Donna Marie Thompson, PhD, Guest Author
“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.” ~ Paul Boese
So here you are – your relationship is over – yet it still lingers in your mind. It still lingers in your heart. All of the hurts, all of the trauma, all of the drama. You might be wondering, when does it just go away? Well the pain might fade over time, but true healing only comes with forgiveness. Yes, it might seem odd to let go of those hurts – they have been your companions for quite a while now. There is a sense of familiarity there – even in the pain.
So if passing time alone isn’t the answer, then what is? A healing program is the answer. The program where you lay it all out on the table, address it, and forgive it. Only then can you begin to live your new life in peace.
So Are You Ready?
When you are ready to take this on, head on, then assemble all of your hurts. List them out one-by-one. Lay out all of the major relationship issues and relationship problems. Yes, and those communication break downs. Identify the root cause, identify why you still have sad or bad feelings about it. Sort through it all in your mind and put it down on paper. If you don’t know the cause, if you don’t know the answer, there is no sense in spinning in circles. There may never be an answer; ambiguity is the name of the game on those issues. Forgive them. Let them go.
No What Ifs
And please refrain from the endless what-if syndrome. This is where you go round and round about what might have been, what could have been, what should have been. Well, the facts are that it simply can’t be. You are in a different place now. Time has passed. There is no going back. So focus your energy and attention on the present and on the future.
Bring on the Forgiveness
Granting forgiveness to others does not mean that you approve or necessarily condone their questionable actions. Granting forgiveness to others does not mean that you completely forget about the questionable actions by others.
True forgiveness means that you have moved past the action itself and have forgiven the person. Upon your act of forgiveness, you have cleared your mind and no longer harbor bad feelings. Hanging on to feelings of resentment is harmful to you and your health, increases stress, and often has no effect whatsoever on the other person who is off of their merry way.
Ridding yourself of resentment enables you to replace those swirling thoughts with positive, constructive thoughts. The act of forgiveness raises your energy level and brightens your outlook. That’s all good.
It is time to tackle a difficult issue; identify an opportunity to demonstrate true forgiveness. Work out how you will undertake to forgive it once and for all. After you forgive it, assess changes in your feelings over the next few days. You will be lighter and happier now that it is no longer a pebble in your shoe.
So what will it be: Are you going to spend today thinking about your future or about your past? You decide. You choose.
Copyright © 2011 – Donna Marie Thompson, PhD. Reprinted with permission. Donna Marie Thompson, PhD – The Bouncing Back Now Relationship Coach – is a best-selling author, a Certified Professional Coach, a Certified NLP Practitioner, and a Master Practitioner of the Energy Leadership Index. Donna Marie is listed as one of America’s Premier Experts in relationships and personal development. She is the host of the “Bouncing Back Now” show on the Real Coaching Radio TV network and on internet radio. Donna Marie is a featured relationship expert panelist on the new Living Consciously series on Denver cable TV. She has been the special guest the Brian Tracy TV Show and is showcased national TV on “World’s Greatest” on the ION network. Visit Donna Marie’s Blog!
Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere.
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