When was the last time you told your partner what you like when making love?
A recent survey by condom-maker Durex revealed that while 84 percent of couples admit their sex life would improve if they told their partner what they really wanted in bed, 14 percent of women never talk about it. How sad. If you’re like a lot of women, you’ve started to treat sex as though it’s optional. It’s not. In a lot of homes today, the sexual temperature feels more like the 50’s than the 70’s. Making love is another great way to Celebrate Love!
My friend, Claire Hatch, LICSW is a marriage counselor in Seattle. Here’s her advice: “A lot of guys tell me they are trying very hard to figure out how to please their wives, but the women just won’t talk. You might be a giver, who tends to everyone’s needs except your own. And sex feels like just one more way you take care of your husband.
So speak up a little. You know what you like. You know what your body needs. Maybe you think your husband isn’t interested in your needs. It’s possible. But maybe he just needs a little coaching.
I’m willing to bet you neglect your sensual needs outside the bedroom as well. That can put a damper on your desire. Ours is a very practical culture. We forget that care and feeding of our senses adds richness to our lives, whether it’s with food, wine, scents, massage, or the arts.”
It’s important to speak up! Whisper sexy words to your lover. When a move he makes, the way he kisses you, how fast or slow he’s going, makes you feel good, tell him. Whisper, “Moving like that drives me craaazzzy!” when his rhythm starts to send you over the edge, or “Your tongue rules!” when he reaches the right spot. If he’s thrusting too soft, don’t hesitate to throw out a “Harder! Harder!” Guide him with your words: “Your tongue feels great, ummm, good, right there!”
Put dinner on “hold.” Instead of coming home, fixing dinner and vegging out in front of the TV, relax together in bed. You may discover that you are both not as tired as you thought you were.
Some evening after dinner, use your after-dinner coffee time or late-night glass of wine as a time to talk about that one thing your partner does that really turns you on when you make love. See where that can lead. Perhaps you can have each other for desert. Prolong your passion with conversation during your sexual encounters. Craft your relevant words to magnify the moment.
Delight in verbal foreplay. Talk about what you are doing, how it feels, whether you like it and what you need. Remember to listen too. Make a joyful noise. Scream. Moan. Sounds create excitement. Grind. Fondle. Toss and turn. Nuzzle. Lick. Cuddle. Kiss and suck. Discuss your needs. If your partner is driving you wild, let your passion show – better yet, say so. Silent sex is an insult. Great sex is founded on good communication.
Perhaps it’s time to give your mojo a major upgrade. Mojo Upgrade is an interactive sex questionnaire for couples to help them discover the fantasies that they might both enjoy together. The questionnaire only takes about 10 minutes per partner. It’s free, so get your partner, and get started. It takes two. Click here to begin.
BONUS Articles: Could This Be Why Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex? Guys! This article is for you!
How to Know Your Partner’s “Hot Buttons!”
Have Sex… Whether You Want to or Not!
Celebrate Love at Your Very Own “Wonderama!”
Copyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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