Larry James' BLOG

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The One Word You NEVER Should Say in Your Marriage!

Filed under: Divorce — Larry James @ 7:00 am

What is that word? DIVORCE!!

Whatever negative words you speak or think will sow seeds of doubt. Even in the most heated argument, never ever let the seven-letter word “divorce” come out of your mouth. Being over dramatic to get your partners attention in this way doesn’t work.

NEVER, I repeat, never ever threaten the “D-Word,” (divorce) unless you are ready to file the papers. Even profanity is preferable to the “D-Word,” but never say divorce. It plants a seed that may continue to grow. Never joke about it. It sets up an intention whether it was said in anger or whether you meant it or not.

“Divorce is never a solution, only an exchange for broken hearts and even more complicated problems that grow too wild and too quickly. Divorce is not an “out;” it’s an outbreak of added stress, pain, frustration and problems.” ~ Larry and Gloria Lundstrom

About to say it? Bite your tongue! Think – long and hard – before you speak, especially when you are upset. Everyone gets angry every once in a while. It’s how you express that anger that can make all the difference in the world in your relationship.

It’s downright stupid to plant the seed of something you do not want in the mind of the one you say you love!

To say something and then say you didn’t mean it, generally speaking is not true. You said it and at that moment in time you meant to say it – perhaps to get your partner’s attention or to make them angry. Either way you lose.

You cannot un-ring a bell. Once you say words, you can’t take them back! Think before you speak.

There is never a time when people are justified in threatening divorce. Physical or mental abuse may be the only exception. Even then, if you are in that kind of situation, you must be careful what you say because threats could very well bring on more abuse and make it worse.

Threaten divorce is a way to control or manipulate your spouse into “giving in” and is never a good idea. My belief is that saying the word, in effect, sets it in motion. What you think about and speak about, you bring about.

I was once married to a woman who, when she was angry, would yell, “We should just get a divorce! This isn’t working! Why don’t you just leave?” One day, I did leave. We are no longer together.

Can a fake threat be justified. No. It is a quick way to create insecurity in your marriage. Couples need to feel secure with their partner. They need to know that no matter what happens, their spouse will never leave. Once you mention the divorce word – whether you meant it or not, it will linger forever in the head of your partner. It seriously damages the comfort level of the relationship.

Don’t ever threaten something unless you are willing to go through with it. If things are really bad a separation is better than a divorce. If often gives both partners a chance to think about whether they want to remain together. A word of warning: Dating someone while you are separated is never a good idea.

If your relationship is broken it’s important to take steps to get it fixed as soon as possible. Call your minister or a relationship coach and get help whether your partner will go with you or not. You may need some suggestions about how to cope with this kind of behavior from your partner. Most everything can be forgiven.

Divorce, even the idea of it, should always be a last resort.

brokenbandaidheartCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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