Is your relationship going through a rough spot? Are the good ole days fading fast?
Instead of giving in or giving up… perhaps it’s time to take a look back.
If I were betting man, I’d win money that you both have probably stopped doing the things that brought you together in the first place. Am I close?
What was it that first attracted you to your partner? It might help to make a list of those things. (Hmmm. I’m wondering how many of you will actually do this?)
Take a moment and look to see those qualities you loved most back then, right now. Banish any negative thoughts about your partner. Focus on the good, no matter how little good you see now. “Catch them doing something right!” Take care to notice the things you admire about your partner, no matter how small and next, tell them how much you appreciate them.
If you are stuck only seeing the rough spot you will mist likely get more of that. Think about it. If someone you know is always criticising you, most people will begin to pull away from them.
It’s a fact… The more you focus on the good, the more good you will see. And when you take time to verbally appreciate your partner for the good they are doing, often what happens is the behavior begins to slowly change.
It’s time to take responsibility for your own choices. Healthy relationships demand it. With practice you’ll get better and it won’t feel like you’re hit with a stress bomb every time your relationship or life takes a different turn. The only way the fear and stress will disappear is if you calm down an embrace the unknown. Blaming others justifies your own bad behavior. Blame is like anger in that it dulls your sense of empathy.
I hope you have learned that you cannot change your partner. If you want change in your relationship, you would be wise to initiate that change. Always remember, change begins with “you.”
Copyright © 2014 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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