Larry James' BLOG

Friday, July 10, 2015

Hope is Not a Strategy

Filed under: Relationship Detox,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

It annoys me to hear someone say, “I sure hope it works out,” or “I’ll give it my best shot,” especially if you are talking about a relationship. Stepping into marriage hoping everything works out is a colossal first step in the wrong direction.

REL-HopeHope is not a strategy! However, hope is a critical part of “achieving a strategy” when based on what is possible. Hope is the belief that something is possible and probable, and the recognition that the degree of each is not necessarily equal. And it’s where you start.

Hope is something we all should have, but remember, hope alone will not bring change. Change is not a destination, just as hope is not a strategy. Hope is a motivation and a key to relationship success when it is accompanied by will-power and careful planning. Hope is a good thing. Embrace it, but never use it as a strategy.

“Whether you are a leading your own life, or leading others, you must have faith, or intuition, or the ability to tap into that which does not yet exist. Intuition and faith provide the vision that guides us into the unknown, and the ambiguous, with courage.” ~ Carol Bysiek

Personal growth in your relationship does not come without a proper plan. Growth comes with a strategy. However, hope is not a good strategy. Hope is critical to a strategy. Inspirational partners understand one thing: that without hope there is no strategy. Doing everything possible to make – whatever you’re working on – work is what’s important. That’s a strategy. It’s called working together. It also means doing unto your partner as we would have them do unto us – to coin a phrase. ūüėČ

Purge your brain of all the angry, negative, cynical, defeatist crap and learn some new things to do to make your relationship be great. Do something new. Be extraordinary at it. Demonstrate Love to your partner… don’t just say it. Anything is better than the same old rut and getting the same old responses. Is there enough energy left in the relationship to give you the fuel you need to recommit to working on a workable strategy? Couples who are good communicators stay with one issue at a time and talk about what they need from each other in the present.

When you are totally committed to making your relationship work, know that relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed. Most issues can be fixed with a bit of effort from both partners.

If you find your relationship to be a bit bumpy, it’s time to pause, reflect and begin again. Prioritize your relationship goals. Healthy couples are able to work well together in good and bad times and support one another through it all. Relationships must have trust, respect, loyalty, honesty, good communications, and commitment. Start there.

Try to imagine your life without your partner. What would you regret more: leaving them or staying with them? If you don’t like that idea, you have some work to do.

What is your relationship strategy? Are you hoping it all works out? If so, are you ready to get to work on some new strategies?

BONUS Article: Detoxify Your Relationships

CLoveLOGOCopyright ¬© 2015 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

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