Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Breakup Blame Game!

Perhaps it’s time to get totally honest with yourself. Start holding yourself accountable for who you are in the matter; how you feel about the way things are. When you do, you will learn that it is time to stop blaming your former partner and start taking full responsibility for YOUR share of the problems that caused the break-up in the first place.

Relationship problems are NEVER only one person’s fault. If they affect you, the problems are shared problems. If you are together, you can work on them together. If you are alone again, you must work on them alone. While you are single, focus on loving yourself a little more. Of course, you can choose not to, and there are consequences.

BlameGameWhen you decide (and only WHEN you decide) to do something different, you must promise yourself (a promise you intend to keep) that you will do everything within your power to be happy instead of holding on to being right. In other words, discontinue justifying what doesn’t work and begin to do something different.

Is there more you can do? Read good books about relationships that stimulate your thinking; that inspire you to a better way of living. Attend seminars and workshops, not just about relationships, but those that empower you to change the way you have been. That’s the smart choice because the old way didn’t work very well, did it?

This could also mean dropping a few of your loser friends. You know who they are. Hanging around people who bring you down does not support a healthy love relationship with you or anyone else. Become involved in a support group; one that supports you in being a better you; one that uplifts your spirit.

Begin to journal. Get honest with how you FEEL about things; how things “really are” instead of how you “think” they are. Write it all down. Be honest with yourself! Spend a lot of time thinking about what’s happening right now, instead of dwelling on the past. There is no future in the past. Being concerned about something that has already happened; something you cannot change, keeps you stuck. Schedule a few sessions with a relationship coach. To begin again; to really move ahead, you must work on YOU! Let go of the past.

What are the benefits of working on YOU? One of the rewards for working on you is that you begin to feel good about who you are! You begin to love you again! Not the self-centered love that distracts you from being loving to others, but a genuine love-of-self; the kind of love you can share with others.

Loving yourself for who you are causes you to feel like a whole person again. When this occurs, you may be ready for another relationship… when it shows up. Not before. Unless you work toward this magic moment, you may always continue to be disappointed with the relationships that show up in your life. Opposites do not attract. That’s a myth. Remember, like attracts like. You attract to yourself that which you are. You always have. You always will.

If you cannot handle the most important relationship in your life – the one you have with yourself – then you will never be able to truly relate to a relationship with two people in it.

We spent so much of our time being concerned about the relationship we are in with someone else, that we forget about ourselves. This is called “losing yourself in the relationship.” This can never be a healthy way of being.

Working on yourself takes discipline, determination and doing something different. For lasting change; the kind of change that makes a difference, you must “change your behavior.”

The relationship we have with ourselves and the relationship we have with others takes intentional effort. This, we know is true: “We must work on relationships ALL THE TIME, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed!” Relationships should never become a struggle. They become a struggle when someone is not pulling their fair share of the load.

It is difficult to feel good about yourself, when you know you are letting your love partner down by not giving yourself your full attention. You take care of you – your partner does the same. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to pay attention to the overall relationship unless you both know how to focus attention on yourselves first. Two broken people can’t fix each other.

You only have the choice to fix you! Use your past relationship to map out what you want and don’t want in your next relationship, but take your time. To invent a new beginning, you must first acknowledge the problems that require solutions. To fix yourself, you must never stray from the path of self-discovery. You must always know where you stand with yourself. The only way you can do this is to be attentive to, and intentional about having the best relationship with yourself that is humanly possible.

Getting over the heartbreak doesn’t happen overnight. Exercise patience. Your life is not over. It’s not the end of the world. Take your time. When you are ready; when you have given yourself adequate time to prepare for love again… don’t push new love away. A relationship with someone else will be there. You will find each other.

BONUS Articles: 10 Things That Hurt Most When You Break Up
Don’t Quit!
You Know the Relationship is Over When…
So… It’s Over! What Now?
Start Seeing Through the Blame Game

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Is it Time to Push the “Reset” Button?

If your relationship is not gaining ground… you could begin again (with the same partner)!

