Larry James' BLOG

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Dirty Truth About Good Marriages

Filed under: Chores,Housework,Relationships — Larry James @ 8:00 am

Romance and shared interests and dreams of a happy life together may have brought you together, but your ability to agree on who does the laundry that really keeps you well connected to each other. Chores are a often a major source of conflict in marriage. Some say it’s one of the top stressors. It’s time to clean things up!

Does that surprise you?

cookingtogetherWhen asked about what was important for a successful marriage, both men and women – I repeat… both “men and women” mentioned “sharing household chores” more often than children, adequate income, and shared interest, according to a study by the Pew Research Center. Conflict over domestic duties around the house in some studies is second only to conflict over money in a marriage.

A messy house stares you in the face every day. How does a disorderly house cause you to feel? It affects your mood, energy, and believe it or not – your sexual health? All houses naturally fall into a state of disarray over time. You simply cannot keep a house clean and orderly every moment of every day, especially if you have children or pets.

In my relationship seminars taking the garbage out, leaving the toilet seat up and rolling the toilet paper the wrong way (among other things) seem to almost always creep into the conversation. I’m finding that greater numbers of men are getting involved as parents — and wanting to. They are helping more with chores and child care. However research also shows that women are still doing most of the work, putting in most of the time. That’s not healthy for the relationship.

parents-cartoonI was quoted in Cosmopolitan Magazine several years ago as saying, “Foreplay begins with putting the toilet seat down without being asked!” It seems that household issues are nearly always at the top of the list of concerns.

Where is it written that the women should always do the housework? Nowhere, that’s where!

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes, taking out the trash or running the vacuum sweeper! Women notice dust and fingerprints. Men notice crabgrass and yellow spots on the lawn. It’s just one of those weird genetic differences between the sexes.

“Women, don’t ask your spouse for help around the house. Asking for help gives the impression that the household chores are only your job and responsibility. Instead, ask your spouse to do his/her share. Chores around the house should be shared responsibilities.” ~ Sheri & Bob Stritof

In today’s world it’s common for both parents to work full-time and for children to be involved in lots of extracurricular activities. Since we’re all so busy, it’s important to divide the necessary chores where everyone in the family can pitch in and help.

Working together – sharing the burden – makes for a much better relationship. Men, if you truly desire to make their wives happy pitch in. Laying on the couch with a beer while she cooks dinner doesn’t work! To me, it’s a matter of mutual respect. Compromise. Cuss and discuss but you’ll be on the right track if you divide household chores in a way that has both partners feeling that no one is doing more or less than the other. Strive for a result that becomes a mutually satisfying priority.

BONUS Articles: For Men Only – More Housework… More Intimacy!
Hey, Guys and Gals… What About Housework? Are You Sharing?

CLoveLOGOCopyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.


Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page:
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at:
Follow Larry’s “Wedding BLOG” at:
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at:



  1. […] Articles: For Men Only – More Housework… More Intimacy! The Dirty Truth About Good Marriages Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers Hey, Guys and Gals… What About Housework? Are You Sharing? […]

    Pingback by Want More Intimacy? | Larry James' BLOG — Saturday, July 18, 2015 @ 8:30 am | Reply

  2. […] The Dirty Truth About Good Marriages Hey, Guys and Gals… What About Housework? Are You Sharing? For Men Only – More Housework… More Intimacy! […]

    Pingback by 13 Ways to Get Dad to Help Out More Around the House — Thursday, April 11, 2013 @ 8:37 am | Reply

  3. […] Articles: The Dirty Truth About Good Marriages Hey, Guys and Gals… What About Housework? Are You Sharing? For Men Only – More Housework… […]

    Pingback by 13 Ways to Get Dad to Help Out More Around the House | Larry James' BLOG — Thursday, April 11, 2013 @ 7:31 am | Reply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: