actually feel more negative about yourself, and your sense of self-acceptance declines. When you take charge of every part of your life, you feel terrific about yourself, and your level of self-acceptance and self-esteem goes up.

A fifth way you can build up your level of self-acceptance is by interpreting events in a positive way. Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania calls this your “explanatory style.” He concludes that high-performing men and women have a tendency to talk to themselves in a positive way and to explain things that are happening to them and around them in a way that allows them to stay optimistic.

Look for the silver lining in whatever cloud may be hanging over your head right now. Look for the lesson or opportunity in each obstacle or setback. Look for reasons to excuse others and let them off the hook, rather than becoming angry or upset. Play mental games with yourself to keep your thoughts on the things you want and off the things that you fear or that make you unhappy.

A sixth way to raise your level of self-acceptance is to become a habitual goal setter. Write down clear goals and a plan for what you want to accomplish and then work your plan every day. Develop of clear sense of direction for your life. Work on track and on purpose. Know exactly who you are and where you are going. Each step that you take toward the accomplishment of a predetermined objective raises your self-esteem and improves your level of self-acceptance at the same time.

Finally, a seventh way to raise your level of self-acceptance is to practice the Law of Indirect Effort, or reverse effort, and realize that everything you do or say to another person rebounds and causes the same effect on you. Whenever you are warm and friendly and courteous to another, you improve your own level of self-respect and self-acceptance. Whenever you do something nice for another person, you tend to feel better about yourself. Whenever you do or say anything that causes another person to like himself more, you find yourself liking yourself more as well.

One of the great riches of life is the self-acceptance that leads to self-esteem and maximum performance. By being aware of and practicing these recommendations, you can increase your self-acceptance to the point where you can confidently move forward toward the realization of your full potential.

Copyright 2007 by Brian Tracy. Reprinted with permission. Brian Tracy is the most listened to audio author on personal and business success in the world today. His fast-moving talks and seminars on leadership, sales, managerial effectiveness and business strategy are loaded with powerful, proven ideas and strategies that people can immediately apply to get better results in every area. For more information, please go to www.briantracy.com.

Want more: Order “The Psychology of Acheivement” by Brian Tracy.

Larry’s relationship books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Building Better Business Relationships

Filed under: Business Networking,Relationships — Larry James @ 11:36 pm

So, what about business relationships? They are important too.

Since 1987 I have been presenting business relationships seminars nationwide. There are several ways to maintain your business relationships. One of the best is through networking.

To begin, let’s look at a carefully worded definition of business networking. . .

Networking is. . . using your creative talents to help others achieve their goals as you cultivate a network of people strategically positioned to support you in your goals. . . expecting nothing in return! – Larry James

Having a clear understanding of the definition of networking is a prerequisite for networking success. What you put out to the universe, always comes back to you! Disappointment may follow if you expect a return from the person to whom you have contributed.

Networking is about building supportive personal and business relationships; it’s consistently meeting new people and making new friends, sharing ideas and having lots of fun in the process!

Making a commitment is often most difficult when you are not sure of what you want to accomplish from your networking adventures. That is why the first commitment is so important.

Commitment #1 – Blueprint Your Life! – No Purpose. No Goals. First, define your purpose. Know Purpose! Know Goals! Design your future by setting goals. Decide what you want.

Commitment #2 – Accept Responsibility! – Be accountable to yourself for the choices you make and for the consequences of your actions.

Commitment #3 – Be Coachable! – Listen for and be open to new ideas and suggestions others in your network of support may offer.

Commitment #4 – Show Up! – Be places that count. Make an encounter. Don’t expect a quick fix. Get involved in charitable and community projects, but choose wisely. Not all events will be valuable to you. Be seen. Attend business and professional meetings. Networking opportunities are everywhere! Begin local, then expand nationally.

Commitment #5 – Be Yourself! – Demonstrate your own authenticity. Be unto others as you would have them be unto you. Be real.

Commitment #6 – Pay attention! – Look for opportunity! Talk 20% of the time! Listen 80% of the time!

Commitment #7 – Contribute! – Be the solution! Networking is contribution; it’s helping others help themselves! Allow others to contribute to you!

Commitment #8 – Ask For What You Want! – Tell people what you need. They can’t read your mind.

Commitment #9 – Say “Thank You!” – Express appreciation. Acknowledge others for their contribution to you. Be creative with your gratitude!

Commitment #10 – Stay Connected! – Be in touch! Network on the phone, by e-mail and frequent notes. Never forget the people in your network of support and never let them forget you!

Now. . . get out there! How much networking you do is up to you. It’s a good idea to put some effort into expanding your collection of contacts all the time. Don’t wait until you need something. You must first give. The getting comes second!

Always remember the five most important words you can say while networking:

How may I help YOU?

There are two types of people – those who come into a room and say, “Well, here I am,” and those who come in and say, “Ah, there you are!” – Frederick Collins

NOTE: Visit Larry’s Networking BLOG where something new about Networking is posted on this Blog every 4th day!

netHQ

Copyright © 2007 – Larry James. Larry James is a Professional Speaker, Author and Coach. Larry James presents networking seminars nationally and offers Networking coaching; one-on-one or for your Networking Group! His latest book is, Ten Commitments of Networking: Creative Ways to Maximize Your Personal Connections! Something NEW about Networking is posted on this Networking BLOG every 4th day! Visit Larry’s Networking Website at: “Networking HQ!” Larry James provides “Networking Coaching” one-on-one and to networking groups!

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: Larry James, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com

NOTE: All articles and networking tips listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Authors & Speakers” BLOG at: http://www.AuthorsandSpeakerNetwork.wordpress.com/

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: