Larry James' BLOG

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Reasons Why

Filed under: Change — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

We use reasons to explain away why we don’t want to do something different; reasons why we don’t want to change.

If we know that doing something different might help the situation, not doing something different is called “stupid.” The best reason why has never solved the problem.

Often reasons why are understandable, however what is not understandable is why we feel the need to have our lives dominated by reasons why we didn’t do something different instead of focusing on results.

It’s time to take responsibility for your own choices. Healthy relationships demand it. With practice you’ll get better and it won’t feel like you’re hit with a stress bomb every time your relationship or life takes a different turn. The only way the fear and stress will disappear is if you calm down an embrace the unknown. Blaming others justifies your own bad behavior. Blame is like anger in that it dulls one sense of empathy.

Change isn’t simply about embracing something unknown – it’s about giving up something old for something new, and hopefully much better. It may be a fact that your partner is rude and selfish. It could be an attitude about your partner. Rarely is the thing we want to change the real problem. It’s often how we view the unknown outcome that’s the real problem. Your partner will only change when they choose to change. So many men and women do their best to try to change their partner. That does not and cannot work! People only change because they want to change.

When issues arise in your relationship be brave. Speak up. Undelivered communication can kill a relationship. Thinking about change is starting the ball rolling. Making the decision to change something is the hardest part. The most challenging part is taking action – doing something different. Change only happens because you are brave enough to take action.

If you are expecting others to change you may be in for a big disappointment. You are only in charge of changing you. When you stop trying to change others and work on changing yourself, your world changes for the better. If you can learn to become flexible in thought, change your view of the problem and take responsibility for change happening, then who knows what you might achieve.

Perhaps it’s time to give up all the reasons why you don’t change. Changing our response to people means changing how we engage with them. Make some new choices and see what happens.

“We can’t make someone else make an effort [to change]. But we can make smart decisions for our own well-being. This may inspire someone else to change; it might not. Either way, we’ve honored the most important relationship in our lives: the one we have with ourselves.” ~ Lori Deschene

Change your thinking… then change your behavior and you will change your relationships. Embrace change. What you resist persists.

When we make the decision to go for results in our love relationships… that’s the real moment we make a decision to grow (up) and prosper.

BONUS Articles: Why You’re So Afraid of Change (and What You Can Do About It)
Re-imagine, Re-design and Re-launch Your Relationship!

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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