Larry James' CelebrateLove.com BLOG

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Get Your “But” Out of the Way

Filed under: Criticism,Relationships — Larry James @ 7:00 am
Tags: , , ,

The number one problem in relationships is communication! The most cruel part is undelivered communication. In other words, its the things that we don’t say that also makes a difference.

New Rule: Do not have any undelivered communication!

get-your-butHere is an important idea – one that may sound trivial – that you may not have considered. I wrote about this at length in my book, “How to Really Love the One You’re With.”

Do your best to avoid the word “but” when you feel the need to be critical of your partner. “But” is a transition word that signals, “Stop! Turn in another direction.”

beNICEMost partners won’t remember what you said before the “but” – only what you said after it.

Example: “I love you, but I wish you would remember to take out the garbage.” They don’t hear the “I love you” part.

Example: “Honey, the dinner was great, but you know I don’t like cream peas.” or “I love you, but I wish you would quit leaving beer cans all over the living room.” That’s sound a lot like nagging.

I saw a quote on Facebook recently that said, “Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every six months.” 😉

Suggestion: Substitute a soft word like, “and.”

Example: “Your presentation to the group was terrific “and” next time you might think about adding ______.”

It takes a little practice and may sound a little strange the first several times you use “and” instead of “but,” AND (not but) it will make a difference. Just a thought.

loveoneanotherCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

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1 Comment »

  1. […] How To Give Constructive Criticism in 6 Steps When Was the Last Time You Complimented Your Partner? Get Your “But” Out of the Way Simply the […]

    Pingback by “Oh!” but you say, “I Was Only Offering Constructive Criticism.” | Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG — Thursday, April 30, 2015 @ 7:31 am | Reply


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