Larry James' BLOG

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Make Your Relationship a Contact Sport

Filed under: Guest Authors,Hugs — Larry James @ 9:00 am

Barbara Peters, Guest Author

Does that sound a little quirky to you? Think about it – what’s more exciting than touching and being touched, on and off your love field?

touchingforeheadsAs a couples relationship therapist, one thing is evident every single day in my office. Almost all the people coming through my door are looking for physical touch. They want it, crave it, need it, but many times just don’t have it.

Touching has become elusive in too many relationships, and couples don’t like it!

When couples seem to be repelling each other in imaginary magnetic fields, I often ask if there was ever a time in their relationship when touch was important. The answer is usually a resounding, “Yes, there was plenty of touching in the beginning!”

So, what happened?

We all need physical contact, even if only for a few minutes. A hug does wonders for the soul. Dr. Paul Brand, a pioneer in the field of healing through touch, writes: “‘Skin cells offer a direct path into the deep reservoir of emotion we metaphorically call the human heart.” Whew, that’s something to think about!

Babies in preemie intensive care units respond affirmatively to a parent’s finger grazing over their tiny bodies. Just a gentle stroke offers that physical connection of human to human, so needed for survival. Research studies show babies need touch to thrive, as do we all.

Why not try an instant replay to the time early in your relationship when casual physical touch quickly led to intensely romantic moments? It can happen again!

Simply holding hands can create a memorable moment. I often ask couples to sit on a couch and face each other, holding hands as they talk. The effects of this basic exercise are usually profound. Facial expressions and the tone of voice are dramatically changed, allowing words to appear more palatable, even if they are unpleasant. Compromise and resolution become easier to obtain.

Want to rekindle your fire? Here are a few suggestions:

• Talk to each other about what type touching feels the best. Personal knowledge is always a good thing, and can bring positive results. You might be surprised at what you’ll learn.

• Give hugs. Be generous with your embraces and hug often. Research claims four to eight hugs given over a day will increase bonding and connection between couples.

• Don’t be shy. Once you know how your partner loves to be touched, act on it!

Remember this quote from a wise person out there somewhere: “The smile on your face lets me know that you need me, there’s a truth in your heart that says you’ll never leave me, and the touch of your hand says you’ll catch me whenever I fall.”

Wouldn’t we all love to feel this way?

BONUS Articles: I’m Upset… AND I Need a HUG!
Angry. . . How About a Hug?

To Order click book cover!

Copyright © 2012 – Barbara Peters. Barbara Peters is a gifted communicator with a laser beam ability to cut through the tangle of personal drama to get results and relationships that last a lifetime. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, her counseling style is interactive, respectful, non-judgmental, and supportive. In her first book, “The Gift of A Lifetime: Building a Marriage that Lasts,” Barbara lends insight from her years of experience as a couples’ counselor to give people those essential tools and guide them on successfully using them. Visit Barbara’s Blog. She is also a contributor to The Life Change Network.

CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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