Be warned: Once a choice is made to end the relationship no amount of coaching, no communication techniques will make the relationship work unless – you and your partner make the decision that you want to have a relationship with your partner and decide how you want to make it work. If you can make that decision then you have taken the first brave step toward a new and exciting future together.

ReSetIn relationships, you get do-overs! In between there and back to normal, is forgiveness, and then it’s making new promises, designing new intentions and doing whatever it takes to make it work. That’s right, “whatever it takes!” Be determined to push through the rough times together.

We’ll call this do over, “pushing the reset button.” It’s beginning again with a serious intention to keep your commitments, no matter what. It’s a corrective phase that you move into only when you are both willing.

You should know this by now: “This is the only way it will work!” Do nothing… nothing changes!

You spoil everything when you promise to “change” then go back to doing the same old stuff that caused the problem in the first place. There was no change in behavior. Your actions spoke louder than your words. You can change your thinking, however, nothing significantly happens until you change your behavior.

When you are both in agreement and you hit reset, you start all over. You begin again! Forgive the things behind you and ‪press forward. There is no “forgive and forget!” You may remember, and when you do you must also remember that you have forgiven. Once forgiven, there is nothing else to go back to or to concern yourself about. You both promise not to allow those things to corrupt your relationship ever again.

‬It’s time to make new promises, keep them and never renege. Together you must focus on the future and let go of the past. It’s time to get to know each other. Allow your partner to get to know you, really know you. Remember, knowing another person is a complicated matter. The process of becoming genuinely intimate is both scary and challenging. It requires patience, letting go of the things you cannot change and celebrating your differences. It takes a commitment to adjust, alter and accommodate for one another. It means learning together, more about what it takes to genuinely Love someone and confidently know that they love you.

reset-300x293Would that make your day better?

“The only caveat is, the button isn’t magical. It’s not like waving a magic wand and your life changes in the blink of an eye. By pressing this button you agree to think and act differently, to have that picture of your ideal life in your mind’s eye, then start thinking and acting as if you are living that life right now. Put your hand on your heart and vow to do whatever it takes to change your life.” ~ Laurie Hayes

Resetting a relationship requires you to give it serious mental and creative energy in the slowing down and starting over. Now that you’ve read this article, you know one way or another that what you must do. If you are absolutely miserable, unfulfilled, and not being true to yourself, return from the dark side and step into the Light. A brighter future together is possible!

Now… have a intimate conversation with your partner about beginning again. If you took the first step, what would your relationships look like? If you need help, call the Coach!

BONUS Articles: 74 Ways to Push the Reset Button
Five Promises of Radical Commitment
Together… Until the Love Runs Out

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Wednesday, April 30, 2014

A Few Steps to Take Before You Complete a Relationship!

Effective communication is at the top of the list and is essential for a relationship to survive. Relationships are all about communicating your needs and understanding the needs and feelings of your partner.

Relationship expert Rachel DeAlto says, “If your sex life has gone from 60 to 0, it is a bad sign that your relationship is on the fritz. A little ebb and flow of desire is normal, but if one of you has lost the desire completely (without any underlying medical condition involved) it may be time to end it.”

CompleteRelationshipWith no sex going on, boredom sets in. Being together is uninspiring. If you can’t remember the last time you had sex, your relationship is most likely in trouble. There is no more “making love,” it’s only sex. You’re not really connecting anymore. A relationship without making love is no longer a healthy relationship.

One partner often with initiate fights over the most insignificant things. If the small things that never used to bother you are now more infuriating then usual, that too can be a red flag. Affection wanes. Complements cease. Trust slowly fades. You rarely hear, “I love you” anymore. There is no longer any text messages or sexting with thoughtful reminders of the love your partner has for you. One partner or both seems to lose interest in doing things together. After a disagreement, you no longer hear the words, “I’m sorry.” Red flag.

A war of words is a great way to vent and can actually be healthy. Why? Because it shows you both still care. However, when there is no resolution to issues that come up, it’s time to talk.

One partner may begin seeking more attention from the opposite sex. Warning… cheating can make your relationship worse than it already is. Reaching out to someone else is never the right answer.

