Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Angry?

Filed under: Anger Issues — Larry James @ 8:30 am

REL-angerIn reality, anger is a derivative of and an expression of fear. To transcend or master fear, we must turn our back on it; exercise courage. Love cannot exist in the presence of fear. It is impossible for opposites to co-exist. They cannot occupy the same space at the same time. So… we drift. Back and forth. Love. Fear. Love. Fear.

We must learn to express love to ourselves and to others in the midst of upsets. Releasing anger in healthy ways proves we are capable of creative acts of wholeness.

Healing is always around the corner. It shows up when we have the courage to let go of the anger and fully embrace love.

BONUS Articles: 6 Tips To Help You Manage Your Anger
How to Have a Fair Fight
“You Make Me So Mad!!”

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Saturday, April 25, 2015

6 Tips To Help You Manage Your Anger

Filed under: Anger Issues,Relationships — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Rhoberta Shaler, Guest Author

Stop letting anger control you. Reclaim your life and start feeling better about yourself.

“I don’t like who I am after I let my anger fly!” That’s what folks coming to me for anger management counseling and classes say.

RELangerThey’re disappointed, embarrassed, humiliated, and/or having to mop up a big spill of emotions that didn’t need to happen. You might say, “Yes, it did! I just couldn’t stand that for another minute.” You know that’s not true. You could have waited until you calmed down before opening your mouth. You are making a choice to speak out.

Did you notice that, often, the thing you were angry about didn’t change as a result of your letting it fly? So, now there is still that issue, plus mopping up after the outburst. The relationship is doubly torched now.

If this sounds about right to you, then here are a few tips to manage anger and put in place:

1. Know the signs. Notice as early as possible that you are beginning to feel upset, irritated, or annoyed. Small things begin to happen in your body.

2. Focus on yourself once you notice, and not on the person, behavior, or situation that is bothering you. What’s going on within you right now?

3. Use your breath to keep the focus on yourself. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly a few times to relax your body and keep yourself from going into anger arousal.

4. Ask yourself, “Where do I want to be with this relationship ten minutes from now?” and behave accordingly.

5. Keep your mouth closed, and go away from the situation to regroup. This is the tough thing to do for many folks. They just want to get their anger out. Unfortunately, it spills and spews in hurtful, unhelpful ways and nothing good comes from it.

6. Wait. Wise people wait until the anger in their bodies has fully subsided before they try to discuss what is bothering them with anyone. They know they cannot communicate effectively with a head of steam up.

You may think you know these steps to manage anger, but the trick is practicing them. If you don’t manage your anger, your anger will manage you. You are hurting yourself.

Trying to get rid of your upset, irritation, or frustration by yelling, swearing, discounting, belittling, and/or demanding leaves you alone with your regrets. There are better ways.

If you don’t like yourself much after an angry outburst, you need some proven anger management essentials. To help you, I wrote an e-book, Ten Absolute Essentials To Keep Anger From Managing You. If you need more help, let’s talk soon.

RhobertaShalerCopyright © 2015 by Rhoberta Shaler. As a relationship counselor/therapist, Rhoberta provides urgent and ongoing care for couples around the world. When relationships get – and stay – turbulent, she helps couples find clarity about their next best steps, and create new beginnings and positive re-connections. She can help you and your partner develop the insights and pattern-breaking skills that lead to blame-free, game-free, non-manipulative relationships. Free initial consultations available. Subscribe to “Tips For Relationships.” Visit Rhoberta’s Website

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

How to Have a Fair Fight

Filed under: Anger Issues,Arguments,Relationships,Resolving Conflict — Larry James @ 7:30 am

All married couples have disagreements. In order for a relationship to be safe and meaningful it must have ground rules and boundaries. Conflict is best managed within some ground rules.

1. Deal with one issue at a time. Stick to the subject. When attempting to resolve a conflict, stick to only one issue without bringing in other problems. When you feel defensive about an issue, it’s natural to bring up something else and deflect the conversation. Storing up lots of grievances and hurt feelings over time is counterproductive. It’s almost impossible to deal with numerous old problems for which recollections may differ. Try to deal with problems as they arise.

FairFighting2. State problems in the first person using an “I” message instead of a “you” message. Rather than “You never take out the garbage unless I have to ask you over and over,” say, “I feel like you are part of the team when the garbage gets taken out. Thank you.”

