When you have a concern that life is passing you by and you wonder why you haven’t found your true love. . . that’s your head speaking. It gets your attention by creating a worry about not finding anyone. Quit looking. That may be part of the problem. When your head talks it reflects what you think about the situation. Anxiety and fear feel right at home in the mind. They know they have no power other than what you give them. They know you sometimes aren’t quite sure you know who does have the power. The heart knows the truth.
The beginning of the journey from the head to the heart is only ‘a decision to begin it’ away. It begins when you become curious enough to self-inquire; to dig deep enough to discover what is in your heart; to discover what you didn’t know you didn’t know! Your heart will become open, active and brave.
Your head makes up things based upon what you already know. Often those are the things that haven’t worked very well for you in the past. Often that’s what keeps you stuck. It would have you think this journey is on a worrisome and fearful path.
The heart explores new ways of being. It helps you discover the possibility that love is. When love speaks from the heart, it gets your undivided attention with words of encouragement, understanding, courage, confidence and acceptance. You take notice.
Your head speaks out of both sides of its mouth. Commitment in a relationship demands dependability. Your head wobbles from one idea to another, with no particular focus. It can come up with more reasons ‘not to’ than it can good reasons to take the leap with faith and know you will be okay. It makes up fear so it doesn’t have to risk taking the leap into the unknown. Part of the problem is it thinks it knows the unknown and it cannot know.
Words from the heart might sound like this:
“Remember to put me first! I am love. I will never let you down.”
“Listen to me! I will tell you when it’s time to take the big step. I know you are still afraid. To step over into love, you must first walk through your fear. You can do it if you take my lead.”
“You are loving you more now. That’s good. You are in process and being prepared to be somebody’s ‘favorite person to love.’ Patience. This takes time. Soon you will be ready.”
“You are beginning to discover genuine intimacy with yourself. Self-intimacy is good. Have patience. You’re getting to know you better. Take it slow and steady. Easy now. You’re doing very well.”
“Remember, I am love. When you are ready to listen I will speak and you will know it’s me speaking and you will know it’s time.”
How can you be sure you are really ready for a new relationship?
In your heart you will know it’s time when you no longer feel the need to be in a relationship. . . and you are comfortable with that idea. That kind of love for yourself lights your heart-light. It makes you visible to others who have similar feelings. Your heart-light is loves’ subtle, yet silent signal. It lights the path to love. Proudly and fearlessly let it shine.
The next seemingly logical dilemma is: Where do I look? That’s your head talking again.
Do life! Live fully! Be wherever you show up! Really be who you are wherever you go. Make certain your ‘best foot forward’ is really who you are and not someone you think someone else thinks you should be. “Where do I look?” comes from fear. It makes you think that you need to be looking.
It is not necessary to look. Only pay attention. Put yourself in loves’ way. Be active where other people are. Remember: Like attracts like! Let your heart-light shine.
You won’t find him or her. . . you will find each other. When need disappears, choice shows up! Not needing to be in a relationship with someone creates the freedom to choose to be in a relationship with someone. In your heart you will know. . . it’s time.
When you learn to really love yourself, your energy is focused on love not fear, which often appears as desperation. Redirect your energy to listen to the healthy and truthful messages of the heart. Thus begins the journey from the head to the heart.
Only trust your heart! It only and always tells the truth!
We get pretty much what we expect to get in our relationship. What we expect to get is what we focus on. If it turns out good, we should not be disappointed. If it turns out bad, we should not be disappointed. We got what we expected. What else did we expect to get?
Perhaps we should learn to be in a relationship with no expectations. In a spirit of unity, only and always work together, all the time, to create the best relationship we can. All the time. With intention. In a spirit of unity. All the time. If we could do that, maybe we wouldn’t have to be concerned about expectations when they surface; we would know things were always going to be as good as the people working on them.
Perhaps that is why it is important to have a great relationship with ourselves. When we can do a great relationship with ourselves, we can do a great relationship with two people. When we reach that place, we can have a great relationship with someone else because we already know how to be in a great relationship. . . with ourselves!
Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.
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