For some, calling a relationship quits is like having to stop paying on a life insurance policy that has outlived its usefulness. We’ve put so much money in it, we are reluctant to give it up. And at the same time we know we must.

It’s sometimes difficult to know when a relationship is over, however often the answer is right in front of us. People change. Often people are brought together to teach each other lessons and when the lessons are learned, they move on. I know. That is hard to accept. It does happen.

The one way to be sure that the relationship is over is when one partner “refuses” to work on the relationship. You become completely indifferent to your partner. It takes two people, working together to make a relationship work. One cannot do the work of two. You know when something is over because every part of your being says it is. Trust your instinct. It rarely steers you wrong.

What to do? Are you living in denial that things will return to the way they used to be? It is never wise to turn a blind eye to the warning signs! Could you both give it another try or agree to a trial separation? Could you both agree to go to counseling together? If you can both agree to counseling, go into the sessions with a wide open mind. Read: “And if All Else Fails?” (see link below).

Insist on a “we need to talk” moment. Find a quiet spot where you can talk about how you are feeling about the relationship. If one partner doesn’t want to talk, ask them to just listen. A lack of communication is a red flag.

If there is a slightest bit of interest from both partners, you can, if you both want to – rekindle the flame and begin again. Most couples seldom can do this on their own. Hire a relationship coach. Take your time. Ease back into the relationship. To do this you must both be willing to set aside your differences and start doing the things that brought you together in the first place. It’s never easy, however, I’ve coached couples where one has cheated on the other, reached some new decisions and got back together. Forgiveness played a huge roll in that happening. The ultimate betrayal of cheating is one of the most difficult to move past… and it can be done if “both” partners are willing to do what is necessary to make it happen.

Often a trial separation will give you time to sort out what you really need to do. However, there must be agreements. One such agreement must be to agree to not see other people during the separation. The time you each spend alone should be a time to either make some new promises to be together or to leave the relationship.

If he or she will not agree to coaching, it may be wise to choose to go yourself. Coaches can offer tips about how to handle what you are going through. If therapy is out of the question, when you finally get the courage to say, “It’s over,” be honest, and be kind. Break ups do not have to be over with both of you hating each other. You once loved each other. Be different. Remain calm. Do your best to understand the hurt and anger you both may feel. Reassure your partner that he or she is someone with whom you have shared a great adventure, however now it is time to move on. Decide for yourself that you will do everything you can to have the “completion” of your relationship be amicable. That too, is not easy, however it will be a statement of who you are as a person.

Notice that I did not say that a break up will END the relationship. A relationship can be over and complete, however, death, divorce or separation will not “end” a relationship. It only changes it.

Unless there is physical or emotional abuse in your relationship, rarely will a relationship coach advise you to leave the relationship. It’s never their choice… only yours.

It may be time to stop investing your time and energy into a relationship that’s not working. If all else fails, your best bet is to admit your relationship is over and begin again to focus on taking care of you.

BONUS Article: And if All Else Fails?
Relationships NEVER End!
The Three Biggest Mistakes Newly Singles Make

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Saturday, August 17, 2013

What to Do When Your Teen Gets Her First Broken Heart

Filed under: Breaking Up,Relationships — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , , , ,

There’s no love quite like the first love; unfortunately, the first love also tends to be among the most painful when things inevitably end. While your teen may be walking through the house with a permanent smile on her face and visions of forever in her mind, you know that it’s likely just a matter of time before the bloom falls from the rose and real life sets in.

brokenheartHelping your teen navigate the painful and complicated world of surviving her first heartbreak isn’t easy, but it’s something that every parent will inevitably have to help with along the way. Handling the situation badly can be actively damaging to your own relationship with your teenager, so be sure that you have a basic idea of how to proceed in order to help her recover without sacrificing the harmony in your home.

Be Supportive, Not Smothering

Your teen needs to know that you’re there for her when she needs you, but she’ll also need to deal with the trauma and pain of her first real break-up in her own way. That may mean hours on the phone with her friends dissecting what went wrong and exploring the natural journey of grief, or it could mean throwing herself into extracurricular activities in a bid to fill up all of her free time.

