If your relationship is not gaining ground… you could begin again (with the same partner)!
Be warned: Once a choice is made to end the relationship no amount of coaching, no communication techniques will make the relationship work unless – you and your partner make the decision that you want to have a relationship with your partner and decide how you want to make it work. If you can make that decision then you have taken the first brave step toward a new and exciting future together.
In relationships, you get do-overs! In between there and back to normal, is forgiveness, and then it’s making new promises, designing new intentions and doing whatever it takes to make it work. That’s right, “whatever it takes!” Be determined to push through the rough times together.
We’ll call this do over, “pushing the reset button.” It’s beginning again with a serious intention to keep your commitments, no matter what. It’s a corrective phase that you move into only when you are both willing.
You should know this by now: “This is the only way it will work!” Do nothing… nothing changes!
You spoil everything when you promise to “change” then go back to doing the same old stuff that caused the problem in the first place. There was no change in behavior. Your actions spoke louder than your words. You can change your thinking, however, nothing significantly happens until you change your behavior.
When you are both in agreement and you hit reset, you start all over. You begin again! Forgive the things behind you and press forward. There is no “forgive and forget!” You may remember, and when you do you must also remember that you have forgiven. Once forgiven, there is nothing else to go back to or to concern yourself about. You both promise not to allow those things to corrupt your relationship ever again.
It’s time to make new promises, keep them and never renege. Together you must focus on the future and let go of the past. It’s time to get to know each other. Allow your partner to get to know you, really know you. Remember, knowing another person is a complicated matter. The process of becoming genuinely intimate is both scary and challenging. It requires patience, letting go of the things you cannot change and celebrating your differences. It takes a commitment to adjust, alter and accommodate for one another. It means learning together, more about what it takes to genuinely Love someone and confidently know that they love you.
“The only caveat is, the button isn’t magical. It’s not like waving a magic wand and your life changes in the blink of an eye. By pressing this button you agree to think and act differently, to have that picture of your ideal life in your mind’s eye, then start thinking and acting as if you are living that life right now. Put your hand on your heart and vow to do whatever it takes to change your life.” ~ Laurie Hayes
Resetting a relationship requires you to give it serious mental and creative energy in the slowing down and starting over. Now that you’ve read this article, you know one way or another that what you must do. If you are absolutely miserable, unfulfilled, and not being true to yourself, return from the dark side and step into the Light. A brighter future together is possible!
Now… have a intimate conversation with your partner about beginning again. If you took the first step, what would your relationships look like? If you need help, call the Coach!
Copyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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