3. Avoid motive analysis. It is natural to analyze your partner’s personality or try and discover the “why” of your partner’s behavior. Rather than inferring motives in a conflict, deal with the problem behavior. “I think Betty Ann would really enjoy you surprising her at her birthday party” rather than, “You are always to busy to pay attention to your own family.”

4. Know your own feelings. Seek to grow in self-awareness. Being in touch with your own true feelings is essential before you can constructively handle anger or conflict.

5. Don’t hesitate to confront each issue. In the normal course of relationships, do your best to with issues quickly instead of trying to sit on your discomfort and suppress your concerns. Last week’s issues tend to be like rotten fruit.

6. Allow a cooling-off period. Establish ground rules that permit either partner to “cool off” before trying to resolve anger. It may be necessary to walk or engage in some other physical activity in order to allow anger to dissipate.

7. Look for “win-win” solutions. When someone loses in a conflict the relationship loses and so does everyone involved. Try jointly to arrive a mutually satisfactory solutions.

8. Keep your fights to yourself. It does no good to gossip about your partner to others. Exceptions would be when more serious problems suggest the need for a good relationship coach.

9. Avoid name-calling, insults, put-downs or swearing. Putting your partner down or criticizing your partner’s character shows disrespect for his or her dignity.

10. Yelling only escalates things. Chances are nothing will get resolved when your emotions are running so high. You may be angry, but keep your cool. If you’re mad and feel like yelling, then it’s time to step away and cool down.

11. NEVER mention the “D” word! In the heat of an argument, threatening to leave the relationship is manipulative and hurtful. It creates anxiety about being abandoned and undermines your ability to resolve your issues. It quickly erodes your partner’s confidence in your commitment to the relationship.

12. Let one person speak at a time. When one speaks, the other should be listening—really listening, not just planning their rebuttal. Take turns speaking and listening so that you both have a chance to say what you need.

How you argue – especially how you end an argument – can determine the long-term success or failure of your relationship. A primary requirement for any fight is to maintain control. Always treat your partner with respect, even in the heat of battle. Fighting fairly with respect for one another is a critical marital skill that you must learn.

Remember that you love each other. Never say anything that you might regret later.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Thursday, April 10, 2014

“You Make Me So Mad!!”

Filed under: Anger Issues,Choice — Larry James @ 6:30 am
Tags: , , , ,

We often cannot see that we have choice to be angry or not. No matter what happens we always have choice. The hurt we experience sometimes keeps us at a distance from responsible choices. We can move through the pain of a changing relationship much more rapidly when we remember that we are never without choice.

It’s okay to feel angry. It is also important to remember that no one can “make” you angry. That is only and always a choice.

angerISaChoiceThe psychological importance of working through painful resentments must not be underestimated. When old patterns are broken, a whole new world of possibility is born. Not to release and rise above suppressed feelings of hurt and anger is to remain imprisoned by them.

It is not okay to be consumed with anger. Anger is not something to be contained; it is something to be released. Express it with this caveat: consider the consequences of its power. Anger is something that can hurt if expressed with the intention to get even. Often we inflict our feelings of anger on the ones we love the most. Not a good idea. Everyone feels angry occasionally and everyone in the relationship feels its effect.

Whenever you become angry you are given the choice to challenge the anger or to surrender to it. Anger loses its power and you are empowered each time you challenge it. You have the power to transform the energy of anger to a constructive experience of release; a letting go of an emotion that can stifle your potential for personal and spiritual growth.

Anger hurts most whoever is angry. Choosing to be angry is choosing to suffer. Suffering is always optional. Only express your anger to get it out, not to win. In a healthy love relationship, expressions of anger are always followed by expressions of love.

Being angry is not living in the present. Anger only represents something from our past; something that already happened. The wise thing to do is to be present to our anger; acknowledge it. Don’t wallow in it. Create a new intention; to move through it. We must never allow anger to use us. Allowing anger to use us, robs us of the power we need to move forward. Instead, we must use its mighty energy to move us to the other side. There we will find only love.

When you have disagreements that allow anger to present itself, watch for the appropriate opportunity to share what is really in your heart. Little, if any progress can be made during meltdown. Allow a time for cooling off. This is a time when you must work together to create a space for each love partner to express their feelings without any fear that it isn’t safe to do so. Listen. Communicate. Give up your attachment to being right and settle for a win/win solution that serves both love partners equally.

BONUS Articles: How to Get Unstuck From Any Problem
Angry is a Habit
“I Need a Hug!”
Simmer Down

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Friday, November 1, 2013

Anger Issues?