Provided that she doesn’t resort to risky or dangerous behavior as a means of soothing the pains of her broken heart, it’s wise to let her set the pace. Make sure that you’re available when she asks for help, but that you don’t smother her or foist unsolicited advice on her every time she comes into the room.

Avoid Using Language That Minimizes Her Experience

As a parent who’s watching a child suffer, your first instinct may be to downplay the importance of the event in hopes that she’ll realize how inconsequential a high-school break up is. Before minimizing her pain and implying that her feelings of grief are exaggerated or melodramatic, think back to your first experience with heartbreak. While you certainly know now that it wasn’t the end of the world, that doesn’t mean it didn’t feel that way at the time. It’s entirely possible to offer reassurance and support without minimizing the experience, and almost always the most effective method.

Don’t Bash The Ex

When someone hurts your child, no matter how old she is, it’s human nature to think less of them. If you weren’t wild about your teen’s partner before the break-up, it’s even easier to resort to bashing and dismissive language. Keep in mind, however, that high school romances have a way of resurfacing. Even if your teenager swears that she’s calling off a relationship for good, there’s a decent chance that reconciliation will bring that ex back into the fold at some point.

HugIf you’ve vocally expressed your distaste for her partner or confessed to never caring much for them in the first place, that reunion might be a tense one for everyone involved. Focus on building your child back up and helping her to recover, rather than tearing down the party that you feel is responsible for her pain.

Be Prepared for a Relapse

Teenagers tend to possess fairly mercurial dispositions, so your teen may seem to be over the worst of her mourning and on the road to recovery when a massive relapse forces her back to square one. The best way to deal with such an abrupt loss of progress is to be prepared for it from the beginning. Hope for the best, but realize that the first sighting of an ex with a new flame can be enough to restart a teenage girl’s grieving process altogether.

Offer Distractions, Not a Lecture

You can give your teen an “I told you so” lecture, reminding her of your warnings about getting too close to a teenage partner or shaming her for choices that she made over the course of her relationship, but it will do absolutely no good. In fact, it’s more likely to push her away and make her uncomfortable with the idea of approaching you in the future. After all, who wants to approach someone for help during a painful time when the only help they’ll get is a sound scolding? Even if you have a particular bone to pick with your teen, the days immediately following a breakup might not be the appropriate time to address the situation.

Familiarize Yourself With the Signs of Depression

To you, the end of a high school romance may seem like little more than a blip on the radar. To your teen, however, that break-up is the radar. While it’s certainly not true that every teen who goes through a breakup will feel like it’s the end of the world, some take such things harder than others. Teens that are already prone to depression or who are at risk can begin to suffer from the condition in the aftermath of a particularly messy break-up, so be sure that you’re apprised of the risks and understand how to spot the signs of teenage depression.

Copyright © 2013 – http://www.BabySitting.net.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
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Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Friday, February 24, 2012

10 Things That Hurt Most When You Break Up

Filed under: Breaking Up — Larry James @ 7:00 am

It’s no secret that a breaking up is a painful process, no matter which side of it you’re on. Almost everything about it is miserable, but there are some things that are particularly hurtful; these ten things are among the worst parts of ending a relationship.

breakingup1. The Initial Conversation – Whether you knew the breakup was inevitable or were taken by surprise, the first discussion about ending a relationship is one of the most difficult. Hurt feelings can cause both parties to say things they’ll later regret, causing each other even more pain.

2. Separating Your Lives – Long-term relationships have a way of intertwining two lives so thoroughly that extricating yourself is a complicated and hurtful process. Sorting belongings, closing joint accounts and moving all hammer the point home; the finality of these necessary tasks can be heartbreaking.

3. Questions From Family and Friends – When family members and friends become accustomed to viewing a couple as a unit, it can be difficult to answer the inevitable questions. Being forced to explain the reasons behind a breakup to loved ones over and over can be wearing; watching mutual friends take sides and grow apart can often make things even worse.

4. Finding Forgotten Belongings – Stumbling over a forgotten piece of clothing or other left-behind belongings inevitably happens, especially if the couple shared a living space. The regrets and memories of happier times can almost be overwhelming in this situation.

