A relationship with someone else can never be a singular effort. It takes two. Of course you know that. If you are in a relationship, how many times have you fell like you were the only one doing anything to make the relationship work? A lopsided relationship can be a tremendous drain on both partners.
You probably also know that one cannot do the work of two. You’ve already gone through the dating process where you did everything as close to “right” as possible to impress your partner. You put your best foot forward. Hmmm. Was that best foot forward of your partner connected to the real person you ended up with. Some of my coaching clients don’t think so.
To have a world class relationship you must be willing to get back to the basics. Are you in? A great relationship is always within your reach. Will you recommit? Together, you can make it work.
How about starting the dating process all over again with your partner. Pretend you just met and don’t know any of the things that annoy you about your partner. It’s not easy and it’s worth it. It will keep your curiosity fired up. Be spontaneous. Develop the vibe that you are willing to have fun with your partner at any given moment. Reconnect with your playful side. Be funny with each other. Laugh. Giggle. Shout for joy! Keep romance alive. Focus on having fun together.
If you really love each other and believe in the relationship and if you are both committed to it you must periodically diagnose it before the symptoms of neglect appear. Take the long view. Imagine a future together where you work together to consistently monitor the relationship’s vital signs. It demonstrates mutual respect and that you are not just along for the ride but for the long haul. Working together builds momentum and generates a new kind of energy.
The discipline to this kind of commitment promotes togetherness. It’s not about individuals. You are partners. Act like it. You must be collaborators; working together. Stay deeply involved with each other. Work with a spirit of investigation into how you can make things continually be better. Work together to get your financial obligations in order. Couples often have disagreements about $$$’s. It will challenge you both to be the best you can be for each other. The importance of what you accomplish together can be celebrated for years to come.
True love doesn’t have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go of being right is one way of saying, “I love you.”
Express lots of love. Don’t let anything get in your way. Stay on course. Make an agreement to call each other on their stuff, obviously in the most loving way you can. If one of you begins to drift instead of paying attention to the relationship an agreement gives you permission to say so. Communicate. Remember to be kind. Be sensitive to your partner’s feelings however always feel free to express how “you” feel.
Be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Compromise works. Exercise your good judgement to do what’s right. AND you must be willing to give up being right. Stop taking each other for granted. Relationships are an investment. Make sure you are both making significant contributions.
Become the hottest attraction in your relationship. Determine to keep it hot and sticky. The kind of sticky that holds you together… no matter what. Make time for sex as well. Putting the energy into this aspect of your relationship will pay dividends in the other aspects of your relationship. There are enormous benefits to bonding in this way. Good relationships improve all areas of your life, strengthening your health, your mind, and your connections with others.
Here is a good idea. Make a list of “lessons learned” as you traverse this re-dating process – a kind of a journal of your progress. If you have children, you may want to pass this list along to them when they need to know.
Happily ever after is possible. Couples that work together on their relationship, usually stay together. Together you can!
Copyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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