To have a really terrific relationship you don’t have to do everything right. Human nature pretty much says that you won’t always get it right. However, you DO have to stay focused on doing whatever it takes, all of the time. Do what your conscience tells you is right.
Shower each other with Love. If that sounds like a full-time job… it is!
While I realize that this is an awesome “take responsibility for your relationship” assignment, if you really love each other this mission is possible and you must both do the work that is required – together! Your mission… if you choose to accept it, will cause your relationship to sparkle like the bling of a 5 carat diamond. Routine does not belong in a healthy relationship. It’s up to both of you to weave a little “magic” into your relationship. Adding more intimacy, love, understanding and compassion in any relationship is always welcome.
Romance is part of the “magic” and it’s about making your partner feel special. You can do that only by paying close attention to the relationship. In the beginning romance was in the air, however, as a relationship matures, you have to go out of your way to make sure that the romance you remember continues. Romance is a very small part of what makes a long-term relationship successful, it’s getting the other 98 percent right that makes a couple have longevity. Part of getting it right takes moments of reflection, self-control, compromise, and forgiveness.
It IS possible. How? You have to decide. Decide what? Decide to have a state of the art relationship – one you can have bragging rights about – and in order to do that you must consistently be doing more things right than wrong.
You are in a relationship. So, relate! Relating between partners means communicating. Communicate openly and honestly to establish a common ground and to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You cannot expect your partner to agree with you on every issue, however once you reach an agreement keep your word.
“Keep your promises and tell the truth. If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then DON’T LIE. It’s always better to tell people the truth up front. Don’t play games with people’s heads and hearts. Don’t tell half-truths and expect people to trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than lies. Say what you mean and mean what you say.” ~ Marc & Angel
When was the last time you did something to make your partner smile? Having fun together is the best aphrodisiac. It improves and strengthens your bond. Write up a list of what makes you feel loved and special and exchange it with your partner.
Relationships are always complicated and they should be ever evolving. Disagreements are bound to occur. Your job is to never let things get out of hand. Don’t allow fear to keep you from talking things over as calmly as possible and agree or learn to compromise on a solution to the problem, then kiss, make-up and continue moving forward. The challenge is to learn new skills that make communication safe and effective for both of you.
The single greatest thing you can do to increase the value of your relationship is to start being grateful for what you have right now. Next, be sure to allow your partner to experience the gratefulness you have for them and the relationship.
Is your partner not quite on the same track as you? Often you’ll find that your partner quickly and enthusiastically reciprocates, and the entire dynamic of your relationship changes if you stay true to your commitment to have a healthy relationship. Commitment is the glue that keeps a relationship together and yet most people haven’t a clue what the word “Commitment” really means.
Commitment means to have consideration for your partner in all matters. Consider how any action you might take affects your partner and the relationship. You must consider the impact of your choices and treat your relationship and your partner with kindness, fairness, respect, and loads of Love.
Finally, never offer solutions to your partner when they are really looking for someone to just be a committed listener. (That’s for you, guys!). When conversing with your partner, learn to not only listen, but listen actively.
Don’t be a procrastinator. If you are both a little off track, it’s okay to begin again – TODAY!
Copyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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