5. Adjusting to Single Life – After creating a life with someone, their absence can be even more upsetting when it’s time to make adjustments to single-dom. Mundane tasks like eating dinner alone are often among the most depressing reminders of everything that has been lost.

6. Rumors and Gossip – Even the most well-meaning friends can’t resist the urge to pass along gossip and rumors about an ex; regardless of their truth, these second-hand news items can make an injured party even more unhappy.

break-up7. Being Reminded Unexpectedly – Hearing a particular song on the radio or smelling your ex’s cologne on a stranger passing by can almost be devastating; being unprepared for the onslaught of memories that accompany these things often leaves a person bewildered, reliving the relationship and its painful end.

8. Accidentally Running Into One Another – Unless one half of a couple leaves town altogether, you will eventually bump into one another. The stunted conversation between two people who were once so close is heartbreaking in its awkwardness.

9. Finding Out That They’re Dating Someone New – Hearing that your ex is seeing someone else, especially if you haven’t been ready to date anyone yourself, can make you question the depth of their commitment and feelings for you.

10. Realizing That You Haven’t Moved On – There often comes a point, after a breakup, when you realize that you’ve been fooling yourself into thinking that you’ve moved on. Realizing that you’re still not quite over an ex can feel as if you’re reliving the breakup, going through it all over again.

Starting over after ending a long-term relationship is a challenge, and almost never happens quickly. Because moving on is a series of small and gradual changes, it can sometimes feel as if there will never be an end in sight. Patience and optimism is key; by taking things one day at a time and realizing that the pain won’t last forever, you might find yourself ready to face the world sooner than you expect.

brokenheart2Copyright © 2012 – www.BestDatingSites.org. Reprinted with permission.

Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Friday, December 2, 2011

On What Street do You Live?

Filed under: Breaking Up,Coaching,Communication,Making Up,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Wouldn’t it be great if we all lived on “Love Street” and we would all make expressing Love to our partners and those around us the highest priority in our lives?

If the relationship you are in doesn’t feel like there is a lot of love showing up, it’s time to begin demonstrating a higher commitment to finding that love again.

LoveStreetSIGN“Make good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself. Don’t just run away from a bad relationship; you’ll only repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what in you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.” ~ Hara Estroff Marano, Editor at Large of Psychology Today

Every relationship is different. Everyone has their ups and downs. It is important to work on your relationship every single day. If you can’t make it work – even though you both agree that you want to work together to make it work – it would be wise to get outside help. If you take the easy way out and split up, as Hara said, “You’ll only repeat it [the same problem] with the next partner.”

I’ve been a relationship coach since 1994 and I can confirm that problems to not go away by themselves and unless you fix the problem instead of running away… you WILL repeat it with your next partner.

Part of the problem is that we cannot possibly accept that we may be part (or even the cause) of the problem. We hold on to being right about our position and as a result everything collapses around us. We either run away, still blaming our partner, or stay together and hope everything works out and continue to remain on “Miserable Street” all the time knowing that it won’t work out. That’s sad.

I am also an award winning Wedding Officiant. Every couple that I marry receives a “Relationship Coaching Certificate” after the wedding. It’s good for one hour of free relationship coaching at anytime in the future (no expiration) should issues arise that the couple can’t seem to work out together. Although the largest percentage of these couples remain together, I am amazed when I hear that a couple is no longer together and they didn’t at least call to try to work it out.

coupleinloveIf you are running away from a relationship where there was once a lot of love, you are a coward if you don’t at least seek to understand what caused the problem and agree to work on it together or with a relationship coach. Part of the problem is that often we feel hopeless – that there is no use trying – because instead of heeding the warning signs (and there are ALWAYS warning signs) we wait until it’s too late and both partners give up.

We think that it will be different (or better) with someone else. Believe me, you must fix the problem or it won’t go away – even if you do end up with someone else.