Filed under: Anger Issues,Fear — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: ,

Only one thing activates, then converts the negative energy of anger into positive energy… intention. The intention must be to do something different; something that works. When you discover that what you have been doing isn’t working, the only logical thing to do is to do something different.

We are talking about change. Yes, it is uncomfortable to change. You must decide which is the most uncomfortable.

angerThe same energy you expend on anger, when re-directed, can help free you of the negative emotions you feel when you are angry. Freeing yourself of these negative emotions is something you do. It is never dependent upon whoever or whatever you think is the cause of your anger.

In reality, anger is a derivative of and an expression of fear. To transcend or master fear, we must turn our back on it; exercise courage.

Love cannot exist in the presence of fear. It is impossible for opposites to co-exist. They cannot occupy the same space at the same time. So… we drift. Back and forth. Love. Fear. Love. Fear.

We must learn to express love to ourselves and to others in the midst of upsets. Releasing anger in healthy ways proves we are capable of creative acts of wholeness.

Healing is always around the corner. It shows up when we have the courage to let go of the anger and fully embrace love.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

How to Get Unstuck From Any Problem

There is a lesson in every problem. Problems are not to break us; they are there to make us strong. Look for them and learn from them.

A lot of us stay stuck in the problem and ask ourselves, “Why me?” Asking, “Why me?” is a waste of time! Get rid of the “why” question. It only makes you defend your position. Defending a position that got us in the problem in the first place doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.

GetUnStuckOur first knee-jerk reaction is usually to ask why. Don’t ask why, ask how. Asking how we can solve the problem works better. Immediately asking how has us begin to seek information that will assist us in solving the problem. Asking how creates forward motion. The why of something lives in the past. The how of something is now.

It is infinitely more wise to experience problems as those situations which lure you on to self-discovery than to be stopped by the unpleasantness of the circumstances and be shut down to the possibilities the problem presents. There are no accidents. Problems occur for a reason. It is sometimes difficult to find the good in what appears to be all bad. There are important lessons to be learned in every circumstance. Remember, problems by design are repetitive. They come back if you don’t learn from them and do something to prevent their reoccurrence.

Many people go into denial when a problem occurs. They think that if they pretend it isn’t there, it will go away. Do problems go away? No! Problems only go away when you invent solutions and then take specific actions intended to move you through the problem.

Four Steps to Getting Unstuck From Problems

Step one ~ Acknowledge you have a problem

Step two ~ Ask yourself, “What am I committed to that has this be a problem?” If you determine that there is a commitment that the problem is getting in the way of, you know you have a problem.

Step three ~ Study your options. Look at all of the possibilities. Consider many solutions not just one. Do this quickly.

Step four ~ Do something that is consistent with your commitment. Focus on the solution.

One of the smartest things you can do when a problem occurs is to first acknowledge that it happened. Say to yourself, “I have a problem. The problem is. . .” and state the problem. Sounds so simple, yet many of us refuse to acknowledge our problems and in doing so, we subconsciously hold onto the problem.

Next, examine what you are committed to that has it be a problem. This is the second step. This step is the test to determine if it really is a problem. If there is no commitment, there is no problem.

Step number three is to study your options. Look at all of the possibilities. Don’t just look for an answer; look for many answers. Pick one that will work.

Finally, the fourth and most important step is to do something that is consistent with your commitment.

“We need to get over the questions that focus on the past and on the pain – ‘Why did this happen to me?’ – and ask instead the question which opens doors to the future: ‘Now that this has happened, what shall I do about it?'” ~ Rabbi Harold Kushner

In other words, focus on a solution right now. Not later, when you feel like it. By then the problem will dominate your thinking and you will never feel like facing it. Not later, after you have told everyone in the world about your problem, but right now. Your partner or friends would probably have a different feeling about you if you would wait and tell them about this wonderful problem you had and then tell them how you handled it! The mind that has the ability to notice problems and to look at what your commitments are also has the ability to create a solution to your problems. Joyce Hifler said, “Thrashing around in your mind does about as much good as trying to empty an ocean with a paper cup. Quiet your mind and solutions will come.”

stressOVER2Let’s say that you have a flat tire on the way to an important meeting. Most of us would call a flat tire a problem. Kick the tire if it will make you feel better, and immediately acknowledge that you have a problem. What is your commitment that has a flat tire be a problem? It could be that you are committed to keeping your word about being on time. Or it could be that you are committed to not getting your hands dirty. Regardless of the commitment, the quicker you begin to work on a solution, the better off you will be. Study your options. Get on your cellular phone or walk to a pay phone and call to let your appointment know you will be running a little late. Reschedule if you must, but get started on fixing the problem. Next, get the tire fixed. Call AAA. Whatever. Don’t anguish over it, do something about it.

