Larry James' BLOG

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Truth Telling In Relationships

Filed under: Communication,Trust — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Kat Knecht, Guest Author

Speaking what is true for us in our relationships takes courage and takes practice. To do this we must have clarity about who we really are, what is important to us and why. In order to have the full experience of higher consciousness in your relationships you need to be able to speak your truth to the people you interact with, especially those on the romantic front. The next natural step in this process is to learn how to communicate your truth to other people in a way they can hear.

The most important element I have found in my work as a relationship coach and in my marriage is in order to have my truth heard I first need to OWN IT myself. Too often I have found we speak something important to us from a place of fear or judgment. It is not only our words that others hear when we speak. It is our true feelings that are transmitted. This is why there is so much miscommunication and upset in relationships!

In order to avoid the miscommunication when speaking your truth, you first you need to own your feelings and thoughts and then speak silently or out loud from that place. Don’t huff and don’t stuff. When we feel uncomfortable, afraid, nervous, angry or flustered, we can have a habit of either blurting something out or stuffing it and then blurting out later about something else unrelated. This causes confusion and mistrust to grow.

When we take ownership of our truth and are willing to be vulnerable a whole new world opens up in our relationships. After you have ownership of your feelings it is helpful to speak using phrases that relay this to your loved one. I have found that having effective words and phrases in our hip pocket can be all we need to get the ball rolling so that the next words that come out of our mouths are THE truth.

A couple of phrases I teach to my clients are phrases such as “ I have noticed” or I am noticing” the words that follow these phrases need to be your vulnerable truth and kept to your own experience. Be careful not to wander over into speaking about anyone else.

Does this result in you getting what you want every time? Not if you are attached to a particular outcome. That is one of the rewarding and frustrating elements in any relationship. It is not just about you! It is about what is between the two of you.

You will find that sometimes speaking your truth with ownership will result in the relationship experience you want, other times the other person is just not capable or willing to stretch to meet you.

The good news is, either way YOU will know that you are being true to yourself, speaking your truth in a way that can be heard and nothing feels better than that!


Copyright © 2011 – Kat Knecht is a professional love, dating and relationship coach. She has helped hundreds of women create fulfilling romantic relationships and lives. To learn more visit her Website.

CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – and

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