Always keep your relationship on the front burner. Make it your top priority. When problems arise don’t wait! If something annoys you more than once or twice you owe it to your relationship to talk about about it as soon as possible. When we allow issues to marinate things always get worse. Not speaking up when they arise allows time to dredge up all the other stuff that we may be unhappy about and when we finally do say something – KaBOOM! – it’s World War III. Often it’s too late! If you threaten to break up with each other after every fight or argument, you will never really resolve anything.

Don’t wait. In the most loving way, express what is going on. Hold your temper. Don’t speak blame. Talk about the real issue. Take responsibility for your share of the problem. Problems are seldom only one persons fault. Settle disputes peacefully. Apologize, forgive, and make up with each other. Take breaking up off the table. Never be afraid to say, “I’m sorry!” Learn to communicate about anything and everything all the time. Re-establish trust. Romance is essential to all relationships. Love each other. Make plans to have fun together! Never give up!

i-m-sorryThere will be times when you are less aware of your loving feelings, more into your own interests, perhaps things have even become a little selfish and routine. Notice when this happens. Those are the times to remember all the wonderful things you have done together, and still want to do. Remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities he or she possesses that made you fall in love in the first place. Remember, your wants and needs are just as important as your partners. If you give nothing of yourself, then you’ll get nothing in return. Never stop doing the things that brought you together in the first place.

Always remember the Golden Rule! Doing the right things will help your relationship move to “Love Street!”

BONUS Article: Does Your Relationship Need a Wake-up Call?

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Don’t Quit!

Filed under: Breaking Up,Commitment,Letting Go,Relationships — Larry James @ 9:00 am

Have you lost hope that your relationship will survive?

Hope is the bi-product of perseverance! That is why when you really love your partner, you should never give up!

Success depends upon your staying power. It requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work sacrifice, dedication and respect for your partner.

DontQuit“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” ~ Romans 5:3-4

Any relationship that lasts will have conflict and trouble. It’s how you handle it that makes a difference. It is incredibly important that you have an attitude of perseverance in your relationships. Perhaps it’s time to pour new energy into your relationship, showing your partner just how much they mean to you. Never give up on your relationship!

“Adversity, and perseverance and all these things can shape you. They can give you a value and a self-esteem that is priceless.” ~ Scott Hamilton

A marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment; it is a pledge to do whatever it takes and whatever is necessary to keep your relationship together. Everyone has issues come and go in relationships. You need to know that there is nothing that cannot be forgiven. I repeat… nothing! It’s important to be committed to not to have issues in your marriage cause you to give up.

“Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.” ~ John Quincy Adams

If relationships were easy, than everybody would have one and no one would get hurt. That’s not the way the world works. If you want yours to last, you have to be willing to put in extra effort and get relationship coaching when the issues are beyond your expertise. There is no shame is requesting assistance.

letgoThere are many things you can do that will help you save your marriage and make it stronger. You both have to be willing to make the effort to sit down and calmly talk about your relationship issues or with the aid of a relationship coach.

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no help at all.” ~ Dale Carnegie

In my experience, many of the issues couples face is that they hold on to being “right.” Letting go of being right is not the same as giving in. It’s the holding on to your position without sincerely listening to the issue from your partner’s point of view that keeps you both stuck. Understanding this means you can move forward and experience a more genuine love relationship.

“Consider the postage stamp; its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing until it gets there.” ~ Josh Billings

Take a stand for your relationship! Do everything to recreate a relationship that works for both partners. Work to restore your relationship by studying useful tips to satisfy the needs of you and your partner. You must speak life and commitment into our relationship. In the midst of troubling issues, reminding yourself and your partner of your commitment is a great help in helping to make a relationship work. Speak to each other in loving ways. Read good books, attend relationship seminars together. Work together. Never quit.

“There is no failure except in no longer trying.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

BONUS Article: Perk Up Your Day!

Hearts&coupleCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Thursday, September 29, 2011

How to Prevent “Crash and Burn!”

Filed under: Breaking Up,Making Up,Relationship Books — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Is your relationship on thin ice? Learning more about how to make relationships work might be a good idea!

break-upA good way to do that is attending relationship seminars and reading good relationship books. Doing so may may prevent your relationship from crashing and burning. A serious relationship takes major work and commitment.

