Shela Dean, Guest Author
Do you sometimes wonder what happened to that randy, can’t-get-enough couple you used to be? You know, before the fatigue of everyday life set in and before the kids arrived. Back when you could have the week from hell and still strap on your dancing’ shoes and, after a great night out, have energy for sex. If you just sighed nostalgically, I get it.
I understand how easy it is to let the demands of everyday life take precedence over romance. I know how easy it is to find yourselves, on what used to be date night, in sweats, watching a Netflix, eating delivery pizza, and drifting off before the end of the movie. Been there. Done that.
Every relationship guru on the planet, including me, recommends that you schedule regular date nights and times for sex. You have to make your relationship a priority or one day you’ll wake up to find it gone. That doesn’t mean you can ignore your relationship the rest of the time. In fact, with just a little imagination you can turn everyday events, such as a trip to the grocery store, into acts of emotional foreplay that enhance intimacy–in and out of the bedroom. How? Let’s take a look.
Grocery shopping is one of those chores you can’t get around. Ya gotta eat! The trick is getting it done AND using the opportunity to engage in emotional foreplay. Emotional foreplay is doing those things that make your sweetheart feel high-on-a-pedestal adored, always-number-one special, you-deserve-the-best nurtured, and can’t-live-without-you cherished. So here are some ideas for you:
Give the gift of time. If it’s your sweetie who generally does the shopping, offer to do it and give your sweetheart some “me” time. Everyone needs time to recharge their battery. Women, in particular, are not so good at taking time for themselves but everyone, men and women alike, run themselves ragged in today’s busy world. When you give your sweetheart “me” time to recharge, he or she has more energy for everything, including you and your relationship.
Give the gift of yourself. Do the shopping together. Take your time strolling through the aisles and use the time to talk to each other. Couples spend far too little time just being together. Doing something that doesn’t require laser beam focus such as grocery shopping is a great time to just chat.
Give a surprise thinking-of-you gift. Toss your sweetheart’s favorite dessert in the cart. Surprise your sweetie by serving it to him or her in bed and enjoy it together.
Give together time. Buy the ingredients for a meal to cook together. Even better, use a recipe from the book by Martha Hopkins and Randall Lockridge titled “Intercourses, An Aphrodisiac Cookbook.” It’s a wonderful book full of recipes using 17 sensual foods, aphrodisiac histories, beautiful photographs, and more.
We all have huge demands on our time. When you fail to make your relationship a priority, you will find yourselves growing apart.
By engaging in everyday acts of emotional foreplay, you’ll stay connected and that is a darned good thing for you, your relationship, and your sex life.
Larry’s Note: A revealing new study by Cone Communications says 52 percent of dads now saying they are the primary grocery shopper in the household. What’s interesting is we’re seeing a debunking of the stereotype that a man would just rush in and grab whatever they thought looked good. These men are putting just as much, if not more, planning into the process. According to Cone, before heading to the supermarket, dads say they:
• Create a detailed shopping list – 63% (vs. 65% of moms)
• Collect coupons or read circulars – 56% (vs. 62% of moms)
• Plan meals for the week ahead of time – 52% (vs. 46% of moms)
• Perform background research on grocery products – 24% (vs. 11% of moms)
More men have also figured out that effectively using coupons means regularly getting groceries for 50%-70% off and that’s a compelling enough reason to get them behind the cart – to say nothing about the possibility of closer intimacy. 😉
Copyright © 2012 – Shela Dean. Shela Dean is a Relationship Happiness Coach and speaker. She has counseled more than 2,000 couples since 1983 and is the author of “ReDate Your Mate, 4 Steps to Falling in Love All Over Again” and “Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy” – a guide to improving intimacy for couples. Since retiring from the practice of law, she has shared her relationship strategies with others through one-on-one relationship coaching, seminars, and now through her new book detailing a fun and effective strategy for improving emotional intimacy. Visit Shela’s Websites: http://www.FrequentForeplayMiles.com and http://ShelaDean.com! Visit Shela’s Facebook page.
Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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