Doing something brings possibility to the situation. You can’t expect the situation to present the possibility, although the situation can, with a high degree of reliability, point in the direction of the solution. And you have to look for it. You create your own possibilities. You alone are responsible.

Refuse to allow the problem to affect you for very long. It won’t when you know the secret of how to get unstuck. Don’t get mad; be glad you have an opportunity to demonstrate who you are. Anger stops you in your tracks. Anger is natural when challenges come. Staying angry about a problem is not good for your mental health. Someone once said, “Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.”

You can’t think straight when you are angry. Allow a cooling off period before you delve into solving the problem. The Bible says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” When you lose your temper, you lose the ability to think sensibly and to make balanced decisions. Give up being angry. Being angry is a choice. Who you are, is someone that is bigger than the problem.

Learning to get unstuck from your problems with this four-step method could be one of the most important lessons you could learn from reading this blog. Use this method and it will help bring you peace of mind. Now that you have discovered a way to give yourself more time to focus on the things you want, doesn’t it make sense to implement the idea immediately? If you want to shorten your “bounce-back” time, do it now.

The fundamental design of a bright future must be to focus each day on the study of things what will shorten your “bounce-back” time. Let’s define “bounce-back” time as the amount of time it takes you to recover from a problem. Recovery is a process.

You can never solve all of your problems at once. Resolve only the things that demand your immediate attention. Tackle them now. You must set priorities on finding solutions to problems. First things first.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Sunday, June 30, 2013

Angry is a Habit

Filed under: Anger Issues,Guest Authors,Habits — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: , ,

Seth Godin, Guest Author

It’s easy to imagine habits like a scotch after dinner, biting your nails or saying, “you know” after every sentence. An event or a time of day triggers us, and we go with the habit. It’s easier than exploring new territory – it’s merely a thoughtless response to an incoming trigger.

AngerCARTOONBut emotions can become habits as well.

Distrustful is a habit.

Lonely is a habit.

Generous is a habit.

When that stranger doesn’t do what you expect, is your response to assume that she’s out to get you, trying to make an extra buck, looking for a shortcut? Or do you default to the habit of giving that new person a chance to explain herself?

Habits are great when they help us get what we want. Bad habits, on the other hand, are bad because the shortcut that satisfies us in the moment gets in the way of our long term goals.

Once you can see that your emotions are as much as a habit as cracking your knuckles, they’re a lot easier to work with.

seth-godinCopyright © 2013 – Seth Godin. Seth Godin has written fourteen books that have been translated into more than thirty languages. Every one has been a bestseller. He writes about the post-industrial revolution, the way ideas spread, marketing, quitting, leadership and most of all, changing everything. Visit Seth’s Blog.

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Angry? Time for a Truce?

Filed under: Anger Issues — Larry James @ 7:30 am

When in the heat of the battle, always remember: a warm hug cools a slow burn. It may be better to temporarily put aside feelings of anger during misunderstandings and express your love in a silent, close embrace.

couplehuggingIt is at times like these, when tempers are flaring, that words can not only fan the flames, they can be like a flash fire; once the fire rages through, there is not much of anything left.

A hug at that moment, would be a shining example of unconditional love. Being angry doesn’t mean you are no longer loved or lovable, or that you do not love your love partner.

Love stands on its own. It only needs your constant attention if you want it to grow. While it may be difficult to express love in the middle of no agreement, it is possible.

Imagine a relationship where love partners, in the midst of a disagreement, can agree to a truce long enough to again call attention to the single thing that keeps them together. . . love. Hold one another, if only for a moment. When things cool down, have a warm and loving conversation that again gives birth to the possibility of agreement.

If you can imagine it, you can bring it to pass. What an exciting possibility! Love more quickly heals a slow burn.

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Friday, January 25, 2013

Angry?

Filed under: Anger Issues — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , ,

Only one thing activates, then converts the negative energy of anger into positive energy… intention. The intention must be to do something different; something that works. When you discover that what you have been doing isn’t working, the only logical thing to do is to do something different. Make that transition as soon as you can.