Love is never enough. It takes working together and doing the things of healthy relationships. You can have all the love you want, but if you don’t have respect, trust and communication, you don’t have anything.

Perhaps a crash-course might be the answer. Books only work if you learn from them and then do the work! It’s best not to wait until it’s too late.

If you are feeling a disconnect from your partner, that’s when you need to take action. Here is what often happens. One partner is not happy with the way things are going in the relationship but fails to communicate those feelings to their partner and does nothing. The partner doesn’t have a clue but the other partner begins to seriously think that maybe this isn’t working out. Six months or more later, the partner who failed to communicate expresses a desire to leave and the other partner is shocked. However the other partner has had a six month head start to think, plan and decide to leave. This scenario is common. I have heard it numerous times in my coaching sessions. That’s what I mean when I say don’t wait until it’s too late.

It’s time to wake up. . . NOW. . . not break up! Don’t let your relationship fizzle.

For a list of 4 of Larry’s books, click here. The top 3 are about personal relationships and the last one is about business relationships.

heart47CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Thursday, May 12, 2011

10 Signs Your Relationship Will End Badly

Filed under: Breaking Up,Guest Authors — Larry James @ 7:00 am
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Have you ever gotten dumped and then thought, “I should have seen it coming.” Often times there are tell-tale signs that your relationship will end badly. Here are some of those signs to watch for.

1. Your partner has always been the one to leave a relationship. If your partner has never been dumped by someone else, if they were always the one to break off previous relationships, then you can be pretty certain that your relationship will end in a similar way. Don’t expect long term commitment from this person.

couplearguing2. Your partner continues to talk about their previous partner. If your partner is always talking about their previous partner, even if it’s in a negative way, then that other person is obviously still on their mind in a big way. Chances are that they’ll get back together with them if they are given the opportunity. At the very least, you are only a secondary option in their mind.

3. Your partner treats you with disrespect in public. Do they ridicule you in front of others? Do they reveal personal things about you to their friends? Do they ignore you at parties but give plenty of attention to other girls/guys that are there? This is a relationship that isn’t worth hanging on to and you will be better off the sooner it ends.

4. You find out they cheated on you the first month your were together. If they were cheating on you at the beginning, then they probably still are and will continue to do so. They will either leave you for someone else or hurt you enough times that you’ll finally end it yourself.

5. You continually catch them lying. Are they continually lying about where they were or who they were with? This is a big neon sign that a relationship with this person is going to be one of broken trust. The future is certain to bring heartbreak.

6. You have very little in common. At the beginning of a new romance, your differences can seem insignificant, but overtime, a lack of common interests can take a toll on a relationship. You will find it hard to enjoy your times together when one of you isn’t enjoying the activities that the other does. Eventually you’ll both want to go back to doing the things you enjoy and not what the other person enjoys.

7. They don’t like your friends. How can a person be in love with you and not like the people that you like to hang with? Common sense will tell you that if they don’t like the people you like, eventually they’ll decide that they don’t like you either.

8. They are continually asking to borrow money. This is a big warning sign that you should not ignore. Once or twice, not a big deal, but if your partner, male or female, is always asking to borrow money from you, there’s a problem. If they get mad when you say no, then it’s time for you to head down the road in another direction. Financial dependence is a terrible basis for a relationship.

9. They are married to someone else. Yes, there are situations where a married person divorces their spouse and marries the ‘other person,’ but it is the exception rather than the rule. If you are in a relationship with someone who is already married to someone else, you are setting yourself up for heartache.

10. They don’t want you to meet their family. Don’t shrug this one off. When your partner doesn’t want you to meet their family there is usually a reason. The reason may be because they don’t want you to see what their family is like. No matter how wonderful the person may seem, if you are wanting a long term relationship with them, their family will come into play in that relationship.

Why prolong a relationship that has all the signs of leading to heartbreak? If you see the signs, the sooner you bring it to an end the better, for both you and them.

Larry’s Note: I would add one more. #11. You know the relationship is over when one partner “refuses” to work on the relationship. One cannot do the work of two.

