Larry James' BLOG

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Know What Turns You On

Filed under: Intimacy,Sex — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Know what you need from your relationship. Then proceed with confidence. Mutually discuss your needs.

FingerLipsRelationships fail when two people who have been in love stop meeting each others needs. This is another reason for paying attention to each other as the relationship progresses.

Needs change. Be sensitive to the changing needs of your love partner and your own. Talk about the changes and how they affect each other. Healthy people communicate.

Happy and healthy relationships are usually made between happy and healthy people — people who were happy and healthy before they became love partners. They are those who were content to first be happy alone so they can be happy with someone else.

It is only natural to have a list of qualities that you would prefer your new love partner to have or guidelines for how you would like the relationship to be. Caution. Be flexible. Know where you will compromise and where there is no room for compromise, then draw your line and stand on it.

You must know what must be present in your relationship for happiness to be stimulated within you. Know what brings you pleasure, then communicate those needs.

It is possible to fall in love with many people on the way to a forever love relationship. To allow yourself to choose a love partner who doesn’t share a major portion of the qualities you hold dear; who may not be in agreement with, at least, most of your guidelines, or who is not willing to compromise some of the things on their list for the love of two, may not be in your best interest. You could be setting yourself up for failure before you get started. Articulate your needs. . . often.

Remember, there are two people involved here. It takes two to tangle, two to always be working on the relationship together. Knowing what you want is a major first step. It will help you recognize the kind of love relationship you want when it shows up or help you to re-energize your current relationship.

It also takes more than just knowing what you want. As I said in my book, The First Book of Life$kills, “Knowing something does not make a difference. Doing something with that which you know does.”

I am convinced that we can come closer to a relationship of unconditional love when we affirm what we want as if we already have it, and working toward that aim, refuse to sit around and accept what happens as if we had absolutely nothing to do with it.

turnonBeing responsible in a love relationship is another worthy aim. I have tried that sitting around business. It didn’t work for me.

As you are, so goes the relationship. You are the relationship.

You have everything to do with how relationships work out. What you think about and speak about, you bring about. Our thinking makes it so.

When you expect to have a healthy love relationship and you do whatever is necessary to have it be great, you usually get what you expect. Relationships work out the way relationships work out. Sometimes things go great. Sometimes not so great.

I believe that a relationship consistently worked on by two people who really love each other always works out better than a relationship where love partners have doubts or low expectations.

Why would anyone want to be in a relationship if they had doubts about it or low expectations of it? There are many answers to that question and perhaps a few self-serving reasons. None of them truly justify or accurately portray a healthy love relationship.

For a relationship to succeed, it is important to know what turns you on and what turns you off.

hotbuttonCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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