Come on… Do I really have to explain this to you?
It’s simple. Slow and easy vs. wham, bam, thank you, mam! Intentional vs. fast and furious! Loving vs. loveless! Sweet, tender lovemaking vs. a quickie! Planing vs. spontaneity! Got the point?
Pay attention guys! Making love is about pleasing your partner FIRST! Very WRONG: The act of having sex without even bothering to try to get the woman to orgasm. Usually lasts for about ten seconds. For some guys… less that that. 😉
Having sex, even great sex, is not necessarily making love. It should never be a rushed experience. Men often tend to forget about foreplay. Foreplay begins with taking out the garbage without being asked! Foreplay means you don’t want to rush sex, you want to take your time and enjoy every bit of it. When there is no foreplay there is (obviously?) no desire in wanting to please each other, and that is a major difference between having sex and making love. It’s difficult for women to have the big “O” without being able to first connect with the person through foreplay.
And all the women said, “Amen!”
To quote Rachel Astarte: “One of the most beautiful aspects of human nature is our versatility.” There are many ways to express the love you feel for each other. Conversation is one way. In my coaching practice, I talk to a lot of couples who haven’t spent 5 minutes talking about making love… what they like and what they don’t like. Bad first move. Read some good books about physical intimacy or take a class or get some coaching. You may learn something.
In my view it is wrong if sexual desires are expressed as demands, followed by punishing rejection if the demands are not complied with. It’s okay to say, “No,” to something you do not want.
Making love is filled with emotions. It’s a act of expressing and showing the love you have for the person your sharing the experience with. It’s more of a deep connection, more tender and it involves the heart. Making love makes you want to please every part of your partner physically and emotionally. Making love is more meaningful and satisfying and there is more kissing and romantic touching. When couples have chemistry together… things can heat up quickly.
It takes two to Tango, and so too does it take two to make love. Making love includes emotions, while sex is just the action. Anyone can have sex, but after a while… that may become more and more unromantic and even boring, especially if one partner is not getting what they want. We must all learn to transcend the self-interested desire for sexual satisfaction so that you and your partner’s goals are the mutual fulfillment of both’s wishes, expectations, needs, and the pleasure derived from sexual intimacy. Responding in kind to each loving touch, movement, word, kiss, sound, caress, look, etc., is what making love is all about. Express real care and concern for a partner’s happiness and well-being and you are on you way to making love.
I repeat, making love must be full of gentle caresses, tender kisses, terms of endearment, cuddles, loving looks and feelings of deep connectedness, leading up to, during and especially following close personal intimacy.
“Making Love without expecting anything in return by means of benevolence, kind words and deeds is what adds validity to sex and makes it more meaningful, which in turn adds to the longevity of your relationship, because sex alone is not adequate enough to sustain a good long-term relationship.” ~ Darryl Y. Barron
Having sex is more about pleasing yourself, however, there is nothing wrong with having sex or a quickie once in awhile as long as wonderful erotic excitement, intense pleasure and saturating satisfaction results and if both partner’s are in agreement.
Making love is fun and pleasure is good for you! It is only important if you both desire a deep emotional connection, affection and shared bond that can only develop between loving and caring partners.
Copyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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