CLoveLOGOBONUS Article: You Know the Relationship is Over When. . .

thebreakup

Copyright © 2011 – www.BestDatingSites.org. Reprinted with permission.

Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Author and Speakers BLOG” at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

You Know the Relationship is Over When. . .

Filed under: Breaking Up,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am

. . . one partner “refuses” to work on the relationship!

One cannot do the relationship work of two!

Have you lost that lovin’ feeling? Things have slowed down. Where’d the fun go? The spark just isn’t there anymore. You see all the signs and by the time you decide that something has to be done for the relationship to get better, one partner has already decided to give up or leave.

When you have experienced a pulling away, a slowdown in affection, sex and all the other important things that seemed to matter when you first met, it is often difficult to begin again. Denying what is before your eyes will not cause the problem to go away.

relationshipoverThe hardest part of coming out of a slump is that you both have to acknowledge you are in one. You cannot solve a problem that you cannot admit you have.

When the energy you pour into your relationship has slowed to a trickle, there are some things you can do.

Oh, my! If your partner refuses to work on the relationship, then it’s only up to you! Oh, really? Obviously one person cannot do the work of two. Remember you are in a partnership. It takes two!

The sad truth is, you know the relationship is over when one partner refuses to work on the relationship.

“Make good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself. Don’t just run away from a bad relationship; you’ll only repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what in you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.” ~ Hara Estroff Marano, Editor at Large of Psychology Today

If you are thinking, “It’s no use. I’m tired of doing all the work in the relationship. He/She isn’t even trying. I’ve got to get out!” Think again. Your interpretation of how things are colors what happens next. It alters your forward motion. While in the heat of battle, it may feel easier to leave the relationship rather than do the work you committed to in the first place. The odds are against you.

Making another relationship work most likely will not work if you do not take time to work though the issues you are currently experiencing. You are already invested in this relationship. It is most difficult to start over in a relationship you are already in, much less begin a new one.

Adversity does not create a great relationship – it reveals it! Upsets create the wisdom necessary to grow in spite of the situation. Upsets stimulate courage to face what’s next. To have a problem be an experience of value, you must be attentive to the lesson the upset presents and be courageous enough to do what is necessary to avoid a future setback for the same reason.

Doing something different to rescue the relationship requires your personal urgency. It will take a leap of faith. This may feel like you are living your life in the leap; not being sure of what will happen or where you will land. It will also take courage. It will take both partners working together, making new promises and beginning with baby steps.

It’s time to make some new choices such as changing your thinking, constructing new behavioral patterns and changing your relationship from one that may be sinking into the abyss, into one you can be proud to be in.

breaking-upInvesting your time in working together a little each day on a few carefully selected “Slump Busters” will pay off handsomely in your relationship.

“Sometimes being in a relationship is easier than breaking up. Break-ups are painful, awkward, and drawn-out for a reason, they suck. It’s never as easy as it looks in movies, a break-up text is basically asking for a punch in the face, and the whole “it’s me, not you” excuse works about as good as pulling out. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.” ~ Molly Cody

If your partner refuses to work on the relationship and blames you for everything. . . you will be face with the fact that you may have to make some new choices about staying in the relationship. Don’t be afraid to end a relationship. It’s better to be single than to be in a relationship that’s quickly going south. BUT. . . be sure you end it for the right reasons.

You can’t fix stupid and you can’t fix crazy, but you can fix yourself. 😉 No one that can change your life for the better but you!

Often calling a relationship coach can make all the difference in helping you get down to the “real” truth about your relationship. At least they can help you learn to cope with a partner unwilling to do anything different.

“Love is like a Rubix Cube, there are countless numbers of wrong twists and turns, but when you get it right, it looks perfect no matter what way you look at it.” ~ Brian Cramer

BONUS Articles:Relationship “Slump Busters” – Here you will find one thing to focus on for each week of the year! 52 ways to make your relationship better! Take the challange and watch your relationship prosper!
Want a Great Relationship? Fix Yourself FIRST!!”
When to Call It Quits

bandaidheart2

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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