Larry James' BLOG

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Need a Fresh Start?

Filed under: Relationships,Starting Over — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , ,

Here are several options:

1. A fresh start with the one you are with… That’s the one you see in the mirror each morning!
2. A fresh start with your current partner.
3. A fresh start by being alone.
4. A fresh start with someone new.

freshstartIn todays world most people think that if there are problems in your relationship, just get a divorce and start over. The problem with that is you go into the new relationship with lots of baggage and usually pick up where you left off with someone new. Not a great strategy.

May I suggest that if you are leaning in that direction, you begin with #1 above? All relationships at some time or another are rocky. We all hit bumps in the road that distract us from moving forward. Believe me, it is NOT easier to start over with someone else. I tried that. It doesn’t work… unless…

LoveYourselfIt is always best to initiate a fresh start with you. You must first work on you. The problem could lie there. You must begin to get totally honest with yourself. You begin holding yourself accountable for who you are in the matter; how YOU feel about the way things are. Then. . . if you decide (and only when you decide) to do something different, you promise yourself (and keep your promise) that you will do everything within your power to be happy instead of right! In other words, discontinue justifying what doesn’t work and begin to do something different. Trust me. Having a great relationship with someone else ALWAYS begins with the relationship you have with yourself.

“Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish. If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself – if you are not capable of taking care of yourself, of nourishing yourself, of protecting yourself – it is very difficult to take care of another person. In the Buddhist teaching, it’s clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people. Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist monk, author and peace activist

Your second option is fresh start with your current partner. You don’t need training wheels for this one. You’ve already fallen in love once and have already done some of the hard work necessary to make a relationship work. If you love each other, don’t stop. Make sure your partner is as committed to the relationship as you are. For there to be a fresh start it cannot be one-sided. One cannot do the work of two. Two broken people can’t fix each other. Look at the chemistry you already have with each other. When your relationship is in chaos it’s easy to see that something is awry.

BONUS Articles: How Do You Work On You?

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2013 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

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1 Comment »

  1. I love January 1st, It’s gives me a fresh start on life, a new beginning, a chance to prove myself once again. Fresh starts, no matter how late they maybe in coming, are a gift. The thought of casting off the shackles of a bad year, whether it is conflict at work, in relationships or even in us, can inspire the indomitable human spirit to soar to new heights. Especially in relationships I think this is true. Therefore, it’s important that we take every fresh start we get and use it wisely. There are many who don’t have that privilege. You mentioned in your second opinion – fresh start with your current partner. I had to face that once. I looked back at the past and the wonderful times we’ve had together and through all the problems I knew I still loved him. We gave our relationship another start and here we are 2 years later… happily married.

    Comment by Save My Relationship — Friday, January 11, 2013 @ 4:38 am | Reply

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