The time of real personal growth is when you are alone. Singles should use this time to reflect on the behaviors they did and didn’t like in their former partner.
It’s time to experience how it feels to stand on your own; taking care of you, paying special attention to who you need to become to attract a passionately monogamous, infidelity-free, fun in the bedroom relationship. You must learn to stand alone again before you can again stand together… side by side.
“Only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core into the other person – without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without creating “the other,” reducing the other into a thing, and without becoming addicted with the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.” ~ Osho, Indian Mystic
Some people allow their feelings of insecurity about being alone to keep them stuck. Choose to be alone for awhile. Being independent enough to be alone is a virtue. Cultivate it. When you can learn to be comfortable with being with yourself, then you may be getting closer to being ready for a healthy love relationship with someone else. During this time of aloneness you will discover a clear distinction between being lonely and being alone.
Being alone can help you in getting comfortable about being with yourself. Solitude is an achievement. Cherish being alone. When you are comfortable about being with yourself, your feelings of loneliness will gradually disappear. Spend some time learning to be good company with yourself.
“I think it’s good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.” ~ Amy Sedaris
Being alone is also a great time to spend time on you – meditate, work through problems in your life, focus on your goals – there are numerous things you can do with this time alone. Being alone does not make you lonely. You do that to yourself. Use it as a time to clear your head. Being with someone else is never the answer. For some, being alone can be scary, however it is not as scary as being with someone who still make you feel alone.
Avoid the self-created fear of being alone. Accept that we do this to ourselves. It can bring no good into our lives. We allow fear to cause us to withhold ourselves from others. Fear breeds insecurities.
People who really love themselves will often say, “Sometimes I actually love being alone.” Being Alone is sometimes fun, necessary for introspection and at other times, melancholy and boring.
You must first learn to be alone and happy before you can be together and happy. Learn that it is possible for you to live alone and not be lonely. Discover how to be self-sufficient. Don’t be dependent on others for your own existence.
At the end of your tunnel is love-of-self and the healing love that only God can provide. Pray that your aloneness may spur you into finding something to live for. You must attain this awareness before you can be in a healthy love relationship with someone else.
When you can be alone and not be lonely… Love will find you!
Copyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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