Larry James' BLOG

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Always Tell the Truth

Filed under: Relationships,Trust — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , ,

My mother used to say that if you always tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said.

truthcompassAlways telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship. Couples should talk with each other openly and honestly to learn more about each other to enhance the relationship, instead of concealing the true sides to cheat each other. When you let your partner know you won’t punish them for telling the truth they will be less likely to lie in the first place. How many times have you heard someone say, “I didn’t want to hurt hurt his/her feelings. A little ‘white lie’ is okay.” Never tell little “white lies” to avoid conflict. A “white lie” is still a lie!

Openness means being willing to communicate your deepest feelings. There can be no intimacy without conversation. The only way your love partner and you can truly communicate is to tell the truth. Truthful communication moves love partners and creates a condition of unity, love and satisfaction.

For intimacy to grow in a healthy love relationship there can be no withholding; feelings – both positive and negative – must be shared equally between love partners. The act of withholding the truth is always potentially a lie.

People often think that telling the truth means you have to tell the other person everything that you think. It’s easy to see how being truthful in this regard could be damaging to a relationship. When deciding for yourself whether to tell the truth, remember to ask if what you are about to say is really that important, and think about the way you express the truth. We can’t control how other’s react to what we say, but we can control the way we say it.

NOliesThe energy required for the self-discipline of honesty is far less than the energy required for withholding. Your partner and you must be dedicated to the truth and live in the open, and through the exercise of your courage to live in the open, you become free from fear. Fear cannot exist whenever insight is valued above feeling frightened.

If you are dating, here is a situation that should always be answered with the truth: “When you aren’t ready to take the relationship to the “next level,” or “When you’ve realized you aren’t into your significant other anymore.” It’s better to be truthful than to prolong the agony. If the relationship is complete… finish it.

Notice that I did not say that the relationship is over. Relationships never end. You can be complete with a relationship but they never end. Death, divorce, or separation does not end a relationship, it only changes it. As long as you have memory, you will have relationships. Letting go and moving on is the difficult part.

“The truth is powerful because nobody expects it. In a world where most people have been duped, fooled, conned, scammed, spammed and screwed over too many times, if you can just be completely honest where most people would say nothing, communicate more than people think is needed, give more than people think is fair and care more than people think is expected, you will not be forgotten.” ~ From “HELLO, my name is BLOG!

When you are in a situation and your partner makes themselves vulnerable, and you know they are telling you something that is difficult to say, say “I appreciate your telling the truth, and I admire that about you.”

BONUS Article: 3 Things You Should Always Ask Yourself Before You Say Anything

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

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  1. […] BONUS Article: Faith and Trust… You Must Have Both! Always Tell the Truth […]

    Pingback by So… What About Opposite Sex Friends When You Are Married? | Larry James' BLOG — Thursday, October 23, 2014 @ 7:31 am | Reply

  2. Hi Larry, I am a fellow relationship/dating coach and just discovered your blog. I really like what your article is saying. You are right in that we can’t be responsible for how another person reacts but that we need to be thoughtful about what we say and how we say it. My husband says that, before he says something, he asks himself, “Is what I am about to say going to bring us closer together or further apart?” If it is going to drive someone away, you might need to find a different way to say it.

    Comment by Lisa Shield — Tuesday, January 22, 2013 @ 7:33 am | Reply

  3. It’s very easy to fall into the trap of telling a “white lie” to spare someone’s feelings, which usually really means sparing ourselves some discomfort. Society encourages us to do this. But all too often one lie leads to another, you have to keep your story straight, and you end up in an endless coverup. That isn’t a good way to live, and it is no way to conduct any kind of relationship.

    Comment by Rosemary / RomanticMarriage.Org — Saturday, January 19, 2013 @ 6:00 pm | Reply

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