If you are one who can’t seem to settle down with “the one,” then you might consider doing some soul-searching. If success seems to evade you regardless of what you do, then it’s time to have a talk with yourself. You can blame it on the way you and the rest of us were taught to think. But blame will not reverse the effect unless you make a conscious decision to live your life in a way that supports you in what you are really up to.
It’s important to remember that wrong decisions don’t make YOU wrong and as crazy as it may sound, one of the ways we learn is through the mistakes we make. But I have to ask, “Why are so many of us unaware of our own self-defeating behavior?”
“Self-sabotage is not just some cutesy catch-phrase, but rather a state of being that is every bit as real as poverty, obesity, homelessness, and any other world-class problem that you can think of. The human capacity for beating the crap out of our own dreams is, sadly, one of our greatest talents.” ~ Aaron Potts
I have found that being in a relationship is both awesome and scary. Perhaps losing the relationship you’re in might serve as a motivator for you to make some changes – or not. You must learn to change your attitudes, beliefs and behaviors that may be blocking you. Having a “healthy” relationship is about making wise choices. Sometimes just keeping our mouth shut is “very” wise. 😉
Getting out of your own way requires an awareness and self-examination. You must focus your energy in a new direction. Your habits, attitudes, beliefs and expectations, are what are actually holding you back in your relationships.
What if you were the boulder in the road that’s stopping you? Are you ready for the truth? To get a clear picture of what is really going on it’s time to face the facts. If what you are currently doing is not working, and if you truly want to move ahead you must change the way you are doing it. And when you can’t get a handle on it, get help.
Are you shooting yourself in the foot. Does it feel like your foot in nailed to the floor – you’re not moving forward – everything seems to always be the same? No matter how hard you try, you keep thwarting your own efforts. It’s time to break the cycle of self-sabotage and begin the journey of self-discovery and self-love – to take responsibility for and be accountable to YOU for your actions. Taking responsibility is the most critical step toward relationship success that you will ever make in anything you undertake, either personally or professionally.
“Do what you said you would do, when you said you would do it, the way you said you would do it. This simple statement is rooted in personal responsibility. It should be at the very core of all your interaction with others. Every time you are tempted to slack off and do less or be less than you could, remind yourself that you are a person of integrity who lives by this simple creed.” ~ Larry Winget
Making your relationship one you can be proud to be in begins with focusing on what you want, not on how you are going to get it – by not holding back. Focus. In your mind, see how you would like it to be. By not holding back, you learn how to navigate and become aware of your dilemmas in life and and next unapologetically remove anyone and anything that does not better you – anything that stands in your way… including yourself. You must give up your self-defeating behavior. In other words, grab hold of new and workable ideas that can change the way you view your relationship, now and forever.
Give up any negative self-talk. Every minute you spend in a negative mindset is a waste of time. It is a poison, preventing you from achieving the love, success and happiness you want in your relationships. Make some new choices. You have to work at being more balanced and secure in the way you think and with the words you speak. What you think about and speak about, you bring about. Remember that.
“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise.” – Robert Fritz
To get out of your own way, you must simply become aware that you are the cause and the effect. It’s YOU. No one or anything else. It’s you! It took me years to finally be able to look into the mirror and say to me, “You, Larry James, must get out of your own way! It’s you that must choose to do things differently. No one else is to blame but you!” It was then that I began to build a strong foundation for a lasting, satisfying love, first with myself and then with others. I discovered that getting out of my own way began to vastly improve my health, vitality, and moved me toward positive, tolerant, creative ways of learning, loving and living. It can work for you too.
“The moment you understand that you are where you are because of what you have thought and because of what you believed in being possible or impossible, that will be the moment you will also realize that it all lies in your hands. If you want to change your life then I suggest doing something about it right now, in this very moment. If not right now, then when?” ~ Dana Saviuc
Are you ready to change all that is holding you back? Once you commit to action, the worst thing you can do is to stop.
Copyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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