IntentionWhen we disagree or become angry, our relationship can often become “temporarily out of order.” Arguments that bring anger to the boiling point are most destructive. Restoration is a process. It requires patience, understanding, acceptance and much love. Discuss with an intention to resolve the conflict.

Give up being right. When self-discovery becomes more important than being right, then every situation in our relationship will present us with an opportunity to learn about ourselves in a new and exciting way. Arguments create negative distance. We must move through conflict as quickly as we can. Life is too short to maintain negative distance between love partners for lengthy periods of time.

Disagreements are a signal that your love partner needs care and understanding. Develop a way of listening that allows you to hear the anger without becoming defensive. Because they are angry does not mean you are not loved. You can love and be angry at the same time.

We are talking about change. Yes, it is uncomfortable to change. You must decide which is the most uncomfortable. The same energy you expend on anger, when re-directed, can help free you of the negative emotions you feel when you are angry. Freeing yourself of these negative emotions is something you do. It is never dependent upon whoever or whatever you think is the cause of your anger.

BONUS Articles: How to Convert the Negative Energy of Anger into Positive Energy
Quick to Blow Your Top? Put a Lid on it! – Part #1
Quick to Blow Your Top? Put a Lid on it! – Part #2

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Friday, December 28, 2012

“I Need a Hug!”

Filed under: Anger Issues,Hugs — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , ,

When in the heat of the battle, always remember: a warm hug cools a slow burn. It may be better to temporarily put aside feelings of anger during misunderstandings and express your love in a silent, close embrace. Clearly affectionate communication is beneficial, but what happens when the expressed affection is not an authentic representation of your partner’s feelings?

two-children-huggingIt is at times like these, when tempers are flaring, words can not only fan the flames, they can be like a flash fire; once the fire rages through, there is not much of anything left.

A hug at that moment, would be a shining example of unconditional love. Being angry doesn’t mean you are no longer loved or lovable, or that you do not love your love partner.

Love stands on its own. It only needs your constant attention if you want it to grow. While it may be difficult to express love in the middle of no agreement, it is possible.

Imagine a relationship where love partners, in the midst of a disagreement, can agree to a truce long enough to again call attention to the single thing that keeps them together. . . Love.

Go to your partner. You may not want to hug – which is all the more reason to do so. It’s hard to stay angry when someone shows they care for you – even when they are angry, and that’s precisely what happens when you need to hug each other. Hold one another, if only for a moment. Hugs can calm you down when you’re angry. When given sincerely you can actually feel the stress that anger caused being released. You may even want to get brave and whisper, “I love you” while holding your partner close. When things cool down, have a warm and loving conversation that again gives birth to the possibility of agreement.

Reaching out and touching someone, and holding them tight is a way of saying you care. Its effects are immediate: for both, the hugger and the person being hugged. Non-hugs are no good. They don’t have the same effect.

couplehugging“If you’re angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug – which is all the more reason to do so. It’s hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that’s precisely what happens when we hug each other.” ~ Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997

Hugging is one of the simplest ways we all can do to show compassion, care, happiness, sympathy, and Love, and according to relationship expert and life coach Pia Acevedo, “it only takes a mere 20 seconds for a woman to establish trust,” which then validates an individual’s being.

Through hugging and physically feeling the presence of another person, our body releases oxytocin or the “love hormone” which then results to the trust a female feels towards the other person and vice versa.

There is power in a hug. Hugs bring people together. This expression of human touch can silently speak forgiveness, sensitivity, acceptance, caring, healing and love. Healing is sometimes about simply having someone hold you in their arms and feeling their love, caring and compassion. When we’re feeling low, getting a gentle squeeze provides comfort like nothing else. A hug can help you feel safe and secure.

A lack of touch in our lives is detrimental to our well-being. We need physical contact to feel connected to something other than ourselves and to feel a little less alone, especially in times of need. Humans thrive on touch and often suffer without it. A hug can break down barriers that no words can. There is power in a hug.

Hugs are the new vitamin C. There is almost nothing that a hug cannot fix. In a new study, people who received more embraces from loved ones were less likely to catch a cold than those who weren’t as cuddly. Hugs, a sign of social support, may counter the immune system – lowering effects of stress.

If you can imagine it, you can bring it to pass. What an exciting possibility! Love – and a warm hug – more quickly heals a slow burn.

Get your “squeeze on!” Be an equal-opportunity hugger.

BONUS Article: How To Hug

KissesandHugsCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at: http://CelebrateIntimateWeddings.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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