Larry James' BLOG

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Fun of Making Up After a Disagreement

Filed under: Arguments,Making Up — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Making up is fun to do!

If you are married or in a committed relationship, it is normal to have your ups and downs. Spats do occur. Going silent does not work. It might be wise to walk away – to think about what happened – for awhile, but if you really love each other and continue the “silent treatment” you are sure to drive the wedge deeper. The longer you wait to make up, the more difficult it will be. Couples who stay together for the long haul usually figure out ways to fight fair and to have making up be an adventure in positive re-bonding.

arguingcoupleCall for a “time out” rather than distancing or withdrawing from the relationship. Design an agreement that puts a time-limit of the time out with a promise to come back after a brief break – 20 to 30 minutes max – to talk about it. That is an important step. Next, make sure to talk calmly and listen to each other so you can try not to let it happen again.

If your relationship is off track, the cost of complacency is obviously substantial. Go first. Your relationship priorities are clear now, right? Go first and do what’s right! It will make your perceptions clearer, your judgments sounder, your life work better and you will be closer to your heart’s desire; a healthy love relationship. This will help inoculate your relationship against a relapse.

Not sure how your partner will react if you go first? You must take the first step while you are still afraid. Let go of being “right” is the first step in the right direction. Holding on to being right in a disagreement is the surest way to keep it going. If you’re holding out for an apology, and your partner isn’t giving it, consider openly forgiving them anyway. Forgiveness will set YOU free.

Always remember, “When one door closes, another one opens.” But you’ll never see it if you keep looking at the closed door.

First, get your own head on straight. Know that moving forward with each other in a loving way is the goal.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ~ Leo Buscaglia, 1924 – 1998

Someone once said, “Today’s darkness can fall into the dawn of love’s light when you are patient, understanding and forgiving.” Once you forgive and after the “I’m sorry” to each other it’s time to get back to the business of love and romance!

togetheragainFor making up to be a fun time, you have to become vulnerable – let your hair down (so to speak) – and allow each other to enjoy each other again. Let go of any resentments you may have about the disagreement that got you to this point and get on with your relationship. Here are a few ideas.

Dress up and schedule a quiet dinner to celebrate the love that you have for each other. Surprise her with flowers. Give him and “I love you” card. Focus on each other. Listen to each other. Respectfully communicate with each other. Pay attention to the words your partner is saying. Do things that show that you care. Plan at least one date night each week. Plan a visit to a comedy club and have some laughs. Be kind to each other. Give each other coupons to redeem – maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub. Cuddle. Do spoons!

Once each day give each other a juicy kiss – not just a peck on the cheek. Go dancing in the rain. Put your love into words. Write a love note to express the joy you feel just to be with him/her. Be more spontaneous – do things together on the spur-of-the-moment. If that feels uncomfortable. . . let go and do it anyway. Think of something your partner enjoys and loves to do and make it happen. Do whatever it takes to demonstrate the love you have for one another.

Guys: Go with her to a chick-flick.

Gals: Go with him to an action/adventure movie of his choice or a sporting event. (Focus on just being with him. Watch how much more he enjoys the fact that you are with him).

Use your imagination to make making up fun! Focus on FUN!

“When we take the pressure off and let FUN spontaneously arise, drawing on our own innate creativity skills to bring new and different energy to our relationships, our spirit awakens. Get wild, play and unleash!” ~ Lynn Zavaro

Before you hit the sack. . . always remember to say, “I love you” (out loud!).

noarguingCLoveLOGOCopyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

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1 Comment »

  1. […] Resolve disagreements through discussion with an open mind. It’ s never good to continue an argument for any length of […]

    Pingback by Newlyweds: Make Some Good Habits & Break the Bad Habits! | Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG — Saturday, April 19, 2014 @ 8:31 am | Reply

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