Larry James' BLOG

Friday, October 31, 2014

Don’t Try This at Home!

Relationships can be awesome. For them to be awesome… they take work. They take paying close attention to them, nurturing them and expressing lots of love in many different ways. Here are a few things that you may need to work on.

Never say hurtful things to your partner. Telling your partner that you really didn’t mean what you said is a lie. You meant it when you said it. Don’t let too much time go by before you say, “Im sorry. I was wrong to say that,” and move on.

DontTryThisDon’t ignore your partner. Giving your partner the cold shoulder because you are angry only drives a wedge between the two of you. Communicate. Pay attention to your partner.

Never offer advice unless it is asked for. Offer a listening ear instead. Your ears will never get you in trouble. Don’t talk. Be a good listener.

Don’t be a cheater. Usually cheater cheat because they are not getting what they need from the relationship they are in. Learn to ask for what you need from the relationship.

Stop being judgmental. Allow your partner to be who they really are. If you are constantly judging your partner for what they do or say, it might be good to reflect that upon yourself.

Don’t be a complainer. Begin by focusing on the positive things that show up around you.

Don’t hold back what you are feeling. And don’t fake your feelings. Saving up does’t work. When you bottle up emotions, it is going to end up in a huge fight.

Don’t be apathetic. Avoid audioapathy. That is a word I coined to identify someone who is apathetic to listening to their partner.

Don’t say you will do something but never do it. You are only as good as your word.

Give up being jealous! Being jealous is a cry for more love, but is a dysfunctional and dangerous way to ask for it.

Stop trying to change your partner. Instead, focus on changing yourself to be someone who accepts your partner for who they are. Always encourage growth and change. The art of caring for another is rooted in love and respect.

Stop trying to be someone you aren’t. Admit your weaknesses. You re not a superhero. Talk about them. Ask for assistances.

Don’t neglect their own self-awareness. Always take care of you!

Stop being suspicious of your partner. Trust is paramount. It is the foundation of a healthy relationship. If you don’t trust your partner to be faithful, honest, caring or anything else, then you’re not in a good relationship. AND you are the only one who change how they feel. They don’t let fear overpower your love and trust.

Get rid of your expectations. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. When you don’t get what you expect, you get disappointed. When you get disappointed, sometimes you get angry, frustrated, resentful, etc. Focus on what you NEED from your relationship and don’t settle for anything less.

Don’t keep secrets from each other. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Remember, omissions are lies. Be open and honest in your relationship. Being honest is the only way to be at peace with yourself and others.

Don’t focus on the past. Let it go. Be present in the present. Always remember… forgiveness works.

Don’t focus on your partner’s flaws. Maintain sincere love in your heart for them. The more you see the good in them, the more good you will uncover in yourself.

Don’t be mad because the sharing of the chores are not equal. Work together to find a mutually beneficial solution. Guys: Nowhere does it say that the woman does all the housework. Just because your father sat on his ass and expected dinner to be on the table at a certain time, doesn’t mean you get to be like your father! Household chores must be shared.

Don’t snap at your partner. If you are angry or upset, say so – in the most loving way you can. Bickering happens. Ask for a time-out. Then come back and explain what your were angry about.

Never look at past relationships as failures. There are no failed relationships. There are only lessons to be learned. Only look back to see how far you’ve come and what you have learned from the lessons that were presented to you at that time.

Stop taking your relationship for granted. Make time for those you care about. Two people can wake up next to each other, yet it like they are miles apart. What you take for granted… disappears.

BONUS Article: 25 Things People in Healthy Relationships Don’t Do

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.


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